7 – The Eternity of Kaliarya Ignis – 8
My life after having lost Emma, was made of empty days. But that being said, even my sense of time became dim and I had no clue how long I had been alone. Before I knew it, the people who could “see” me completely disappeared. Until now, although they were scarce, they had been cases of people coincidently meeting eyes with me. But unnoticed, such a thing didn"t occur any more. In other words, I think it meant that people who owned magic power died out. There may not be anyone who could use magic anymore.
While the occupation of being a magician still barely exist, it was treated the same way as being an illusionist. Only children who tend to daydream would say they could use magic. If an adult were to claim that, people would laugh at him with scorn. The world changed like this. The era changed, between the lump of magic power I was and “the world” a huge estrangement came to be. Maybe, even I, myself, was no longer existing anywhere anymore. Eventually, I started to think this. The scenery I was seeing, the sound I was hearing, maybe everything was only an illusion, maybe all this time I had been dreaming of them. Surely, that must be it. If it wasn"t the case, “what” the h.e.l.l did I become? ...... It was when I was thinking of such things...
I came across “that.”
In the big city of a certain country, when I was being jolted by the heavy traffic, unsteadily ridding on the wind, I felt like something was calling me and I entered the back of an alley. Even though I knew it was impossible for someone to have been calling me, nevertheless, I thought it wouldn"t hurt to check it out. Because I had so much free time after all. The gloomy alley was filled with trash and was a place completely unrelated to the notion of cleanliness. When I strained my eyes to stare into the darkness, I noticed a pair of fiery eyes s.h.i.+ning there. As I stared at the pair of yellow pupils, a little “meow” resounded. Its long tail was slowly swaying from side to side, as it to say “you finally got here,” so I reflexively chased after it.
Although humans couldn"t perceive me, animals seemed to have more than five senses, as expected. From long ago, dogs and cats sometimes had shown reactions indicating they could see me. It was unlikely they had any magical power in them, but maybe they were simply sensitive to my presence. To begin with, it was dubious whether I could be perceived as a “human being” or not. Perhaps, in their eyes, I only looked like a strange light. I thought this latter hypothesis was more likely.
While following the unhealthy skinny cat, I felt I was being led somewhere. The fact it kept looking back, as if to confirm I was properly following it must have had some sort of meaning.
The place we eventually reached, was an old door. When I took some steps back from the way I came to look at the whole building, I noticed a small horizontal billboard by the door. The paint characters were so weathered they were completely unreadable. It looked like it would crumble in pieces if you touched it and was so worn-out it made me thing there was no meaning to having hung it there. As I was standing stock still in front of that signboard, the hinge of the door made a creaking sound. When I looked in its direction, the face of an old woman was half peering out of the opened door.
“... Is it a customer?”
Her hoa.r.s.e voice echoed in the damp and dark alley. I couldn"t nod at her question because even though I understood it was some kind of shop, I had absolutely no idea what the h.e.l.l they would possibly be selling there. The old building which looked so deteriorated it could collapse at any moment presented not a single distinctive feature. Then I remembered about the cat that had brought me here and my gaze loitered around, but it had gone and not a shadow was left of it.
“Ah, it"s this little fellow again. Looks like another troubled one. Every single one he brings back is like this.”
My goodness, say the old woman as she shook her head and sighed. Then, she asked, “Since you took the troubles to come here, won"t you take a look inside? It"s just a humble doll shop but... do you have any interest in them?” That"s when I first realized that woman was “seeing” me. If I had been breathing, I would have surely made a gasping sound. The shock I received was so big. However, the old lady who was urging me to reply with her gaze simply tilted her head and asked, “Why such a stupid look? What"s wrong?” Unable to utter a single sound, I was evidently hard pressed to answer. Despite making a sceptic face, she still continued, “Well, it"s fine I guess. Then, come here, come here,” and she opened the door so that I could enter the shop.
I didn"t know if that woman was aware she possessed magical power. First of all, what did I look like in her eyes? Although I held doubts, it was a fact that discovering that some people still had conserved magic powers made me feel relieved. “It might be a boring place for those who aren"t interested in dolls.” Meanwhile, the old woman who seemed to be the owner of the shop spoke like nothing was out of the ordinary, showing no confusion at all. From her att.i.tude, I thought that maybe, I looked like a normal person in her eyes, and not some indistinct ghost. It was on my mind, but I had no way to confirm it. Even though I didn"t feel any sensation, when my lips moved to try and say something, they bit in the air.
I had no reason to mind the old lady, I could have taken my leave there and now. Yet, for some reason, I didn"t feel like that and after being asked, I entered into the shop. I might have done that because it had been a while since I last met someone who had magic power. I might have desired to interact with other people more that I had thought. Besides, my interest for what she was selling suddenly welled up.
In the dimly-lit interior, it was hard to say there was a sense of cleanliness, just like outside. Here and there, the wooden floor had holes in it. A small child might have no problem walking here, but if an adult man wasn"t careful when treading here, the floor would definitively give in. But this shopkeeper should be alright. I didn"t have any weight so this problem was unrelated to me, but now that I thought of it, it has been a long time since I last had this kind of thoughts. Little by little, it felt like the haze in my head was clearing up and I was getting clear-headed.
“I don"t have anything very new.”
The old lady who had walked ahead in the narrow store looked back. It appeared that this store was specialized in dealing with porcelain dolls, as models of various sizes were casually placed on shelves and chairs. Still, it seemed the more expensive dolls were handled carefully and stored in individual cases. These cases were made in gla.s.s and were giving off a dull glitter thanks to the light that was gathering from who knew where. Inside, there were even life-sized dolls, and if you didn"t observe them carefully, you would things real people were being displayed in there. That"s how elaborate they were. In each one, the color of the hairs or eyes were different. Each of them also had a slightly different expression.... that"s how it felt. After gazing at them for a while I started wondering if they wouldn"t start talking, I was almost fascinated by those inorganic items devoid of life when...
...... That entered my sight.
The pale light of the unique lamp at the center of the room made a red glow s.h.i.+ne on its white skin. It looked like its cheeks were flushed. For a second, even I, a ghost, found myself startled by its lively face. When I got close, I realized it was a doll. Its black eyelashes were gathered above its eyelids, under them black iris could be seen. It had a straight nose and lips of an unhealthy pale color. Even thought there was no wind, its bangs were gently swaying. On the other side of the gla.s.s case, “he” seemed to be faintly smiling as if he was breathing.
Staring at its face, as soon as I felt an impression of déjà-vu, the world shook and was distorted. ...... That doll gave me such a strong shock.
Ah, I know it. I certainly know that face. Of course. It once was something that used to appear naturally as it was reflected in the mirror... my own face.
“Oh, this one? It"s a very beautiful doll, isn"t it? In truth, it should be a mechanical doll but you see, it seems it was broken a long time ago. I wish we could get it fixed, but there is no one who can dismantle such a delicate doll. So, I left it as it is but...”
The old lady seemed to have been following my gaze and she explained all that in a quiet voice. Naturally, I couldn"t answer. However, her hoa.r.s.e voice brought back my wandering thoughts to the present. In the gla.s.s, the wrinkle face of the old woman standing behind me was reflected. But my face wasn"t. Instead, the black hair doll seemed to be looking back at me from the other side of the gla.s.s covered in dust.
It looked a few years older than the face I remembered.
“The maker is also unknown. It must have been a very conscientious artist. It"s easy to see how earnest they were when they made it.”
Maybe she didn"t find the silent me suspicious, but the store owner heaved a sigh in admiration and continued,
“Usually, such dolls have a name. But you see, this once doesn"t. There is only this embroidery there, can you see it?”
When I looked in the direction she pointed to, I noticed the characters embroidered with golden thread on the black clothes the doll was wearing. In fact, the embroidery was on the inside of the clothes, but just by rolling up the hem a little it could be hidden. “Well, since it"s from another era, the thread looks like it was cut there and here. I can barely read several of the characters. Moreover, these letters are notations used long ago, so it"s only an old woman like me who could read them.” Then, she added it couldn"t be helped so she named the doll by joining the remaining letters that could be seen.
“Ka... rya, is, you see? That"s how they seemed to be read? No, I guess a youngster like you wouldn"t know anyway.”
Hi hi hi, the old woman laughed with a strange noise. When I heard it, once again I felt a strong shock running through my head. If I could make a sound, I"m sure I would be crying.
What that doll was wearing, were my work clothes. In other words, it was the robe I wore at the time I was working as a magician. I remembered the embroidery that was firmly sewed in it in the past said “Kaliarya Ignis.” So, I was sure it was mine.
Then, that meant that... the maker of that doll, was Emma.
It was unlikely for anyone else to have purposely made a doll wear my robes. In the first place, only Emma knew where my robed had been stored. She hadn"t brought anything with her when she left our estate. ...... She shouldn"t have. The luggage she brought with her on her departure day were frighteningly few. I remembered how light it had been, as if she was leaving for a 2, 3 days trip. In fact, I"m sure she had done that, only taking a few days" worth of clothing.
Was my robe put inside it too? And, did she make the doll that looked like me wear it?
“Now that I see it, it looks like you. That"s right. It"s probably some kind of fate. Will you take it with you?”
Being suddenly asked such a question, I reflexively turned around to look at the shopkeeper.
“Ah. If it"s about the cost, no need to worry. ...... This sort of thing is not frequent, but it happens sometimes.”
“The doll chooses the master.”
She softly smiled, like a young girl. Her expression looked very gentle and kind. She seemed to take my silence for an approbation. “But, you"ll need some kind of tray to carry such a big doll. Wait a bit please,” she added before disappearing in the back of the store. When I saw her curved, small back off with my gaze, I felt like the doll had truly called me. Once again, I looked toward the puppet which greatly resembled me.
Although it should have been modeled after me, it looked a bit older than I had been back in those days I was living together with Emma. This made me think she must have tried to imagine me in an adult form as I never managed to grow older. Since I couldn"t age after having mysteriously being granted an eternal time. I guessed her too, she could only see me as someone around twenty years of age. Rather than a young man, I had the face of a boy who had yet to slip out of his teenager years, and my eyes in which remained a sense of innocence looked very young. I had a strange conviction that the me who was reflected in her eyes was making such an expression. When I extend my hand, the “me” across the gla.s.s seemed to blink once.
The second I thought that, an overly strong force pull me in.
Since the doll was drawing me toward itself, I instinctively braved myself for the impact against the gla.s.s. It was a conditioned reflex. However, since I didn"t actually have a physical body, the impact didn"t occur. I smoothly slip through the case harboring the doll and the face of the other me drew near my very own eyes. Then, the next instant, I blinked.
Yes, I blinked.
When I hold out the palm of my hand, I slammed into something. I realized it was the wall of gla.s.s that had been in front of me until now. The only difference was that I wasn"t on the outside of the case, but the inside. In a word, I seemed to have been sucked up inside the doll. The owner thought the doll was broken so she guessed it must have been a mechanical puppet, but the truth was different. Maybe because people holding magic power had almost disappear, but the possibilities of getting information regarding these kinds of puppets had also lessen.
The power moving the dolls made by Emma had been her “magic power.” It seemed that it had already completely disappeared. However, for me who was like a lump of magical power, I could become the force animating that doll.
My hand that was touching the gla.s.s should definitively have been the hand of the doll, yet it didn"t look a tiny bit different from a human hand. It wasn"t like the joints had become a sphere either. The fingers were truly human"s fingers. When I curled them, the joints made a little sound and I gasped after feeling this familiar sensation. At that moment, I realized that my breathing sound was echoing inside the gla.s.s case, ringing through my throat. When I put my hand on my chest, I felt a beat. It wasn"t the pulsation of a blood vessel. It was the mechanism that was making the doll"s body move. The secret art of doll making was only handed down from doll makers to doll makers, so it was absolutely never revealed to outsiders. As such, I also didn"t know how this doll was made.
However, I at least knew that this doll was... ... exceeding human knowledge. I cannot guess if Emma had a.s.sumed such a situation would happen, or if she had simply wanted to make a doll that looked like me. Nevertheless, I felt that she had unmistakably left this doll behind for my sake.
As expected, she had believed that after losing my body, I still remained somewhere in this world. I vividly recalled her appearance as she run through the whole town, trying to find me out after I turned into sand. I wondered if she made that doll later on?
“Emma.”
My voice that slipped through my lips sounded a little husked. But still, it sounded overly familiar. It"s strange that I remembered that voice.
“Emma.”
Not really knowing what I should say, I simply continued to called out the name of the person who had been my wife in the olden days. I missed that she wasn"t here now. I vividly felt such loneliness. Had Emma been here, I would have known exactly what words to tell her.
Then, I opened the door of the gla.s.s case. Together with my new body, I stepped forth in the world.
With the first step I wasn"t able to grasp the sensation and almost fell down, but somehow I managed to recover myself and with the second step I firmly walked on the ground. Going forward with the third, fourth step, I felt relieved that this body, which should only have been a temporary recipient, reliably fulfilled its functions as a physical body. While paying attention that my long robe didn"t entangle with my ankles, I walked. Accepting the kindness of the old lady who said she would give me that doll, I silently left the shop. When she"ll discover her customer had gone, she might be surprised and curse me for my rudeness. Still, in the end, I felt she would simply laugh with a simple, “Well, well.”
Because, she had said it herself, the doll chooses the master. It couldn"t be helped.
*
*
If there is a raw material, it"s easy to alter it with magic. That"s why, I changed the doll"s body into an animal or took the appearance of a child to play around. Most of my magical power was used to move the body, so the remaining could only be used for this. The kind of attack magic that required a huge quant.i.ty of magical power had become unusable. But that was a trivial matter. For a long time, I had been tied to this world as an existence other people couldn"t perceive. In a sense, now that I became able to exist like a normal human being, I was extremely satisfied. The fact I had a body that could be moved freely brought me a sense of satisfaction in itself. Because I was granted something I had lost for so long, I was deeply moved.
The feeling of the wind blowing against the cheeks was only known by those who had experienced it. Event though wind couldn"t be seen with the eyes, it certainly could be felt. Everyone probably knew the “sensation of the wind” from the moment they were born. I realized I had forgotten it. And once again, my heart shook.
I was like a baby that was just born in this world.
The things I could see with my eyes, hear with my ears, touch with my hands, everything and anything was new. In other words, my world was brand new. ... ... or so I thought. With the body Emma had gifted me, I could do anything. My chest harbored the thing called “hope.” The sensation of exaltation that boilt up along with it made me find everything laughable. I couldn"t help but smile. I laughed at the fact that even though I had lost everything, after being given only one thing, my life changed so much.
My encounter with her happened around that time.
I had undoubtedly turned arrogant and was exalted by my own circ.u.mstances. Perhaps you could say I became conceited at the idea I was a different existence from other human beings. I felt an unbelievable joy when, from the other side of an iron grid window, she looked at me who had copy the appearance of a bird. I convinced myself she wanted my help. That"s why, I stood above her and looked down at her, and tried to extend my hand toward her.
I did that while giving out the feeling, “You may ask for my help.”
Even now, I still don"t know what she wanted and what she was trying to accomplish. Was she glad I lent her my hand? Still, the me at that time truly intended to help her. That"s why I told her,
“...shall I lend you my cooperation?”
Sometimes, I got bored of my overly long life. Maybe, I wanted to give some sort of meaning to this life without goal, this life I was simply living through. I guess it was a way to kill time.
But, there was no lie in my words.
“… Say, princess. Shall I help you?”
I vowed to her.
I vowed, and yet...
Nocta"s thoughts:
Call me the Master of Procrastination! Long time no see, I guess. As I said, I got lazy, played video games, run around to find Christmas presents and completed some uni reports in pa.s.sing.
A quick, important note about name :
Kaliarya Ignis, the j.a.panese characters are カリアライア イグニス
On the doll, the readable characters are : カ……、ラ、ス so the 1st, middle and last characters. And カラス in j.a.panese means Crow. Now you know why Kaliarya calls himself Crow. Here in this chapter I translated カ……、ラ、ス into Ka rya is because it was hard to make the link with Cr o w apparent.
I"ll try to translate the remaining chapters quickly, but well, it"s family time! May all of you spend a nice moment with your family and loved ones.