Yukiko then talked about her life in the village and that seemed to have elevated her mood reminiscing the happy past. She told how they were the wild kids in the village no one could control. Apparently people called her a "shrewd" that no man in their right mind would marry.She also told her how she got lost in the mountains one day after trying to find herbs and forgetting the time and her way back. It started to snow heavily that night and she was scared and despaired and with the sounds of the wild animals intensifying, she thought she"d die there and everyone would forget her as she hugged herself to help herself warm up in that cold snowy night that made her shudder and almost lose consciousness.
That mountains was the other side of the mountains from the village Xing grew up in and she knew none of the locals would venture inside the mountains at night for anything as these mountains are considered sacred or cursed under various interpretations as demons and G.o.ds wander in those mountains.
But Yukiko continued that, to her surprise, Katsu found her somehow and carried her in his back to find shelter. " Dumb woman! What will you do without me?", he said and found a cave to rest, made fire to warm her and made sure she survived by making sure she didn"t lose her body heat.
"I felt safe that night with him hugging me close to his body. I thought I could die like that when he wiped my tears off and said," why are you scared when I"m with you, dummy ? "... That dangerous place didn"t scare me anymore after his words... ", Yukiko wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and the smile in her lips made her look so beautiful from the little light from the lantern beside the bed and soon the smile got replaced with a frown.
"But now I am in the most comfortable and secure place in the kingdom. He is with me... But... I don"t feel safe...I am not safe... ", she closed her tired eyes that carried a deep sorrow and took a deep breath and she resumed her usual gentle demeanour.
"Let"s not talk about sad things", she smiled and wiped her face and told her about her childhood days.
Apparently Ryuga"s Father is the feif Lord of their village and Ryuga would usually spend time with them. She told her that Ryuga"s family had only boys and he had only one sister who"s a lot older than him and she was the apple of the eye of the Ying family. When she got married, she wanted a daughter but she got a son and he was only a year younger than Ryuga. She"d dress both of them as girls prettily and Ryuga would wander around in those clothes with no qualms as his sister had made him believe that young boys and girls of the n.o.ble families wear the same outfits and Yukiko and others thought he was a girl, more likely a tomboy for long until he got older and realised boys aren"t supposed to dress like that.
This story made Xing laugh hard. Surely there are many cross dressers around her!
"Those really were fun days!", Yukiko chuckled, "How I wish for those days to be back!"
"Do you remember meeting Ryuga?", she asked curiously and Xing told her encounter with him when she and her were tracking the s.e.x trafficking ring ran by the Gu family. But Yukiko seemed disappointed with Xing"s answer and Xing didn"t want to press her for the reason as she didn"t want to know.
Both Xing and Yukiko were tired after talking for a while and decided to sleep.
As Xing trailed to sleep, she wondered about Yukiko"s words... how she repeated that she wanted her husband to find another woman to love and let her go. Is her life in the palace that terrible, she found losing her husband or sharing him with another woman appropriate?
Mind is a difficult thing to control but not heart as it cannot be easily changed. Xing knew Yukiko would not bear to see her husband with another woman and she is only feeling this way because she is too emotionally hurt right now.
Also she still remembers the past fondly. That means she is still holding on to it. So she won"t like to leave him. She must accept him as he is now and try to change herself to be better at handling the women in the Harem if she wants to have a peaceful life within the inner palace and him... He has to improve himself a lot too.
Xing then started to wonder about her life. Talking to other women with different situations than her gave her some perspective as to how her life is different from them.
She grew up without a father, not knowing even his name and people have called her names for that. But she had a horde of G.o.ds by her side and Fei Lian who never let her feel that she lacked a father. She had never starved because couldn"t afford food or lacked clothes and other basic necessities.
Also there was Haru who was always with her and kept her company and protected her and made her childhood overall not bad. Xing knew the fates of fatherless girls too well. They either were sold as maids or to brothels. But she never had such troubles growing up. There were some men who tried to get her even though she was dressed as a boy... But they disappeared and she never met them again. Now that she think about it, it must be the courtesy of Chenglie.
And after her mother pa.s.sed away, she was reluctant to meet her father but it turned out that her father is the most honourable man. What are the odds right? He could have used his daughter to gain a lot but he never did and really loved her and protected her as a father must. He was happy when she achieved something, corrected her when she was wrong and never let anyone hurt her.
And her brother too. Event though he was against her at first, he started to truly care for her soon. And the entire Huang family and the Zhong family too. How many good people she has by her side?
The only problem she suffered was with Chenglie and her love. Now that she knows the reason behind it and what to do to succeed, it is not that big of a problem right?
And for her to be called a b.a.s.t.a.r.d when she was young... As if having the Huang name is not enough, she has now learned that she is a descendant of the Tians.h.i.+ Emperor. It is an honour right?
True, now she is the Empress and others consider her as the wife of the Emperor but for her the Emperor is her husband"s brother... But compared to what Ayane is going through, it is not that tough to pull out that role right? And I do have a way out.
And regarding her husband, who is the most perfect man in the entire world, she could not explain the overwhelming feelings she had for him. Not only he is handsome, rich and able but also he only has her in his eyes and heart. And no one has protected her like he did!
Lucky, aren"t I?
Xing pondered about how Yukiko felt about her marriage and how being in the palace has affected it. She remembered how adamant Chenglie was on not taking the throne.
My Prince, is it because you thought either one of us might change our ways and our love might get lost or reduce, living inside the palace.?
My Prince! You were willing to let me stay in the inner palace as the Empress like the G.o.ds wanted and decided to help me get out after I finish what I do rather than taking a chance with our love by you becoming the Emperor and tie me inside the palace, weren"t you?
Xing felt bad for being angry at him on the coronation day as she felt he was too head strong to take the throne and let her stand beside his brother. She even doubted him for putting his brother"s life above her wishes. But he did this for her too. He endured seeing his wife beside his brother because he knew she won"t be happy inside the palace.
Oh, how much you love me! I wish I could somehow repay your love!
These thoughts made Xing realise that she has many people who loves her and she felt like she haven"t properly replayed them and only acted on her selfish whims.
Even her ancestor who had created all these troubles for her have created a simple way out for her. And she was sure there must be some way to heal her womb too. There is no need for her to play victim all the time, right? She actually is the most lucky and blessed person in the entire world.
May be... Just may be... I should use all these powers I have for the sake of others....
I can be with Chenglie after I help the Empire and till now I"ve been doing it begrudgingly. May be I should do it more happily as there is no way I would lose Chenglie and he supports me too,Xing thought.
Wow! My life is not that bad!
Xing felt refreshed in her mind and drifted to sleep happily along with Yukiko as she reached to this decision.
Having friends is really good!