Kokoro Connect

Chapter 8 : She Was Born with That

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Chapter 8 : She Was Born with That

"Morning, Taichi."

After the weekend, meeting Nagase again will inevitably be a bit embarra.s.sing.

"...Morning, Nagase."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

Nagase, as if trying to elevate her spirits, used both of her hands to clinch on her white, elastic, and supple cheeks and slapped at it—"pat", "pat".

""Keeping the same att.i.tude no matter what you hear". Wasn"t this a man-to-man agreement we had?!"

"What is wrong with your tone?"

Taichi retorted.

""Keeping the same att.i.tude no matter what you hear". Wasn"t this a man-to-man agreement we had?!"

"Why do you have to say it twice? Also, you"re not a man... Did you plan to make me retort about this?"

Although Taichi didn"t know whether it was the right answer, Nagase laughed with a "hahaha".

"Still, why does the meeting become filled with extreme pa.s.sion when I add a premise that it should be between men? If it were between women or between a man and a woman, there"s no way that there could have been that amount of pa.s.sion!"

"How would I know...By the way, are you okay?"

Though what he said was incoherent, Taichi suddenly wanted to ask.

"...Oh, I"m fine!"

Nagase squinted her eyes and used her fingers to make a winning gesture "V".

Could I take that smile as what it was on the surface?

"So, in short, if you have anything that needs my help, tell me."

"Yeah, thank you. You’re so gentle."

Nagase drooped her head and murmured embarra.s.sedly.

But then Nagase seemed to have found out something and suddenly turned serious.

"But... the real person who needs to be asked "Are you okay?" is not me."

Taichi followed Nagase"s melancholic eyes to see Himeko Inaba, who was just entering the cla.s.sroom with a tired look, standing there.

 

 

Even though it was the start of a new week, Inaba"s body condition had not improved, but had worsened instead.

Taichi was worrying about Nagase; but at the same, he was worrying about Inaba. After all, Inaba"s look deterred day by day. Caring about her was understandable.

Putting these words aside, Taichi had not done anything. Days past like usual. On Friday, during the world history lesson , that occured.

Though it was "usual", when his view momentarily changed to dull black, Taichi suddenly wanted extremely to throw up.

"Wuahhh!"

He briskly used one of his hands to cover his mouth and blocked those things from his stomach from pouring out.

He didn"t have time to confirm "who" he had become, so he immediately stood up and rushed out of the cla.s.sroom.

He went to the washroom in a scurry.

He could see a black sock and a dress at his thighs, so he decided to go into the girl"s washroom.

Taichi rushed into the nearest toilet and spat out all the acc.u.mulated vomit; and at the same time, he spat out all the other things that continued to rush out as well. Because of the gastric juice, his throat hurt as if being burnt, and a discomforting feeling, so strong that one would tear apart his chest, came to him. Even his head was in enormous pain.

He noticed someone rus.h.i.+ng into the washroom behind him.

"Inaban! Are you okay?"

Upon hearing Nagase"s voice, Taichi recognized he had become [Inaba].

"Was it really Taichi who became me? Ah~~Are you for real? Can"t you withstand it? How little willpower you have."

This time it was [Taichi"s] angry voice. For 80% she was Inaba. I could not be wrong about this.

"Yeah... I"m Taichi... By the way... How could you withstand this pain with just willpower?!..."

Taichi [Inaba] rinsed his mouth with tap water while moaning.

Although the teacher caught up with them in a flurry, Inaba [Taichi] said, "She"s only a bit uncomfortable; she wasn"t feeling very good this morning. I will bring her to the Health Room." The teacher didn"t pry any more into the matter and hurried back to the cla.s.sroom (probably because he wanted to go back to his lesson as soon as possible).

"Iori, you should also go back to the cla.s.sroom. I will handle [this]."

"So I was saying... Inaba you should take care of your body... Didn"t this scare the c.r.a.p out of me?... Taichi, are you really okay?"

Nagase worriedly asked Taichi [Inaba].

"...Oh, it feels much better after I vomitted... Maybe I could go back to the cla.s.sroom now."

"Taichi, don"t forget you are now using [Inaba"s body]."

She said sternly as if teaching him.

"...You"re right, sorry. After all, I"m in [someone else"s body], I must be more careful..."

Taichi deeply thought about something obvious.

"If it was [someone else"s body], right..."

Inaba [Taichi] said as if she wanted to say something more.

"I"m just worried at you two handling it yourselves... you don"t care about your own problems... you should really go to the Health Room and have a rest; if you can"t take it, don"t push yourself, leave early. Understand? Any reply?"

Nagase told them like she was biding them a few times, and then she returned to the cla.s.sroom.

"What"s the biding for? Do we look devoid of confidence?"

To Taichi"s [Inaba"s] murmur, Inaba [Taichi] replied.

"You"re right. So, let"s head to the clubroom."

"...It just feels like what you said before contradicts with what you said now..."

Of course, there was nothing more to say—their destination was the clubroom.

When they had almost reached the clubroom, Taichi and Inaba"s personality exchange ended.

"...I"m back," Taichi muttered lowly.

"Yeah," Inaba replied.

"What do we do now? Should we go to the Health Room? Though it"s not impossible that another exchange should occur..."

Inaba was worried that others that were not in sight would switch to [her body], so she decided to enter the clubroom and not the Health Room.

"If we go to the clubroom, there might be situations out of our expectations... Never mind, if we only need to sleep, the sofa in the clubroom is enough."

Inaba took the wristrest as a pillow and laid on the sofa. Even though if she straightened herself her thighs would be off the sofa, still, it was quite comfortable.

"Ahah, I gave you much trouble, Taichi. You should hurry back to cla.s.s."

"Oh, you"re right... How could I say that! You look so bad—how could I ditch you? Although I didn"t have that vomiting feeling anymore, my body was still heavy and my head was still hurting."

" You told Iori you"re fine! And please stop subtly reply to me and make another retort—it"s disgusting."

"Don"t call me disgusting! And please get well."

The two slightly fell into silence.

"If I"m like this, I"ll give others unnecessary troubles... right? Sorry..."

Inaba still gazed at the ceiling and said in a vanis.h.i.+ng voice, which seemed to be crying.

"No, you won"t give others unnecessary troubles... but you also feel uneasy, right? According to the timing of the personality exchange, everyone could happen to drop into circ.u.mstances like mine today... Or I might as well say health is essential, it has nothing to do with the personality exchange."

"Mmm...yeah."

Inaba vaguely replied and covered her eyes with her right hand.

It was rare that Taichi would get infuriated.

"Hey, Inaba... you must get well. You are obviously acting strange lately. You"ve collapsed before, and today this happened. Although you say that it"s okay and we shouldn"t worry, everyone knows that you know it"s not okay—We will really become [Inaba], right? It"s really worrying that Inaba was healthy until now, but your body worsened after the personality exchange started. If there is any reason, tell us, and then could we help you... If there is no relation with the personality exchange and this is only some kind of illness, at least tell us that you"re "sick", okay? If you don"t want to tell us, you can leave out the name of the sickness."

Maybe I did not have the right to tell her this, but after seeing her expression and att.i.tude, I just could not leave her alone.

"...Please stop shouting noisily. You"ll only make my head hurt even more."

She wanted to evade the problem again with a vague response.

"Inaba, I want to help you."

I"m not sure if my pa.s.sion got through to Inaba, but she rose and sat upright—even though her body wasn"t well, her pose was still elegant—she looked up at me, saying,

"Why do you want to help me...? Please don"t tell me it"s because "I want to do it" or "We are comrades"."

"Oh..."

He originally planned to say this, but being said first by Inaba, he couldn"t explain his reasoning right away and quickly thought of other topics.

"...Because Inaba is always thinking for us and caring for us, right? Although usually you look as if you"re unwilling to do so, but in critical moments you would always help us, so this is your just return."

How"s this? Taichi looked down at Inaba as if saying that.

Nevertheless, his speech was rejected by Inaba"s nasally laugh.

"So, if I didn"t help you and the others, then will you not help me? ...Also, please don"t say such embarra.s.sing things, you idiot."

"No, I will still help you... but the way you said that is too harsh."

"It"s not harsh."

Inaba said flatly, not allowing Taichi to have the chance to mourn.

"...Uh."

Correction: He could only mourn.

"But why would you and the others be so kind? I could never understand... If you would be more "evil", there might be other changes... No, right, the one who needs to change is me, right?"

Inaba spoke of her emotions as if nothing has happened; her feeling was the most important thing Taichi had to pay attention to at the moment.

Then Taichi thought of something.

Speaking of which, Inaba has shown the gap in her heart multiple times, right?

Until now, Inaba had continuously made warnings, but Taichi...No, not only Taichi, but all of the other club members only took her warning as a warning directed to themselves.

Because the speaker was Inaba, because Inaba was that kind of a person, because Inaba was so excellent she doesn"t need anyone to agonize for her, and because Inaba could always point out the wrong things in Taichi and the others... Did a person that could direct everyone to a better side actually have a seriously stereotyped personality ?

Taichi slowly commenced; he was also s.h.i.+vering in his own voice.

"Inaba... are... you okay?"

"...What"s okay? If you"re talking about my body, all I need is some rest."

"Not that... I"m talking about the condition this personality exchange has led us to."

Now maybe I showed a look of almost crying out yet filled with solemnness? Taichi thought.

To Taichi, Inaba suddenly eased her face"s expression.

That was an extremely tender, gentle, warm, imperturbable, tranquil, and graceful smile.

Although Inaba does express her emotions on her face, her usual impression was as if she were hidden behind a mask; basically her changes of emotion were skin-deep. The current Inaba instead exposed her true and unmasked feelings, which were filled with insecurities. Maybe there were a lot more things to notice about her.

And then Inaba said,

"—How can I be okay."

Indeed.

Yes, what Inaba said also contained advice for Taichi and the other people.

But compared to those, perhaps she wants to disclose her fragile side? Does she want to tell us that it was because of her smartness that she was led to discomfort?

Inaba once said the situation was hopeless.

In other words, does this mean that Inaba feels that the situation was helpless?

But even though Taichi heard her say so, he could not come up with any conclusions. It was only now, when Inaba was hurt, that Taichi saw past the illusion of her seemingly impenetrable strength.

Inaba was right. He, the self-sacrificing fool, was too oblivious. Inaba became like she is now because of the personality exchange but also because she did not recognize her comrades in the club.

She was cleverer than everyone, but because everyone knew she was clever, no one gave her the chance to release the fragile side of herself.

At this moment, Inaba"s expression was dyed with a colour of surprise.

"Wait... What I just said doesn"t count... Forget it."

Why didn"t it count?

"No... that... what I meant by "How can I be okay" is that it couldn"t be not okay in this extreme situation, and not by how I handle the problem."

By looking at Inaba, who was finding farfetched excuses to defend herself, Taichi knew what cruel things he had done to Inaba.

"Because isn"t Inaba the one who suffered the most pain during these personality exchanges?"

How could I claim to be her companion if I was not even able to notice this.

Taichi"s knees bent crudely and he sat on he floor weakly.

"It seems like... there was an exchange again... Ah~What bad luck! Today just isn"t my day... I even exposed my weaknesses to such an "enemy"."

Inaba bit her nails irritably.

"In Inaba"s opinion, am I... an "enemy"?"

"No, I didn"t mean that, you guys—"

Inaba stopped and her eyes went back and forth, clearly indicating her hesitation.

Although Inaba would say everything she wanted to, she would not expose her feelings so easily.

"—You guys are the most important "companions" in the world to me. And that is why you are also my biggest "enemies"."

Perhaps this was the first time Inaba revealed what she had never intended others to discover. The door to Inaba"s heart was gradually opening. The meaning of "enemy" in her sentence was—

"What does that—"

"This topic ends here."

Inaba explicitly said this, closing the door to her heart in a single breath.

"You"ve already said so much... You shouldn"t run away from this now, Inaba. Well, since you admit that we are companions and you"re willing to tell me, at least let me share some of your pain. I don"t want to see that painful look on a companion!"

"Then close your eyes."

"That isn"t the problem."

Does Inaba plan to withstand the pain by herself in the future?

Taichi could not condone that decision. Taichi already knew the truth.

Closing your eyes, running away from the problem or trying to get away from it—what could that possibly do?

Since the problem exists, we ourselves must accept it as it is and confront it; only then can we advance forward.

This should be what we should do.

Taichi put his hands on his knees and stood up.

"People who don"t understand each other"s suffering shouldn"t be called comrades."

Inaba"s face twitched as if she were about to cry.

"But if I say it... then everything will end, so—"

"Although I don"t know what lies beneath your words, I"m sure everything won"t end because of them. Please stop despising people, Inaba."

Now, Taichi actually felt like Inaba was indeed a girl of his age.

She was strong, but at the same time she had a weaker side.

"How can you be so sure... You guys and I... are different, are completely different...! Furthermore that is... useless."

Inaba, visibly agitated, quivered and then gripped the leather on the sofa so intensely it could"ve been torn apart. If she were to use a little more force, her white and tender fingers might break.

Is this really okay?

Taichi questioned himself.

Maybe it is... Nonetheless, we must march forward. If we do not know what was the reason behind Inaba"s actions, we cannot create any solutions for it. Even if he would be hurt, Taichi still wanted to be the first to stand at the starting point.

Thus he had a face with utterly no fear. He said,

"Inaba, there will be absolutely no problems at all. Let me save you."

Should one be considered an ignorant dummy for saying things one couldn"t do? But after his confession, Taichi knew he was slightly closer to reality.

Inaba looked at Taichi, potently clenched her fists, and slammed it on the wall, as if trying to destroy her body.

"How can you say that there won"t be any problems to something you don"t know about? I don"t understand at all... Okay, let me tell you."

Inaba"s eyes were strong and sharp—to the point that one could feel the hate held inside.

There will not be a problem, Taichi convinced himself.

"Th-There is no way I can trust in you guys."

She said something unexpected.

"The personality exchange between people... in other words, this means that "one"s body" and therefore their reputation would be possessed by someone else. Do you know what this implies?"

Inaba"s aggressive voice made Taichi back off.

"During the personality exchange, whether it be crime or something else, the sole responsibility of everything done lies upon the owner of the body. You could do anything and s.h.i.+rk all the responsibilities on someone else. You could kill, steal, or rape without consequence."

"But...if someone did this, they would give troubles to the owner of the body."

"Who gives a s.h.i.+t about what happens to someone else."

Inaba interrupted Taichi coldly.

"...Maybe the specific crimes I just mentioned were a bit off; but if we switch bodies when we"re at home, we could still freely search around in the house and get a hold of their secrets or steal money, right?"

"Right... perhaps that could happen..."

"I can"t help but imagine what you guys could be doing. Would my body be played with when it was possessed? Whenever I think about this, I get so scared that I can"t even sleep at night."

Her under-eye bags looked deeper and more prominent than before.

"And the most important thing is, I, from my heart, hate myself for imagining these things. I feel that it would be better if I were to die... I know you guys are my companions so you won"t do such things to me, but... really. Maybe this may sound awkward, but I hope you understand this... however, thinking and believing are two different things. Even though I think I can understand, I can"t stop myself from believing that something might happen. So whenever I return to my body after an exchange, I would confirm whether anything happened to me. I"m scared... to let you see the ugly side of myself."

Inaba"s soliloquy continued as if it were overflowing.

"I thought humans would more or less have that kind of side. That even though their expression tells others that they trust them, there would be some level of skepticism in their hearts; however, after these personality exchanges I knew that you guys really do believe in everyone, including me. You guys don"t seem scared at all... Then what am I?"

It wasn"t that she didn"t want to believe in it; instead, she couldn"t believe in it. She wanted to be trusted as well as trusting them in respect, but she just couldn"t trust them. Of course, Taichi could only imagine what she was thinking, yet it sounded painful already. It must be much more painful for her.

"Still, Inaba... despite that, we still won"t hate you."

That was right. Even though she would think like that, it could not change the fact that she was Inaba—

"Even though you won"t suddenly hate me, you wouldn"t get along with me like before, right?"

"About that—"

"At least I can"t. I"m not freaky enough to tell those who trust in me "I can"t trust you guys" and act as if nothing had happened."

No matter what Taichi and the others thought, if Inaba says that was what she believes, then there was no way of saving her.

Inaba slowly breathed deeply, and then put her hand on her chest, as if her words needed much preparation.

"I don"t trust anyone in this world; not even my family members. So everyone is my "enemy". And you guys are the biggest "enemies" of them all, because maybe... if it weren"t for my temperament, you guys would trust me more than anyone else would... If I completely distrust people, then maybe this would be better; but even though I don"t trust people, I don"t hate them either. I think that if I can act like a normal person and get along with each other joyously, then everything would be fine... But it"s because of my indecisiveness that made me suffer each and every day."

"Ah~Ah", I finally said it—Inaba supplemented and laughed at herself.

"So—"

Taichi was speechless. As if she knew about his speechlessness, Inaba deliberately raised the corner of her mouth. This was a smile that would instantly cause a feeling of melancholy.

"On top of that, however you look, you won"t find any ways to save me... Because I was that kind of person from the beginning."

Plugging towards a strange direction, Inaba continued to speak recklessly.

"I don"t have any traumas like Yui or Iori... Frequently, characters in stories will become pessimistic after terrible experiences in their lives, right? Looking at them, one could sympathize for them. But to me, I think they are still blessed because they actually have a reason to become like that, right? If it was because of their trauma, they could still be saved, because we only have to come up with ways to solve their traumas—it"s that simple; however, how can we help people who have no traumas? Their reason for being how they are is "I"m born with that". If this is the case, then they can"t be helped. After all, their problems were with them since birth. If you want to correct it, then the only way is to make them be someone they"re not... Don"t you think that this is more dismal than anything else?"

"I don"t think I"m a female protagonist in a tragic story"—Inaba said and waved her hand in front of her face.

"What I"m going to say contains a lot of my personal opinions. I think that in reality, most people don"t have explicit and dramatic traumas that could be written into stories. Of course, I wouldn"t say that there weren"t any external influences on me, but most people don"t have many terrific opportunities, it"s just the way they"re born. If this were a story, the writer would prepare a way for them to tackle the obstacle, to show the reasons behind those obstacles and blend them into the story; but in fact, I think most cases of trauma in the real world don’t have a solution, and were "stories that couldn"t be stories". There aren"t many salvations in this world... In this sense, maybe your self-sacrificing personality is also helpless. Weren"t you like that when you"re born?"

According to Inaba"s theory, things will in fact become what she said. Things like rescues or salvations must be rare cases.

Besides, Taichi was also—

"You"re right... There might be no such thing as salvation for those without traumas."

Taichi did not think what Inaba said was wrong, but—this didn"t mean he thought it was right.

No, it should be said that he didn"t want to think it was right, because if it were, the world would become too shallow.

Nevertheless, Taichi suddenly thought of something.

If I say this perhaps Inaba would get angry? Even though he had his doubts, Taichi still decided to continue because he knew that however things would turn out, he must march forward.

After all, Taichi made Inaba speak honestly about all the things she tried to hide with all her might—even after she collapsed. Therefore, he must shoulder this responsibility.

"That’s because, however, that there is no need to be saved, right?"

Am I really too optimistic?

"Ah?"

Inaba thinned her eyes and looked at Taichi in surprise.

"As I was saying, I think if humans had that kind of personality from the very start it wouldn"t cause a big problem, right?"

Right, because this was a personality that G.o.d decided to give humans from their birth.

At the moment, Inaba couldn"t understand what he implied, but as Taichi expected what he said seemed to infuriate her immediately.

Anger—her whole body was covered with anger for the moment.

"Oh... In other words, you are saying these trivial things are not worth agonizing about, right? Also, people who collapse because of them are mere idiots, right?"

Taichi felt a miasma so strong, he had ever experienced in his life.

"I-I didn"t really say something that harsh, did I?"

He wanted to give in instantaneously.

But he must confront it.

This world was not so naive that one could gain without getting hurt.

"Nevertheless, maybe at the end, that is what it is."

"Taichi!"

Inaba stood up, advanced a step forward in one gulp, and grabbed Taichi by the collar.

Surrounded by long, erotic eyelashes, her small yet long eyes were burning with emotion. Though her lips were pale, her cheeks were all red. Her expression, veiling none of her strong emotions, accompanied by her intrinsic beauty, produced an unbelievable forcibleness even in her current condition.

Until now, Taichi had thought unilaterally that Inaba"s inner side was as strong as her facade, but now it was different; he knew even if she was Inaba, she still had her fragile side.

His neck was clinched so hard that breathing was difficult, but Taichi paid it no mind and kept speaking.

"Or I may as well say... What"s wrong with... an Inaba like that?"

Inaba looked stricken.

"No... It is depressing that you"re not willing to trust us, but I think you don"t need to change yourself just because of that... I think everyone would still accept your authentic self... even if our way of communication would be altered."

Taichi"s neck was pulled even harder.

"That kind of a person... If it were me, I wouldn"t accept it...!"

Inaba showed a painful look as if being forced into desperation.

So Taichi told her undoubtedly.

"I accepted it."

Her hands loosened up.

"What... are you talking about..."

"As I was saying before, didn"t I already accept you? Also... Nagase, Kiriyama and Aoki will be fine with it. Everyone will accept you; just try, will you? Then your agonies will be relieved. Besides, if you could change your att.i.tude with such determination, you could also adopt self-defense measures, couldn"t you? With that, everything can be solved."

"Are-Are you an idiot? How could things go so easily!"

Inaba screamed surprised in strong awe rather than anger.

"But maybe it would go so easily."

"You... But to do something so risky... How could I?! If they don"t accept me, then what should I do?"

To tell the truth, the right answer should be "you will have to deal with it".

Yet, Inaba was now outright asking for opinion and help despite her usual flaunting . Taichi believed he must think of a way to help her. But he could not successfully find an answer that yelled "this is it!" to him.

"Even so, you still have me; isn"t that alright?"

"What...!"

Inaba was speechless; at the same time, she backed two steps.

"Do you... really say these things thoughtlessly ?... Is that instinctive...?!"

Inaba widened her eyes as if seeing a freak.

But Taichi thought, "you shouldn"t be so shocked, right...?"

"Essentially, you must first accept yourself; no one can help you with this."

No matter how you want to change, the first step is to accept yourself.

"...I can"t believe I"m being taught by Taichi."

Inaba moved back a few steps again, and when her thighs collided with the sofa she sat down like she was collapsing. Going with the momentum, she laid down on the sofa and hid her face into her arms.

This was the first time Taichi saw her truly defenceless and without her guard up.

Taichi thought, "let her rest a bit now", and sat down on a chair.

He felt that they would just skip the fourth lesson.

There were a few hundred students having lessons at school. And in this room there were only two people so it was extremely relaxing. Although Taichi didn"t know the reason and he could not express it clearly in his words, he thought, "If Inaba shared the same thought as me then it"d be nice."

At this moment, Inaba suddenly jumped up from her curling pose.

"Certainly... this won"t work!"

"Why?"

"As I’ve said before... I can"t expose my ugly side to others. No matter what I do, I can only see failure."

Inaba covered her face and drooped her head. Her usual arrogance and confidence disappeared.

"But it"s fine with me—"

"To project how Taichi thinks onto everyone else is too hard."

...I feel I was indirectly called a "freak".

So, what should I do—At this moment, Taichi came up with another idea.

"...Hey, Inaba, I think that if one were to think that if someone discovered what they were hiding, they’d be done for, they would, perhaps, blow the situation out of proportion."

"Your words of comfort—"

"So I"m deciding to tell you a secret I originally planned to take with me to the grave."

"Eh?"

Inaba was visibly in awe again for the nth time today.

"This secret, if known, would disrupt my high school life; in fact, socially, I would be sentenced to death or lose my ident.i.ty as a human—it"s a super dangerous secret that is crazy enough to frighten me to this extent... "

I said this explicitly , but I could not stop my voice from trembling.

Was it really okay to choose this path? If I fail, this might become tragic rather than a comical. Though it was too late to turn back, Taichi started to feel a bit insecure.

"...By the way, what good does it do me if you unveil your secret... Do you plan to say "I"ve said my secret, so you should also say yours"...?"

"Absolutely."

Inaba stood up, expressions twitching, walking straight to Taichi.

"Ouch!"

She pushed the long table ferociously!

"Wuah!"

The long table hit Taichi"s abdomen! What are you doing.

"What is your brain~ made of~!"

That was a howl that would freeze people in an instant.

"...Your voice is too loud, Inaba. Although there is some distance between the recreational building and the main building, the students are still in their lessons..."

Inaba knocked the table *bam* with her fist.

"Ayahh~ How do I put it, there are many things that have been infuriating me, so I’ve acc.u.mulated quite a bit of stress. What just happened put me at my limit."

Her s.a.d.i.s.tic eyes brightened up fiercely.

"So please, tell me your secret first...!"

A sourly smile floated on Inaba; this was the real her... Wouldn"t it be better if she did not return to her original self? Taichi really wanted to believe his senses were wrong.

"Now... you must promise me you will also be honest to the other club members—"

"Tell me first, and then I will decide. At least I"ve already told you some kind of secret."

Taichi swallowed hard nervously. To be frank, to unveil his secret was too scary.

Because it was a taboo subject that should never be discussed with girls.

Taichi wanted to escape... Though, he convinced himself to take the first step.

Let me first solve the problem at hand. I don"t care what happens later.

"So...I"m going to tell you now..."

This was the greatest nervousness I had ever experienced in my life. My whole body felt numb. I felt that all the contents of my stomach were going to pour out.

Taichi didn"t know if Inaba was shocked at Taichi"s unusual look, but he saw a taut face on Inaba, battle-ready.

Taichi prepared himself.

"I"ve... m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed to you before."

Time stopped.

The air in the room froze as if the temperature were absolute zero.

Taichi"s body couldn"t move an inch. If he were to move, the numb air would melt and spread away. He wanted Inaba to delay her reaction.

But time surely would not stop.

"...What you said about masturbating to me...Are you referring to that kind of masturbation?"

Inaba asked.

".........Yeah, it"s that masturbation."

"Oh really? I see... so you used me as your... so this means that Iori and Yui were also used as...?"

...Although his intestines hurt like tearing apart, Taichi could not help but to nod to admit it.

"Is that so? So Taichi treats girls of the same grade like this, and exploits them..."

With a still tone and an organized mind, Inaba was scarier than any living thing that ever existed.

"...You took me as... Bah! Gegege, gahahahahaha!"

Inaba held her stomach and burst into laughter. She laughed so hard it disordered her breathing, while she sat inversely on the sofa and slapped *pang, pang*.

"Oi... oi... I rarely do it! And almost I"ve never done it... Are you listening?"

Although Taichi didn"t look in the mirror, he knew his face has turned all red.

"Ah~hahaha... Ah... I"ve laughed too much this is getting painful... Gegege."

Inaba finally stopped laughing. She wiped her tears and gasped as if having finished a marathon.

She wiped her tears a few times again and breathed deeply. Despite this, she didn’t seemed to have laughed enough and couldn"t get a hold of herself when she thought about it. But in the end she grudgingly calmed her body down.

Then she spoke loudly in a tone filled with disgust, displeasure and despise.

"Per~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ vert!"

This word brought an impulse like a clear ferocious cut done by a large axe.

"You pervert, lecherous dog, freak, psycho, s.h.i.+t, maggot, brute, b.i.t.c.h in heart!"

Just these verbal attacks could have nailed me to death, Taichi thought.

"...Guwaguuu..."

He could not even speak like a human.

I am a goner; this method certainly is—

"But..."

But at this moment, Inaba"s cold look was suddenly relieved like she was pleased.

"—What"s wrong with a Taichi like that?"

She said and smiled.

"No, I might as well say, Taichi is like that... If you are a boy in p.u.b.erty, this is natural. By the way, you"re bold to say such things... If you don"t do it right, you"ll be arrested... It"s only me that you"re okay with. Please don"t tell this to other girls, you idiot."

"As I was saying... the secret that I was hiding is now in extreme danger! And I could only tell these things to you."

"Only to me, huh?... Should I be happy about that?... By the way, this is stupid in so many ways! To blurt that secret out was stupid; to think that letting others hear it and feel that it"ll be okay was stupid; to actually hear it but think it"ll be okay was also stupid... and the most stupid thing was to be touched by it..."

Inaba looked upwards, wiping her tears as if saying "I must not cry". Despite this, her actions were a bit late, so she could only incessantly rub her eyes with the collar of her s.h.i.+rt.

"Th-this was that! It"s just the tears that were in my eyes when I laughed!"

Taichi thought, "Are you a kid?" But then he realised she is, in fact, a child... Inaba is still only a child.

So there will be many times we will suffer in pain; we cannot always walk by ourselves; sometimes, we will need someone to help us out. Nevertheless, even if we become adults, this might will not change.

"Well I may as well say: as a girl you should bring a handkerchief."

Taichi walked to Inaba"s side and handed her a handkerchief.

"...What are you doing... only capable of doing such dumb things... Are you planning to make me fall for you too?..."

They wanted to do it as soon as possible so they quickly called the CRC members.

They decided to meet in the clubroom during the lunch break.

Until then, Inaba, whose face was as red as a cooked octopus, said to Taichi, "Forget that I cried and all that other nonsense that I said! If you want to live then do it~~!" She forcibly told Taichi to forget her embarra.s.sing acts.

After that, the bell rang at the end of the fourth lesson, which marks the arrival of the lunch break—

"—That was what happened."

Inaba told her long-hidden secrets and agonies to Nagase, Kiriyama and Aoki. Although she was running away before, she was still Inaba. When she was determined, she could do everything straightforwardly.

Her words aside, Inaba did not actually toss away her discomfort and fear; her legs slightly quivered when she spoke.

I think it is fine. I said it would be fine. Even though Inaba was that kind of a person, those three will still accept you. Taichi deeply believed that, and pried at their responses as if praying. If everything does not go as expected and the worst happens, how am I going to apologise to Inaba? No, before that, what will the Cultural Research Club become?

If it were these members, however, I am sure—

The three kept silent (because Inaba told them to). The first to commence was Iori.

"Inaban, in other words, you mean—"

She stopped.

Inaba nervously shook her body.

What words would Iori weave after hearing my confession?

"—You like to worry, don"t you?"

That was... unimaginably unexpected.

"L-like to worry... Iori, have you heard me say... this isn"t a problem that can be solved with this phrase..."

Inaba murmured in astonishment.

Then it was Kiriyama who spoke.

"I can understand~ I"m the same. If I exchanged with Aoki, after I return to my body, the first thing I do is to check every corner of my body and then see if any of my personal belongings are gone."

"I"m hurt! What you just said really hurt me! Why must it be me! What about Taichi?"

Kiriyama replied, "Be quiet! I"m judging by our usual conduct," and crushed Aoki in a loud voice.

"Don"t... you guys have other comments?..."

"Mmm... Inaba"s thoughts were quite startling—like crime and whatnot. But you needn"t worry, I have a conscience and ethics and values, so I won"t do those things. I"m the kind of person that won"t even cross at a red light!"

Kiriyama puffed out her chest with pride, while making a pose that was suitable for the sound effect *hehe*.

Although there were discrepancies between them, after the talk, they knew Kiriyama had a similar problem. She also didn"t deny Inaba"s way of thinking and naturally accepted her.

"Or I may say it"s everyone that Inaba couldn"t believe in, not just me!" said Aoki.

Inaba talked as if being forced into desperation, "Should we take this so seriously...?"

"This is most important; other matters don"t matter!"

Aoki was even resolved that other matters did not really matter.

The aforementioned were the various reactions of the Cultural Research Club.

"So, what I have to say to Inaba is—the most important thing is—"

Iori used an abnormally formal tone and, getting everyone"s attention, said,

"—rus.h.i.+ng back to the cla.s.sroom to grab your lunch box."

She brought a red-and-white checkered lunch box bag to her face and waved it around, then showed the most serious expression of the day.

"Yes, that"s right."

"Yeah."

Kiriyama and Aoki also nodded their a.s.sent.

"Okay, it"s decided then. Now go get it! Taichi, you too! I"m getting hungry!"

Nagase pushed Inaba and Taichi on their backs and forced them outside the clubroom. During this turbulence, Nagase whispered to Inaba some things Taichi couldn"t hear.

Maybe it was because her brain"s processing time didn"t catch up with the situation, but Inaba had a lost look while she faltered towards the cla.s.sroom. She then commenced talking again during their walk.

"Compared to lunch, were my agonies, which almost pulverized me, less important? Wasn"t this too flippant?!"

What she said was right.

Nevertheless, according to the differences of how we look at things, maybe her agony wasn’t that big a deal. After all, something like "the innate character of a person" merely deserves that kind of attention.

"Ah, I"m feeling silly... all the problems that my heart was wrenching about and all the things that I thought were embarra.s.sing, what now..."

If that was what Inaba thought, the problems which have haunted her so will now become trivial matters.

This will be fine... Taichi thought.

"...Forget it; after all, I"ve gotten hold of the secret that can manipulate your high school life."

...Even though Inaba can forget it, Taichi could not.

"Hey... Inaba, if you can, I hope you burn it into a deep corner in your memory... No, it would be better if you can wipe it from your memory completely—"

"No."

...It looks like my remaining days of high school life can only pa.s.s successfully by obeying to her.

Ah... Taichi sighed as if he would fall down at any time. Inaba exploded in laughter while slapping his back.

After that, she stopped and put her hand lightly on Taichi"s shoulder.

"I won"t forget it, but instead, let me also tell you a secret; then we"ll be equal."

Inaba moved closer towards Taichi and leaned close to his ears.

A sweet aroma like honey exuded from her body.

"I"ve also m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed to you before."

She said while spitting out a soft and lukewarm breath.

"What the... you..."

Because of shame, anxiety and fear, Taichi entered into a panic.

In other words, this represents... that thing... will become this... will become like... this is what happened

As if enjoying his discomfort, Inaba kept crackling.
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