My Sister The Villainess

Private Dahlia, with her DEX already at it"s hardcap, easily followed me down.

"I can"t remember the last time I"d been out of the castle simply for my own pleasure."

"I feel sick." The Prince"s face was green.

I couldn"t help but wonder about something as he said that. Seriously, looking at him now how was it that Dolly originally fell for this guy? He was such a dweeb. A cute, frail-looking dweeb who would be better suited to a dress than his own sister, but a dweeb nonetheless.

It was just a few hops!

We"d have to fix his meekness in the future. No husband of Dolly can be a weakling. At the very least they have to be as strong as me, right? Bare minimum.

"Buck up, son." The King breathed in the fresh air as he encouraged his pale-looking child. "Back in the day me and Ellie used to do this all the time. Actually we used that very same route down, now that I think of it..." He smiled in reminiscence.

Ellie? Did he mean father?

So they were friends after all. I"d thought so before but this confirmed it.

"You bounced back fast from having just been kidnapped." I commented.

"Yeah. Having your chrysanthemum in danger of being deflowered can do that to a guy." He nodded. I guess it really would, s.h.i.t.

"Your wife is pretty kinky."

"I"m not sure if that"s good or bad, but thanks?"

"Yup." Definitely bad.

"They"re getting along so well...exactly which of us are father and son?" The Prince sighed.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dolly place an hand on the boy"s shoulder. "Stop being such a pansy, okay?"

I wished Vera was here so I could spank her. Honestly, it"s her fault Dolly wasted the goodwill the Prince had for her in their early years. I mean even if he does still like her, look at him, he"s almost ready to cry after those words.

She meant to cheer him up but the verbal tics she"s cultivated had other ideas.

I gotta be real here, for a while I resented Vera after realizing this was the Love Orgy universe. But then I also realized that even though she"s the one who caused the Prince to dislike Dolly for her "foul mouth" she also wasn"t the one who wronged Dolly.

A few mean words and a bit of bullying, and they respond with things like exile and physical harm? Torture, decapitation? Nope, f.u.c.k them, they didn"t have to go so far. The f.u.c.king a.s.sholes.

Just thinking about it made my chest burn.

I stared at the Prince and could just picture all of Dolly"s ending scenes floating above his head, could see the cold eyes he"d used whenever he sentenced her to some miserable end.

And could already feel my hands itching to seperate his head from his shoulders. The desire was so thick that I only just barely stopped myself from making it reality.

I saw him shiver just then, looking around in a panic.

It was hard to do, but I calmed myself. That"s right, me. He hasn"t done anything to Dolly yet. We can"t punish or hate him for something he MIGHT do in the future, eh? Or won"t do, if I had anything to say about it.

Because if it did happen, someone"s getting their f.u.c.king insides hollowed out and turned into a fish tank.

Anyway, that aside, it seemed we were in some sort of garden area.

One with high walls of gra.s.s.

"Maze?" I wondered.

The King confirmed."Yeah. But don"t worry, Damien-sensei, I know the way out."

"Nevermind that, which way?"

He understood immediately. "Please don"t."

"Too late, I"m picking a side."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth I took my trusty dagger and started cutting the "walls" like they were tofu.

"The Royal Gardeners spent years on this maze." A regretful sigh. "Truly that guy"s son."

"Was father also like Day back in the day?" Dolly asked as they followed my path of destruction.

"A bit." The King answered.

"Were you fiancees too, like me and Alex?"

The man nearly coughed up blood.

"What?!"

"She means friends." I hastily cut in.

"Oh...yes, that...that makes sense...Ahem. Yes. Friends."

"That"s nice. You two must have gotten along very well. You"re pretty like mother, and father likes pretty things so you must"ve had a great friendship."

"It wasn"t that great."

"Vera says the relationships between men are a deep and mysterious thing that cannot be comprehended with a woman"s simple mind. She says that a lot when Day and Baz are out fooling around."

VERA!!!!!!

You d.a.m.n moss-head! Overgrown weed! Urgh!

I tripped over a branch.

Nursing a bitter resentment, I promised the girl a beating once we got home.

All the time! All the d.a.m.n time! That brat, it"s like she WANTS the thrashings!

Well this Young Master has no problems dishing them out, you hear me, moss-head?!

"Did you and father fool around a lot too back then?"

The man"s lips moved like he wanted to say something but couldn"t find the words.

"Well, I guess." The King smiled."You"re a bit of an airhead, aren"t you little one?" He seemed to have given up on talking with her normally and simply opted for giving her a pat on the head.

Which she avoided by swatting away his hand.

"Keep your hoofs off me, sow. I don"t wish to be sullied by your filthy, sc.u.m-crusted hands." She mumbled.

"Holy f.u.c.king s.h.i.t." The King went wide-eyed, recoiling in shock.

Without another word she stepped up her pace and left the father-son pair behind.

I rapped her on the head. "Don"t go giving emotional scars to our country"s King!"

She let out a small "Ku!" of pain but had the nerve to then ask, "What"re emotional scars?"

"Ask Vera later!"

I cut down another hedge wall in irritation.

I heard a chuckle.

"Cute."

Was the Prince losing it? Or was he just taking joy in his father"s torment? Whatever. As long as Dolly wasn"t leaving him with scars too, yet.

But it was true that Dolly, her head downcast, bunny ears hanging low, was the very definition of cuteness as she trailed behind me.

"Damien-sensei, that sister of yours...Mary"s?"

He knew Mary as well? Well, well, well...I think I know why he looks like a man reliving past torments now.

"No, but she does have two. And one of them is a bad influence."

"Says the Demon King." Alex cut in. And instantly regretted it.

"What was that then?"

"Huh? What? I didn"t say anything. You must be imagining things. Haha...ha..."

I tsked. "Taking me for a fool. Hmph. Kid, if you weren"t my sister"s fiance you"d be howling in pain right now."

All of a sudden it was like something clicked in his head. He looked between me and Dolly, then back again.

"Hmm..."

Kids were so very easy to manipulate, weren"t they? The idea is planted, all it needs is some reinforcing.

I snickered as the little guy promptly stuck to Dolly"s side like glue.

I watched them out of the corner of my eye.

Dolly may have a bad habit of talking like a sailor sometimes but she didn"t have any problems socializing.

She shone brightly once more as the conversation started going.

I caught sight of her playing with somehing. The King did too.

"Isn"t that Dana"s necklace?" His eyes narrowed.

Dolly! You d.a.m.n klepto!

"What necklace? You"re losin" it, old man."

"O-Old man?" The reaction was as if he were just struck. It was almost comical. "Listen here you little s.h.i.t..." He started wagging his finger.

"What happened to Damien-sensei?"

"What happened to comrade?"

"She"s not getting it back, okay?"

"Who cares about that! It was around her neck, you understand?! How the h.e.l.l did she even..." He trailed off.

"That kid could take the clothes off your back and you wouldn"t even notice. Don"t think about it too much."

"But-"

"I know, bro. I know. Let it be."

He huffed. "You two siblings are really something else. One spreads like an STD and the other"s got a future career in a.s.sa.s.sination. Or thievery, or both!"

You say that but I see that little smile of yours, little King of mine. Heh.

"You know you love us though."

He sent me a high five. "d.a.m.n right I do." See now what other King would be so chill?

"I feel like this is the start of a beautiful friendship, Damien-sensei."

"We should"ve met sooner, you and I."

"Indeed. I"ve got big plans for our future dealings, Damien-sensei, big plans. You"ll love "em."

I really felt like me and the King were on the same wavelength.

The world was not safe.

***

"Thanks for the threads, beautiful."

I paid the pretty tailor and went towards a corner of the shop.

"Say hi to the kids for me."

I might have been a former NEET, and I may not understand the thought process of average plebs sometimes, but let it not be said I was a social recluse.

I, too, am capable of interacting with people normally.

Specifically beautiful women.

You may think I"d be more reserved given how much I hated Damien"s playboy ways but there was a difference between being a flirt and being a womanizer, okay?

I was just a guy searching for love, understand? So I HAD to put myself up there. I"m a go-getter like that.

And it"s not like I meant anything by it, m"kay? It was just practice, practice I say.

Practice, I say, for the day the true waifu candidate appears. That"s when the real charm gets turned up.

"Alright, my liege. Strip for me."

I was going to have the King and his kid put on something less conspicuous.

The Queen seemed to have already called off the guards and no one was looking for a King they didn"t know was missing. But this was the Crown City and someone might recognize the two if they went around wearing clothes fit for, well, Royalty.

I wasn"t going to go about dying their hair or anything though. You may wonder if that was a bit of neglect on my part. Like, "sure you change their outfits but won"t people recognize their faces?"

But no, they may be this world"s equivalent of celebrates but things like television, newspapers and internet didn"t exist so most common folk wouldn"t know what they looked like.

Since this was the Crown City though, yeah, at least this population might. But this was solved through a little something I called the Clark Kent phenomena.

I mean I even if you saw someone who looked like their spitting image walk down the street, there"s no way you"d a.s.sociate lofty people like the King and Prince to them if they wore the same Average Joe kinda clothing you yourself wore, right?

So I felt it was perfectly safe. And if someone did get any ideas I could always boop their snoots and hightail it outta there.

Feeling confident, I threw him a pile of clothes.

He opened the door to his little room and caught them. He revealed a surprisingly fit physique.

I was slightly envious.

Although I worked my a.s.s off almost every day my own body was still pretty slim due to my age. I hated that despite my height I was still a instead of a Chad.

I deserved to be a Chad, dammit.

But the older Damien was basically the wetdream of adult novel fangirls so I guess I didn"t have to worry about staying like this forever.

I still didn"t feel satisfied being so skinny though.

As I was thinking that the King noticed my absentmindedness and took the opportunity to take a jab at me.

"Oi. No peeking, kid, you hear me? I know I"m good-lookin" as all get out but only the wife can take a gander at these goods." He joked.

"Shame it"s such a pitiful sight to see, then, huh?" I quipped.

Guy thought he"d act funny. Too bad for him my retort game is always on point.

Sit the f.u.c.k down, son. You got nothin" on this.

I will give him credit though. Lesser men would probably get all defensive when their manhoods were made fun of.

Him, he just choked back a laugh and took it in stride.

As expect of one of my fans. I just knew a fellow Ero Enthusiast would be a cool guy!

"Day, that lady keeps staring at me." Dolly grapped my shirt. That habit was so endearing, wasn"t it?

I saw a few other customers throwing daggers my way.

Yup. The envy was real.

"Well yeah. She"s on the verge of adopting you."

"Adopt? No, it"s different. I sense the eyes of a hungry wolf, Day."

I mean just look how you"re dressed, sister of mine. I"d wanna gobble you up too.

"Big bro will protect you. Don"t worry about it."

"I"m not worried, okay?"

And yet she was hiding behind my back with half her face vigilantly, cautiously, keeping the woman in sight.

"Please tell me you"re going to start producing those things in bulk." The King begged.

He was also showing the face of a wolf. Or better yet, a bear. Which I could so totally understand.

"I"ve got people on it." I promised. And I did. Bazman"s got them connections yo.

"I swear to the G.o.ds that by this time next year every Little Miss in our nation going to school are gonna have those things as their new uniforms."

Not all n.o.ble children attented school in their early childhood years, but a lot did. Before 12 or 13 it was all optional if you just paid for tutors like mother and father did for Dolly and I.

After that age it was expected for n.o.ble kids to enter a proper place of education not just to learn more advance forms of knowledge but also to form connections with others of their kind.

Which reminded me, Dolly was supposed to start middle-school some months from now too. So was the Prince now that I think about it, though he was supposed to take that trip abroad before then.

Regarding school, I never had to since I was a publicly aknowledged "genius." I also didn"t need to since mother and father knew my relationship with my peers were less than friendly.

But I could if I wanted.

"I like your thinking, bro."

"As if you didn"t have the same idea."

I really was planning to slowly introduce the product to the Kingdom, yes. Guilty as charged.

"Great minds think alike."

"It is so."

"Father, are you ready?" Just then the Prince walked out of the next stall over wearing simple, yet neat and stylish, trousers and a shirt.

"Eh, hold up. Almost. Yeah. Got it."

"From ruler to ragm.u.f.fin." I gave a satisfied thumbs up.

Now that they"ve ditched their royal garments for the cloth of the common man, it was time to party.

***

In this sprawling Crown City there were two versions of it you had to see to properly understand. One was the version you normally saw in daylight. Huge, majestic, br.i.m.m.i.n.g with self-importance.

Then there was the night version. Loud, bright, br.i.m.m.i.n.g with debauchery.

You smelled the foods being sold at every corner, the sweet and savory blend of scents overwhelming. Heard music from bards resounding through every street, deafening.

Lanterns of every color and shade hanging over your head, beautifully disorienting.

And a bar every two buildings down, apparently.

Our goal was to hit as many as we could!

"Another one, barkeep! Next round"s on me, everyone!" I shouted.

I was raised high into the air as applause broke out.

"Chug! Chug! Chug!"

The King was in a corner being pelted with alcohol.

"You call this a drink? Grape juice is harder than this swill! C"mon, bring out the good stuff!"

"You heard "im, guys! Bust out the spirits, enough of this p.i.s.s water!"

I was feeling the buzz after a dozen drinks later and started singing at the top of my lungs.

"Oh Nelly Rebitta was made of wood...!"

You"d best f.u.c.king believe I was busting out Mary Poppins. Oh yeah.

At another corner of the tavern.

"Again! f.u.c.k! This b.i.t.c.h is cheating!"

"b.i.t.c.h? Sorry, but I"m not your mother."

Dolly, for the first time Vera"s teachings are serving you well. Even though you probably don"t have a clue what you"re saying, keep it up! Let your instincts take over! Go all out, just this once.

"Care to play again?"

She sounded just like mother right then.

"With what?!"

"That"s a nice earing you got there."

"You greedy little...that"s my wedding band!"

"..."

All the man got was the image of Dolly rubbing her thumb along her fingers. "Brother says we don"t give chickens names. Do you not have a name?" She smiled softly.

"s.h.i.t! This d.a.m.n swindler...alright, I"m in! If I back down now i"m not a man!"

He was a large, muscled, bald-headed, tattooed man playing against a frail girl wearing a bunny outfit who wasn"t even half his age and barely came up to his knees.

And yet he was having his a.s.s handed to him.

Meanwhile.

"WHO WANTS SOME! WHO WANTS SOME!"

The Prince lost his s.h.i.t. Liquid courage, which I"d slipped into his drink some time ago in a sick desire to see what kinda drunk the kid was, brought out his inner me. His language was filthy, he was spitting out blood and half his face was bruised.

He was magnificent.

He was also bare from the waist up, pounding his chest madly. At his feet were several older men groaning in pain.

Respect!

This was only the second stop of the night.

***

"Drinks on me!"

"This is water, I tell you, water!"

"Another challenger! Die!"

"That"s a fancy peg leg you have there. Care for a wager?"

***

"Shut up and take my money!"

"Finally, something that makes your p.i.s.s turn to fire. Alright boys, bottoms up!"

"You"re ten thousand years too early to be battling me, kid. Go back to suckling milk from your mother"s teat! I want a real battle!"

"Day, slavery"s illegal isn"t it? What about free labor for life? Oh, is that the same thing? No?"

***

"Daddy Warbucks is back, baby! Where"d the pretty minstrel go? Huh? Oi, I saw her first, a.s.shole! Take my gold to the face! Yeah, that"s right, run away! Now...So, you got any kids? Well, do you want some?"

"I...I feel a bit..."

"Is this all... the so-called champion...amounts to....?"

"What do you mean, nothing left? You still have your soul, don"t you? Hurry up and deal. Does no one have a name around here?"

***

"Figures. All a guy wants is to find a big tiddy goth girl, preferably with cat ears and a tail, marry her and lavish her with all the love in his heart. But instead all he gets are dubious invitations from a bunch of teenage tavern girls. I want women, understand? WOMEN!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Lightweights. Oh well. Where"d that busty barmaid get to?"

***

"Hehe...Dana, stop...the King"s just a few seats over..."

I was in the middle of a pleasant dream. It was killed off abruptly when a tiny fist made it"s way across my face.

I sat up with a start.

My mouth felt like I"d just eaten a bag of cottonb.a.l.l.s. That"s the first thing I noticed.

The next thing I noticed was the sleeping situation I"d found myself in. Let"s start with the ender of dreams over here.

Dolly was fully decked out from head to toe in all kinds of jewelery. The image was so familiar that it brought back bad memories. Except this time it was worse because dollar bills, an uncommon currency in the higher rungs of society, peeked out from her onesie.

For some reason she was sleeping with her face plastered against a wooden stick with silver inlay.

Next was the Prince. He was laying at the corner of the bed, snoring loudly. His face was all kinds of nasty and he may have been missing a tooth. Had no idea where his shirt went.

Also he had a large tattoo over his heart. It read, in fancy letters, "Fierce Little Fister."

Third was perhaps the most surprising of all.

It was a woman. A pretty woman. With one breast out, a leg over the Prince"s chest, hugging my waist with a weird smile and the most disturbing laugh bubbling out from her mouth.

I was fully clothed, thankfully.

"Oi, woman." I poked her cheek.

She snuggled closer.

"I don"t have anymore milk....there"s none left...Kukuku....naughty boy..."

She reminded me of mother just then. Don"t ask me why.

But nope, not gonna address that, not at all. You know what they say, what happens in the Crown City stays in the Crown City.

It was then that I noticed the King staring at me suspiciously from the foot of the bed. Had he been sleeping on the floor?

"Did I hear my wife"s name just now?"

"I didn"t hear anything."

That"s my story and i"m sticking to it.

***

It was early in the morning, sun"s first light barely creeping up over the mountains from afar.

The Inn we chose as our resting spot was a quaint little thing at the edge of the city. I heard droplets of water smack against and the windows. The scent of ozone hung in the air. A cold draft made the hairs on my arms stand on end.

Nice morning. Loved the rain.

Lucius, the King, sat across from me nursing a headache.

The man was sending me looks of resentment.

"You"re a right annoying b.a.s.t.a.r.d, you know that? At least PRETEND to feel like your head is going to explode."

"Ow. It hurts. The pain." I monotoned.

"Motherf.u.c.ker." He cursed.

"Someday, I hope. Also: Hey man, it"s not my fault I got a better tolerance than you."

"To h.e.l.l with tolerance. I don"t care who you are, someone who drinks that much has a G.o.dd.a.m.n obligation to be bent over in agony the next day!"

"Oh my poor baby. How I wish I could just take all your pain away and put it onto me so you wouldn"t suffer so!." I smirked. "You want Papa to kiss and make it better? Come now. Tell daddy where it hurts."

"My a.s.s, p.r.i.c.k. " The King once again showed his absolute lack of majesty. "What, not gonna pucker up?"

"No thanks, I"ll leave nursing your rear to your wife. It"s only right. Given how many times she thust into it and all."

"Ugh. Whatever. Shut up." He slumped deeper into the chair. "I should"ve known better than to go out drinking with a lizard like you."

"Eh, I"ve been called worse."

"I can see why."

"Mean. You know I can think of a few choice words for you too given your current state."

"I"m sure you can. The benefit of being a monarch, though, is that no one dares to say them out loud."

"You"re in luck then, because I don"t give a d.a.m.n: You, my friend, look like Bes" flaccid c.u.m-covered c.o.c.k left to dry out in the sun."

"Colorful. Who the h.e.l.l is Bes then?"

"Google it."

His blank face was immensely entertaining.

"Right. Okay, I need a coffee." A groan.

"And a bath, and a change of clothes." I pointed at his raggedy, sweat-stained shirt.

"Hm." He looked down. "Yeah. I don"t look very presentable, do I?" He seemed amused by the fact.

"No worries my dude, I got you. I was gonna drop by that bakery I spotted the other day anyway. I"ll pick up some new threads for you on the way back."

"What did you do with my original clothes?"

"Some cat is making very good use of it right about now."

"Was it cute?"

"h.e.l.la cute."

"I guess I can part with a set then."

I yawned and stood up. Man that buzz did not last long at all. I couldn"t believe how strong Damien"s resistance to alcohol was!

A hedonistic Young Master is a formidable existence.

Which wasn"t a compliment. I was as resentful as the King was on the one.

I mean come on, you didn"t drink alcoholic beverages because they tasted good (Cuz they normally didn"t, except wine, but still). No, the point of drinking was to get drunk and make bad decisions. What f.u.c.king use was it having a high tolerance?

Just another reason to dislike being Damien. His face truly was his only saving grace! Not that I"ll complain about that too much since I"ll be making use of it in my Waifu Hunt.

Still. I couldn"t help wish, for the hundredth time, that the face was a bit more expressive.

Because it was seriously concerning how s.a.d.i.s.tic and cold it looked. If it wasn"t for my bright and cheerful personality being constantly transmitted by way of my golden tongue, why then I"m sure I"d be a lot less welcoming to others.

I really don"t think Damien was naturally like this to begin with? Or was he? I couldn"t remember exactly.

"Go get a room for yourself, Lucy" I tossed him a few coins. "I"ll wake you up when I get back."

I waved the Innkeeper over and ordered a coffee on his behalf.

"Please don"t."

"Too late, Lucy-loo. It"s set in stone."

"No, really."

"Hush now. Be grateful it"s not Lucy with an "I". Instead of a blonde bimbo you"ve been given a more dignified version that"s really just wasted on a degenerate like you."

"An "I"? What"s the difference?"

"Lucy with an "I" is more of a stripper name, or a silicone pumped trophy wife with a too-obviously fake spray tan. But Lucy with a "Y" is cla.s.sy."

"...Silly cone?" He furrowed his brows. "These words you speak, are they some form of Elvish? I can"t understand it."

That phrase though....

"Close enough that it"s definitely a sign from the heavens." I pointed. " I see it"s about time to bring Lord of the Rings into the fold."

The confusion deepened once more.

I left him stewing in deep bewilderment as I exited the building.

***

The city was still cast in darkness despite the coming sun. The clouds had thickened and blocked it"s golden rays.

I liked it. The lanterns from various shops streamed out and the coldness made you want to go inside and have a hot chocolate.

I took a moment to truly take in the sights.

While I had seen cities from this world before, this one was on a whole other scale. Yeah it couldn"t compare Earth"s but it had that fantasy feel to it that filled you with wonder for a second or two.

Know what it reminded me of? Bowerstone from the old Fable games. I was "this" close to taking up a job at the nearest smithy and pounding away at pieces of metal for gold I didn"t need. Ah, the nostalgia...

I never got to actually see the Crown City when I was playing the game before. Surprisingly even though the sixth installment took you all kinds of places you never got any real details about what went on with the Kingdom from the first game.

It was nice to finally see it, and it was just to my tastes.

I found myself enjoying the walk as I made my way down cobbled roads. The rain started coming down harder.

Luckily I brought one of my leather greatcoats here so I wasn"t wet at all.

Where was that tailor shop again? It should be closer to the center of the city if I remember right.

I absentmindedly chose a path leading closer to the Palace.

Smelling something pleasant nearby I was led to a stall selling meat skewers and decided to pig out.

I"mma still get me my pastries though.

The walk continued uneventfully for some time longer.

I was feeling quite chipper.

"Yup" I thought to myself. "This is gonna be a good d--"

"You wretch! Do you not understand that bottle was worth more than your life?"

Then, right as the sky cleared and and the full glory of dawn"s light chose to descend and I was about to whistle a merry tune, some a.s.shole decided to ruin my mood.

I stopped right in my tracks.

Alright, which f.u.c.ker is it who wants their a.s.s kicked?

The very next instant after that thought I heard the oh-so-familiar sound of fist on face. Followed a moment later by a thump and splash.

Curious, I looked behind me and saw five figures.

Three of them were obviously n.o.bles, but not of significant rank judging by their apperance.

The other two were hooded figures, one big and one small. The small one was currently taking a bath in a murky water puddle and hunched over. Maybe she was even knocked out.

The taller of the two, obviously feminine, rushed over to cradle her fallen companion.

Between the two parties was a bottle of wine I"d drank a barrel"s worth of the night previously.

And yeah they were pricy.

"Sir-I mean, Master, please forgive her, she didn"t mean it!"

"Silence." One of the n.o.bles, a man, intoned.

He was a hard-faced individual, wide-shouldered and imposing. He had long reddish hair that was greying at the sides.

The voice he"d used was whip-like. Harsh and cold and devoid of empathy.

" I never said you could open your mouth." He continued. " I told you I"d drop her off at the slums to rot if she caused any more problems, and that"s exactly what I plan to do. Move aside."

"No! You can"t do this! S-She"s just a child!"

The second n.o.ble, an older-looking woman with a pretty face and cruel turn of the lips, snorted." A mutant freak like you, who I generously took in, has no right to talk back to your betters. Such insolence...You know the consequence of disobeying orders, right? Don"t expect to get off lightly."

"Could I have some time with her then, mother? I"d been meaning to practice a new spell and I"d love to have a live specimen to work with again."

So they were a mage family, eh?

And this little guy...Son? Must be. He reeked of the worst kind of annoying self-importance and his sneer was just as ugly as his mother"s.

"We"ll discuss her punishment later." The man said, emotionlessly." For now let"s be rid of this--"

"Okay, yeah, I"ve heard enough. f.u.c.k you guys, you need to calm your f.u.c.king t.i.ts or else I"m go to cut them off and feed them to you."

What kind of cliche, over-the-top, villainous a.s.shatery was this? Seriously...

I was met with three pairs of eyeb.a.l.l.s.

They saw my currently dishelved appearance--my shirt may have had a few missing b.u.t.tons--and dismissed me at once, obviously marking me as someone of no consequence.

It wasn"t unusual. I was infamous but that didn"t mean every Tom, d.i.c.k and Larry would recognize me just with my face alone. Especially not a family like this whose ancestors most likely bought their way into n.o.bility.

But I"d talked s.h.i.t and they knew they couldn"t let that slide.

So the man started speaking again.

"Leave." He commanded.

"Happy right where I am, thanks. c.o.c.k for breath."

A brow twitched.

"You have five seconds to run before I turn your skin inside o--"

"Surprise motherf.u.c.ker!" I was already pretty close since I"d been walking over from the start, so I just went over and kicked in a kneecap.

The leg bent at an odd angle and he fell down with a sweet cry of anguish.

"Father!"

"Hubby!"

His family exclaimed.

"I made it pretty clear I was gonna get involved, dumba.s.s." I wagged my finger at them chidingly. "Really now. You think I"m stupid enough to wait around with my thumbs up my a.s.s while you prepare a spell? This ain"t my first rodeo, son. Actually how r.e.t.a.r.ded are you to give me a countdown anyway?" I barked out a short, mocking laugh. "Remember: You either act or get clapped. And you, my friend, chose the latter. Aint n.o.body got time for your s.h.i.t dialogue."

"You...filthy cur! You dare!" He grunted. And maybe it was meant to be intimidating, but seeing as how he was on his back with his leg mangled, it was more funny than anything else.

"We"ll have your entire family hanged!" The wife yelled.

"Sure thing, sweet cheeks, whatever you say." I didn"t even waste time on her. My attention was on the boy. "Listen, since you"re a child I"ll let you go unharmed this time. But I got lines, see. And that family crest on your collar, I"ll remember it. And if I hear anything about some snot-nosed little s.h.i.t practicing on anything other than a straw dummy, I"ll come to your house. And I"ll cripple your father, **** you mother, and then after I put your new brother in her belly I"ll let my dog eat your wee-wee while it"s still attached to your body. Understand?"

I could see it in his eyes: I"d just scarred him for life.

And you may think that was a very f.u.c.ked up thing to say to a, what, 11-year-old? But he wanted to experiment on a chick with who-knows-what kind of spell.

That"s legit torture right there, no joke. He really looked like he"d do it, maybe even did do it to other people before now.

So if my words stop him from doing it again this time and in the future, how is that wrong?

After that touching moment I knocked out the dad so he couldn"t fling spells at me.

I never learned proper magic but I"d heard a few things and I knew better than to allow someone the time to weave one. Didn"t know how good he was at casting them but I also didn"t care to find out.

"Take this s.h.i.t stain away." I smiled at the mother.

There were few people out this early but the ones that were here stayed far away.

I ended it quick, fast and in a hurry. Not even worth mentioning again.

Seeing the mother"s pale face dragging away her unconscious husband I finally went to address the two others.

"You two alright?" I asked.

And as she raised her head to look up at me, her hood fell back.

"Oh. Um. Yes, yes we"re fine. Thank you"

I was frozen solid.

"CAT EARS!!!!!!"