Kokoro Connect

"By the way, what"s going on between you and Iori?!"

Just arriving to school the next morning, Inaba had completely recovered over the weekend. She seemed to be even healthier and livelier than before, to a point that gave Taichi a headache.

"N-Nothing, really."

Even after Inaba"s confession, there weren"t many changes in the Cultural Research Club.

Also, recently, everyone has developed immunity to the personality exchange. There weren"t any big hurdles to leap over even if an exchange occurred. Although they were still nervous during the exchange and knew that bombs might explode any minute, they still had some kind of "imperturbability".

Was that what «Fuusenkazura» expected? If it were, then this means that this condition will continue on for a period of time. But if it was not, then what will happen?

Iori was the only person that Taichi worried about.

"After you two took me back home, you guys talked about a lot of things, right? So I was thinking there might be some changes after a while, and I waited... in the end, nothing happened! c.r.a.p. Do only your s.e.xual desires pa.s.s the test?"

"Inaba, don"t say something like "s.e.xual desires" on such a fine morning, okay? And I feel that once you talk about these subjects you would carelessly expose "that secret". So, in some sense, please don"t say it!"

She would not just stop now.

"You should understand that Nagase is in extreme danger."

"Mmm... I understand... Actually, why do you know this?"

"Because Iori and I have secrets that I did not tell you about. When the time comes, maybe I will. But that doesn"t matter now. Tsk, I actually didn"t want to do this, but there is no other choice now... I can only use brutal therapy!"

A therapy so brutal that it made even Inaba reluctant to do it—how shocking would that be... Taichi didn"t want to even imagine it.

During lunch break at a empty spot somewhere in school, there were a number of silhouettes lurking behind the East Building. Because of its inconspicuous geographical position, it (allegedly) became the place for confessions.

First, hiding under the bushes of a tree, in order, were Taichi, Inaba, and Nagase. In front of them were Kiriyama Yui and Aoki Yos.h.i.+fumi who were planning for a rendezvous.

"Inaba... Where did you hear of this news...?"

Taichi, who had lowered his body, asked Inaba, who was at his side with the same posture.

"I discovered it by chance when I exchanged with Yui recently... Ah, words aside, I didn"t intentionally spy into her phone! It"s because when I exchanged Aoki sent her a message. I couldn"t help but take a look."

"Still, you shouldn"t use that kind of knowledge during these times... like, you should pretend you didn"t see it even if you had—"

"Every piece of info that I know is a treasure of mine! Of course, I couldn"t do that in general areas of common sense, and I wouldn"t; but what does this have to do with general... I a.s.sume."

"If this have nothing to do with the general then what does? Also, what did you a.s.sume?"

"Quiet. They started to talk!"

Nagase stopped them from debating.

Nagase and Taichi were practically dragged here by Inaba, but when Yui and Aoki arrived, Nagase was in high spirits and pa.s.sionately observed what happened.

"What"s the matter... and calling me to such a place. We"re in the same cla.s.s and the same club. We have time to chat whenever, don"t we? I want to have my lunch."

Kiriyama was dissatisfied, but her voice was a bit nervous. Though there was a fair distance between Taichi and them, because of the quietness of their surroundings, listening to what they were saying was easy.

"I have something serious to tell you."

Aoki"s tone was very serious, quite different from his usual one.

"W-what"s the matter...?"

Not knowing what to do, Kiriyama fidgeted and spoke as if she would escape at any time.

Aoki seemed to notice her behaviour and spoke determinedly and distinctively,

"Maybe you would think it"s a bit late, but I still need to say this again—I like Kiriyama Yui-san; if you are willing, please go out with me."

This confession could be said perfect and direct.

"Ohoh... Although Aoki commonly says that he "likes" her, for him to say these things so explicitly requires a certain amount of bravery...! Splendid...!"

Even Inaba couldn"t help but become amazed. At her side, Taichi and Nagase were speechless.

It was so nervewracking just to watch from the side... Kiriyama, who is involved in the confession, must have experienced an impulse much greater than they could ever imagine.

"Wuwu, slower... What are you saying... Awawa—"

Upon hearing sounds that didn"t form words, Kiriyama"s face instantaneously turned all red.

"Wu~ ~ ~ ~ ~ what the heck! What is wrong with you!"

"What are you saying? I said I like you so I confessed..."

"But you always say you like me, so this shouldn"t be called a confession, right? Besides, when you did similar things before I remember I rejected you!"

"But my heart hadn"t changed at all. Also, I think you haven"t changed yours—"

"No! No way... now... is not the time..."

Kiriyama"s voice slowly diminished and she drooped her head in depression.

"I know this, but at least we could cultivate our relations.h.i.+p bit by bit, couldn"t we?"

Aoki did not know what was stupid or smart; what was crazy or genius. He did not think of anything or maybe he had already seen the essence of things.

"F-Firstly, I was thinking, why is it me? Compared to me, Iori is a lot cuter. Her body is finer and she"s gorgeous and optimistic. Also, Inaba is beautiful. She has the body of a model and she"s smart... a lot better than me... who"s short and without b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and also stupid... Although Taichi once said to me "I think you have a lot of potential in the loli market"..."

Inaba and Nagase quickly turned to Taichi. They stared at him, as if criticising him, while poking him with bamboo sticks.

"Hey... This doesn"t mean I"m a lolicon. What I said is just a general opinion..."

Both of them still used the same suspicious eyes and stared at Taichi speechlessly. Taichi felt he could not get away with their suspicion for now.

"No, no. you have a lot of pros! Like you"re cute, optimistic, chaste, and a bit childish... there"s a lot more, but it doesn"t matter, because it"s my intuition. At the moment when we met, I felt I will like Yui, and I did. I still like you that much."

"Hmm... Ah... Eh?"

Facing Aoki who had entered serious mode, Kiriyama was fl.u.s.tered and at her wit"s end.

Trying to calm herself down, she breathed deeply twice with her whole body.

"Fu... So, why did you wait until now to say this?"

"Yui, you... How do you feel about Taichi?"

"I... Wuhu—"

Inaba fleetly covered Taichi"s opening mouth which was about to shriek.

"This is such a surprising development... just like a Shurabu[1]... Eh, excuse me."

"Baha! Y-your ability to suppress people is abnormally strong! I thought I would suffocate!"

Taichi shouted as loud as he could while keeping his voice down to produce the biggest protest.

"Hus.h.!.+ We"ll get discovered!"

From then on, the quietest person was maybe Nagase.

"What do I feel? Why... should I say this...?"

"You shouldn"t be dull enough to not know the reason... since you"re not Taichi."

"...From that I feel like I"m subtly being insulted... Was this my misconception?"

Taichi muttered in complaint.

Kiriyama tied and loosened the chestnut hairs on her fingers and repeated this action.

After a while of playing with her hair, she seemed to have made her decision and lightly put her hand down.

Then she stood straight and said,

"I like Taichi!"

"Hm...Wume—" "Hm...Muwu—"

Inaba covered both the mouths beside her that were about to shriek.

"—as a friend."

"Eh?"

"What do you mean by "Eh?"? What opinion do you have?"

"So I was saying, she scared the s.h.i.+t out of me... Yui deliberately kept me in suspense."

Inaba capriciously complained even though she was the one who invaded onto someone else"s privacy.

"B-By the way, what do you think of me? I"m just asking..."

"As a friend, I hate you."

"Is this for real?"

"...Of course I"m joking! I have a lot of dissatisfactions, but I wouldn"t simply hate someone that is willing to say they like me."

Kiriyama seemed to successfully bring the conversation to her own pace and started to become more eloquent.

"Or may I say... if I were to choose from like or hate, I would choose like... but in the terms of a friend!" Kiriyama used her whole body to emphasize on the last part. "All I can say now... is only that... so I"m sorry. I can"t go out with you now. In fact, I can"t go out with anyone at the moment!"

Even though Taichi observed them from a distance, he could still feel the sincerity of Kiriyama.

"Is that so? I understand now... Thank you for giving me a clear response... I surely needed a head-on confirmation! By the way, I"m good to go after knowing that there is still a possibility!"

"Y-Yeah... On top of that, if considering the rank of my male friends, Taichi is a lot higher than you."

"What! Taichi is certainly my biggest rival... Yui, however, you have changed a lot. Before you wouldn"t say such things..."

"Because I can"t stay at the same place forever; I must march forward... Alright, the talk is over. Let"s head back to the cla.s.sroom for our lunch!"

Kiriyama turned away and walked towards the school building. She walked large steps firmly and securely. Because of her small body her steps weren"t as large as they seem.

"Eh? So you mean you"re inviting me to eat with you?"

"No! My friends are still waiting for me!"

The voices of the two gradually diminished until it was inaudible.

The first person to stand up from the three who were hiding all along was Inaba.

"...So, it was fortunate that we could spy on them thanks to this exchange. Although I knew it would end like this, it was just my speculation after all."

Indeed.

Taichi also stood up.

"How should I put it... what this is..."

Nagase still sat on the floor without moving. She seemed to be pondering over something.

"Let"s go, Nagase."

Taichi put his hand forward to Nagase. Nagase blinked in surprise and stared at his hand.

After a while, Nagase lightly smiled; at the same time, Taichi felt as if "something important" was starting to melt and "that something" had started to boil.

"I"m fine."

That being said, Nagase stood up by herself and did not draw support from Taichi"s hand.

That day after school, Taichi was left in the Cultural Research Club alone.

The cla.s.s meeting of Aoki and Kiriyama"s cla.s.s, cla.s.s 1A, seemed to have been extended. On the other hand, Nagase and Inaba were called for as the representatives of the Cultural Research Club.

Although he was doing revisions and preparations on the desk, he was a little out of it, and he knew it. Moreover, his conscious—

At this moment, someone opened the door and came in.

She was Nagase and she looked around the clubroom.

"Is only Taichi here?"

"Oh, yes..."

Her look was different from usual.

"Mmm, after all, the cla.s.s meeting of cla.s.s 1A hasn"t ended yet."

Nagase said, and sat on the sofa solemnly with a straight back.

"...Are you Inaba?"

[Nagase"s] face twitched and her eyebrows lifted.

"Yeah..."

"So, where did [Inaba"s body] go? Had the personality been exchanged with Nagase?"

"Na.... Iori exchanged with me when [I] had something to do. But it was something Iori could also handle so there should be no problem."

"Thanks. Even though we are in such a club, being a member still brings about a lot of duties."

"Maybe not. By the way—"

—By the way—[Nagase] said again. She hesitated for a long time.

"What did you feel about Yui and Aoki during the lunch break?"

"What do I feel... Why do you ask now?"

"Please don"t mind it. Also, you can"t possibly have no feelings."

"Mmm... right. But... maybe because I have no opportunity like them so it feels as if they are in a separate world. To be honest, I didn"t have any special thoughts, but I feel it is quite terrific. Though I don"t know whether this was my thoughts to the two of them or thoughts in other areas."

He had a feeling of being shocked, but the feeling was too bright he could not successfully grasp it.

[Nagase] did not have much response to Taichi"s answer and only murmured "Oh..."

"Or I may say what"s your point in letting us watch that scene?"

Taichi asked.

[Nagase] widened her eyes and had a look that felt like saying she could not believe Taichi did not know.

"Taichi... Do you really not know why I let you see that?"

"Eh—"

Having heard that, Taichi thought back about what had transpired.

Do I really not know what it was for?

Was it that I knew but I pretended I did not?

—If so, then what was it for?

"Arghh... forget it. So, let us get straight to the point—"

—"Let us get straight to the point", [Nagase] repeated and hesitated for a while.

"So... What do you feel about Iori?"

This question poked right at Taichi"s chest.

"...Inaba, you"re same as before—your words. .h.i.t the nail right on the head... Also when you use [Nagase"s] appearance to speak, my feelings become more entangled."

Taichi did not know what he said was right, but he still tried to use a casual tone.

Because he thought if only he could do that his wounds would get slightly veiled.

"Isn"t this the perfect timing?"

[Nagase] showed an intentional smile that was more rigid than usual.

"Where is it perfect... How do I put it; I..."

Why should I reply to such a question? This thought flashed through Taichi"s mind suddenly.

But when he noticed it, he had already spoken.

"I think our relations.h.i.+ps now are on the right track. I don"t wish to destroy our relations.h.i.+ps... but... nevertheless—"

At this moment,

The door of the clubroom opened again. [Inaba] came in and said—

"Hi, Iori. About that thing you told me, because the teacher is not around, so let"s... what"s the problem?"

After that, [Nagase], who said she was Inaba and was sitting on the sofa, said,

"Inaban, you came back too quickly—"

[Nagase] looked at Taichi"s face with sudden shock.

What is going on—

Taichi felt confused...

He thought the inner personality of the person sitting on the sofa with [Nagase"s appearance] was Inaba, as she had said; and the person now entering with [Inaba"s appearance] was Nagase—but it seems that the person at the door with [Inaba"s appearance] had not experienced the personality exchange and completely maintaining Inaba"s att.i.tude; and she also called the person with [Nagase"s appearance] as Nagase; And that person who had the [Nagase"s appearance] also used called her as "Inaban", a name which only Nagase would call Inaba—

In other words, this means...

"—You"ve been fooled!"

[Nagase], who was sitting on the sofa, had not actually experienced the personality exchange and was the real Nagase Iori. She tried to run away past Inaba but Inaba quickly got hold of her hand.

"What"s wrong with you? Iori!"

"Inaban! Let go of me!"

"How can I leave someone who is crying... Hey, ah!"

Nagase shook off Inaba"s hand rudely and ran away from the clubroom.

Inaba left the room in a flurry too to catch up, but she came back to the clubroom after dozens of seconds.

"c.r.a.p! If she runs seriously, I can"t catch up to her...! After all, her physical ability is abnormally good. By the way, Taichi~~! What have you done!"

Inaba fiercely walked towards Taichi and twitched him by the collar.

"Wu... How do I know...! I"m not sure, but Nagase pretended she exchanged with you... and then she—"

"Pretend to be me... what"s that?"

"So I was saying, Nagase pretended her personality was yours and fooled me! After that you came in... and that"s what happened."

Taichi also didn"t know what is about—No, not right.

Taichi knew the reason.

Didn"t he agreed with Nagase that he could absolutely do it?

And hadn"t he told her to believe in him?

Didn"t he say that "whatever condition he was in, he could always know that Nagase is Nagase"?

Was Nagase testing him?

No, that should not be right.

Test?

What nonsense was I saying?

When should I stop using my self-centred way of thinking?

"Nagase, she... wanted to try to believe she, didn"t she!"

Taichi was indignant of his failure to respond to Nagase"s antic.i.p.ation.

He was scared that his relations.h.i.+p would be spoiled so he did not dare walk forward but escaped without further thinking. Nagase must not have wanted to see Taichi like that, which made her advance in such a way.

Inaba loosened her hand which was grabbing Taichi by the collar and put it down.

"Seems like you know it clearly yourself."

"Yeah... I"m very clear I"m the worst guy of all."

"Oh... May I punch you?"

"How did you come up... No, please punch—baho!"

Before Taichi finished, Inaba fiercely slapped his right cheek.

"Ouch... Y-You... No, thank you. It can cheer me up."

Do not be afraid and escape. Confront it! March forward! Resist it with all my might!

This time it was my turn to advance—to use my largest sincerity to respond to Nagase who was willing to believe in me.

Will others laugh at someone who had failed before?

But even if someone is laughed at, it does not matter; because no matter how people scoff at them, they could still march forward from failure.

"...How stupid are you guys? It"s so surprising! I can"t stand you guys anymore." Inaba lay on the sofa. "Okay, get outta here. After all, the person she"s looking for isn"t me."

Inaba did not look at Taichi and waved her hand like driving a dog away.

"...Understood."

My failure hurt Nagase, so I must shoulder this fact and face myself gallantly to express my thoughts clearly. Taichi prepared himself and left the clubroom.

At last, for a moment Taichi looked back to where Inaba was.

But Inaba had firmly decided not to look at him.

—

Rus.h.i.+ng down the stairs in a single breath, Taichi discovered a huge problem.

"Where did... Nagase go...?"

Okay, let me first run to the school building.

At that moment, a person belligerently stood looking at him.

Her hair bundled behind her, her spectacles flashed with brightness, and her whole body exuded the style of sublimity.

She was the cla.s.s president of cla.s.s 1C—Fujis.h.i.+ma Maiko.

She quickly moved and blocked Taichi from going forward.

There was not time to mind Fujis.h.i.+ma, Taichi thought...

"Yaegas.h.i.+-kun!"

But she was calling him obviously, so he could not just leave.

"Haha.... Haha.... What"s the matter... Fujis.h.i.+ma...? I-I"m in a hurry..."

"Did you make Nagase-san cry?"

She hit the nail right on his head.

"Ah, yeah..."

Fujis.h.i.+ma advanced on step forward to Taichi.

"Although I"m not sure of the reason, but boys who make weak girls cry must first suffer a slap on the face. Have you prepared yourself?"

Fujis.h.i.+ma told Taichi some rules as if they were universal, but Taichi has never heard of them.

"What is... No, I"m willing to suffer for it."

This kind of punishment was obvious, and if Fujis.h.i.+ma would get out of the way if I said this...

"Nyaaa? Isn"t your left cheek already red and swollen? That side was already hit."

"Y-yeah...this was just—Wuah!"

His left cheek was slapped again.

"Wu~ ~ My left side was already red and swollen. You should have hit the right side, shouldn"t you? Moreover, you slapped me so hard I think I"m getting introduced to a new level of pain!"

Taichi found out through this that Fujis.h.i.+ma Maiko was a super s.a.d.i.s.t.

"By the way, do couples really consist of a boy and a girl? What do you think, Yaegas.h.i.+-kun?"

He could not grasp the intention of her question.

"About that, Fujis.h.i.+ma, I don"t have the time to discuss these things with you..."

Taichi stepped out to his right but Fujis.h.i.+ma moved with the same distance to block him.

"Don"t you think dropping out of those preconceptions and entering a world where you can love those you like seem more ideal?"

Taichi this time moved to the left by two steps... but Fujis.h.i.+ma moved with the same distance and kept a poker face.

"But to think that unilaterally is impossible! To speak the truth, for one to love someone else must one be first loved by that someone—this is important. Please remember this."

Fujis.h.i.+ma threw out a key that was clung to a red ornament. Looking from its shape, it was likely the keys for a bicycle.

"You go to school by tram, right? Let me lend this to you."

"Eh?"

"It looks like you"re the person Nagase-san needs, not me; so chase her, quick! She ran to the left after she got out the front door."

Taichi was puzzled to her unexpected suggestion and looked at the keys on his hands.

"Fujis.h.i.+ma... Is this okay?"

"There is nothing to worry about; because this is crucial to Nagase-san now, so it"s obvious, right?"

"Is there anything more important that stopping her sorrowful tears?" Fujis.h.i.+ma complemented and headed to the bicycle parking lot as if smartly saying "follow me"."

There should be a limit to her smartness.

I almost fell for her.

"Ah... And one more thing, because you seem to have mistook me so let me say this first. I... am fine with boys too."

Fujis.h.i.+ma Maiko declared she was fine with both boys and girls.

Taichi rode on the bicycle Fujis.h.i.+ma used to go to school and sped through the town. Although he had phoned Nagase a few times as he went down the road, he failed. She seemed to have turned off her phone or her phone had run out of battery.

An hour pa.s.sed like a blink of an eye.

Taichi never thought that finding someone in town was this hard.

"After all, she walked on foot, so she shouldn"t have gotten too far... Her things are still in the clubroom, so she wouldn"t have gone back home. Maybe I should first go back to school for now..."

Just when Taichi was thinking and pa.s.sing through the river that divided the town,

The sad and sorrowful sunset looked like it silhouetted against a person.

That person had a strong sense of existence which was shown under the beautiful sight.

Her small limbs; Her bundled hair which fluttered in the wind.

A person that would appear as the protagonist in a movie—Nagase Iori.

The slight strong wind blew and Nagase turned back a bit to escape from the wind. As if seeing Taichi from the corner of her eye, she widened her eyes in surprise.

"Tai-Taichi—Wa!"

"Look out!"

Nagase lose her balance on the fence—but she balanced herself again at the critical moment.

Taichi broke out in a cold sweat. She would not die, but the water was quite distant from her and there was a concrete wall against the river so it would not be easy to climb up.

"I-I was really scared... By the way, why are you here..."

Nagase jumped down after a semi-turn on the fence and stood in front of Taichi.

There were traces of tears that were left on her eyes.

Taichi"s chest started to ache.

He parked his bicycle at the side of the road and gallantly bowed to apologise.

"I"m sorry for not noticing you yet promising you... I said it so heroically but I failed so badly..."

"What we call humans... What is what we call "myself"? Even if our inner personalities changed, if we kept our original behaviour, others wouldn"t find out. I thought that but I also discovered that if we try to emulate someone else, we could become someone we"re not... Ah, I"m not blaming you! You have done nothing wrong! This completely is my fault... I"m sure anyone would"ve believed me under these conditions since we believed in each other and had established relations.h.i.+ps based on trust... So, I"m really sorry. I wouldn"t do that again... really, really... very sorry."

Nagase repented despondently.

"But that was your way of trying to advance forward, wasn"t it? So, thank you. And now it"s my turn."

Until now, I had not confronted "that".

Until now, I had not thought about "that".

So "that" definitely didn"t advance forward.

What was I afraid about? What was I confused of? Was it because I was in this situation for the first time? Was it really because of this?

But everyone would be like that? — to be afraid of things they do not know; to be at their wit"s end because of it.

If it were something bright, the brighter it was, the scarier and harder to handle it would become.

But if we stay timid and do not do anything, we could never get "that".

Even we may not succeed in moving forward, it still holds as a truth.

Maybe we would end up with a tragedy and lose "that" which we longed for.

Maybe we would get hurt.

But, even though in order to get "that" we would expose ourselves to many risks, "it" had infinite possibilities.

Why did not I notice this?

Accept it, confront it, think about it, and advance forward!

"Recently... there have been a lot of things... a lot of things."

Things with Aoki, Kiriyama, Inaba, and finally Nagase—Taichi looked back at those things. When he had accepted it, confronted it, and thought about it, he would discover what he had earned had become his force to advance forward.

"Also, I understood and learnt a lot... After that, I noticed... to speak the truth, I seem to be—"

The gem-like eyes clearly reflected Taichi.

"I seem to be a dull character with no expression!"

"I know."

...Taichi originally thought this was an impactful truth.

"Eh~So... I extremely long to be like you."

"Long? Long to be someone... like me?"

"That"s right. I always think that if I can be like you and have an a.s.sortment of expressions like being happy, angry, delighted, sorrowful, and sometimes joyful, sometimes sombre, sometimes serious and sometimes comedic... If I were to list out examples I would never stop... but I think it would be great if I could be like you."

That was right; Taichi longed to have different spectacular expressions and a jovial life like Nagase.

"T-That is... only because I... played so many characters... It isn"t something to long for. I"m a person... who lost the real "me"... a faulty person."

The dark side that Nagase showed.

But, to Taichi now, this was the existence for an answer.

Does it really matter? Tacihi questioned himself. Maybe his prediction was right, or maybe it was wrong—there was some kind of risk. If he really fails again, the possibility of returning to their original relations.h.i.+p would be certainly low.

But, if there was a possibility that he could save Nagase, he would advance forward for it.

"Is it really what you say it is?"

He said.

At first, Nagase widened her jaws in surprise, and showed an expression that she did not understand what Taichi meant; but her expression gradually become stern and icy.

"What does that mean? What do you want to say? Have you misunderstood something?"

Nagase said in a reproachful tone with a poker face that made Taichi backed a little.

Nevertheless, even if this was it—

"You would joke; you would become silly; you would get embarra.s.sed; you would tell dirty jokes; you would recklessly do things or make others do them; you will do anything that comes to your heart; you are a person who proposes good ideas and is sensitive to small details; you sometimes don"t really think but sometimes you think too much; you are sometimes optimistic and sometimes pessimistic; and when you talk about serious matters you would become sorry and intentionally pretend to become foolish; sometimes you would seriously discuss about stupid topics; you would sometimes show your sombre side and sometimes your bright side; you would occasionally have a cold expression; you would sometimes be childish while sometimes mature; you are sometimes gentle, like to pull pranks and when you look like you don"t really care about people you actually are quite considerate—"

"...Eh? What are you saying...?"

"I"m describing the person, "Nagase Iori"."

Nagase"s body tensed as if shocked, and then she locked her lips tightly as if clenching her teeth.

"Look? Who is the real "me"?... No, none of them is the real "me"—"

"Every one of them is you."

"...What... are you saying..."

"All of them... Each and every one of them... is Nagase Iori—"

Maybe that was actually what it was.

"No, wait... How can there be someone like that? Someone who have that much faces—"

"This is normal, right? Humans originally have a lot of faces. The problem is how many. I"m a person who has less and you have more—it"s that simple."

"But... I did this to pander to others..."

"Anyone would change their behavior depending on the atmosphere. You are just a bit exaggerated in this regard... Didn"t you say you couldn"t freely change your face recently?"

"That was... but I surely... must prepare what att.i.tude I will use to face others to get along with them..."

"There wouldn"t be a person who can completely get along with others without any preparation while acting the same way all the time, right?"

"B-But even the things I like will change... depending on the situation..."

"This just means that you like a lot of things, and you can change what you like more depending on the situation, right?"

"B-But I... can"t even decide which club to enter on my own..."

"Isn"t that the same as those who randomly choose clubs which are more relaxing or those who enter clubs because of their friends?"

"...Are you just trying to contradict everything I say?"

"Actually, that"s exactly what I"m doing."

"What, you said it yourself?"—Nagase said and guffawed. Tachi also followed her and laughed, so Nagase followed him and laughed and Taichi then followed her and laughed again. Their laughter called upon each other and became a vortex of laughter.

Simply feeling pleasurable; only pleasurable. A pleasure that felt as if all the "happiness" around the world has converged here.

The two laughed for a long period of time. Nagase then said while gasping,

"Ahhaha, ha... I"m tired... Actually, I also long to be like you. Wherever the place, whenever the time, whatever happens... to not waver and to hold on to my real self no matter who you"re facing; Taichi is Taichi. You stayed as Taichi all along; even if I use different "me"s to face you, you still kept the same att.i.tude. So you can make me feel a.s.sured... I really long to have an definite self, and to be able to a.s.sure others.

Ahah—Taichi moaned in his heart; he was very similar to Nagase—except just completely the opposite.

Taichi has slightly less emotions than most people; Nagase has slightly more and exaggerated emotions than most people... But after all, it was only slightly so it was not a big problem even if they kept their original form. In fact, Taichi did not really care about that. It was Nagase who had experienced trauma which caused her to exaggeratedly mistake her personality as a serious condition... Was this what happened?

If compared to the typical agonies that protagonists have, like complete emotional failure or acute emotional breakdown, this was an extremely small problem. However, people still tend to agonize and worry about such small problems. These small problems—as seen to them—were so big that they could crush a person. If we put all those small agonies together, the amount must be lot more than those huge and insurmountable agonies. There is not some special meaning to this—it only means that the world in which we live in is like that.

In such a world, we, being entangled by small problems, should do something to live—

That something was not to self-sacrifice— at least Taichi could be certain for now. This seemed to be done for Nagase, but it was also done for himself.

So, let us pursue "that".

"I like Nagase Iori, so I wish you would go out with me."

Both of us lack in something the other had. If we could join hands and march forward together, many small agonies could be cleared. So, let us live together.

Nagase"s mouth opened and closed in surprise. She looked speechless. Even in the sunset, her reddening face was clear.

Then she continued to blink her eyes; after a while of blinking, she shrunk her body and drooped her head.

And then when she raised her head—

But—

The expression on her face was—

—"nothingness".

Her originally reddening cheeks had suddenly become wan.

That was a face like a Noh mask[2]."

Her eyes were sombre and hazy.

She lost her vitality.

She looked like the [Gotou Ryuusen] he had seen before.

And then "that guy" commenced.

"h.e.l.lo... Long time now see... and sorry. Ahah... Looking at your face, I think you most likely will know... I"m «Fuusenkazura»."

—Until just then Taichi forgot about something.

It was that the world of Taichi and the others was now under the control of «Fuusenkazura».

It was not strange for anything to happen—no matter how surreal it was.

«Fuusenkazura» can possess [Gotou].

Then of course he could also possess [Nagase].

"Ahah... Let me first apologise to you—sorry... also, help me to apologise to Nagase-san later... this is true... from my heart I say... Mmm, maybe I"m only sorry in the intermediate level... Ahah... let me correct it back to from my heart... but this the wrong of you guys? This is because you guys are too interesting..."

«Fuusenkazura», who now had [Nagase"s appearance], threw his cell phone and wallet towards Taichi. Then he stood on the fence near the river at a surprising speed and faced towards the road Taichi was on.

A strong wind blew and his uniform danced with it.

Betung!

Taichi"s heart pounced as if it were about to jump out.

Has he ever experienced such immediate and ominous feelings in his life before?

At that moment, Taichi carelessly saw it.

He saw [Nagase], which had been glowing and full of glimmer, exude a sombre aura (as if a black shadow had taken over her) that was the exact opposite of "life".

"Hey... What are you..."

His throat suddenly became so dry he could not say a word. Taichi slowly approached «Fuusenkazura» so as to prevent stimulating him.

But, «Fuusenkazura» seemed not to be aware of Taichi and concluded without much sincerity.

"—So as I said, I"m sorry—"

[Nagase"s body] fell from her narrow and unsteady stance.

After that—

[Nagase] — «Fuusenkazura» fell head-down into the distant water surface.

"Hey, is this for real!"

Just when Taichi hurried to the fence, his vision suddenly turned to complete black.

When his vision returned to normal, his b.u.t.tocks felt hard. What he saw was a familiar clubroom scene.

And in front of him were Inaba and Aoki.

The members of the Cultural Research Club had now gathered in a corner of the second floor of the general hospital in the city. That corner was a lounge with only a long bench and a vending machine. All the members were there—except Nagase.

Nagase was now in the Intensive Care Unit.

Everyone"s expression was pale, including Taichi"s, who had thought of this in his abnormally clear and calm mind.

"d.a.m.nit!... Nagase is almost dying already, but why can"t we do anything...!"

Aoki"s nasal words seemed to be said in extreme pain while he potently beat his thighs.

"Don"t blame it on yourself, Aoki. We can"t really do anything."

Inaba convinced him quietly. Her inexplicable voice was coa.r.s.e yet comforting.

"Sorry... everyone... If I were... to cheer up a bit... when I became [Taichi]... I should have jumped down to save her... but I heard that the rescuer might also drown... so the correct way was to find help or find something that could float... so I..."

Kiriyama started sobbing.

Inaba, at her side, embraced Kiriyama, who seemed so weak she could collapse at any minute, tightly. She let Kiriyama put her face into her chest while she fondled her chestnut hair.

"Yui, you have done nothing wrong—I must applaud you to be so calm even in such a situation! If you hadn"t done it correctly, maybe it would"ve turn out to be even more tragic... you have done well."

The last phrase made Kiriyama even more agitated that she sobbed even harder, as if trying to say that the only thing she wanted is to cry out loud. Inaba on the other hand bore her frantic emotions.

"Indeed... it"s me—Ouch!"

Just when Taichi wanted to speak, Inaba kicked his calf fiercely.

Her eyes moist with tears, Taichi looked at Inaba and saw her expression twisting in pain.

Inaba leant her mouth close to Taichi"s ear and squeezed her voice,

"Please, don"t apologise as well... please... hold it. I have no way to continue to bear this; even I"m also becoming a bit depressed... so I hope you can at least be a little stronger... Please..."

Falling down, getting saved, being sent to the hospital and forced to hear from the nurse that "the situation is extremely critical". How could I grudgingly bear such overflowing pressure? Taichi knew the reason—because Inaba bore part of these twisted emotions.

Taichi firmly looked into Inaba"s eyes and nodded. Everyone has their limits, and Inaba was not an exception.

Inaba also nodded and her tensed expressions loosened up a bit.

n.o.body has done anything wrong here. Everyone knows that it was "that guy" who did this. Despite of this, we still couldn"t help but to reproach ourselves because we want to veil our helplessness.

Only the four club members were in the lounge. Nagase"s mum didn"t seem to be at home so she was not contacted. Gotou seemed to be rus.h.i.+ng from school.

Tachi lifted his head and gazed at the ceiling. The dim ceiling spread across his vision. One of the two fluorescent lights on top had burnt out and had only a weak glow.

—Gok, gok.

Footsteps sounded from afar. They grew louder every step as they gradually approached the lounge.

A weird quietness covered the lounge. Of course, they would not know who was coming just by hearing those footsteps; but everyone thought "maybe "that guy" has come" and held their breath while waiting.

And then "that guy" showed up in the lounge.

They could know just by looking at his face. After all, normal humans could not have an expression that seems to have lost all its vitality.

This was the second time they have met «Fuusenkazura» in [Gotou Ryuusen"s] body.

"Hi, nice to meet you... Ahaha... everyone has such dangerous eyes... please don"t do anything troublesome... I ask for your cooperation deep down in my heart."

As if having no consciousness that he was responsible for it, «Fuusenkazura» [Gotou] talked with a plain tone.

He even showed an att.i.tude that he was uninterested to the "appalling situation"; that made the club members even more confused.

Should I be angry? Or should I be afraid? Should I reproach him? Should we let him to explain our situation? Should I panic? Should I antagonize him? Should I escape? Should I punch him? Should I feel scared? Should I complain? —What choice should I make?

Every time I fail to see any emotions on «Fuusenkazura», I would be lost as to what att.i.tude to confront him with; this would make my perplexed feelings seem to be even more perplexed.

"What are you here for? What do you want to do?"

When others could not make up their mind on what to do, Inaba had already quietly showed her anger; the feeling of tranquillity she gave foreshadowed ferocious eruptions.

"...To inquire for the reasons immediately sure helps me, Inaba-san... Ahaha. So did Yaegas.h.i.+-kun help me describe what I did? Ahaha... It"s rare that I could enter the main topic but then I drift off... again... forget it. Eh... In about thirty minutes—

"—[Nagase Iori"s body] will die."

He looked as if saying something that was not important.

There should be a limit about what you joke, Taichi thought.

"...What the h.e.l.l are you saying! Are you saying that you can control the life and death of a person?"

Of course, Inaba roared.

"No, no, Inaba-san... How can I do such things... I"m only «Fuusenkazura» that isn"t worth mentioning... At least I know what is true... that is—[Nagase-san"s body] will die; does everyone understand?"

"How will... Who do you think will believe in you!"

Kiriyama"s voice was about to cry, but she still said gallantly.

Right, we could not trust him.

"Although it depends on whether you believe in me or not... I still hope you can believe in me... I came here specially for it, so if I don"t get my pay, I can"t really become energetic... Ahah, I don"t really have any energy from the start... nevertheless, to be honest, I have a little energy now... because you are very interesting... Ahah, I just said something harmful again... when there is something more important to say. Eh, so is everyone prepared...? Inaba-san... can you help me remember what I"m going to say? I don"t have the energy or the patience to say it again a few times."

After a slight pause, «Fuusenkazura» plainly spoke with no intonation.

"Your personalities are now freely moving among [your bodies]... Undoubtedly, every [body] will contain a personality... this means that if a [body] dies, a personality will be destroyed with it. But... this is very important — the personality that dies does not have to die with the same [body]... Mmm... In fact, even if the personality is different from the [body] that contains it, that person can still live successfully... so I have a suggestion — may all of you please choose the personality to die with the [body of Nagase]? I"m also giving you an extra service... which is, from now on, for thirty minutes, I will let you exchange with the person you want to once you tell me... so this is all I have to say..."

What is he saying?

"... By the way, Umm... doesn"t that mean you can deliberately control the personality exchange...? So it actually was not... random...?"

Aoki murmured in extreme surprise.

"Ayahayah, able to exchange personalities randomly but unable to appoint who exchanges... do you think that is possible in common sense? Ahah... But until now the "personality exchange" was random... because if I didn"t set it that way, it would be troublesome..."

Inaba vehemently stood up, rushed into «Fuusenkazura» [Gotou] who looked sluggish and was saying self-loathing things.

"Stop joking!"

Inaba cried and attacked «Fuusenkazura».

"Ahah... such energy..."

The instant «Fuusenkazura» murmured, Inaba stopped her attack. She stopped and looked around confused.

"Eh...? A personality exchange... mmm?"

Looking at her surprised look and the way she spoke — Taichi suspected that Nagase had exchanged with Inaba. Was Nagase"s soul inside [Inaba"s body] that was in front of him?

Nagase [Inaba] walked away from [Gotou] step by step and headed towards Taichi and the other club members.

"Eh, Why is... Taichi here? Right now, we should be... at the bridge."

Being possessed by «Fuusenkazura» and then falling into a coma, Nagase"s memory was left at the bridge when she met with Taichi.

No matter how you put it, «Fuusenkazura» has gone too far — who does he think we are?

A sudden anger rushed to Taichi"s chest. He followed his anger, approached «Fuusenkazura» [Gotou] and stretched his hand.

"Stop your — eh?"

Taichi"s body floated weightlessly in mid-air.

Then his whole body immediately fell upside down. For an instant Taichi saw the sombre and dark eyes of «Fuusenkazura». The next instant, his back experienced a strong impulse.

"Wuah!"

When he regained his consciousness, the pain of his back left him; gazing at the ceiling, he was only depressed in his inability to stop the chaos that «Fuusenkazura», a resident from an aberrant world, had made.

Insignificant, he was unable to retaliate the powerful enemy.

Neither was he able to protect the one he said he liked.

"Ayah, as I was saying... these aren"t the things you should be doing... So... time"s up for my talk here. I"ll be back later. Please make your decision before I come back."

No one could stop him from leaving.

Everyone could only stare him off.

"Tai-Taichi! Are you all right? Why was Go here?"

Nagase [Inaba] dashed to Taichi side and stretched her hand to lift him up.

Taichi could not look straight at her confused and anxious look.

Taichi did not want to believe what happened, so he tried to murmur, "Please let Nagase exchange with Inaba." Though «Fuusenkazura» said the exchange was set manual, things like these should be impossible in common sense... but—

"... Why am I holding hands with Taichi? And where did that a.s.shole «Fuusenkazura» go?"

Inaba"s personality had returned back to [Inaba"s body] whereas Nagase"s personality had returned to [Nagase"s body] inside the Intensive Care Unit.

We could only accept this then.

Taichi, Inaba, Kiriyama and Aoki temporarily confirmed their status now.

"In other words, it"s "letting us to choose who to kill"... right? What was that guy thinking...! What the... heck...!"

Inaba complained with a voice filled with hate.

"But Iori woudn"t die so easily... because the doctor... is working hard... to save her...!"

Kiriyama said her wish desperately.

"Yeah... maybe that a.s.shole «Fuusenkazura» was speaking nonsense all the way... But, maybe he wasn"t. We must confront it since there"s a possibility — no matter how cruel it sounds. If it was as he said, things will go beyond our control and there will be no turning back, so we must obey him... though I"m p.i.s.sed off at this fact."

As Inaba had said — we could not escape even if we really wanted to.

Because there was no way to tell whether what «Fuusenkazura» said was true or false.

"... Bulls.h.i.+t~ ~! How can it end like this with me here!"

Inaba fiercely punched on the bench that was only covered by a thin piece of leather.

"Looks like someone is going to die... or sacrifice themselves... right?"

Aoki covered his head and murmured.

a.s.sume what «Fuusenkazura» said was true.

Then [Nagase"s body] would die. At the same time, there would be a personality among the five — or a soul — that would die.

No one wants to die.

So this will become a debate of "who to sacrifice" as Aoki said.

Death.

This was the ultimate death that was completely unimaginable.

To let someone else bear the pain — I would not let that happen!

So...

"If someone has to be sacrificed, let it be me."

—I want to sacrifice myself.

—So, let me be sacrificed.

"Yui... Please punch his head with the intention to kill him." Inaba said.

"Understood, I will do it with all my power." Kiriyama replied.

"Eh, it isn"t that good for Yui to use all her power..."

While Aoki was in the middle of his sentence — Kiriyama had come in front of Taichi.

The blood vessels of her eyes expanded; her expression turned scary; her chestnut long hair had become tousled... Kiriyama s.h.i.+vered like a tiger in anger.

I almost did not see her fist.

When I regained my consciousness, the crackling sounds of bones reverberated in my brain; my head felt as if being sent flying away — so did my body. I awkwardly rolled on the floor, which caused an unbelievable pain in my cheeks.

I put my hand on my left cheek and moaned.

"What stupid words you say... Stop joking!"

Inaba kneeled down, pulled me up, and I was still moaning too, and violently gripped my collar.

"What is wrong with you?! What is "let me be sacrificed"! Have you ever considered... considered the feelings of those who are left behind because of your sacrifice? You look like you"re thinking for others, but you"re just thinking of yourself — a true self-centred b.a.s.t.a.r.d!"

Inaba roared at me at an extremely close distance as though we were stuck to each other.

Kiriyama had punched me directly with a fist that contained her true feelings from her heart; Inaba"s words were the same. They both touched me.

Then something in my heart collapsed.

"... Yeah... Is that wrong?! I... I just don"t want to see anyone getting hurt in front of me! When someone gets hurt or feels pain or disgusted I can"t stop myself from imagining the pain they"re suffering... Then my imagination would expand and become an incurable pain — I can"t stand it! I hate it this way... so, it"s better if I can bear it myself, because I know the limit of the pain... and I could bear it... You"re right, I"m not doing it for anyone... I"m "sacrificing myself" only for myself!"

The vague message once in my brain was now clearly spoken... I was finally able to say it out!

My left cheek became burningly hot, but there was something that moistened it warmly.

I was crying.

In my blurry vision, Inaba showed a shocked expression, but she quickly changed to an expression filled with benevolence and let go of her hand that was gripping on my collar.

"So you thought this way, Taichi. You are such a strange person. Though strange, you have a crazy way of kindness! Feeling the pains of others as though they were your own and saying "it will be easier for you to bear the pain"... You are such a... gentle and awkward fool. But if you could suffer for other"s pain, can"t you understand that when you"re hurt the people around you also get hurt? Even if it"s fine for you to get hurt, it will be painful for us... and especially to those who think you"re more than just friends to them."

"Though you"re quite silly to say it now, to listen to the words from your heart are wonderful"—Inaba said. Then she clumsily wiped off my tears.

"Sorry, Taichi!"

Kiriyama, at my side, fell on the floor crying.

"Sorry, you"re in pain. Sorry, you"re in pain. Sorry, you"re in pain..." She continuously repeated that.

"It doesn"t matter... Kiriyama, didn"t you want me to wake up? Besides... your hands and your heart also hurts... I should be one to say sorry... Thank you."

"There"s only one thing... I hope you can understand... If you... die, then we"ll suffer from a pain that would be tens and hundreds of what we suffered just now...! So... So please don"t say that!"

"You don"t need to say this now as he had understood..." Inaba murmured beside Kiriyama.

Taichi deeply felt the gentleness of everyone; and at the same time he understood how selfish he was before. In theory his actions are plainly helping others, but sometimes his actions aren"t.

If there were not the "personality exchange", maybe I would have never faced this side of myself.

I knew a bit more of myself.

And I knew a lot more of the people around.

By accepting, thinking, and advancing, I could gain a lot of things from now on.

Though there might be a lot of painful things, there will still be an innumerable amount of joyful things—this kind of my life is waiting for me.

—But surely someone must leave from that kind of a future.

That was desperation that could not be described completely by cruelty, dismalness, and desolation.

"So...what should we do...!"

I had no way but to moan.

At this time, Aoki spoke.

"I think the only one to die with [Iori"s body] is herself..."

Time, something that should be flowing steadily, seemed to stop.

I did not want to think of anything; I was unable to.

"W-What are you saying! Please... Pleasee don"t say that Iori should die!"

Kiriyama agitatedly gasped like a wild beast.

"...I... I don"t want to say this...! I just thought that someone needs to say it..."

At last, Aoki added with a weak voice that was almost inaudible, "...We can"t just let Inaba play the bad person."

"Tsk, you guys are... too gentle..."

Inaba said with a wavering voice.

This fact was a tacit mutual understanding among them.

If they let Nagase live, this will mean that she would live in [someone else"s body]. There was no way to justify that Nagase should use [someone else"s body] and live as [another person].

But even so—

My thinking went into an infinite loop.

There was no progress in my thinking.

"It isn"t right to make a decision when Nagase"s absent... I think we have to let her know... what do you think...?"

"You"re right... there"s no way... I really suck, only being capable of saying "there"s no way" and nothing else...!"

"After all, I said it, so let me do the exchange..." Aoki continued, "Please let me—Aoki Yos.h.i.+fumi, exchange with Nagase Iori."

In an instant, Nagase [Aoki] blinked her eyes in surprise and looked at Taichi, who was on the floor amazed. Inaba and Yui and asked them what happened.

"Eh... even I don"t really get what situation we"ve ended up with."

Inaba briefy explained to Nagase [Aoki] what had happened.

"You"ll be shocked however we say it... so I decided to make it clear to you now, Iori, you... will maybe die."

Inaba stared straight at Nagase [Aoki] and spoke to her firmly. To be honest, it would be really hard to say it, but it was Inaba"s specialty to hide her weak side.

Nagase [Aoki] should have understood from Inaba"s att.i.tude that she was absolutely not joking around, because the look on her face obviously tensed up and her eyes were scared like a puppy"s. She hesitated as if her heart had skipped a beat.

Her eyes moved and stopped when directed at mine.

For a moment, though only a bit, Nagase"s [Aoki"s] expression eased up.

Maybe I could give something to Nagase to alleviate her deep distress. For this reason, I stared straight back at her.

I felt remorse for being unable to do anything else for her.

She then took her eyes off me and looked at Kiriyama.

A big teardrop coursed down Kiriyama"s face, but she forcefully bit her lips in order not to cry out or whimper.

Nagase [Aoki] then turned her eyes back to me, closed her eyes, and locked her lips into a straight line.

After a few seconds of silence, she opened her eyes.

"Fine, please continue."

She said with a respectable, brave and masculine expression.

In my memory, I had never seen anybody with such consciousness.

Then Nagase [Aoki] kept silent during Inaba"s explanation. She would sometimes nod in response.

Inaba"s explanation ended soon after that.

In spite of this, Nagase [Aoki] still kept silent.

What was she thinking in her heart? I could not imagine.

So, how much time does she need? Everyone might have been thinking this. In the next instant, however,

she smiled.

Then she said,

"If that"s the case, then let me die."

That was a bright weightless sound.

"Ah... Am I really going to die?... Hehe, I know I"m going to die, but I still could speak to everyone so casually—this feels miraculous."

"Maybe... not..."

Kiriyama tried to deny it with an extremely weak voice.

"Mmm, maybe you"re right... but I would still act as if "I would"; after all, I don"t want to regret anything."

Even in these extreme conditions, her tone was the same. Tears quickly welled in my eyes.

"Nagase... but maybe you wouldn"t..."

"That is not the way to take it, nor is it possible."

Nagase"s blunt and direct smile pierced through my heart. Her appearance was undoubtedly [Aoki"s], but her smile obviously belonged to Nagase.

"Everything including my appearance is a part of "me"! My personality or my appearance isn"t me—the sum of them is. Besides, I"m proud that I"m "myself"... I had almost lost myself, but someone reminded me of this."

Nagase looked at everyone"s face and held everyone in suspense. Her face looked certain of success and about to play her trump card.

"Besides, to kill one"s personality and live in his [body] is a sin too heavy for me to bear."

No one could refute her.

Then Nagase [Aoki] wish everyone could listen to her last wish.

"Can I... have a talk with every one of you independently?"

So the club members followed Nagase"s wish and let her talk with each of them in the lounge of the hospital for the last moments of her life.

The last moments of her life.

No one wanted to admit it, and some may even want to oppose it, but as every minute and second pa.s.s away, everyone was incapable of doing anything.

«Fuusenkazura» said he would be back in thirty minutes so there wasn"t much time now.

At the beginning, Nagase was sent to [Kiriyama"s body] to meet with Aoki who was returned to [Aoki"s body]; after that, she continued to use [Kiriyama"s body] to meet with Inaba. When Aoki pa.s.sed by Inaba, there were tears on his face.

And now Nagase was using [Inaba"s body] to meet with Kiriyama.

I sat with Aoki on the long bench in the corridor that was a bit far from the lounge; but we didn"t talk. I looked at the door of the Intensive Care Unit. [Nagase Iori"s body] was in that room and the personality that was inside that body belong to Inaba. Of course, Nagase"s body was not conscious so Inaba should now be in vast darkness with no consciousness or feeling.

I could hear sounds of someone sobbing and walking along the corridor.

"Tai-Taichi... Iori is calling you..."

Kiriyama choked with sobs.

I nodded my head without saying a word. Then I went through the corridor and entered the lounge.

Her medium-long glossy black hair, her slender and small limbs, and a tender and sweet atmosphere that would not be emanated from her usually...

In front of me, there was a