Living to Suffer

Announcement about new translation project

XII

Ch’in Ching was painting by the window when he sawShen Liangsheng again. In the middle of completing a portrait of childrencelebrating the New Year, he heard a few knocks at the door and went to answerit. Shen Liangsheng was standing outside, hands clasped behind his back and gaveonly a slight nod in greeting when he saw the doctor.

“Yousurely are becoming more and more polite, Shen-hufa, barging in without an invitation last time but knocking thistime.” Smilingly, Ch’in Ching stepped sideways to let the man in. “Are you juststopping by on your way back from business again?”

ShenLiangsheng glanced out of the corner of his eye and answered nonchalantly, “Youmay consider my visits however you wish.”

“Oh?Could it be that Shen-hufa is hereespecially to see me?” Ch’in Ching obviously understood the implied meaning, buthe still impishly teased him.

Payingno attention to the cheeky doctor, Shen Liangsheng instead noticed the brushand ink lying on the table and strode over to investigate. “Were you the onewho painted that umbrella?”

“Whatumbrella?” Ch’in Ching paused in confusion until he recalled the storm when hefirst met Shen Liangsheng and the oil-paper umbrella he had been carrying. Hesaid in a surprised tone, “You still remember that? But it wasn’t mine; it wasmy shifu’s work.”

The mannodded and did not make any more remarks, but it occurred to Ch’in Ching that sincehis shifu had sensed a presence fromoutside the yard, it was very likely that Shen Liangsheng had also detected itbecause his neikung was certainlymore advanced than that of his shifu.Although the hufa would not ask directly due to his calculating nature, that did not meanCh’in Ching could keep quiet about the matter.

“Speaking of my shifu…um…”Ch’in Ching scratched his head. “Last time he visited me…we were probably inthe middle of… so…”

“So?”Shen Liangsheng raised his brows.

“Sowhen might you have time to go meet him with me?” Copying the man, Ch’in Ching raisedhis brows, too. “I have neither father nor mother, only this one shifu. The sooner you meet him, thesooner we can tie the knot.”

“Good.”

“…justkidding. If I really took you to see him, his anger would probably blow throughthe roof.” After all this time, Ch’in Ching still had not learned from hismistakes and kept trying to best the man verbally. His constant defeats wereapparent, but he just couldn’t help himself. “Plus, my shifu isn’t just anybody. You can’t see him simply because you wantto.”

“Nomatter. You will not be able to meet my father who pa.s.sed away many years ago,and you have already met Miao-t’angchu.”Shen Liangsheng’s dead-pan delivery kept the banter flowing.

“Huh?” Caughtup short at the mention of Miao Jan, Ch’in Ching gaped at the hufa. “I never heard of the custom ofmeeting old lovers prior to the ceremony.”

“Miao­-t’angchu is my father’s sworn sister.”Shen Liangsheng was finally making casual conversation about his background. “Ialso had no mother growing up, so I have no issue if you are willing to offertea to her.”

“Whywouldn’t it be you offering tea to my shifu?”Ch’in Ching blurted out this retort regarding the bride’s tea before focusingon Miao Jan as Shen Liangsheng’s father’s sister…so was that incest?

“Ishare no particular relationship with Miao-t’angchu.”Shen Liangsheng gave him a look. “Do not overthink, Ch’in-taifu.”

“Geez,she is your elder after all, but you refer to her so distantly. You must havebeen unpopular with the grownups when you were young.”Ch’in Ching made a teasing remark but pushed for more private details. “Behonest with me, Shen Liangsheng. What is Miao-t’angchu’s age this year?”

“If myfather were alive, he would be more than sixty years old. Miao-t’angchu is around two years youngerthan he.”

“Uh…”Ch’in Ching had heard of Miao Jan’s t.i.tle of “Fairy in a Portrait” – of course,the majority in the chianghu stillcalled her ‘Evil Witch that Just Would Not Die’ – but he would never haveimagined such a ridiculous difference between her girlish complexion and heractual age. He was dumbstruck.

“What you’ve done to the place is nice.” ShenLiangsheng changed the topic when he next spoke.

“Hm?”Ch’in Ching scanned his surroundings. He had not made any changes to the furnishings,but before long he realized the man was referring to the lack of the moistwinter chill of the South because the floor of his hut was lined with tik’angthat was typical of the North.

“The tik’ang was meant for the plants, butI’m sensitive to the cold, so I share some of the benefit.” Walking to thedesk, Ch’in Ching took a spot right beside Shen Liangsheng and picked up hisbrush. He chatted leisurely with the man while adding a few short strokes of joyand laughter to the faces of the children who were covering their ears from thefirecrackers. “You know there are herbs that fear the cold yet only can beseeded in the dead of winter, and therefore they grow only in the most southernof places. I heard that the seas there are bluer than even the skies inmidsummer, and you can see schools of fish playing in the shallows, and thereare corals of all colours of the rainbow, a piece of which can be worth morethan gold…”

“Thepainting is nice, too.” It seemed the taller man was not listening to hisprattle, as he was observing the paper and giving praise – of course the praisedid not seem very sincere, either.

“It’sjust to kill time. It’s far too early to be drawing for the New Year.”Ch’in Ching switched to the red brushand was breathing life into the firecrackers and celebration into the paintingwhen Shen Liangsheng suddenly pulled him into his embrace. Unable to lift his brushin time, he left a slanted streak of vermillion across the paper.

“…and hereI was wondering why you were in such a good mood to chatter so much with me.”Far from offended, Ch’in Ching let out a chuckle. He put down the brush andturned to face the man. Teasingly he said, “If the bed was your ultimate goal,you could’ve been straightforward instead of ruining my painting, you know?”

It was as warm as a spring afternoon inside the hut,and even someone like Ch’in Ching was wearing only a single-layered robe.Without a word, Shen Liangsheng began discreetly manoeuvring around the robeand the belt while kissing and sucking on one of the doctor’s earlobes. WhenCh’in Ching was totally naked, the taller man lifted him up onto the desk andpositioned himself between his splayed legs letting his pants brush against thelimp member. Head slightly bent, he tenderly nibbled at the doctor’s Adam’sapple and took his time exploring the body with both hands, seemingly bewitchedwith this silky smooth body.

“Shen-hufa, did you really come especially tosee me?” A little ticklish, Ch’in Ching was asking through soft giggles. ShenLiangsheng felt the skin against his lips quivering, as if he were kissing ab.u.t.terfly timidly fluttering its wings.

“That mountainof yours isn’t all that far, but it definitely isn’t close, either…” Ch’inChing slightly deflected the head burying itself in the nook of his neck andasked smilingly, “Now that you have to run back and forth, don’t you regrethaving wasted all the time you spent here in rehabilitation?”

“I do.All the more reason for me to make up for it.”

Ch’inChing had only meant to tease him and did not expect the man to admit regret.Before he could formulate a retort, he had been pushed back onto the desk. Hewatched the man pick up a mixed-hairHuchoubrush, dip it in the fluid remaining on the inkstone and, using his skin aspaper, begin to paint in a graceful manner some unknown art.

It might have been a river – Ch’in Ching closed hiseyes and felt the p.r.i.c.kly hairs trail down in curves like water flowingdownstream, slow at times and swift at others, a combination of yin and yang. The brush tip stopped below his navel and broke contact briefly.When contact was reinitiated, the Huchou brush was replaced by a soft-hair hsiaok’aibrush. The soft hairs dabbed and swirled, spreading tingles across his chest asthey sc.r.a.ped past his nipples, always dancing away after the slightest touch andleaving behind but a trace reminiscent of eroticism. The two nubs graduallystood to quiet attention as did the member below, growing steadily harder withevery stroke of the brush.

Atlast, after a pot of tea’s time Shen Liangsheng put down the brush. Ch’in Chingopened his eyes, which were now swimming with l.u.s.t, and saw a serpentine river windingdown his torso, lined on both banks with blooming reeds swaying in the breeze,and a lone wild goose flying over the water. Indeed, a wistful, desolate scene.

“Intime frost descends, from above the river and beds of yellow reed, as a crysignals the nearing wild goose.”Smiling at Shen Liangsheng, Ch’in Ching took the man’s left hand and lightlyrubbed his palm with his thumb. “The imagery of the poem is enthralling, andit’s nice and all, but Shen­-hufa,couldn’t you draw something a little more auspicious?”

“Whatdo you consider auspicious, Ch’in-taifu?”Shen Liangsheng bent down to question the doctor. Seeing the naked man beneathhim, eyes unable to contain the sensual arousal and skin slightly flushed pink,he came upon an idea. He picked up a kueibrush, dipped it lightly in vermillion and dotted it once near the doctor’seye. Together with the false tear streak, the rouge mark seemed all the morealluring.

“What doyou think, Shen-hufa?” Ch’in Chingraised his head for a kiss that was not deep. Their lips merely touched andslowly rubbed against one another. He quietly continued, “Serves me right for fallingvictim to the peach flower.”

The doctor mentioned the peach flower, so the hufa actually painted it. Moreover, hedrew it on a rather lewd, southerly spot.

With thered kuei brush in his right hand andCh’in Ching’s fully hardened member in his left, Shen Liangsheng began paintingfrom the base up, carefully tracing first the branches and leaves, thenill.u.s.trating the sepal to support the swollen head. His technique wasimmaculate and completely steady, but the fine hairs were torturous and made Ch’inChing moan aloud. By the time Shen Liangsheng had painted all the petals of theflower on the crown, Ch’in Ching’s voice was on the verge of cracking.

ShenLiangsheng had been pressing down on the tiny slit on top while he waspainting, and when he finished and lifted the confining digit, out gushed the transparentlove juices that had been pent up. The last drops even contained a trace ofmilky white. The doctor’s ecstatic euphoria had evidently been pushing theboundaries of premature release.

The freshpigments of the petals were clouded by the sticky fluids. With a loose grip onhis member, Shen Liangsheng commented near the doctor’s ear. “When one has muchstrife, much desire, ‘tis called the flooded peach flower.Ch’in Ching, you really took it literally.”

Ch’inChing peeped at his groin. A vermillion peach flower, with its branches andleaves, graced a proudly erect p.e.n.i.s. In the first instance it was tooprovocative for him to continue observing, but the next moment he found hisgaze glued to the sight as though afraid to miss even a split second. ShenLiangsheng was slowly lowering himself, his head nearing Ch’in Ching’s shaft,but he did not take it into his mouth. Instead, he lapped at the headrepeatedly teasing the slit on top.

The tik’angwas so warm that Ch’in Ching had left a window open halfway for circulation,encasing the desk area in brilliant winter sunlight. In the rays hovered motesof dust from the earthly world like a light snowfall that would neither fall tothe ground nor melt away into nothingness.

Ch’inChing panted as he watched the lewd, explicit sight before his eyes, observingevery lick. Every time the tongue gently touched his slick head, the pleasurehe received amplified tenfold. He couldn’t help thrusting his hips forward andbegging softly, “Take it in deeper… I’m about to come…”

Unexpectedly,Shen Liangsheng opened wide and took him into his mouth, staining his unusuallypale lips with bright vermillion. Against that cold, sculpted face of his, theblood appeared to be the remains of an Asura’s b.l.o.o.d.y feast, horrifying yetbewitching.

Moaningand gasping, Ch’in Ching found it impossible to last much longer under the newwave of stimulation. Shen Liangsheng took him in and sucked him only a fewtimes before the length in his mouth jerked and shot out globs of salty s.e.m.e.nthat tasted to him like blood.

Ratherthan swallowing it, Shen Liangsheng propped the doctor’s hips up, placed hislips against the entrance and pushed the fluid out of his mouth. He then spreadthe sticky substance with one hand and with the other gently wiped off theremaining dribble hanging on the soft member. “‘Blowing flowers, pickingpistils, spring has come again.’Is this auspicious enough for you, Ch’in-taifu?”

Ch’inChing did not catch his question, as he was still recovering from his climax.All he could feel was a slight stickiness around his entrance, but then thenext moment he felt something enter. It was not a finger – something harder andlonger – and after snapping back to his senses, he realized it must be theshaft of a brush.

WhatShen Liangsheng was using was chungk’ai whichwas thin enough to slide in smoothly with the lubricant. For a while the hufa pumped it back and forth whiletwisting before taking it out completely. With two digits he stretched theopening and flipped the brush over to tickle the sensitive area with the hairs,but very soon he directed it straight into the entrance.

“Let’smake this clear first…” A nervous Ch’in Ching clutched the man’s sleeve. “Ifyou’re going to do this, you’d better not use any used ones. The term ‘a gutfull of ink’ isn’tto be taken literally.”

“Ch’inChing,” Shen Liangsheng pulled the brush stand over and swiped a finger acrossthe dangling, unused brushes. “You can choose for yourself.”

Thedoctor turned to see on the stand only two wolf-hair tak’ai and twogoat-beard t’itou.He tried to make a compromise, frowning. “Could I not choose?”

“Don’tbe silly.”

It wasa warm utterance of comfort, but said at the present moment it only left Ch’inChing glum and disgruntled. He opted to shut his eyes to the despairingsituation as he felt himself being spread open. As the brush hairs sweptagainst his entrance, poking and tickling, a preposterous notion occurred tohim. He wondered how the bundle of soft hair would feel brushing and scratchinghis insides.

“You’realready wet here.” Shen Liangsheng firmly pushed the brush in as he asked,“Does it feel that good?”

Ch’inChing wanted to retort that, considering its original function, it was naturalto react to being penetrated there, but alas Shen Liangsheng did not stop togive him any leeway, rather adding another tak’ai.The shafts together were not very thick, but the brush tips were quite a bitthicker than the former. The tips inside him pointed at one spot and made himfeel stretched, so he decided it was wiser not to speak since he was currentlythe meat on the cutting board and Shen Liangsheng the butcher.

By the time the taller man added another brush, Ch’inChing was wet with sweat. He gathered enough strength and asked for mercy, “Ireally can’t… Stop it now…”

Thatsaid, the hufa actually did stoptormenting him. After removing his own belt, he pushed his pants down to hisknees and released his long-erect member, rubbing it against the doctor’sthighs.

Afraidthat he would just stick it in now, Ch’in Ching quickly closed his legs andshifted over to avoid that monstrous thing. But as soon as he did so, he wasforced back to his previous position with that burning length now viciously thrustingagainst the tender skin on the inside of his legs.

Thebrushes inside moved along with the vigorous movements by the man. The bundlesof hair sc.r.a.ped his narrow insides, arousing an itch that caused the ring ofmuscle to voluntarily contract in hopes of relieving it. But all it achievedwas to push one of the brushes farther in, poking at that forbidden, sensitivenub and sending a violent shudder through the doctor. As well, the limp memberin front began reacting.

Seeingthe response, Shen Liangsheng purposely nudged the brush shafts with everythrust arousing the man beneath him. Gradually the pleasure and moisture builtup, but the craving could not be satisfied. Before long, Ch’in Ching reachedout with his own hand and pumped the brushes into himself.

“Can’twait any longer?” Shen Liangsheng grabbed the doctor’s hand, asking in his ear.

“No,”Ch’in Ching murmured in a rare burst of honesty and then added, “Quick…getinside me.”

With Ch’in Ching so frank, Shen Liangsheng didn’t seethe point in withholding any longer. Sliding out the brushes, he penetrated thedoctor with force and speed, knocking the words in his mouth into senselessmoans.

Initially,Ch’in Ching had his arms around the taller man’s back, but later as thepounding continued, his strength left him. His arms slid down along the robe,falling to the man’s waist, and sneaked underneath the fabric to circle around.

Now,the waist was a crucial source of power in the affair of love. Finding thedoctor’s embrace a hindrance, he pushed the arms farther down. Even through thewild movements Ch’in Ching could feel the two lumps of bare roundness, theprecise targets of his longtime desires. He thought to himself that it would benice even if all he could get was a touch, and his naughty hands began to gropeand fondle the two taut globes. As he fantasized about how wonderful it wouldbe to have the man under him for once, his member became even harder.

“Ch’inChing.” Knowing full well what the doctor was considering, he warned, “Don’tthink about what you shouldn’t think about.”

“But I–Ah!”

Just ashe was about to reply, the manhood buried inside him pushed in at a differentangle and proceeded to attack that one sensitive nub. The overwhelmingstimulation erased all vocabulary from Ch’in Ching’s mind. His fingers seemedto have a mind of their own as they clutched the taller man’s hips and pressedthem towards him in rhythm with the thrusts as though urging the man to poundharder and faster.

“Ah…Shen…Shen…Liangsheng…”After a hundred or so thrusts, Ch’in Ching could no longer stand it. He came,screaming the man’s name, without any stimulation on his member. ShenLiangsheng was also nearing his limit. When the doctor’s insides began to tightenwith violent spasms around his manhood sending unbelievable pleasure to thehead, he felt his abdomen tighten as well and pushed himself in to the hilt,reaching his climax at nearly the same time.

The two men caught their breaths for a while beforeShen Liangsheng slowly pulled out his limp member. Seeing both of them coveredwith sweat and ink, he too stripped naked before taking Ch’in Ching in hisarms, flitting to the medicinal spring, and soaking in the water together.

“Lecheryin broad daylight,” Ch’in Ching joked with Shen Liangsheng after recovering,copying the hufa’s usual serioustone, “is an offence against decency.” But even as he made this utterance, hisexpression stiffened.

“What’sthe matter?”

ShenLiangsheng thought he was not feeling well, but a few moments later, Ch’inChing muttered, “…leaking out.”

Now, Shen Liangsheng had not come during their firsttime, and he had cleansed the doctor after their second time, so this was the firsttime Ch’in Ching was aware of somebody else’s body fluid flowing out of him. Hehadn’t felt much while being pounded in the midst of a l.u.s.tful spell, but theincontinent sensation left him feeling rather awkward.

ShenLiangsheng had shot his load extremely deeply, and even after soaking so longin the water he could feel little blobs dribbling out of him.

“Stillthere?”

Thetaller man had Ch’in Ching in his lap, chest to chest, and he noticed thediscomfort still present on the doctor’s face. He circled a hand around andpoked a digit in the opening to clean the remains.

“Notanymore… Hey…you…hmm…” Shen Liangsheng’s finger would not leave even after thejob was complete, and his manhood showed some signs of revival. Ch’in Chingspeculated whether the man was intent on another round and found some solace inknowing he would then at least know what it was like to die from overindulgenceand exhausting his yang essence.

“Wewon’t if you don’t want to.”

Althoughit was not outwardly evident, Ch’in Ching could sense the hufa was currently in a good mood. Not only was the man willing torestrain himself, he was smoothing out the doctor’s wet hair.

“Oh,right. I actually had something I wanted to ask…” Ch’in Ching was truly seriousthis time when he opened his mouth. “I might live in the middle of nowhere, butI do catch wind of rumours about incidents in the chianghu.”

“Actnot so tentatively. Speak frankly.” The taller man must have truly been in agood mood, for his stern words were uttered in a warm tone.

“If itreally was you who did the deed,” Ch’in Ching gazed at the man. “I want to knowthe reason why the Hsing Sect is committing such slaughter.”

“Whathas it to do with you?” Shen Liangsheng’s voice lost its warmth, and althoughhis expression remained the same, the doctor knew very well that his questionhad destroyed the man’s good mood.

“Itshould have nothing to do with me, but I happen to share some history withMaster Shan of Broken Zither Hills.” With a wry smile, Ch’in Ching retold thestory behind the founding of the Hills, the master’s disappearance from the chianghu, and his visit with his shifu to find a treatment. After finishing,he shook his head. “I remember Shifutold me once that Shan Hai-hsin wanted to take his own life to pay for his sinsbut chose to live, not because he was afraid and clung to life, but because hewanted to suffer with the sin and guilt. He established the Hills and named itBroken Zither to build himself a prison and live every day in penance.”

He tooka quick pause before finishing.

“Duringthe time I stayed there, I listened in on one of my shifu’s conversations with him. Master Shan said that his sins wereunforgivable even if he spentthis lifetime repenting and that death would be release. Thus he wanted to liveand suffer for his wrongdoings.”

“Areyou blaming me for killing him?”

“I justthink that this kind of ending is…” But not even Ch’in Ching could say whatthat kind of ending was.

“Theaffairs of our sect have naught to do with you. Not listening and not askingare your wisest options lest you come to harm.”

“Thenpretend I didn’t say anything.”

“But let’s say a day comes…” After both men weresilent for some time, Ch’in Ching started another line of questioning with asigh. “…When you and I must face each other over life or death. Surely the oneto die would be me while the one to live would be you, right?”

“Andwhy would such a day come?”

“Theworld is full of the unknown, and the variables are constantly changing.”

“Thereis no need to ponder the unknown.”

“Well,what would you do if I died?”

“Why, I’deither find a husband or find a wife.”

Ch’inChing burst out in giggles. “How hard-heartedyou must be to remember that jest after all this time.”

“Well, what I reallywant to ask is…” Taking another pause, Ch’in Ching flashed a smile and pressedhis forehead against that of Shen Liangsheng. He looked into his eyes withearnest tenderness. “Since I love you so, I wonder if you also love me, too,even just a little.”

“…”

“If Idied, would you ever think of me, even for just one moment in a year?”

“…”

“Wouldn’teven lie for me, huh…” Ch’in Ching backed away, chuckling wryly. Then hewhispered, “You truly are a hard-hearted man, Shen Liangsheng.”