The last Ariel saw of the lands of the mer was the Grand Pool, access to all other places. She sank into its depths, took in oxygen through her mer lungs, and wearily began to swim. She did not have to seek resonance of the sky mother or sense the movement of the tides to find her way.
Her body knew where Erica was.
Ariel slipped out of the surf and rested on the rocky beach. Every league of the ocean"s crossing, and every step she took now, brought her closer to Erica. Soon she would be with Erica, breathe in her chemicals, her essence. Touch her, hold her tightly. The fires would subside when they touched. It would be easier to think then.
She had thought salmon stupid for destroying themselves to return to a place they had long forgotten. They swam upstream on pure instinct, unthinking, blindly following a physical drive.
She was now one of them, Ariel thought. Instinct was all she seemed to have.
She walked the tidewater, wading until the stony beach gave way to sand and the sand finally to a narrow bridge leading to an empty country road. At the top of the headlands she looked back at the rolling sea. The pang in her heart felt like a goodbye. She didn"t know if she would go back, and if she did whether she"d be welcome in the places she"d called home for centuries. She felt a longing for it but it was nothing, nothing compared to the burning craving in her body for Erica.
She walked for hours, following the winding lane. One lone car pa.s.sed her, but it did not stop. Her feet knew the way to a place she"d never been before. The foggy, dank day showed no pa.s.sage of time until it began to fade. She walked and felt Erica slowly grow closer.
She had no idea what she would do when she found Erica, how she would live. All she knew was that she had to be close to her. Maybe then she would be able to think.
She stopped several times at puddles of rain water, slaking her thirst and cooling her face. Her body felt as if she was on fire, and nothing would ease it but Erica"s presence. Her reflection in the mirrored water showed her hair hanging in clumps of knots. Her skin was sallow and sagged like the most ancient acolyte"s. What would Erica think of her? Inside she could hear the increasing volume of Erica"s suffering, hungering to find Ariel, to find peace from the longing. But could a broken mermaid-who had no explanations to offer or pa.s.sion to give-meet any of Erica"s needs?
Erica sang for a beautiful woman, one she could make love to, one who would sing back. What could Erica see in her but a lined face, rough hands and ruined skin? Erica would look into her eyes and see the madness. Ariel burned with needs of her own. Erica could hardly want to ... touch her. Might be compelled to touch her, but wouldn"t... want to.
She held back a moan as she realized that Erica could regard her with the same horror and helpless desire that she herself had felt that morning looking at Laveena. Hating and wanting in the same breath. It was one thing to be bedded for pa.s.sion without love, but quite another to be taken in desperation laced with disgust.
What was she thinking? They were not going to bed. No making love, no f.u.c.king, none of whatever anyone wanted to call it. It would be better if Erica did indeed hate her and wouldn"t touch her, then the year would pa.s.s and she would be cured. That Erica would eventually die wasn"t something Ariel could change.
Part of her wanted to linger forever in one of the ponds. Water was mildly soothing. But whenever she stopped moving she could only hear the echoes playing their tricks, as if she was yet in the grotto. She no sooner believed water would ease her when all the physical ache of being constantly, deeply aroused would wash over her skin. The weariness of walking made the ponds call out with promises of peace.
Her nipples were sore from standing erect. A slick of arousal seeped through her pants, and she could feel a rash starting where her wet thighs rubbed. She was an animal in heat, she thought. Crawling after her fix, wanting to get f.u.c.ked and not caring how as long as the itching inside went away. Who could possibly want that? Only another animal.
Erica wouldn"t want her. Erica was not an animal. But that"s good, a small, quiet voice said. If Erica doesn"t want you, you"ll get the cure. Then she heard the vicious echo of Laveena"s spite: if she does want you, then kill her and you"ll still get the cure.
I will not do that, Ariel thought. I would rather succ.u.mb to this burning desire, use mer voice to have her, give up the cure, give up my life rather than become anything like that evil, twisted bottom feeder.
Her blood pounded in her veins, swelling her tender flesh and flushing her skin.
I am lost in this fire, with no hope of its easing. I can no longer hear any dream song except hers, which twines with such hunger and despair that I don"t want to listen. It begins to match my own song, as if we sing different parts of the same tune. The song will not end and no amount of singing or listening will stop it. My prison is hers is mine.
Darkness came swiftly and with it a deepening of the chill. The country road had not yet led to civilization, though she could feel its pulse over the next set of wind-brushed hills. Her feet turned away, still seeking Erica in the rolling coastal landscape.
She had selected the left-hand route at a fork in the road several miles back. The increasing dark was not a problem-mer vision had its uses, even out of water. She was still startled, however, when her path rounded a curve and was completely blocked by a wide golden gate. It was obviously electronically locked and secure, though still decorative. The narrow bars were wide enough to peer through, but only a cat could have slipped past. She could see no house or lodgings beyond the curving drive, but Erica was there, somewhere.
The drive was gravel, but marked by clumps of weeds. What she could see of the gardens was unexpectedly wild. Bushes looked as if they had once been clipped and manicured, but more recently left to grow freely.
There was no sign or street number, just a telephone box she presumed would announce her presence to the occupants of whatever remote manor lay out of sight. She could not speak so that was useless to her. She could probably entice the gates to open, but humans and mer alike did not care for unwanted guests. Perhaps that was not a bad idea, she thought. If she could get arrested, she would be prevented by force from being with Erica.
There might be a time when she was desperate enough to try that, but she had to at least see Erica first. She had to know if it was possible to touch and not fall into bed.
She didn"t know what to do about the locked gate. She waited for an hour for a car to come or go, any sign of life to offer her a legal way to get inside.
Ruefully, with what was left of her humor, she acknowledged that Ariel, Seventy-Seventh Daughter to Queen Vellia, was not equipped for this situation.
The cold worsened and fog settled around her, quieting even the sound of wind moving the branches overhead. She felt the cold, too, which surprised her. Mer swam with icebergs and relished it. It had to be the infection, the unending desire, and her ordeal in the grotto. She had been drained, and felt so empty except for the ache.
Erica was close and she could feel it. To walk away, even for the night, would take more strength than she had.
She was as imprisoned as she had been in the grotto, only this time the echoes were the song of her longing matching the song she could feel inside from Erica.
I need you, Ariel, want to be with you. To feel your touch again, to drown in your voice.
Ariel could not help but respond with her own deep wishes. Fm here, Erica. Look for me and you will find me.
The scuff of a shoe on the drive brought her to her feet. There was a figure in the darkness, wrapped in black.
Her body knew it was Erica.
She sprang to the gate, unable to keep herself from thrusting her hands through it. So close... so close. To touch... so close.
Out of the dark, Erica said calmly, "Go away."
Ariel wanted to call out, to beg. She did not care one whit that mer weren"t supposed to beg. She would beg, if only she could use words. She stretched her arms as far as they would go, reaching. She couldn"t bear being so close and not touching. How could Erica just stand there?
"I don"t want you here. I don"t know what you did to me, but I will have no more of it."
Ariel turned her hands palms up and slowly slid to her knees, a supplicant, pleading. Erica"s words were firm and she meant what she said, Ariel could tell. But her face was in shadows, and Ariel still heard the inner turmoil and longing that was at odds with her order for Ariel to go away.
"I"m sick to death of you. Of thinking about you, wondering where you went, how you could leave me like this, addicted to you. So go."
If only she had words, Ariel could explain, could at least answer the questions. She fought down a tearful moan. Open the gate and take me in your arms. We will both feel better for it. We have to, because feeling the way we do now is unbearable.
Erica took a step closer. Ariel could almost make out the strong line of her nose and jaw. "Don"t you have anything to say for yourself?"
Ariel shook her head violently no.
"Why are you here? Why can"t you just leave me be? I was better this last little while. Getting over it finally." Erica"s voice thinned with unshed tears. "You have no idea. No mercy, do you? Leave! Or I"ll call the cops."
Ariel slumped back on her haunches, and held the bars of the gate in her hands. Every moment she could see Erica and not actually touch her seemed to double the agony. Her brain felt as if it was boiling.
Another scuff of shoe on the cement made her look up. Erica had moved closer, and her face was now visible in the dim light.
Ariel held in her gasp, but just barely. Erica"s face was etched with pain, the hair at her temples stark white. But it was her eyes that shocked Ariel most. The sharp, tantalizing green was gone. Silver for age, silver for madness, Ariel thought, now she has my eyes and I have hers. My recklessness or Laveena"s spite, what does it matter?
I should go, leave her. Let her at least believe she can overcome this. But Ariel could not make herself go.
"Why won"t you leave?" Erica took another step. "Why does it hurt so much to remember you? Why does it hurt to look at you?"
Ariel could only shake her head.
"Answer me!" Erica came two steps closer, her heartbreak trans.m.u.ting to anger.
Answers wouldn"t comfort Erica for long. Ariel rested her forehead on the cold bars. How had she thought Erica would happily accept Ariel into her life, into her arms-and take no for an answer? She couldn"t think. Her mind overflowed with images of Erica"s hands on her body. Her mouth watered at the memory of Erica"s wet c.u.n.t in her mouth.
The queen had said the whole point was for Ariel to break. Something was breaking. She was just a salmon. Maybe if she threw herself hard at the very thing that would destroy her she would find a way to go on, to save herself.
She rose slowly and opened her court jacket. She let it fall to the ground around her feet. She grasped the hem of the shirt and pulled it roughly over her head.
"Oh please... please don"t." There were tears in Erica"s eyes to match the choking sound in her voice. "You really don"t have any mercy, do you? What do you want from me?"
The cold bit into Ariel"s already chilled body. She kicked off the shoes and winced at the cold pavement. She heard Erica whimper as she unbelted the too long trousers, and another whimper as she pushed them down her hips.
She stood naked, offering only one thing as she pressed her body to the frigid bars. She extended her hands as far beyond the bars as she could reach, fighting the shivers that were making her knees threaten to buckle.
"No, no," Erica was repeated, "please no. Don"t do this, please... I can"t. I can"t."
Ariel tried to say with her eyes, her offered body, her pleading hands, that she needed Erica to touch her. Touch was the only comfort they could have.
"Go away!" Erica knocked Ariel"s hands down as she lunged at the gate. Ariel braced herself for Erica"s strike.
Erica cried out when her fingertips touched Ariel"s face. Ariel felt a wave of faintness at the effort it cost her not to scream.
Not pain ... ecstasy.
Erica"s hands cupped her face and then Erica was kissing her hungrily through the bars, her mouth nearly savage. Ariel filled her hands with Erica"s hair, holding back the moans building in her throat. Her mer voice wanted to sing, but Ariel held that in as well. She touched Erica"s cheeks, her neck, her shoulders. After the torture, any pleasure was welcome. After the day of infection, touching Erica was clearly the only thing that would help.
She felt Erica"s hands on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, fondling them where they pressed between the bars. Her pelvis arched and she longed for Erica to have her again. All her thoughts circled in a whirlpool of need until the only focus was her desire for Erica. She could not even remember what it had been like to have control over her body.
Erica"s hands left the exploration of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, her ribs, her hips, and in the minute it took to open the gate all the pain returned. Erica caught her hands and pulled Ariel into a full embrace, and the ecstasy came back, heady, driving, inescapable. Then Erica pushed her away.
"Get dressed."
Numbly, Ariel obeyed. Erica wasn"t saying she had to go. She would do anything to stay. She dressed quickly, then looked hopefully at Erica, her heart pounding.
Erica"s eyes were burning with a mixture of l.u.s.t and despair. Ariel could read it easily because her own gaze matched it. Finally, Erica said, "Follow me."
"Are you hungry?"
Erica"s question brought Ariel back from her intense study of Erica"s home. The driveway ended at a very large house. All the windows were dark except one. A single, wan light burned over the wide double doors.
When Ariel didn"t answer, Erica looked over her shoulder. For a moment Ariel could only think of that night, and Erica"s face framed by the collar of her white tuxedo. The rose had been there, she knew it had been. The light flashed on the white at Erica"s temples and the silver of her eyes. What did it matter, Ariel thought. Erica was infected and dying, and now she was as well.
"You haven"t said a word." Erica studied her in the light over the entry. "You said plenty that night."
Ariel nodded. She remembered everything they had sung between them.
"Can you talk?"
Without thinking, Ariel truthfully nodded yes.
"You can, but you won"t?"
Ariel realized then that lying would have been easier. There was so much she wanted to tell Erica, so much truth, it just hadn"t occurred to her she might need to be ready to lie. It was too late to change her story, so she simply nodded.
Erica"s eyes flared with sudden anger. Her nostrils flared slightly while her lip flared with contempt. "So you"re somebody else"s toy now, is that it? Then why are you here?"
Ariel shook her head, trying to say with her eyes that she wasn"t playing a game. Perhaps doubt showed in her eyes, because she abruptly remembered the way Laveena had made her feel, like a puppet to be enjoyed.
Erica turned away, and her question did not seem directed at Ariel. "Why do I want you?"
The sound of the door swinging open echoed through the seemingly empty house. The foyer was barren of all furniture, the walls devoid of everything except the outlines of paintings no longer there. From somewhere in the dark came the solitary drip of water.
Ariel felt washed over with the memory of the grotto. If she stepped over this threshold it would be another prison, one her body would not let her leave no matter how the ground shook.
Erica turned to look at her and their silver gazes locked.
Was it pity that she felt? Or was she as weak as the queen had said, unable to resist? Weak for staying, or weak for going? Was she really thinking that she was here for Erica"s sake? She should be honest with herself. Nothing she had done had ever been for Erica"s sake.
Erica lowered her gaze and turned away. "Go then."
Ariel stepped inside and let the future claim her.
She drank the offered water thirstily and ate the cheese and crackers, though both tasted like sawdust. At least Erica had turned on more lights. It was the kitchen faucet she had heard dripping, but now it had stopped.
The house was quite large, and quite empty. That much was obvious. The table where they ate was so far the only place to sit that she had seen.
"Ariel."
She looked up at Erica.
"Why are you here? Drop the silent act. Whoever she is, if she treats you this way she doesn"t deserve your slavery."
Ariel gave Erica a puzzled frown.
"I"m talking about this." Erica leaned across the distance that separated them and yanked up the hem of Ariel"s shirt. "You didn"t have these that night. Anyone who beats you like this, who cuts you-how can you stay? How can you go on playing her game?"
She shook her head, though she knew there was no way to make Erica understand any of it. Was she the queen"s toy-yes, maybe so. But it was no game, it was her life.
It wasn"t Erica"s life, though. Erica was already doomed. At least one of them would live. You should have gone, she told herself. You should have left. You can"t save her. You can only make her hurt more.
She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again, shaking her head. Even if she had words she wasn"t sure Erica could understand.
Erica"s hand was still on her ribs, hot and shaking slightly. The fingers tightened and Ariel swallowed hard. Then Erica was pulling Ariel over to her lap, and Ariel felt drunk on the pleasure of it weaving with the memory of Erica"s strength that night, the way Erica had carried her into the back, and held her against the wall.
Erica kissed her hungrily as she pushed the shirt up to expose Ariel"s b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I can talk for both of us, baby. I know you feel this."
Ariel nodded. It was hard to hear over the pounding of her heart.
"Do you remember my favorite word?"
Again, Ariel nodded.
"I need it. I won"t have you without it."