Jack opened his eyes to find himself standing in a pitch black s.p.a.ce, illuminated by a single spotlight that shone down directly on him. He looked left and right for some clue, when a small, hunched man with a wrinkled face and an incredibly elaborate beard poofed into the air in front of him, hovering at eye level. He spoke with a low, raspy voice that reminded Jack of his grandmother back when she used to smoke.""Hey, great news, kid... you"re dead!"
Jack looked at him with confusion.
"What do you mean, I"m dead?", he asked.
The old man looked at him, equally confused.
"You"re dead. Deceased. No longer living. Pa.s.sed on. You know, the thing what happens when they stick someone in a casket or throw their body in a furnace. That sort of thing. You"re that."
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"Yeah, no, you"re f.u.c.king with me," Jack said. "Alright Paul, Max, you guys can come out now. Very funny."
"Yeah, no, they"re dead too. Died same you did, actually," The old man said. When he saw the blank look on Jack"s face, he rubbed his face with his hands. "Okay, look, you know what, here. Let me show you."
He swatted at the air beside him with the back of his hand, and something akin to a projection screen appeared in the air beside him. "Watch," he said.
Jack watched as he and his two best friends were driving down the road towards a high bridge over a ravine. A few seconds later, a deer jumped in front of their car, causing Paul, who was at the wheel, to lose control trying to avoid it. The car tumbled off the edge of the ravine before the bridge, crumpling into a heap as it bounced down the cliff bottom. Jack flinched on every impact, and winced as it finally came to a rest on the canyon floor. He turned to the old man and went to say something.
Then the car exploded.
Jack watched as his head flew out the windshield and tumbled along the ground some feet away from the car. As if to add insult to injury, the camera zoomed in and held a close shot on his severed head"s mangled face before the screen winked out of existence.
"Uh, I, uhh.... what?" Jack stammered.
"Like I said- deadorino," The old man said. "So, you have a name, kid?"
"uh, Jack...?"
"Nice to meet ya, Jack!", the old man said, extending his hand. "My name"s Frumpkin Snozc.u.mber, but most people these days call me "G.o.d"."
Jack took the man"s hand and shook it, and the old man continued.
"So, you"re here because it"s time for you to decide how you"re gonna spend the afterlife."
He swatted at the air again, and what looked like a whiteboard appeared. On it was written, in big, bold, black letters:
1. ETERNITY OF PERPETUAL BLISS
or
2. NEW LIFE IN AN ABSURDIST POWER FANTASY
"So, you can pick one of these two options. Most people, they take the eternity of perpetual bliss. Me, I think that"s the better of the two options, personally, but hey, what do I know, right?"
Jack could barely even wrap his head around what was happening. He was DEAD? But... no. That can"t be right....
"Option number two, I reincarnate you in a storybook world of your own imagination, and you get to be unfairly good at everything and try to save the world from certain destruction by someone just as overpowered as you are. You want magic powers? You got it. A harem of beautiful women? Sure. Ridiculous good looks and a legendary sword that lets you fly? We can do that too."
As he spoke and named each thing, the whiteboard flipped over and over, depicting a smiling stick figure of Jack with each of the the things he named.
"Good news is, if you succeed in saving the world, you get to take my role for that world forever. You become "G.o.d", so to speak. Bad news is, if you die in that world, you cease to exist. Poof. No everlasting bliss for you."
He gestured to the whiteboard with a wave of his hand, and looked at Jack with a smile.
"So, what"ll it be, kid?"