I spent the coming days as normally as possible while still being careful. From what Kaname had been telling me, Ayaka has not left her quarters ever since paying me a "visit." However, whenever he sees her, she would act all frail and pitiful. The little snake acted like I was the one who threatened her. Kaname went along and consoled her as he wanted her to continue trusting him."It"s my way of making it look like I believe her," he told me one evening. "Don"t mind her gloating expression whenever I come to the ooku through the osuzu roka."
"She"s not worth looking at so I haven"t seen whatever look was on her face whenever you visit her," I replied while combing his hair. "What"s important to me is that you visit me at least once a day."
He chuckled. "Chichiue was the one who told me about the underground pa.s.sageway that connects the two palaces. I didn"t understand what he meant when he told me that I should utilize it to visit my future beloved wife when things in the harem got chaotic. It was only when we met and I brought you here that I considered using it."
"So you fell in love with me right then and there?" I asked jokingly, I knew this was not the case.
"I was already attracted to you," he admitted. "But it wasn"t love yet, it was more like l.u.s.t."
"What? It wasn"t simple attraction but l.u.s.t?"
"When I saw you bite your lip for the first time, it connected to my honorable other self."
I rolled my eyes.
"Even when I can"t see your face I know you"re rolling your eyes at me," he sounded amused.
"Ugh," I handed him a handheld mirror. "Anyway, I"m done."
"What do you call this hairstyle?" he asked while inspecting his laced hair through the mirror.
"It"s called a French braid."
"So the men in your time wear their hair this way?"
"No, men don"t usually have long hair in the modern world."
He snorted. "How unfashionable."
"You know, I"d give just about anything to have you go back to the modern world with me right now," I told him. "I"d love to see how you"d fare in my time."
"Hmm," he rubbed his chin as he considered what I just said. "That would be interesting. Will you provide me food, clothing, and shelter?"
"Of course!" I replied then added playfully, "I"d probably even teach you how to drive a car so that when I get out of work a handsome man will be waiting for me in the parking lot to take me home… Or maybe to a date."
"Date," he repeated the word. "That"s when lovers go out and have fun together, right?"
"Yeah, although one can still have a date at home."
He sighed. "Now I kind of want to experience all of that with you."
"Our trip to Gunma was a date," I told him.
He didn"t reply because he seemed to be deep in thought. His thoughtful mood lasted until we both laid on the futon.
~~~
Mami and I were in the middle of having tea in her parlor. Compared to mine, her quarters was grander and much more imposing.
"Lady Hinata, have you gained weight?" she asked.
I was in the process of putting a piece of rice cake in my mouth when she asked. Her question hit me where it hurt the most, making me almost drop my food. I looked at her gapingly, not sure whether I should answer her truthfully or not.
"You"ve gained weight," those three words were like knives to my heart. "Your face has become a bit rounder, I noticed."
"Lady Mami…" I covered my face with my hands, my next words were m.u.f.fled and difficult to utter. "Yes… I"ve gained weight!"
She giggled. "Why do you look like it"s the end of the world?"
"Because my situation is sad!" I wailed. "I can"t seem to stop eating lately. I"ve been having an extreme craving for manju and dango lately, it"s ridiculous!"
"Well, they are delicious," she agreed solemnly. Her face clearly said "good choice!" minus the smile and thumbs up gesture.
"I don"t know what has gotten into me."
"When was the last time you had your period?" she asked after a brief period of silence.
This time, it was my teacup that I almost dropped. I stared at her wide-eyed, I opened my mouth but no words came out.
"Do you think you"re pregnant?" she added.
I shakily replaced my cup on the table. Pregnant… Was I indeed pregnant? It"s highly likely that I am considering how Kaname and I have been so enthusiastic in bed together since his return to Kai. I looked to my right to meet Ryuko-san"s eyes. They reflected the same questions in mine. The fuller b.r.e.a.s.t.s, the wider hips, the ridiculous food cravings… Oh my, G.o.d. Am I going to be a mother soon!? My hands slowly went to my belly to caress it. Unbeknownst to me, a tender expression glowed on my face.
~~~
Back inside my room, I paced the entrance of the bedroom. If we were in the modern world, I"d have asked Ryuko-san to buy me a few pregnancy test kits to answer the looming question in my head. I couldn"t use missed periods as my basis since I"ve always had an irregular menstrual cycle.
"My lady," Ryuko-san called my name to let me know of her presence.
"How do I know if I"m pregnant without seeking the palace physician"s help?" I asked her.
"You plan on making it a secret?" she looked confused. "My lady, the shogun will be greatly pleased if you are indeed pregnant! He has expressed wanting to father your first child before."
"That is exactly why I want to determine whether I am indeed with child or not without alerting him," I reasoned. "I don"t want to get his hopes up and disappoint him in the end."
"My lady, I"m certain the shogun will understand if we a.s.sumed wrongly."
"No," I shook my head as I remembered the look on his face when we talked about having children before. "There"s also the threat of Ayaka knowing. If I am indeed pregnant, I will have to protect this child from whatever plans she may have against me."
She was silent for a while. When she spoke, she motioned for me to sit down. "There is a way, my lady. I also can personally do it for you."
I took a deep breath and sat on a cushion. "Alright. Whatever it is, let"s do it."