Love Late

Chapter Fourteen


I had lain idly in the hospital for several days, but those days actually weren’t bad at all. My wound was minor after it was rest.i.tched, and every day I ate Shu Nian’s homemade lunch. I ate and drank all day long just as before and teased the nurses.

As long as I had the heart to do it, I could be rather charming. Even though the nurses scolded me, “you’re too much” and “dirty man,” they still smiled and took special care of me. As the most well-liked patient, life was cozy. I indulged in pleasure and forgot my home and duty. I didn’t want to leave the hospital.

I blissfully considered my hospitalization as going on a vacation. The only difference was that, while others run across the globe to bask under the sun on a sandy beach, I basked under the sun on a hospital bed. The four white walls sometimes gave people an escape that arose from a sense of security.

Xie Yan pushed open the ward door with a foul face. Nestled in bed, I was reading the romance magazines that the nurses had smuggled for me—bursting out with laughter—when I raised my head and saw a face that appeared as if to demand a payment of debt. I almost hiccupped from fright. 

My brother-in-law ferociously headed toward the bedside and slammed down a thermo cup. His hand’s strength was so great that even the solid wood was shaking. “How long are you going to freeload?”

“Uh...” I’d always been a bully to the weak and a coward before the strong. I was instantly terrified. “Master Xie, I seem to be paying my own hospital fees, right?”

“Xiao Nian is still recuperating and he’s a patient at that. His body is much weaker than yours. Every day he cooks for you and comes all the way over here to deliver the meal. Do you think it’s amusing?” He gave a look of contempt at my pale face. “A big man like you acting spoiled like this. You’ve gone too far.”

“What?!”

“Relying on it to confirm that he cherishes you, your trick is too juvenile.”

I flew into rage out of humiliation. “Quit spouting nonsense.”

Xie Yan sneered, “Don’t think I can’t see through it. I’ve used this move a lot more. You’re still wet behind the ears.”

I couldn’t help but burst into anger. “An immature brat like you have the cheek to say that of me?!”

Our eyes turned bloodshot, our feathers ruffled— like a confrontation between two aggressive roosters. The door opened once more.

d.a.m.n it, is the “no visitors” sign hung on my door a fake?

“Xie Yan, you only took the soup. You forgot the spoon…”

Once Xie Yan saw the visitor, his bones immediately softened by half. His expression quickly adjusted into a loving wife’s smile. It was my turn to sneer this time.

“I can buy a spoon anywhere, yet you came here just to deliver one.”

The man honestly said, “I still want to come see my brother.”

I delightfully gave out a “hah.” Xie Yan’s smile became rigid, and he asked between his clenched teeth, “What’s there to look at?”

There wasn’t anything to look at indeed. But in the eyes of that man, it’s as if a flower bloomed on my face, making him want to steal a glance from time to time.

We were both grown men. It’s rather tacky to be all warm and cuddly.

So we just sat together. He poured me soup as I munched on smoke-quitting candies. We just occasionally looked at each other, not saying a word.

That gaze of his, full of feelings, was gradually getting under my skin.

Despite what kind of “feelings” Shu Nian was full of, waves of jealousy poured out of Master Xie as he said, “The man’s not even sick. Why do you have to look after him?!”

“He’s hospitalized and needs to recover his health…”

“I also need to recover!”

Xie Yan’s words were urgent, and his arms and legs were flailing wildly. How shameless.

Shu Nian was uneasy for a moment. He then said, “Um, I came here to tell you that we have to return to S City in a couple days.”

“Mm-hm.” I lowered my head to sip my soup.

They had stayed here long enough. After surgery, Shu Nian had stayed a few more days. Xie Yan was worried that he was coveted by a certain someone, so, as expected, he guarded him, refusing to leave. I was actually curious as to how he had that much time to spare when he has to manage the Xie family.

Go ahead, go. The longer he stays, the happier Ke Luo will be. I was in a gloomy mood because I couldn’t bear to see Ke Luo fine.

“Asking this might make things difficult for you…” Shu Nian looked at me. “…but I don’t know if you’d be willing to go back with me? It’s all very convenient over there. Well, work and accommodation are all readily available.”

I was dumbfounded.

“If you don’t want to, there’s no need to force yourself,” he cautiously said. “You can first stay for a period of time and see if you can get accustomed to it.”

Seeing as I didn’t respond, he went for the next best thing, “Actually, the two cities aren’t that far in distance from each other. I can visit you every week. But living alone, meals and such aren’t guaranteed. Live with us and it can be taken care of...”

This guy’s personality really was soft like mochi. I felt a little irritated.

Xie Yan, on the other hand, was much less polite. “You’ve kidnapped Xiao Nian, so it’s impossible for me to not harbor grudges, but you’ve donated your bone marrow to him and you’re also his brother. Come to S city. I won’t mistreat you.”

That day, I arranged to be discharged. This vacation place wasn’t good at all. I clearly entrusted the nurses to prohibit visitors from entering, yet they’re always incompetent. They didn’t even help me block that murderous-looking Xie Yan.

I went looking for Lin Jing to go out for a drink. To celebrate my “recovery,” he gave me a box ofDurex.

“Old man, seeing as you keep having a s.h.i.tty face these days, it must have been a long time since you’ve had s.e.x.”

“Bulls.h.i.t.”

But what he said wasn’t wrong either. I hadn’t been spending my money at Narcissism lately. A man like me, who desires food and s.e.x as a part of nature, to actually have waning interest in that aspect was truly bad.

Since when did it start? I even felt empty with those beautiful young men in bed.

“Little brat…” I poked his head. “I plan to go to S City.”

Lin Jing opened his mouth wide, then stammered, “Wh-why?”

“You saw it too.” I spread out my hands. “That day I was s.e.x-obsessed and made a move on Ke Luo. Granted it was a failed attempt, if he wanted to come after me to settle the score, I would have to take the consequences." 

Lin Jing fell silent for a while, a little sad. But soon after he suddenly said, “Well, it’s not as if it’s inconvenient, and it’s not far at all. It’s only a two-hour flight to there. When I have time to spare, I’ll come find you to eat out. Besides, if it doesn’t go well, you’ll come back…”

Curving my fingers, I knocked on his head. “Sorry, I didn’t treat you well in the past.”

If I hadn’t been so frivolous and insolent…if I had settled down and not failed him, we could have been happier and more at peace.

Lin Jing’s face paled. He pounced on me and pinched my face, crying out in imitation of some comic character, “Are you really Lee? Take off your mask…”

After eating, the two of us strolled along the street.

We were more or less drunk. Stumbling and flinging our arms about as we yelled—making complete fools of ourselves.

Suddenly an alarm set off in my head. I grabbed Lin Jing. “Hey, lend me your waist.”

I quickly wrapped my arm around his waist in sweet intimacy.

The worst thing that can happen is when you are acting like a fool and you encounter the person in your heart.

Ke Luo was approaching our way.

He was carrying some stuff. There was a slight bruise on his cheek. That day, I really had laid a heavy hand on him.

Ke Luo was clearly surprised upon seeing the two of us. He had a slightly bewildered look. But our steps didn’t stop, and we brushed past each other. I had a slight urge to say something to him, yet it was hard to turn around.

Lin Jing patted the hand I had placed on his waist. “Lee, you must really like him.”

I laughed. “Nonsense.”

Lin Jing watched my hand unconsciously search my pocket for a cigarette. “Forget it, it’s hard for you to change your habit.”

I just give a couple dry coughs.

“If you’re not interested in anything other than his body, then once you leave, I really will pursue him. This kind of top-notch beauty living under the same roof—oh, how can one resist…?”

I immediately grabbed him by the neck. “Don’t you dare!”

If someone dares to toy with Ke Luo, I’ll beat him so full of holes like a sieve.
 

Since I had decided to leave, I’d been busy spending the remainder of my time going out and having fun with Lin Jing.

Today we arranged to go for karaoke. Lin Jing arrived first to reserve a medium-sized room with a lot of microphones. We could hold one in each hand and yell to our heart’s content.

When I arrived at the door of the room, Lin Jing was standing at the entrance as if outside for a breath of fresh air. He was overjoyed at the sight of me. “You came just in time!”

“What’s going on?”

“Ke Luo is inside.”

“Eh?”

“I owe him money that I can’t pay. He’s mad and doesn’t have anywhere to vent his anger. Hurry and soothe his nerves.”

As I was pushed toward the room, I didn’t overlook to struggle and asked, “d.a.m.n it, why me?”

“Your skin is thick and your flesh rough.”

The door shut with a bang. Ke Luo, who was on the sofa, heard the sound. He lifted his head and gave a look of surprise. Our eyes locked. For a period of time, we were a little awkward. I froze at the doorway for a moment, but I still smiled and said, “Hi, you’re here too?”

“Lin Jing said he had invited a lot of friends to sing together.” He paused. “But I didn’t know you’d come as well.”

What is that d.a.m.n brat, Lin Jing, playing? I gritted my teeth. After falling silent for quite a while, he opened his mouth first, “I don’t think anybody else will come.”

I laughed. “Lin Jing’s ploy. I think he wants to pursue you.” 

“Pursue?” Ke Luo was taken aback. He chuckled. “I’m at such an age, yet I’ve never been pursued by anyone.”

This d.a.m.n, slow-witted guy. But seriously thinking, I hadn’t really done what could be considered as pursuing him. Besides eating his tofu and eating someone else’s tofu—a dead duck with a hard mouth—what else had I done?

I looked at the young man sitting alone in the corner and felt somewhat in turmoil.

I had thought that we might be in a cold war since then: possibly never in contact again until we die of old age. But I hadn’t antic.i.p.ated that I’d leave.

Thinking that I’d never see him from now on, the tough things seemed to turn a little sore and soft.

When a man’s departure is near, he speaks from his heart. I felt that I should apologize to him.

“About what happened that day, I’m sorry.”

Ke Luo didn’t say a word.

“It was me who made a mess of things. I shouldn’t have forced you.” It seemed to be my first time bowing my head like this.

“I’m sorry…” It was quiet for a moment, then he said in a low voice, “…that I made your wound tore open. It was only a reflex.”

The both of us fell silent again. On the screen was Ozone’s “Dragostea Din Tei.” The Chinese version had almost been sung until it’s worn out. All day long, Lin Jing liked to shout out, “When I see a c.o.c.kroach, I will not be afraid now!” Hearing that “Ma-ia-hii, Ma-ia-huu” so cheerfully played, the both of us, after apologizing to each other, couldn’t help feeling embarra.s.sed.

“Do you want to go on singing?”

Ke Luo wryly smiled and said, “I’m tone deaf.”

“Then let’s go.”

The two of us alone like this during our last moment: I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to restrain my urge to kiss him once more.

We went downstairs to settle the bill. I used the acc.u.mulated spending points to exchange for a h.e.l.lo Kitty watch. Even though it’s rather impractical, if I didn’t exchange them now, I would have no need for them afterwards. 

Once the two of us walked out the main door, we should have said our goodbyes. His house and my apartment were in two different directions, but I couldn’t say anything. Slightly halting, Ke Luo asked, “Do you have anything to do later?”

“Hm?”

“I was originally invited by my friends to go bungee jumping. In the end, I was dragged here by Lin Jing to sing… It’s still early right now. I can still go bungee jumping. Do you want to come along?”

I wasn’t afraid of anything, just death. Once I die, there will be nothing left. As far as I was concerned, having a cord tied around my waist and jumping down from that high of a place, even if I didn’t die, it would in fact be a death wish. This kind of thing—I would never dare to do.
 

Ke Luo helped tie the cords around my waist and legs. “Are you ready?”

“No problem.” I forced a laugh as I looked at him.

“Are you alright?” He watched me. “You don’t look well.”

This isn’t hard. I just have to let go, move forward, and dive. I had watched Ke Luo jumping so beautifully a moment ago, almost like he was flying. I’d eaten decades more rice and bread than him. I would never go as far as to not do it.

“Don’t be scared. The cords are very tight, so you’re safe,” Ke Luo rea.s.sured me from behind.

I took a couple deep breaths and looked below my feet. It was bad not looking. Once I looked—oh, motherf.u.c.ker—everything went round and round. Gooseb.u.mps rose from my back.

“I-I…” I didn’t have courage after all. My legs wouldn’t budge.

“I’ll count one, two, three. On the count of three, you jump, alright?”

I rigidly chuckled.

“One, two, three…”

“Ho-hold on. Count to five.”

“Okay.”

“…why don’t you count to ten!”

Upon hearing “ten,” I gritted my teeth, and my body rushed forward. But there was no feeling of falling?

“Lee…” Ke Luo’s voice sounded a little helpless.

I had charged, but my fingers still clutched the handrail, refusing to let go, live or die—unable to be pried open.

“If you’re truly afraid, then it’s all right not to jump.”

I composed myself. “Jump with me then.”

Starting over once more, Ke Luo tied his cords too, and then wrapped his arms around my waist. “Lee, you can let go.”

My fingers still shamelessly stuck to the railing.

Ke Luo laughed and said, “It won’t do if you can’t let go.”

My blood froze. I struggled with one finger…two fingers…finally I released my hold completely.

My body dropped from high in the air. I immediately squeezed him tight. It was an unending vertigo.

The whole world was shaking up and down, left and right. It was simply unrealistic.

Except for the man who held me close.

I opened my eyes, then closed them again.

“Was it fun?”

“Ve-very exciting,” I stammered. I staggered when my feet touched the ground again.

With a smile, Ke Luo helped untie my cords, watching my hands tremble as if I had pulled a muscle.

“It looks scary at first glance. But, in fact, once you do it, you find out that it’s not hard at all.”

I hadn’t thought I’d release my hold even if I died. But when I had actually let go, it seemed like it wasn’t that bad.

I kept thinking that I couldn’t bear it if I was unable to see him. But perhaps not having him in my life, besides a slight sense of emptiness, was no big deal.

“Thank you very much for the entertainment today. This is for you.” I took out the cartoon watch I had made an exchange for.

Ke Luo took the watch with a white-pink kitten face and smiled. “Thank you.”

“Oh, that’s right.” I turned my head. “I’m going to S City tomorrow. Your Uncle Lu will find someone better than me to help you. You can rest a.s.sure.”

I thought I could guess his reaction, but Ke Luo just said, “Uh-huh, I know.” 

I opened my mouth wide. I had no idea when I was infected by Lin Jing’s comical expression like I was swallowing an egg. “How did you know?”

Ke Luo quieted down for a moment, then said, “You had resigned. After resigning, the company would reclaim the apartment, but I didn’t see you looking for a new place. Not only that, Shu Nian has been very happy these past few days. He’s going back. And if he was separated from you, he’d definitely be sad.”

I didn’t know what to say and just stared at him for a while. Then I praised him loudly, “You’re a great kid. So sharp. You and Conan are actually brothers, right?”

Ke Luo gave a short chuckle and shook his head. “And, well, just before Lin Jing left he told me.”

Seeing him laugh, I also laughed and shook my head. “That little brat really does have a big mouth.”

I had hoped to see his startled face. A look of surprise, him holding me back, reluctance, a bit of guilt, a little regret, anything was fine… Yet it turned out there was nothing.

The two of us stood facing each other. I could see the figure under my feet stretched out by the setting sun. It looked like a loser.

He asked, “Will you like living in S City?”

I laughed, “Of course. I can’t get by in T City at all. But once I arrive in S City, there’s someone to tend to my eating, drinking, and taking a dump. My brother-in-law also has the authority and influence. There’s him to cover for everything. What’s there not to like?”

He was quiet again.

Our remaining time together was ticking away, and yet we’re just thoroughly bored in silence. It really was farther off than what I had envisioned. I had imagined that he might flip out with rage or express a look of deep pain, shedding a couple drops of hot tears, or, with fervent eyes, embrace me...

Excuse me, a lonely middle-aged man is likely to overthink.

My heart gradually ached, and I sighed, “Little brat.”

He looked at me.

“Will you miss me?”

He continued to stare.

Maybe the light became poor, so the young man’s face seemed to be shrouded by fog. It was as if not only did I not know what he was thinking, but even he himself didn’t know what he was thinking.

Not receiving a reply, I vented my anger by flicking his forehead hard. “How heartless. Lin Jing is better than you. In any case, we’ve been together for a period of time as well. One night marriage may be short, but feelings run deep.”

Ke Luo slightly pressed his lips as he allowed me to give his bright, clean forehead a number of red marks.

“Okay.” I pulled back my hand and spoke loudly, “The past is compared to the death of yesterday. Yesterday is like the water flowing east, pouring into the ocean and not coming back. May as well forget it all. Your Uncle Lee will go build a new life, heading towards a brighter tomorrow.” Then, with heroism reaching to the clouds, I waved. “See you.”

He laughed again. Today he had been laughing a lot. Surprisingly, there weren’t any departing sorrows, but, luckily, there was some tenderness.

“I’ll take you home then.”

I was no longer modest or awkward, so I gave a flat nod. “Alright.”

“I’ll treat you to a drink.”

“Okay.”

I had a.s.sumed that the person who was friendly and sentimental because of the separation was me, but who could have thought it was actually him.

After drinking, we arrived at my apartment, and I directly sent him off. I washed up, checked the number of packed bags, and then went to bed.

Far into the night, I couldn’t fall asleep.

I crawled up from bed, took out my laptop, and turned it on. I entered a gay forum’s chat room. The middle of the night was the liveliest time. Lonely men, who had an empty bed and refused to lie down unaccompanied, set out to flirt with others or grieve alone. The screen scrolled quickly. 

I logged in as “38 year-old male bloom.” Just as before, I had picked a name that had a playful taste to relieve the pent-up frustrations in my chest and to facilitate sleep.

I couldn’t raise any interest after typing several lines.

“Oh, Uncle Flower isn’t fierce enough today.”

“That’s right. 38 seems a little wilted tonight.”

These nicknames just worsened my mood. I raged for a period of time and made the chat room fill with foul black smoke, leading to me getting kicked out repeatedly. In a foul mood, I furiously closed the chat room and started to watch a short gay p.o.r.n film.

Someone in the forum messaged me: “What’s the matter?”

“Things seem to be going poor for me.” I thought for a moment. “Very poor.”

“What?”

My fingers were suspended on the keyboard, yet I couldn’t answer it. This fellow sufferer was a good man. He’d definitely comfort me, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t let others see my wounds. Apart from the pain, it would double the shame. I was that strong-oriented.

Before he logged off, he advised me with good intentions: “Go to bed. No matter how down you feel, sleep and it’ll pa.s.s by.

I thanked him and continued to watch the film. With overworked eyes, I was weary and sore. I didn’t know whether these old eyes of mine, which were glued to the p.o.r.n movie, had tears.

Past experience won’t make me weak. What I needed to face was the future.

A blade only needs a fraction of a second to cut down, but I had no idea when the pining after that day would end. Just thinking back on that day, I felt that the span was unbearable.
 

The next day, Xie Yan and Shu Nian came to take me to the airport. Lin Jing didn’t come to see me off. I knew him. He liked to pick up from the airport, yet refused to see someone off. He rejoiced in reunions, but loathed farewells. Who wasn’t like that.

Ke Luo actually came. He probably came to see Shu Nian off. At this point, Xie Yan didn’t appear generous. He was as tight in defense as before against Ke Luo, not giving him much of a chance to speak to Shu Nian, so I idly chatted with Ke Luo. As his senior, I consoled the little brat who was old enough to be my son.

“S City isn’t far at all. When you pay Xiao Nian a visit, remember to bring me something nice. Something delicious or fun. Remember to show filial respect to your elder, eh?”

Ke Luo stood straight with reddened eyes.

I teased him, “Have you been crying?”

He nodded.

“Have you ever cried in front of the person you liked?”

He thought for a moment, then nodded again.

I laughed and patted his head. “You’re hopeless.”

Men should be like me: always poise and with ease no matter what, especially in the presence of the one they like.

It was almost my turn to go through security check, so I called to him, “Hey, about the unpleasant things involving me, just forget it all.”

Ke Luo lowered his head. “I know.”

“Know what?”

“I know you treat me well.”

I gave out a “Hah.” Accepting the compliment, I touched his head. “You have manners now.”

He looked soft at first glance, but he was actually headstrong. Just as I never dared to mention Lu Feng’s matter, perhaps he had long since known, but was waiting for Lu Feng to admit it. If Lu Feng didn’t utter a word, he’d be an orphan then.

No one could urge him or force anything on him. The more he was pressed, the more cold-hard that sh.e.l.l of his became. You can only use the warmth from your chest to cover him until he hatches from his sh.e.l.l.

But I didn’t think I could cover him any longer. 

When the three of us had pa.s.sed the security check, I turned around and saw that he was still standing there. I waved goodbye to him.

He suddenly blurted out, “Lee!”

Just that and nothing more. In the crowded airport, nothing could be fixed in place. He was just like how he had looked when I had first met him. My memories were still clear. And yet, within my field of vision, his face gradually faded.
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