The exquisite bathtub that was big as a pool went silent as the two girls pretty as snow in there were in their own deep thoughts." Well, you could set it all straight by giving back the throne to your brother Jung, can"t you? You can go back to how you were before by forgiving each other... ", Xing asked Ayane.
So Brother Lee killed Ayane"s father and she killed his mother to retaliate... It is all murky and grey but as those who have loved each other like brothers previously can"t they get it over with? No one seems happy in the current situation, right? When she talked about brother Lee, her and Yi Kwan being together since childhood, it reminded Xing of herself, Haru and Chenglie.
But emotions cannot be manipulated by will and the scars made by loved ones especially can never be cured that easily and sometimes it is hard to go back to where they were before.
" Me being the Emperor is my atonement to him... He tried to protect me from everything and I... I just...", Ayane looked at Xing who was confused, "There is still more?"
" You need not tell me if you don"t feel like it...", Xing spoke gently as she felt like Ayane was so distressed thinking about the past.
" No, Let me... Please! I cannot talk about this to anyone else", she wiped a tear that escaped her eye and that wasn"t the last one too.
"Okay then, take your time", Xing nodded understanding her emotions. It made her wonder if Haru or Chenglie accidentally or purposely hurt any of her family member, how would she have reacted? It would really be a unexplainable situation...
Even Xing was surprised how much she had grown with the recent troubles she has faced. If it was in the past, she"d have thought it would be a bother listening to other people"s sad stories even though she"d hear it sincerely. But now she understood why people tend to talk about the deepest thoughts in their minds to people who won"t be around them for long preferably strangers who"d listen, after she couldn"t speak about everything to Chenglie but her ability to speak her mind to Lord Zhong whom she knew had little time left.
Speaking to someone else really does help but it is hard to let those who really love you worry about you by revealing your every sorrows.
"I never treated brother Jung as a cousin. He was my brother and Yi Kwan was his friend and that"s how we were introduced. I never knew I was a girl until... You know how...", Xing nodded understanding what she meant.
"I was fifteen by then but even before that I started to feel some weird attraction towards Yi Kwan. He was really... Manly and so... I really liked him and wanted to be near him all the time... You know.. ", she chuckled sniffing her nose.
Ayane looked entirely red reminiscing the first awakening of her love, looking like a lotus blooming in a pond making Xing"s lips curve upwards. She really resembled that in that bathtub of warm water.
" That was the most confusing part of my life making me wonder if I am like some weirdo men who like other men. They were killed in our kingdom by the way, so I was more scared since I was the crown prince and I wasn"t supposed to be like that at all. I gathered all my courage and talked to brother Jung about that and he a.s.sured me and oddly he said, "I"ll look into it". I didn"t know then that brother Jung already had doubts about the way I was raised and he had found out the truth too. He confronted my father about it but my father had threatened his mother"s life and his entire livelihood in our kingdom. I really didn"t know all of that and my father killing his grandfather as a warning to keep the fact that he killed his brother,my uncle as a secret, pushed him to the extreme. I didn"t know... I really didn"t know at that time that he was trying to protect me... ", she paused and poured wine from the jar nearby and took a gulp and Xing got herself a cup too. Their wine is always the best.
" I escaped with Yi Kwan after my father died and wandered around in the Kingdom. Brother Jung became the Emperor and I was burning in rage and want to avenge for my father who was always kind to me. My only thought was to give the same pain I felt by losing my father back to him. Me and Yi Kwan even tried to enact a coup but it was an utter failure and I still didn"t realise that he never tried to find me or disturb me in any way.
I went to his Manor one day after the failed coup and his mother invited us in and she cooked for us as usual... I didnt stop to think about that even then... How much she must have loved me to invite the person who tried to kill his son in and feed them... She had the same loving gaze of a mother like usual...",she snorted,
" I didn"t see that... Her love she still had for me... I was only focused on having my revenge fulfilled.... That day, if only.... ", her throat closed and she rubbed her nose with the back of her hand and continued,
" Brother Jung came to his mother"s place as I"ve arranged and just in front of his eyes, I stabbed her in the heart with a dagger... With my own hands... This two hands... Dripping with the blood of the one I called mother... She... She still smiled at me lovingly... She... I killed mother....I killed her even though Yi Kwan tried to stop me right to the end... I did it... ", she was shuddering hugging her knees in the warm water and Xing got up and wrapped her in a robe and got her out of the bathtub before wrapping herself with a robe.
" It"s okay! ", Xing hugged Ayane who was s.h.i.+vering and rubbed her back to console her.
" It is not Okay! That"s not all I did. I, with the help of YI kwan and my other supporters, arrested him who was too shocked to do or say anything watching me murder his mother in cold blood right in front of his eyes. He obediently got to the prison".
Even Xing felt chilly hearing her confession. Ayane who looks not so evil now... How could she do it? Killing someone like her mother..? That"s like me killing Lady Shaoyao or Lady Zhong.... But then again having the thoughts of revenge is like letting a termite live in your wooden home. It would be really small one day and before you know it, the entire house will be ruined. I killed that girl for less... Just to provoke s.h.i.+hong... I sent the entire Ran fily to death just because they were a nuisance... What right do I have to judge her?
"And you became Emperor!", Xing added. They just heard that the rightful heir took back the throne but in reality these kind of things have happened... Imperial families... It is better to stay away from them like mother said,right?
"Yes, even though I knew I was a woman and I cannot claim the Throne. I was mad at everything and everyone... Then as if all that was not enough, I went for her... It never felt enough for me... So I went for The one brother Jung loved... His lover, w.a.n.g Hanmi... Her father was a lowly dog who wanted power, so he just s.h.i.+pped his daughter to the inner palace even though she threatened suicide. The day she entered the palace, I went to the prison to gloat to my brother that I stole his woman and that she was now mine. He never talked to me till then but as I expected he got really mad for doing that to his woman and screamed curses at me. I felt satisfied seeing him all riled up but then he laughed hysterically making me wonder if he lost his mind. But no... He told me to look in a secret drawer and there it was... Everything My father did, including what he did to me, his father and his grandfather and other families. I couldn"t believe it blindly and so I investigated onu own to find that everything written there is true. My revenge.... Useless!!! He had even done everything necessary to fix the corrupted court in the short time he was the Emperor ", she leaned at Xing"s shoulders and chuckled dryly,
" I was wrong... I killed for no reason and hurt the one who tried to help me abundantly for no reason in the end! How pathetic! "
" Everyone makes wrong decisions sometimes... ", Xing tried to comfort her. She could feel how tense she was as her nerves were protruding from her forehead and her body was stiff as a wood and as cold as an ice block.