"...what exactly~ couldn"t you "resist"~~?"Oh~ the wind twins went pale~
"Uhh… yeah, so… Hokage-sama was sitting at his desk, reading p*rn as usual… but his face looked very punch-worthy at this time…"
My grin grew wider. "Then~?"
Obito continued where Kakashi left off. "We managed to resist punching his face in, but… uhhh… we kinda ended up pulling a bit of a prank on him instead…?"
The two naughty little nii-sans looked up at me guiltily.
""Please don"t kill us."" They said in unison.
"Hm? Why would I kill you for that?" I crossed my arms and squinted at the sky; gazing at the clouds profoundly and stroking my nonexistent beard..
"Haven"t you ever heard of the saying, "To punch is a crime, but to prank is just fine"?"
Obito and Kakashi: "…uhhh, I don"t think such a saying exists though…"
I swiveled my gaze back to the kneeling Obito and Kakashi and continued, "Actually, in my case, it"s more like "to punch is fun but to prank is funner". I"m proud of you, my children. Mommy is very proud~"
Hehe~ they grimaced. 3, 2, 1…
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Kakashi: "Wait, since when did we become your childr— "
Obito: *backhand smack*
Kakashi: *unconscious and foaming at mouth*
I smirked inwardly. "You have done well my young padawa— ptui, that"s wrong. You have done well my grandson. How would you like to be rewarded with the chance to see some exclusive photos from our family photo alb.u.m, hmm??"
Obito shivered, sweatdropped, and nodded stiffly all at once.
I smiled. "Good boy! Come, follow great-grandmother into the house for some sweet tea and pecan brownies."
As I turned to walk towards the kitchen, black lines appeared on my forehead.
"Sh*t, I"ve made a mistake."
Obito: "…?"
"… WHERE THE F*CK am I supposed to find pecans OR chocolate on this backwater world?!?!"
Obito: "...."
Turning back around to face Obito and my half-dead nii-san, my gorgeous face leaked tears of bitterly dramatic salt.w.a.ter from many different orifices.
"Grandsons… your granny has failed you… go buy me some tofu!"
Obito: "… tofu?"
*nod nod* "Tofu. Don"t deny your precious granny her dying wish. I want some tofu to suicide with."
Obito: "...…"
Half-dead nii-san: "...…"
"The f*ck is going on out there while I"m pretending to be dead…?"
I shook my head. "Whatever, forget it. I can"t rely on anyone these days. Here," I tossed some paper-like things out from my system inventory towards Obito.
"Here are the "exclusive family photos" I mentioned earlier. I"m sure Kakashi-nii will also enjoy dying from embarra.s.sment when he sees them."
I smirked mischievously. "Well, I"m gonna go escape now. Take your time~ Ciao~~!"
As soon as I escaped, Kakashi leapt up and grabbed the photos out of an already stunned and frozen Obito"s hand and peered closely at them.
Suddenly, a shriek rang out through the village of Konoha, followed by the echo of a dull thud.
"I"m really dead this time…" Kakashi squeaked weakly before losing consciousness for real.
Obito shook his head at his pitiful friend. "I tried to save his life by killing him, but now he"s really dead…" *sigh*
"Poor, poor Kakashi. Her highness is really a terrifying being."
A photo floated gently down from the air and landed face up.
It was the long-lost picture from that dreaded day, the day of Kakashi"s doom…
The day the ruthless village children destroyed his unmasked face with lipstick and permanent markers and mangled his hair with pink ribbons and sparkly hairspray.
…it was gruesome.
Alas, to punch is fun but to prank is so much funner.
*On the other side of Konoha, ROOT headquarters…*
"Danzo-sama. We have received reports of the Akatsuki in Konoha. We a.s.sume they are here for the Nine-Tails."
The shady one-eyed mummy nodded coldly and replied. "Good. Then everything is going as planned."
The ROOT shin.o.bi hesitated. Danzo glared coldly at him and growled, "Is there anything else you need to say? If not, begone. I don"t have all day."
The ROOT shin.o.bi finally opened his mouth to speak, "…Danzo-sama. One of our intelligence squads reported something… questionable happening recently."
Danzo glared. "Spit it out."
"… the Hokage was found tied up and hanging by a rope from the nostrils of his own great stone face overlooking the village. He seemed to be asleep, but he was murmuring something about a "hot springs" and "curvy waists", and his face was covered in bold makeup with the word "Pervert" written on his forehead in red lipstick. We chased the suspected perpetrators through the village, but unfortunately, we lost them. However…"
Danzo: "However…??"
"…however, about 10 minutes later, there was a loud shriek coming from the Hatake clan compound. We rushed to investigate, but the only thing we could find was this photo."
The ROOT shin.o.bi handed over the photo they had found recently to Danzo.
"…"
"Ku—! I— Uh- understood, DISMISSED."
Not even a second after the ROOT shin.o.bi left, a maniacal and bone-chilling cackling could be heard echoing through the headquarters.
"KuKiahAhaHahAHahahKaKakKahaHaKakAuKakA!!!
The rest of ROOT: "Ah… our boss has finally lost it. We"re all dead." *sigh*