The action-packed movie involved almost everyone else in the theater, but Sharon had a difficult time keeping her thoughts on the characters on the screen.
It wasn"t supposed to happen like this. With the two of them sitting in a movie theater as if nothing were amiss, as if they were as deeply in love as the day they"d married. Or more so.
The heavy weight of her failure pressed down on her, until she felt as if she were slowly being lowered into a pit of despair. So many questions remained unanswered. Sharon wasn"t sure what she"d do with herself. Or where she"d live. Or even what she"d tell her friends.
In retrospect, she wished she"d paid more attention to what other women she"d known had done following their divorces. As far as she could remember, few, if any, had turned out to be friendly divorces. They"d all started out that way, but somewhere along the line animosity had taken control. It was all so terribly depressing to see what could happen between two people who"d once professed to love each other. Soon it would be happening to her and Jerry. but somewhere along the line animosity had taken control. It was all so terribly depressing to see what could happen between two people who"d once professed to love each other. Soon it would be happening to her and Jerry.
The movie credits started to roll across the large white screen and Sharon realized, with some surprise, that the film was over. She hadn"t realized how close the plot was to the end, which was a bit like her marriage, she mused. The credits were about to scroll down the once white screen of her life with Jerry.
"Whatever happened to Anita Perkins?" Sharon asked her husband. Jerry wore a puzzled look as he stood and led the way out of the theater. Anita and her husband had been Elk members, and Earl had routinely played golf with Jerry. A couple of years back they"d divorced, and now Sharon couldn"t recall what had become of her friend.
"I don"t know," Jerry admitted.
"Don"t you see Earl anymore?"
"No." Her husband frowned and shook his head. "I can"t say that I do. It must be six months or longer since he was out at the golf course. He just drifted away." He paused and then asked, "What about Anita?"
Sharon shrugged. "The last I heard she"d moved to Oregon to be closer to her daughter."
They remained unnaturally quiet as they made their way out toward the parking lot. Seth had loaned Jerry the family car. They were both sitting inside, the engine running and the defroster blasting hot air against the windshield, before Jerry spoke again. loaned Jerry the family car. They were both sitting inside, the engine running and the defroster blasting hot air against the windshield, before Jerry spoke again.
"It won"t be that way with us."
Sharon prayed he was right, but life held few guarantees. "What went wrong with Anita and Earl?" she asked, thinking Jerry might have some insight to share, something that would help see them through this difficult time.
Jerry shrugged. "Earl never said. What about Anita?"
"Not much, just that they"d grown apart the last few years."
"The same as us, then." For the first time since she"d mentioned divorce, a note of sadness entered Jerry"s voice. "Like I said earlier, it"ll be different with us. We"ll make it different."
Sharon knew he believed that now. But once the attorneys started casting accusations and blame like poison darts, they"d react the same way their friends had, and all their good intentions would get tossed out the proverbial window. Despite their talk about making this a friendly divorce, it would eventually turn into something ugly, the same as it had with other couples they"d known. By nature the dissolution of marriage was ugly and painful.
Jerry pulled out of the parking lot and into the street. "Do you want to stop and have dinner?"
"No, thanks. The popcorn filled me up." A small white lie.
"Me too," Jerry muttered.
But it wasn"t the popcorn, and they both knew it. Their appet.i.te had been ruined by the reminder that soon they would be like their friends. A year from now one of Jerry"s golfing buddies was going to ask what had ever happened to Sharon or Jerry and say how sad it was that they hadn"t been able to work matters out.
The house was dark and quiet except for a thin slice of light coming from beneath Seth"s study door. Sharon heard softly mumbled voices and suspected her son-in-law wouldn"t appreciate an intrusion. Reba had apparently come to help him watch the kids.
Jerry raised his eyebrows when he heard a soft giggle. He didn"t say anything until the bedroom door was closed. "What"s going on with Seth?"
"He"s got a woman friend." Sharon wasn"t entirely sure how much she should say.
"The same one who stopped by last night?" Jerry asked with meaning. "It sounds like they might be getting serious."
"It"s been four years."
Still her husband frowned. "He"s not going to marry her, is he?"
"How would I know?" Sharon removed her sweater and hung it up in the closet. She ran her hand along the soft texture of the knit fabric. A gift from Jerry, one he"d purchased a couple of years earlier for her birthday. gift from Jerry, one he"d purchased a couple of years earlier for her birthday.
"Do you like her?"
Sharon sighed. "I only met her once, briefly. She"s a nice girl, what can I say? The twins seem to like her."
Jerry sat on the edge of the mattress, his shoulders sagging. "It shouldn"t come as a shock. Seth"s young and healthy. I didn"t know he was dating. He hasn"t before now, has he?"
"I wouldn"t know."
Jerry looked away, as if the subject were an uncomfortable one. "It"s not that I object, mind you, it"s just that I"ve always thought of Seth as Pammy"s husband."
"I did, too, but it"s time. Past time. Like you said, Seth"s young and healthy. From what he"s told me about Reba, meeting her was like a gift from G.o.d. It"s the same for her, apparently, although he didn"t mention why."
"You say the twins like her?"
"Very much." It was one thing to accept this other woman as part of Seth"s life and quite another to view her as a possible stepmother to Judd and Jason. Since she"d taken over Pamela"s role until the last four months, Sharon had suffered more than one qualm. The fact that the children were eager for their father to remarry was confirmation that she"d done her job well.
"If the kids like her, then that"s good enough for me." Jerry tended to see things in black and white. As far as he was concerned, the matter was settled in his mind. white. As far as he was concerned, the matter was settled in his mind.
"It is for me, too," she added with only the slightest hesitation.
Jerry removed his clothes and climbed into bed, then sat up, with his hands braced behind his back, his elbows jutting out at his sides. She"d been dressing and undressing in front of her husband for nearly forty years; it was ridiculous to be shy about doing so now.
Jerry studied her as she self-consciously removed her clothes. "You"re a fine figure of a woman, Sharon."
Even more ridiculous was the wave of color that flooded her cheeks. "Thank you," she mumbled, embarra.s.sed and eager to turn off the light.
"Will you remarry?"
The question came out of the blue and caught her by surprise.
"Remarry? Me?" she snapped. "Of course not, why would I do anything so foolish?" She didn"t mean to sound waspish, but she was genuinely taken aback by the absurdity of the question.
"You"re the one who asked for the divorce," he reminded her, his jaw tightening. "For all I know there might be someone else in your life right now."
For a moment Sharon was too stunned to respond. "Do you mean to say you"ve been living with me all these years and you still don"t know me, Jerry Palmer?"
Jerry pinched his lips tightly closed.
Sharon tossed back the covers and climbed between the sheets-only this night she was the one who rolled onto her side and presented her back to her husband. She tucked the sheet more securely about her shoulder and held it tightly in place at her neck.
"I...I didn"t mean that to sound the way it did," Jerry admitted gruffly a couple of moments later.
She heard his regret and sighed brokenly. "I know."
"I was curious, is all, but you"re right, it was an insulting question." He turned off the light and hunkered down under the covers.
Sharon heard the even flow of his breathing.
"Who knows what the future holds for any of us?" he whispered.
"What about you?" She repositioned herself so she was on her back. They lay side by side, each staring up at the ceiling, being careful not to touch one another. "Will you remarry?"
"I doubt it," he answered after a thoughtful pause. "I"ve loved you all these years. I...I can"t imagine loving somebody else.... But then, like I said earlier, who knows what the future holds? Not me. Definitely not me."
Chapter 23
Swallowing angry words is much more palatable than having to eat them afterward.-Mrs. Miracle
Emily Merkle poured herself a cup of freshly brewed tea and made herself comfortable at the kitchen table. A slow, easy smile spread across her face as she gave herself a mental pat on the back. Everything was falling neatly into place. Seth and Reba were thick as thieves; she glanced heavenward and asked pardon for the a.n.a.logy. Certainly they had enormous problems to work out, given Reba"s troubles with her sister and Seth"s obsession with the past, but her prayer was that love would see them through all that.
She wasn"t nearly as comfortable with what was happening between Sharon and Jerry. Those two were stubborn, equally at fault, each willing to blame the other. But when Jerry showed up in search of his wife, Emily had hope. Sharon was mature enough to recognize that there was nothing going on between her husband and best friend. The love between those two wasn"t as dead as they wanted to believe. to blame the other. But when Jerry showed up in search of his wife, Emily had hope. Sharon was mature enough to recognize that there was nothing going on between her husband and best friend. The love between those two wasn"t as dead as they wanted to believe.
Harriett Foster...Well, Harriett still needed a bit of work. Nothing major, just a little heavenly illumination. It might take a direct message from the Almighty to reach the widow. The poor dear. She hadn"t a clue of how she muddied the good name of G.o.d with her righteousness.
"Do you always wait to do your Christmas shopping until the last minute?" Reba asked Seth, who was pushing the cart through the impossibly crowded toy store. Music blared in the background, loudly enough to drown out her thoughts or, more appropriately, the cries of the children. High on sugar and excitement, kids ran helter-skelter down the aisles. With Christmas in the middle of the week this was the last weekend left to shop, and everyone in the Seattle metropolitan area, it seemed, had descended upon the toy store. There appeared to be a run on Barbie"s playhouses. Reba saw several desperate parents waving fistfuls of money over their heads, hoping to persuade the clerk to be merciful toward them.
"I tell myself every year that I"m not going to do this," Seth said, maneuvering the cart down the bicycle aisle. He wove it around a little boy who sat in a wagon in the middle of the lane, waiting contentedly for some generous soul to hitch him to the back of a bike and tow him about the store. the bicycle aisle. He wove it around a little boy who sat in a wagon in the middle of the lane, waiting contentedly for some generous soul to hitch him to the back of a bike and tow him about the store.
Seth looped his arm around her shoulder. His eyes held hers, and everything else seemed to fade away: the noise, the children, the sense of panic and rush. The excitement remained, only now it seemed centered between the two of them. Reba was profoundly aware of Seth, profoundly aware of the strength of their attraction. In her pain and disappointment, she"d come to him. He"d comforted her with his words and his gentleness. And his kisses. If they hadn"t been in his home, with family close at hand, Reba wondered where those kisses might have led them. She was glad she hadn"t needed to make that decision. Seth was dangerous. He reminded her she was a woman. Any part of her that was s.e.xual had been buried. He made her feel again, made her yearn for all that she"d been missing. The fear remained, but with nowhere near the intensity of previous relationships.
"I appreciate your coming with me," Seth told her, breaking the spell that had enveloped them.
"What, and miss all this?" she teased. Seth"s in-laws had the children for the afternoon. Mrs. Merkle had sent them out with her blessing and the promise of a hot meal upon their return. Although Reba had teased him, she was enjoying herself. This was almost as good as being a mother herself. She loved Judd and Jason and the other children she"d come to know through the Christmas program. She paused as they turned down another aisle. She stood in front of the doll section. Ellen, Vicki"s little girl, would be at the age where she"d love a baby doll. The urge to buy one was strong, but her mother was sure to take it as a sign that Reba wanted to mend the relationship, and nothing could be further from the truth. herself. This was almost as good as being a mother herself. She loved Judd and Jason and the other children she"d come to know through the Christmas program. She paused as they turned down another aisle. She stood in front of the doll section. Ellen, Vicki"s little girl, would be at the age where she"d love a baby doll. The urge to buy one was strong, but her mother was sure to take it as a sign that Reba wanted to mend the relationship, and nothing could be further from the truth.
Seth steered her farther down the aisle. "Say, did you hear they have a divorced Barbie?"
"No." Reba couldn"t believe it.
"Yup," he said with a twinkle in his eye. "She"s got all of Ken"s things."
Reba laughed and elbowed him in the ribs, and Seth chuckled, too.
All in all, she felt good. Generally the holidays were an unhappy reminder of the problem between her and her sister, and this year was no exception. Although she"d agreed to spend Christmas Day with Seth and his family, a part of her resented that it was Vicki who"d be with her aunt Gerty and uncle Bill. Reba would have liked to introduce Seth to her parents and her aunt and uncle, but that was out of the question now.
"Judd said something about wanting Power Ranger walkie-talkies," Seth said, breaking into her thoughts. "Do you have any idea where those might be?"
Reba knew next to nothing about the setup in toy stores. "Your guess is as good as mine. This is all new to me."
"New. You act like a pro with all those kids at church. One would think you"d been doing this for quite some time. You make it look easy. You know what"s going to happen, don"t you? You"ve talked yourself into a job for the next ten years."
Frankly, she wouldn"t mind. The benefits from volunteering to direct the Christmas program had been an unexpected blessing. While her motives hadn"t been pure, she"d reaped untold rewards. Sure, there was the ha.s.sle factor, but again the sense of accomplishment outweighed any problems.
The Christmas Eve program would be a wonderful success, and she"d like to think it was due in part to her efforts. Naturally Seth and his in-laws would be there for the performance. Reba would have liked to have her family there as well, and the knowledge that they would not be coming brought a twinge of disappointment.
Her spirits lifted again when she reflected on yet other unexpected benefits of volunteering her time: she"d made friends with several of the other women, and she"d even picked up a number of new clients. It felt good to be an active member of the church family, contributing more than just her presence in a pew on Sunday morning.
For the first time in four years she was reaching out, charting new ground, planting seeds. She cast a glance at Seth, who wore a perpetual frown as he wandered aimlessly down one aisle after the next. Poor fellow. He needed her. cast a glance at Seth, who wore a perpetual frown as he wandered aimlessly down one aisle after the next. Poor fellow. He needed her.
Next year she"d...Reba stopped herself, amazed at how she"d imagined them together twelve months into the future. She stood proudly at his side, happier than she could remember being in a very long while.
"Reba..."
The soft voice cut into her thoughts like the sharpest of sabers. Even after all this time, she recognized the speaker.
Vicki.
Reba tensed and slowly, deliberately, turned around. Seth must have sensed the way her muscles tightened because he turned with her.
Reba said nothing. She couldn"t.
It felt as if her tongue had frozen to the roof of her mouth. The old, familiar resentment rose like bile in the back of her throat. Her gaze slid from her sister to the tall, good-looking man at her side and the little girl in his arms. So this was Ellen, the much-loved grandchild. Vicki and Doug"s daughter. She was beautiful, sleeping contentedly on her father"s shoulder, her blond hair spilling down his back. Reba"s heart softened with an instant flow of love for this child she"d never seen.
"I talked to Mom this morning," Vicki said, her delicate voice shaking slightly. "She explained that there"s been a misunderstanding about Christmas Eve."
"There was no misunderstanding." Her mother had sided with her sister, the way she had from the beginning. Seth must have realized who Vicki was because he moved closer, protectively, to her side. She was grateful for both the physical and the emotional support.
"I want you to know that I feel bad about that."
"Yeah, I bet," Reba muttered.
"I talked it over with Doug," Vicki continued, and glanced up at her husband, "and we decided it wouldn"t be that much of a problem to change our plans."
"Don"t worry about it." Reba made her voice as cold and as unfeeling as she could. She was horrified to feel a lump form in her throat. "I"ve already made alternate plans for Christmas. You go on ahead and visit with Aunt Gerty and Uncle Bill."
"But they"re your G.o.dparents."
It was on the tip of her tongue to remind Vicki that John had been her fiance and it hadn"t stopped her from sleeping with him. Hadn"t stopped Vicki from ruining her life.
"We"ve already phoned Doug"s grandmother and explained," Vicki said. "Please, Reba, it"s a small thing. I want you to be home for Christmas."