My Sister The Villainess

New character coming soon: can you guys guess who? Hm? Bet you can. Smart lil rascals.

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Silence.

Yeah. What was that?

I looked at the King in astonishment. Dolly had led us deeper into the castle and straight to a nondescript wooden door. I really couldn"t guess thatwhen I said "most valuable object" she"d sniff out the King himself!

I studied him idly. The man was very pretty. Long locks of golden hair, like Dolly"s. But much straighter and finer, with clear green eyes. His face was a total 10/10, all soft curves and straight lines. His crown held back his long hair from getting in the way of his charming face and the gold-black robes have him a very regal appearance.

He didn"t look weak. He had a slightly smaller stature than father but his arms and legs seemed to have muscle to them so he wasn"t just a face.

As for the Queen, she was even more alluring. Her head of curly dark hair fell in lush waves past her shoulders. She didn"t wear a dress, but tight leather pants that accentuated a pair of drool-worthy legs and rear. Her shirt was a deep indigo that fit her loosly. At her side was a fencing sword she was in the middle of taking off.

She was a down-to-earth sort of beauty. A commoner beauty! But she gave off a very n.o.ble kind of aura. Gentle, too. What was a milf? This. This right here. Even mother lacked this kind, mellow bearing. Not to mention her bust was also ideal. Not great mountains like mother, but hills you knew were just within reach.

That aside.

The King.

I had no idea that he"d say something so surprising!

There was only one explanation.

"Cat ears?"

"Maid."

"Nice. s.e.xy Onee-san?"

"Hogtied."

"....Schoolgirl?"

"Bloomers!" He b.u.mped his chest enthusiastically.

"Comrade!"

"Damien-sensei!"

The King was a bro! My G.o.d, to think my wisdom had reached even the eyes of the King himself!

"C"mere ya dirty rascal." I chuckled, grabbing the King into a manly hug of appreciation.

"So when"s the next part of the series coming out?"

"f.u.c.k you guys like to bug!" I was suddenly enraged. Every time! Every single time! A true masterpiece takes time to create, you know, you leeches!

I noticed that the children, except Dolly who was already used to my antics, were wearing faces like their worlds were just turned upside down.

"Bro..." Charlotte couldn"t even finish.

Alex didn"t bother to listen to her, either. "Father, you..."

The Queen gave me a smile. "So you"re the one everyone"s getting worked up over, huh? It"s nice to finally meet the infamous Black Day in person." She walked over and held out a hand. I shook it unconsciously."I"m almost jealous. Lucius talks about you nonstop. You wouldn"t be hear to steal my husband away, would you?"

I started to sweat.

"Before that, you"re not gonna call the guards, are you?" I blinked innocently, summoning my inner shota.

She laughed. "No, no." She waved a hand in denial. "We already know what went on. Actually we aren"t even opposed. That stubborn little girl," She cut Charlotte a look of chastis.e.m.e.nt. "Never eats proper food. It"s her luck to be picked up by the Kingdom"s youngest culinary genius, eh? Maybe you"ll be able to make her eat something other than those d.a.m.ned soups!"

What? She knows about that too? I haven"t been called that in years.

It was a bit annoying. I mean it"s not my fault the world here was behind the times. I don"t care to be a chef at all.

"Maybe you can call off the guards then. I"m pretty sure they want my head on a spike."

"Tsk. They don"t dare." The King muttered.

"Hm? What do you mean?"

The Queen answered for him. "You"ve never wondered why you haven"t been punished much no matter what you did? Hint: That was this guy." She jerked a thumb to her husband.

"Huh. " I did think it a little weird, to be honest. I"m not stupid. In fact a lot of my misadventures were just me testing the waters. I wanted to know how much s.h.i.t I could get away with.

I found that very rarely would any harm befall me whenever I acted unreasonable so I formed a habit of just really doing whatever I wanted.

It seemed it was the King who had my back all this time! Truly a bro!

"So." The King said. "Now that I finally have an opportunity, and you owe me a few....would you mind?"

The man took out a leather-bound book from a bookshelf at the far side of the room, then walked back.

On the cover were the words, "Things My Mother Threatened To Put In My a.s.s. "

"I especially loved the first chapter. The way Erica decribed her mother"s foot...I"d have never known such a great fetish existed if not for that paragraph."

I nearly let my mouth drop. I saw the Queen wearing a pained smile.

"He"s quite easily influenced, this guy." She explained. "And he doesn"t like to wait for things."

He"s a d.a.m.ned thief, you mean! I"ve been missing that thing for the better half of a year! I had to write it from scratch ever since it was stolen! Which b.a.s.t.a.r.d did you send to take it?! I"ll boil their sausage in oil and feed it to Arbok!

And he has the f.u.kken audacity to ask for my signature!

"Anything for a fan."

I like the cut of your chin, kid. Ya got b.a.l.l.s. And being the generous G.o.d that I am, I"ll allow you to keep them.

In case people haven"t figured it out already, I"ve long since been an accomplished erotic novel writer. Bringing the best stories of Earth here for these sad, deprived souls to enjoy.

Shakespeare? Steinbeck? Orwell? Faulkner? Who"re those pansies?

Nah. Ero is what truly brings people together. The tales of Mia, Johnny, Riley and Jordi...those are the guys the world really needs.

And my own understandings into the ways of Ero, as well, are a must.

Needless to say, I became a big hit under an a.s.sumed alias. And somehow, I suppose, the King found out my true ident.i.ty.

As for why he called me "Sensei" it"s obviously because I"d used otherworldly terms in some of the novels I"d wrote just to add a bit of spice.

"Thanks." The King shook my hand steadily. But I could see the child-like excitment swimming in his eyes.

"It"s nothing." I nodded. "Besides, it"s just a little something to apologize in advance for what I"m about to do."

"Apologize for what now?"

I paid him zero attention.

Instead I was already standing on one knee in front of the Queen, caressing her hand with two of my own.

"Run away with me." I implored.

Her ears went red.

"I"ll definitely make you a satified woman. Come, my Queen, let us embark on a new journey of love and pa.s.sion!" I kissed the back of her hand. Like a gentleman.

"...Exactly how satisfied we talking about here?" She asked curiously.

I merely smiled, giving a small, suggestive lick of my lips.

"Well then." She coughed, clearly embarra.s.sed. "That"s quite...well...hmm..."

"Mother!" Alex shouted, terrified. "My G.o.ds, you can"t really be considering this nonsense!"

"Dana!" The King also shouted, clearly scandalized.

The Queen shrugged. "Hey, he"s cute, alright? Calm down. Jeez."

"He"s a child!"

"Yeah well that"s never stopped your from eyeing the pretty young maids." She countered.

"Girls these days mature fast, alright? That"s not my fault."

"Double standards much?" She raised a brow.

"You can"t be serious. Even if it"s Damien-sensei, he"s way too young. I can"t allow it."

"Like I said, calm down. I"m not REALLY thinking about it very much, okay? Though in five years who knows? This Queen in patient. And shouldn"t you be happy your wife is still so desirable?"

They have a good relationship, these two.

"A no then?"

"Hm? Oh, yes. No. Sorry, kid. You"re not quite at the level of being a true wife-stealer yet. But I have faith in your future prospects, don"t be too discouraged. Try again in few years and we"ll see what happens, okay?"

"D-Dana..."

The mischievous glint in her eye was unmistakable. This big sis knew how to have a fun time! Poor King. He"s got a hard life, doesn"t he?

"Will do!" I promised.

"Please don"t!" Alex panicked.

"...I should really have just sent you over like they asked....this dangerous guy...."

"What was that then?" I narrowed my eyes.

"Hm? Nothing. "

"Bulls.h.i.t, dude. C"mon, tell me."

"I"m telling you, it"s nothing."

"You"re being an a.s.s, you know?"

"I"m the King, you know?"

"King of little b.i.t.c.h boys, maybe. Knock that s.h.i.t off. Actin" all mysterious. Nah. Big bro don"t put up with that kinda cancer. Lemme know."

"Ugh. You"re as stubborn as that father of yours and your personality is just as rotten as that other guy"s..." The King seemed peeved. "I can tell you won"t let it go anytime soon." Nope, I wouldn"t. " Fine. Look here and understand the full extent of my benevolence."

He walked over to a closet. As soon as the thing opened a ma.s.s of white paper tumbled out, scattering everywhere.

"Those f.u.c.kers made it so I couldn"t even burn or tear "em up. a.s.sholes." The King was a straight talker, wasn"t he? I understood where Charlotte got her own vocabulary from. Even if she doesn"t say it often I was sure she thought some very rude stuff when riled up. "Look at this."

He handed one to me.

I scanned the contents. Meanwhile Alex and Charlotte also sneakily picked one up and started reading.

"To His Most Excellent Majesty, King Lucius Mikaelson the II." I mumbled. "We of the Asmodai Royal Family... once more request custody.... of Marquis Claybrook"s eldest son...Lord Damien Claybrook?!" My voice went up several octaves. "The heck is this then?!"

The King rubbed the bridge of his nose. "A G.o.dd.a.m.n headache, that"s what." He sighed. "Those annoying flies have been sending a letter every other week for the past two years!"

"Why?!"

"Apparently they really think you might be a reincarnation of one of their ancestors?"

"....Are they stupid? I"m human, alright?"

"Yeah, well, your reputation has been that of the Purple-Eyed Devil for a while now. And news of your "exploits" have been blown so out of proportion that they"ve entered the ears of the Demon Continent"s Royal Family since long ago."

"What do you mean, blown out of proportion?" Nothing I did was all THAT bad.

I wasn"t some walking disaster. At the very worst I was inescapable plague that spread ma.s.s annoyance wherever I went, nothing more

"The Day"s Ruin Alliance have been busy." He shrugged.

Those f.u.c.kers again!

"And they really listened to those fops? Seriously, are they stupid?"

"No." The man insisted, but I was doubtful. "Usually they wouldn"t have given them the time of day. But you actually do look similar to their first Emperor, you know?

"Bulls.h.i.t. Which one?"

"Lord Balthazar Asmodeus. Also known as the Violet Plague."

I meant that at worst, I was common cold. Not a plague, definitely not.

"I do?" That was kinda sad. I"m a perfectly normal human being, dammit.

"Oh yeah. Act like him too. I hear that he, also, was a crazy b.a.s.t.a.r.d who didn"t give a d.a.m.n about public morals and stole wives at his own leisure."

Aren"t you a fan? Why you gotta be so resentful? It was a joke, a joke~

I only really want a cat-eared girl anyway. I just lost control for a few seconds in the face of a milf who was neither my mother nor my best friend"s mother, okay? No, I mean, it was a joke. Yeah.

"Those b.a.s.t.a.r.ds. Likening me to some evil old geezer. The nerve. I really oughta teach them what for." My Devil"s Left, it hungered!"So what"s kept you from bagging me? My old man?"

"Nah." He yawned. "I just wanted you to finish the rest of your series first. Plus you are technically human." I AM human, a.s.shole. What"re you tryna imply, huh? " And a citizen of my Kingdom. I"m obligated to protect you."

"Shouldn"t we just turn him him though?" Alex cut in. I glared. The boy shrunk back.

"What? No, we can"t do that. He has to remain free!" Charlotte declared.

I was overwhelmed with emotion. She did care!

"I"ve decided that a person of my talents has a duty to uphold justice and vanquish evil. So go, Damien! Embrace your true nature! Go forth and conquer! Revel in your debauchery! Become stronger, more corrupt! Continue your sinful ways and grow unhindered! Then, at the height of your power, please kindly fall to my blade" She bowed politely. "Thank you in advance."

Dolly, I really don"t know if I should let you marry into this kinda family anymore. A buncha cowards, perverts and chuunis.

No, this wasn"t chuuni, was it? It was insanity.

Our soon-to-be sister-in-law wants your big bro"s a.s.s mounted over her fireplace....

"Okay, that"s our cue to go. C"mon, King. We"re hitting up all the pubs in the city tonight."

"Say what now?" He tilted his head.

"Yeah, remember when your wife asked if I was here to steal you away? Well I am."

I grabbed a curtain and, before he could say anything, wrapped up the King like a giant blunt.

"Okay, well, take care everyone. It"s been fun." I was just about to open the window when I stopped and knocked on my own head. " Oh, wait, hold up. That"s right, I almost forgot why we care here to begin with."

Under the Queen"s stunned gaze, I took yet another curtain.

Then I wrapped up the Prince too, who staggered back a step in fear as I approached.

"M-Mother!" He cried.

"Sorry man, I can"t carry her too." I whistled happily while I tied them up.

"Damien-sensei, this is highly inappropriate!"

"Mother, mother!"

"Alright settle down now." I patted the King-Sized blunt rea.s.suringly.

I was gonna take this dude out on an all-nighter. I had to pay back my debts, eh?

And Dolly and the Prince could have like a kid"s meal or something. Maybe I"d make them a juice c.o.c.ktail while me and the King guzzle the hard stuff.

Plus I was sure there was a lot of sights to enjoy. It"s gonna be a blast!

"I don"t think I"ve ever met such a beautiful mistake of a human." The Queen blinked. "But really now, you don"t think you can just steal away my husband and child without a fight, do you?" Her tone turned very cold all of a sudden.

I saw her unsheathing her sabre, face hard-set on a fight.

"Take this!" She was pretty fast. Despite being five feet away she covered the distance in an instant.

"No! Damien, for the sake of our future epics, you must live! You can"t die!"

I liked her better when she wasn"t so talkative. Anyone else?

Also, who"s gonna die?

The Queen isn"t gonna do s.h.i.t to me with the little pigsticker, okay?

As if to prove that, I merely took a few steps back and leaned to the left a bit.

Immediatly after seeing what I was doing the woman tried stopping her forward momentum but failed to cancel it completely.

The result?

"OW! Dammit, woman!"

The King got his b.u.m touched.

"Shut up, I"m trying to rescue you here! Be grateful!"

"About having my a.s.s ruined by your s.h.i.t aim?! As if!"

"..."

Poke.

Poke poke.

Poke poke poke poke.

The woman spitefully began p.r.i.c.king the King"s b.u.m with the bad end of her sword.

"How"s my aim now, huh? You like it? You like it now, don"t you? What about here? Do you like it there? Or there? How about there?!"

"...Damien-sensei, can we go now? Please?"

Really, what a good relationship