I don"t suppose Bock or Peg get lonely, but by the bones of Ben Gunn, I do. Seems silly when Herrick and Hans Andersen and Tennyson and Th.o.r.eau and a whole wagonload of other good fellows are riding at my back. I can hear them all talking as we trundle along. But books aren"t a _substantial_ world after all, and every now and then we get hungry for some closer, more human relationships. I"ve been totally alone now for eight years--except for Runt, and he might be dead and never say so. This wandering about is fine in its way, but it must come to an end some day. A man needs to put down a root somewhere to be really happy.
What absurd victims of contrary desires we are! If a man is settled in one place he yearns to wander; when he wanders he yearns to have a home. And yet how b.e.s.t.i.a.l is content--all the great things in life are done by discontented people.
There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning, and yearning. A man should be learning as he goes; and he should be earning bread for himself and others; and he should be yearning, too: yearning to know the unknowable.
What a fine old poem is "The Pulley" by George Herbert! Those Elizabethan fellows knew how to write! They were marred perhaps by their idea that poems must be "witty." (Remember how Bacon said that reading poets makes one witty? There he gave a clue to the literature of his time.) Their fantastic puns and conceits are rather out of our fashion nowadays. But Lord! the root of the matter was in them! How gallantly, how reverently, they tackle the problems of life!
When G.o.d at first made man (says George Herbert) He had a "gla.s.s of blessings standing by." So He pours on man all the blessings in His reservoir: strength, beauty, wisdom, honour, pleasure--and then He refrains from giving him the last of them, which is rest, i.e., contentment. G.o.d sees that if man is contented he will never win his way to Him. Let man be restless, so that
"If goodness lead him not, yet weariness May toss him to My breast."
Some day I shall write a novel on that theme, and call it "The Pulley." In this tragic, restless world there must be some place where at last we can lay our heads and be at rest. Some people call it death. Some call it G.o.d.
My ideal of a man is not the Omar who wants to shatter into bits this sorry scheme of things, and then remould it nearer to the heart"s desire. Old Omar was a coward, with his silk pajamas and his gla.s.s of wine. The real man is George Herbert"s "seasoned timber"--the fellow who does handily and well whatever comes to him.
Even if it"s only shovelling coal into a furnace he can balance the shovel neatly, swing the coal square on the fire and not spill it on the floor. If it"s only splitting kindling or running a trolley car he can make a good, artistic job of it. If it"s only writing a book or peeling potatoes he can put into it the best he has. Even if he"s only a bald-headed old fool over forty selling books on a country road, he can make an ideal of it. Good old Parna.s.sus! It"s a great game.... I think I"ll have to give her up soon, though: I must get that book of mine written. But Parna.s.sus has been a true gla.s.s of blessings to me.
There was much more in the notebook; indeed it was half full of jotted paragraphs, memoranda, and sc.r.a.ps of writing--poems I believe some of them were--but I had seen enough. It seemed as if I had stumbled unawares on the pathetic, brave, and lonely heart of the little man. I"m a commonplace creature, I"m afraid, insensible to many of the deeper things in life, but every now and then, like all of us, I come face to face with something that thrills me. I saw how this little, red-bearded pedlar was like a cake of yeast in the big, heavy dough of humanity: how he travelled about trying to fulfil in his own way his ideals of beauty. I felt almost motherly toward him: I wanted to tell him that I understood him. And in a way I felt ashamed of having run away from my own homely tasks, my kitchen and my hen yard and dear old, hot-tempered, absent-minded Andrew. I fell into a sober mood. As soon as I was alone, I thought, I would sell Parna.s.sus and hurry back to the farm. That was my job, that was my gla.s.s of blessings. What was I doing--a fat, middle-aged woman--trapesing along the roads with a cartload of books I didn"t understand?
I slipped the little notebook back into its hiding-place. I would have died rather than let the Professor know I had seen it.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
We were coming into Woodbridge; and I was just wondering whether to wake the Professor when the little window behind me slid back and he stuck his head out.
"h.e.l.lo!" he said. "I think I must have been asleep!"
"Well, I should hope so," I said. "You needed it."
Indeed he looked much better, and I was relieved to see it. I had been really afraid he would be ill after sleeping out all night, but I guess he was tougher than I thought. He joined me on the seat, and we drove into the town. While he went to the station to ask about the trains I had a fine time selling books. I was away from the locality where I was known, and had no shyness in attempting to imitate Mifflin"s methods. I even went him one better by going into a hardware store where I bought a large dinner bell. This I rang l.u.s.tily until a crowd gathered, then I put up the flaps and displayed my books. As a matter of fact, I sold only one, but I enjoyed myself none the less.
By and by Mifflin reappeared. I think he had been to a barber: at any rate he looked very spry: he had bought a clean collar and a flowing tie of a bright electric blue which really suited him rather well.
"Well," he said, "the Sage is going to get back at me for that punch on the nose! I"ve been to the bank to cash your check. They telephoned over to Redfield, and apparently your brother has stopped payment on it. It"s rather awkward: they seem to think I"m a crook."
I was furious. What right had Andrew to do that?
"The brute!" I said. "What on earth shall I do?"
"I suggest that you telephone to the Redfield Bank," he said, "and countermand your brother"s instructions--that is, unless you think you"ve made a mistake? I don"t want to take advantage of you."
"Nonsense!" I said. "I"m not going to let Andrew spoil my holiday.
That"s always his way: if he gets an idea into his head he"s like a mule. I"ll telephone to Redfield, and then we"ll go to see the bank here."
We put Parna.s.sus up at the hotel, and I went to the telephone. I was thoroughly angry at Andrew, and tried to get him on the wire first.
But Sabine Farm didn"t answer. Then I telephoned to the bank in Redfield, and got Mr. Shirley. He"s the cashier, and I know him well. I guess he recognized my voice, for he made no objection when I told him what I wanted.
"Now you telephone to the bank in Woodbridge," I said, "and tell them to let Mr. Mifflin have the money. I"ll go there with him to identify him. Will that be all right?"
"Perfectly," he said. The deceitful little snail! If I had only known what he was concocting!
Mifflin said there was a train at three o"clock which he could take.
We stopped at a little lunch room for a bite to eat, then he went again to the bank, and I with him. We asked the cashier whether they had had a message from Redfield.
"Yes," he said. "We"ve just heard." And he looked at me rather queerly.
"Are you Miss McGill?" he said.
"I am," I said.
"Will you just step this way a moment?" he asked politely.
He led me into a little sitting-room and asked me to sit down. I supposed that he was going to get some paper for me to sign, so I waited quite patiently for several minutes. I had left the Professor at the cashier"s window, where they would give him his money.
I waited some time, and finally I got tired of looking at the Life Insurance calendars. Then I happened to glance out of the window.
Surely that was the Professor, just disappearing round the corner with another man?
I returned to the cashier"s desk.
"What"s the matter?" I said. "Your mahogany furniture is charming, but I"m tired of it. Do I have to sit here any longer? And where"s Mr. Mifflin? Did he get his money?"
The cashier was a horrid little creature with side whiskers.
"I"m sorry you had to wait, Madam," he said. "The transaction is just concluded. We gave Mr. Mifflin what was due him. There is no need for you to stay longer."
I thought this was very extraordinary. Surely the Professor would not leave without saying good-bye? However, I noticed that the clock said three minutes to three, so I thought that perhaps he had had to run to catch his train. He was such a strange little man, anyway....
Well, I went back to the hotel, quite a little upset by this sudden parting. At least I was glad the little man had got his money all right. Probably he would write from Brooklyn, but of course I wouldn"t get the letter till I returned to the farm as that was the only address he would have. Perhaps that wouldn"t be so long after all: but I did not feel like going back now, when Andrew had been so horrid.
I drove Parna.s.sus on the ferry, and we crossed the river. I felt lost and disagreeable. Even the fresh movement through the air gave me no pleasure. Bock whined dismally inside the van.
It didn"t take me long to discover that Parna.s.sing all alone had lost some of its charms. I missed the Professor: missed his abrupt, direct way of saying things, and his whimsical wit. And I was annoyed by his skipping off without a word of good-bye. It didn"t seem natural. I partially appeased my irritation by stopping at a farmhouse on the other side of the river and selling a cook book.
Then I started along the road for Bath--about five miles farther on.
Peg"s foot didn"t seem to bother her so I thought it would be safe to travel that far before stopping for the night. Counting up the days (with some difficulty: it seemed as though I had been away from home a month), I remembered that this was Sat.u.r.day night. I thought I would stay in Bath over Sunday and get a good rest. We jogged sedately along the road, and I got out a copy of "Vanity Fair." I was so absorbed in Becky Sharp that I wouldn"t even interrupt myself to sell books at the houses we pa.s.sed. I think reading a good book makes one modest. When you see the marvellous insight into human nature which a truly great book shows, it is bound to make you feel small--like looking at the Dipper on a clear night, or seeing the winter sunrise when you go out to collect the morning eggs. And anything that makes you feel small is mighty good for you.
"What do you mean by a great book?" said the Professor--I mean, I imagined him saying it. It seemed to me as if I could see him sitting there, with his corncob pipe in his hand and that quizzical little face of his looking sharply at me. Somehow, talking with the Professor had made me think. He was as good as one of those Scranton correspondence courses, I do believe, and no money to pay for postage.
Well, I said to the Professor--to myself I mean--let"s see: what _is_ a good book? I don"t mean books like Henry James"s (he"s Andrew"s great idol. It always seemed to me that he had a kind of rush of words to the head and never stopped to sort them out properly). A good book ought to have something simple about it. And, like Eve, it ought to come from somewhere near the third rib: there ought to be a heart beating in it. A story that"s all forehead doesn"t amount to much. Anyway, it"ll never get over at a Dorcas meeting. That was the trouble with Henry James. Andrew talked so much about him that I took one of his books to read aloud at our sewing circle over at Redfield. Well, after one try we had to fall back on "Pollyanna."
I haven"t been doing ch.o.r.es and running a farmhouse for fifteen years without getting some ideas about life--and even about books.
I wouldn"t set my lit"ry views up against yours, Professor (I was still talking to Mifflin in my mind), no, nor even against Andrew"s--but as I say, I"ve got some ideas of my own. I"ve learned that honest work counts in writing books just as much as it does in washing dishes. I guess Andrew"s books must be some good after all because he surely does mull over them without end. I can forgive his being a shiftless farmer so long as he really does his literary ch.o.r.es up to the hilt. A man can be slack in everything else, if he does one thing as well as he possibly can. And I guess it won"t matter my being an ignoramus in literature so long as I"m rated A-1 in the kitchen. That"s what I used to think as I polished and scoured and scrubbed and dusted and swept and then set about getting dinner. If I ever sat down to read for ten minutes the cat would get into the custard. No woman in the country sits down for fifteen consecutive minutes between sunrise and sunset, anyway, unless she has half a dozen servants. And n.o.body knows anything about literature unless he spends most of his life sitting down. So there you are.
The cultivation of philosophic reflection was a new experience for me. Peg ambled along contentedly and the dog trailed under Parna.s.sus where I had tied him. I read "Vanity Fair" and thought about all sorts of things. Once I got out to pick some scarlet maple leaves that attracted me. The motors pa.s.sing annoyed me with their dust and noise, but by and by one of them stopped, looked at my outfit curiously, and then asked to see some books. I put up the flaps for them and we pulled off to one side of the road and had a good talk.
They bought two or three books, too.
By the time I neared Bath the hands of my watch pointed to supper.