This was her last week at the Library; Daisy David was coming in to take her place. Already Miss f.a.n.n.y suspected the truth, and her manner had changed toward Martie a little, already she was something of a personage in Monroe.
Women and children and old men came out and in, their whispers sounding in the quiet, airy s.p.a.ce. Len"s wife came in, with the third daughter who should have been a son. Teddy and Billy came in; they wanted five cents for nails; they had run out of nails. Measles had closed the little boys" cla.s.ses, and they were wild with the joy of unexpected holiday.
Martie presently found herself telling Miss f.a.n.n.y that she would like a few hours" freedom that afternoon: she had shopping to do. She ate her basket lunch as usual, then she walked out into the glaring afternoon light of Main Street. A summer wind was blowing, the warm air was full of grit and dust.
The Bank first, then Clifford"s office, then a long, silent hour praying, in the empty little church, where the noises of Main Street were softened, as was the very daylight that penetrated the cheap coloured windows. Then Martie went to Dr. Ben"s, and last of all to Sally"s house.
She was to take Teddy home and Sally came with them to the gate. It was sunset and the wind had fallen. There was a sweet, sharp odour of dew on the dust.
"Be good to my boy, Sally!"
"Martie--as if he was mine!" Sally"s eyes filled with tears at her sister"s tone: she was to have Teddy during the honeymoon.
Martie suddenly kissed her, an unusually tender kiss.
"And love me, Sis!"
"Martie," Sally said troubled, "I always DO!"
"I know you do!"
Martie laughed, with her own eyes suddenly wet, caught Teddy"s little hand, and walked away. Sally watched the tall, splendid figure out of sight.
At the supper-table she was unusually thoughtful. Her eyes travelled about the familiar room, the room where her high-chair had stood years ago, the room where the Monroes had eaten tons of uninteresting bread and b.u.t.ter, and had poured gallons of weak cream into strong tea, and had cut hundreds of pies to Ma"s or Lydia"s mild apologies for the crust or the colour. How often had the windows of this room been steamy with the breath of onions and mashed potatoes, how many; limp napkins and spotted tablecloths had had their day there! Martie remembered, as long as she remembered anything, the walnut chairs, with their scrolls and k.n.o.bs, and the black marble fireplace, with an old engraving, "Franklin at the Court of France," hanging above it. Mould had crept in and had stained the picture, which was crumpled in deep folds now, yet it would always be a work of art to Pa and to Lydia.
She looked at Lydia; gentle, faded, dowdy in her plum-coloured cloth dress, with imitation lace carefully sewed at neck and sleeves; at Lydia"s flat cheeks and rather prim mouth. She was like her mother, but life had perforce broadened Ma, and it was narrowing Lydia. Lydia was young no longer, and Pa was old.
He sat chewing his food uncomfortably, with much working of the muscles of his face; some teeth were missing now, and some replaced with unmanageable artificial ones. The thin, oily hair was iron-gray, and his moustache, which had stayed black so much longer, was iron-gray, too, and stained yellow from the tobacco of his cigars. His eyes were set in bags of wrinkles; it was a discontented face, even when Pa was amiable and pleased by chance. Martie knew its every expression as well as she knew the brown-and-white china, and the blue gla.s.s spoon holder, and the napkin-ring with "Souvenir of Santa Cruz" on it. She could not help wondering what they would make of the new house when they got into it, and how the clumsy, shabby old furniture would look.
"Pa and Lyd," she said suddenly in a silence. Her tone was sufficiently odd to arrest their immediate attention. "Pa--Lyd--I went in to see Clifford this afternoon, and told him that I wanted to--to break our engagement!"
An amazed silence followed. Teddy, chewing steadily on raisin cookies, turned his eyes smilingly to his mother. He didn"t quite understand, but whatever she did was all right. Malcolm settled his gla.s.ses with one lean, dark hand, and stared at his daughter. Lydia gave a horrified gasp, and looked quickly from her father to her sister: a look that was intended to serve the purpose of a fuse.
"How do you mean?" Malcolm asked painfully, at last.
"Well!" said Lydia, whose one fear was that she would not be able to fully express herself upon this outrage.
"I mean that I--I don"t truly feel that I love him," Martie said, fitting her phraseology to her audience. "I respect him, of course, and I like him, but--but as the time came nearer, I COULDN"T feel--"
Her voice dropped in an awful silence.
"You certainly waited some time to make up your mind, Martie," said her father then, catching vaguely for a weapon and using it at random.
"But, Martie, what"s your REASON?" Lydia overflowed suddenly. "What earthly reason can you have--you can"t just say that you don"t want to, now--you can"t just suddenly--I never heard of anything so--so inconsiderate! Why, what do you suppose everybody--"
"This is some of your heady nonsense, Martie," said her father"s heavy voice, drowning down Lydia"s clatter. "This is just the sort of mischief I expected to follow a visit from men as entirely irresponsible as these New York friends of yours. I expected something of this sort. Just as you are about to behave like a sensible woman, they come along to upset you--"
"Exactly!" Lydia added, quivering. "I never said a word to you, Pa,"
she went on hurriedly, "but _I_ noticed it! I think it"s perfectly amazing that you should; of COURSE it"s that! Martie listened to him, and Martie walked with him, and several people noticed it, and spoke to me about it! It"s none of my business, of course, and I"m not going to interfere, but all I can say is THIS, if Martie Monroe plays fast and loose with a man like Cliff Frost, it will hurt us in this village more than she has ANY idea! What are people going to think, that"s all! I certainly hope you will use your authority to bring her to her senses--just a few days before the wedding, with everybody expecting--"
"Perhaps you will tell me what Clifford thinks of this astonishing decision?" Malcolm asked, again interrupting Lydia"s wild rush of words.
"Cliff was very generous, Pa. He feels that it is only a pa.s.sing feeling, and that I must have time to think things over if I want it,"
Martie began.
"Ha! I should think so!" Lydia interpolated scornfully.
"At first he was inclined to laugh about it, and to think that it was nothing," Martie said almost timidly, glancing from one to the other, and keeping one hand over Teddy"s hand.
"What makes you feel that you HAVEN"T given the thing due consideration, Martie?" her father asked darkly, with the air of humouring a child"s fantastic whims.
"Yes! You"ve been engaged for months!" Lydia shot in.
"Well, it"s only lately, Pa," Martie confessed mildly.
"Exactly! Since somebody came along to upset you!" said Lydia. "All I can say is, that I think it would break Ma"s heart!" she added violently. "You give up a fine man like Cliff Frost, and now I suppose we"ll have some of your divorced friends hanging about--"
"Lyd, dear, don"t be so bitter," Martie said gently, almost maternally.
"Mr. Dryden has gone off for a long tour; he may not be back for years.
What I plan to do now is go to New York. I told Cliff that--that I wanted to go."
"May I ask how you intend to live there?" Malcolm asked, with magnificent and obvious restraint.
"By writing, Pa."
"You plan to take your child, and reenter--"
"I think I would leave Teddy, Pa, for a while at least." They had all left the table now, and gone into the parlour, and Martie, sinking into a chair, rested her chin on her hand, and looked bravely yet a trifle uncomfortably at her interlocutors. Teddy had dashed out into the yard.
"Now, I think we have heard about enough of this nonsense, Martie,"
said her father, in a changed and hostile tone. Lydia gave a satisfied nod; Pa was taking a stand at last. "You didn"t have to say that you would marry Clifford," he went on sternly. "You did so as a responsible woman, of your own accord! Now you propose to make him and your family ridiculous, just for a whim. I sent you money to come on here, after your husband"s death, and all your life I have tried to be a good father to you. What is my reward? You run away and marry the first irresponsible scamp that asks you; you show no sign of repentance or feeling until you are in trouble; you come back, at my invitation, and are made as welcome here as if you had been the most dutiful daughter in the world, and then--THEN--you propose to bring fresh sorrow and disgrace upon the parent who lifted you out of your misery, and offered you a home, and forgot and forgave the past! I am not a rich man, but what I have has been freely yours, your child has been promised a home for my lifetime. What more can you ask? But no," said Malcolm, pacing the floor, "you turn against me; yours is the hand that strikes me down in my age! Now I tell you, Martie, that things have gone far enough. If you follow your own course in this affair, you do so at your own risk.
The day you break your engagement, you are no longer my daughter. The day you let it be known that you are acting in this flighty and irresponsible way, that DAY your welcome here is withdrawn! I will not be made the laughing-stock of this town!"
Lydia was in tears; Martie pale. But the younger woman did not speak.
She had been watching her father with slightly dilated eyes and a rising breast, while he spoke.
"Cliff generous?" Malcolm went on. "Of course he"s generous! He probably doesn"t know what to make of it; responsible people don"t blow hot and cold like this! The idea of your going in to him with any such c.o.c.k-and-bull story as this! You"ll break your engagement, eh?--and go on to New York for a while, eh?--and then come smiling back, I suppose, and marry him when it suits your own sweet will? Well, now, I"ll tell you something, young lady," he added, with a sort of confident menace, "you"ll do nothing of the kind! You sit down now and write Clifford a note, and tell him you were a fool. And don"t let me ever hear another word of this New York nonsense! Upon my word, I don"t know how I ever came to have such children! Other people"s children seem to have some sense, and act like reasonable human beings, but mine--however, you know what I feel now, Martie. Going into the Bank indeed, and telling the man you"re going to marry that you are "afraid" this and you "fancy" that! I"ll not have it, I tell you!"
"I told him that I knew I was acting badly," Martie said, "I said that I felt terribly about it. I even cried--I"m not proud of myself, Pa!
And he asked me to think it over, and not to worry about postponing the wedding, and--I think he was tremendously surprised, but he didn"t say one unkind word!"
"Well, he should have, then," Malcolm said harshly. "And you are a fortunate woman if, when it suits your high-and-mightiness to come to your senses, he doesn"t take his turn to jilt YOU! On my word, I never heard anything like it! What possesses you is more than I can understand. You deliberately bring unhappiness down on your family, and act as if you were proud of yourself! I don"t pretend to be perfect, but all my life I have given my children generously--"
"Pa," Martie said suddenly, "I wonder if you believe that!" She stood up now, facing him, her breath coming quickly. It seemed to Martie that she had been waiting all her life to say this: hoping for the opportunity, years ago, dreading the necessity now. "I wonder if you believe," she said, trembling a little, "that you--and half the other fathers and mothers in the world--are really in the right! I didn"t ask to be born; Sally didn"t ask to be born. We didn"t choose our s.e.x. We came and we grew up, and went to school, and we had clothing and food enough. But then--THEN!--when we must really begin to live, you suddenly failed us. Oh, you aren"t different from other fathers, Pa.
It"s just that you don"t understand! What help had we then in forming human relationships? When did you ever tell us why this young man was a possible husband, and that one was not? I wanted to work, I wanted to be a nurse, or a bookkeeper--you laughed at me! I had a bitter experience--an experience that you could have spared me, and Lydia before me, if you had cared!--and I had a girl"s h.e.l.l to bear; I had to go about among my friends ASHAMED! You didn"t comfort me; you didn"t tell me that if I learned a little French, and brushed up my hair, and bought white shoes, the NEXT young man wouldn"t throw me over for a prettier and more accomplished woman! You were ashamed of me! Sally, just as ignorant as Teddy is this minute, dashed into marriage; she was afraid, as I was, of being a dependent old maid! She married a good man--but that wasn"t your doing! I married a bad man, a man whose selfishness and cruelty ruined all my young days, crushed the youth right out of me, and he might be living yet, and Teddy and I tied to him yet but for a chance! I suffered dependence and hunger--yes, and death, too," said Martie, crying now, "just because you didn"t give me a livelihood, just because you didn"t make me, and Sally, and Lydia, too, useful citizens! You did Len; why didn"t you give us the same chance you gave Len? Len had college; he not only was encouraged to choose a profession, but he was MADE to! Our profession was marriage, and we weren"t even prepared for that! I didn"t know anything when I married. I didn"t know whether Wallace was fit to be a husband or a father! I didn"t know how motherhood came--all those first months were full of misgivings and doubts! I knew I was giving him all I had, and that financially I was just where I had been--worse off than ever, in fact, for there were the children to think of! Why didn"t I have some work to do, so that I could have stepped into it, when bitter need came, and my children and I were almost starving? What has Len cost you, five thousand dollars, ten thousand? What did that statue to Grandfather Monroe cost you? Sally and I have never cost you anything but what we ate and wore!"
Malcolm had risen, too, and they were glaring at each other. The old man"s putty-coloured face was pale, and his eyes glittered with fury.
"You were always a headstrong, wicked girl!" he said now, in a toneless dry voice, hardly above a whisper. "And heartless and wicked you will be to the end, I suppose! How dare you criticise your father, and your sainted mother? You choose your own life; you throw in your fortune with a ne"er-do-well, and then you come and reproach me! Don"t--don"t touch me!" he added, in a sort of furious crow, and as Martie laid a placating hand on his arm: "Don"t come near me!"