The dream that the Soleil of thislife sees is – 3
Silverhairs were scattered on the white sheets. Like they were dyeing it. Certainly,while they didn’t bear the slightest resemblance with that child’s hairs, itstill cannot be helped that they were somewhat similar. For me who lived in a worldfar away from reality, certainly, it looked like the color I was always yearningfor. The eyes that looked up toward me were purple. While this color was rare inthis country, in hers it’s said to be common. It made me remember of theskin I could never touch, it reminded me of that child’s… of Silvia’sappearance.
Thefact that Silvia who was rumored to be a fairy or an angel died becamewell-know in the high society the following week. Moreover, she didn’t die ofher illness but was murdered by robbers. The person who plotted it was herblood related older sister, the next marquis’s wife. A tremendous commotionshook the n.o.ble society. Because I was often away from home due to my work as aknight, I left the social interactions to Iria, so they were many n.o.blesacquainted with her. Therefore, they needed to prove their innocence.In the case it was judged they had lend a hand to Iria, there was the possibilitythey would be imprisoned. Even if it wasn’t the truth, it was easy to fabricatea crime. The high society was always maintaining a perfect balance of the powerrelations.h.i.+ps. On this occasion, some moved to try to crush the power of theiropponents. Hence, in this situation the point of focus became our high rankedn.o.ble house. Originally, I just didn’t want to forgive Iria. I requested myparents’ a.s.sistance, in order to condemn Iria I laid all the groundwork possible and made every effort so that she couldn’t run away from her crime.However, whether if it was because she came from a third-ranked earl family, orbecause she had the status of being a marquis’s bride despite our divorce, corneringher required quite a considerable effort. Thanks to the cooperation of severalpeople who used their influence to back me up, somehow, I was able to throwIria in the jails meant for the commoners.
WhenI finished doing everything, the season has gone around. Since I didn’t hearthat the sentence had been p.r.o.nounced, she was probably still imprisoned. But,I was no longer interested in the future. She won’t be able to avoid capitalpunishment due to the nature of her crime, but the execution of the sentencewon’t be carried out in public. The central figures of the country won’t allowthe incident to be brought up again while it has already quieted down. Iunderstood this already, and anyway, these days, I couldn’t gather the energyto do anything and felt very tired. Due to this tiresome feeling of loss that Icouldn’t even put into words, I couldn’t get myself to go to work, and lingeredin my failure. For a superior officer, an extended leave was only a term hidingthe fact he was in reality sentenced to house arrest.
Insuch a situation, there was a certain gossip that reached my ears. A silverhairs, purple eyes girl was working as a prost.i.tute.
Shehad a small stature and slender limbs; her upturned gaze was pure and innocent,it was said her ephemeral figure was almost like a fairy.
Themore I listened to the rumors, the more it sounded like Silvia. When I actuallywent to visit her, their features were as different as heaven and earth butstill, it was enough to make me dream of that child. Above all, that innocentgaze that looked up toward me, reminded me of that child. Just seeing thatfigure was enough for me.
“Soleil-sama, I, I cannot livewithout you…”
"... could you become it? A reason to live."
Now, I felt that evenif I heard it in a dream, I already couldn’t remember the tone of her voice. Thepalm of my hand lightly sank in the thin and hard mattress of the cheap bed.When I absentmindedly stared at the girl"s appearance in a dreamy state of mind, ablack shadow fell onto us. When she turned away her eyes from me, thosebig eyes opened wider and she raised a little scream. I followed her line ofsight to turn around and saw the tip of a sword above my shoulder. The owner of that sword lurched foward. When I rolled on the bed while protecting thegirl and fell down, an impact shot through my shoulder. My back banged on thefloor before being a.s.sailed by pain. Then I noticed that leather shoes werestepping on my shoulder.
“… Nice situation there, Soleil-dono. Going to the brothel duringdaytime?”
Behind the man who waslooking down on me, a faint light glowed. Because of it, I couldn’t see hisexpression clearly, but I remembered that flickering blond hairs. Why? My muttering voice echoed in theroom that had fallen silent.
“Did you think I died? Unfortunately, fellow knights have a strong senseof camaraderie. My friends saved me”
I felt a sense ofdiscomfort in front of that figure who was laughing fearlessly. Was he a manwho would laugh like this? Was he a man who would talk with that kind of tone?Was he a man who would glare at someone like this? His eyes which were of amuch deeper color than mine, should have been warm and gentle like the clearsurface of a lake. I have always felt they were completely different from myeyes which were said to be cold and indifferent even when I was happy. Those eyes of mine always kept at the edge of their vision his figure which was lurking around her, ready to protect her at anytime.
“Say, do you know how many efforts that person made for your sake? Ah,that’s right. Of course, you know. Because your entourage must have told you. Thatto become your spouse, she persevered with all her might. … But, it’s not likeyou saw to what extend she exerted herself.”
In his sharp glare, thewarmth that existed formerly was nowhere to be seen. The pupils that used to befilled with a deep affection were tinged with a murky shadow and at any timenow it seemed they would be swallowed by darkness. The man to whom those eyesbelong to, continued to narrate in an indifferent voice devoid of anyintonation.
“In order to study foreign languages, or to learn territory management, orto acquire the etiquette expected from a lady, she didn’t spare any time tosleep. Any number of times I’ve seen her figure as she threw up in the middleof the night. That figure that was even afraid to call out to people, was muchghastlier than her said sickly little sister. Her throat was burnt due to vomitingover and over again, and before she became aware of it, she had lost her clearvoice.”
Have you seen the dictionary she had? The s.p.a.ce between the lines wasblacken by her writing. After having read it over and over again, the edge ofthe pages of that book on management were worn-out. Did you know about thepen-mark on her fingers? About the shadow under her eyes that wouldn’t quitevanish? About her reserve of stomach medicine?
Have you ever seen even one of those things? He asked and his foot on my shoulder increased its weight. When my upperbody was bent diagonally because I couldn"t support my body, the girl hidden behind me screamed. Then while shouting something, she run out of the room. Shemust have gone call for help. The man who glanced at her figure, even if hisexpression was hidden by the shadow, I could clearly understand he had a deepsmile.
“That person was… in the morning, when she woke up, the first thing shewould do was to inquire about her fiancé. When she went to sleep at night, evenif her fiancé wasn’t beside her she would tell him good night. She never said once that she was lonely. She didn’twant to be a bother. Even so, her fiancé who would only come visit her on theplanned day, she loved him.”
From the beginning, even while she knew it was a political marriage.She believed in a love that would never be returned.
“She was supposed to become the lady of the marquis house. She wassupposed to become an existence held in esteem and cherished by everyone. Forthis, that person had, done everything she could and yet…”
My body which was beingpinned down became suddenly free, when I managed to half-rise, drops of watergently fell down as if they were dancing.
“… in that place, in that incredibly brutal way of dying, shewasn’t a person who deserve to leave like that…!”
Hearing those wordsthat he squeezed out in a hoa.r.s.e voice, for some reason, a smile floated to myface. I see, did she die? I’m sure I heard a voice muttered in asatisfied tone. That was a voice that came from nowhere else but my own body.
“Only you, could have saved that person and yet.”
… Why, why, why? Why,was I, were you, laughing?
With trembling lips,the man overlooking me who was laughing said, “That it was false charges, in truth,you should have known it.” I stared as countless drops of water slid down thecorner of his lips. I merely stared as he raised his sword over my head.
Someone shouted “Stopit!” Appearing suddenly, I saw the shadows of several persons behind the man. “Alfred…!Do you intend to defile the pride of a knight with blood for someone like this…!”
“The pride of a knight you said, that thing, I threw it away long ago…!!When I lost that person…!!”
It sounded like ascream. Even though he spoke each word clearly, I understood he was screaming tothe point of tearing his throat.
“Do you know what kind of death you gave to that person, do you know howshe died…!!”
I could only watch withoutbeing able to move at all. A sensation of heat filled my shoulder. It was piercedby the blade. It didn’t feel painful, but my respiration stopped. I couldn’t breathe.When something was thrown toward me I reflexively stretched out my hand but itfelt down. In my wavering field of vision that had turned upside down becauseof my slanted body, I watched it felt down without a sound on that dirty floor whichhadn’t been washed for who knows how long
That thing that didn’thave any weight, was of a gray color that had been tainted by a dark red. Itwas long hairs that had been cut off.
"It looks like an old woman"s hairs, right?"
That whispering voiceresounded in my ears. … … I couldn’t say it even once. That it was beautiful, Icouldn’t say it not even once.
It was of a darkercolor than Silvia’s. A color that couldn’t be described as silver. But, I likedthe mysterious color of her eyes that s.h.i.+ned much more thanks to that. Those strongeyes that persisted with their will, with their conviction that was enough tooverwhelm others, they have always supported me. As long as those eyes were watchingme, I believed I would never loose my way.
… killed. I, killed. Ikilled Iria.
Please stop it. It’s enough.Please stop.
Someone.
Please tell me it’s alie.
Someone, please.
*
“ … … hnn !!!”
Iswallow a breath and jumped to my feet, surprised by my own ragged breathing. Mybreaths were cut short, as if I had been running with all my might. I listenedto them with muddled thoughts.
“…Soleil-sama?”
Inthe room I thought I was alone, a bewildered voice resounded. As it was at a distanceclose enough to feel a long breath, it made my shoulders greatly jump in shock.When I felt nauseous as my breath refused to regulated itself as usual and coveredmy lips, the voice called out,
“… Soleil-sama!”
Someonepresented me a wash basin which seemed to have been prepared to wash the face.Inhaling small breaths, I managed to endure the throwing feeling and forceddown the burning lump back to my stomach. I felt a stinging pain at the back ofmy throat. When I coughed a little while listening to the pounding sound of myheart, the chamberlain peeped at me with a worried expression.
“The h.e.l.l hap…, no, I mean, I, whathappened to me… ”
Sincelong ago I’ve been taught how to be careful with my phrasing. It was naturalfor the heir of the marquis to be polite and thoughtful, and since my entourageurged me to do so, I abided. Normally I would never be so upset, I wasperplexed at my own discomposure.
“I was having an awful nightmare…”
Theservant gave a curt and humble sound of acknowledgment. He gave me a wet toweland urged me to calm down my mind. Extending my hand to receive it, I noticedmy fingers were trembling.
“Did you see a bad dream master?”
“… a bad dream…”
Ismiled bitterly and raised a strained laugh, reproaching myself for losing my composureover a nightmare like a little child. Then, at the moment I stop smiling, mywhole body lost its warmth.
“Soleil-sama?”
Anightmare? Did I see a nightmare? … What did I, see? What?
“… I don’t remember…”
Eventhough what I saw was bad enough to wake me up in a panicked state, I couldn’tremember a single thing. It wasn’t that I forgot, but it rather felt that Ihadn’t saw a nightmare to begin with. Not even a fragment of remembrance was remaining.
“If you do not remember, then itmust not have been important. It was probably a trivial thing.”
Watchingthe chamberlain smile again, rather than relief I felt anxiety gradually risingfrom my chest. It felt like I lost something, something very precious andimportant. And as I don’t even remember what is it that I lost, irrepressible uneasinessand irritation a.s.sailed me.
WhenI opened my hands, I just saw my usual palms. However, the feeling I failed tograb on something, that huge feeling of loss, blocked my breathing.
“… Iria is…”
“Yes?”
“I wonder what Iria is doing now?”
…… For some reason, I started to feel the irresistible urge to see her.
Nocta’s thoughts:
Now that you’ve read Soleil’s POV, doyou still hate him? Seems like he is also trapped in a loop, it’s just that hecan’t remember a single thing unlike Iria. Poor them.
We are goingto attack the next arc! Back to Iria, back to her suffering, but also moreinformation about the people around her. Expect mysteries, betrayal and death!Well, I made it sounds all dramatic, but I haven’t read all the raw, justuntil the 15th chapter of the next arc or something. But it wasgood. Can’t wait to read it all.