He heard the words, though. The rain of blows halted. A soft step approached and his breath came loudly. "Please?" he asked. "Would you have me stop it? Do you think you"ve been punished enough?"
She sobbed and had to clear her throat before she could talk. "Not my will in this, but yours, my lord.""Ah." That one word held both surprise and recognition, but recognition of what, she couldn"t guess.
"Ten more," he said. "But these will be harder. You"ll not be able to keep from screaming, so I"m going to stop your mouth. You"ll not be able to beg me stop, so I ask you now to say yea or nay to this."
Her breath clotted in her chest as sheer, raw terror poured waves of ice down her spine and along her limbs. She wished she could see his face. Wished she could touch him or ask him to give her some rea.s.surance, some comfort. But that was not for her, not now.
"I agree, my lord."For a moment, all was quiet, save for the sound of his breathing and hers. Odd, that his seemed almost as ragged and stretched as her own. Then he moved. Footsteps crossed the room and came back."Open your mouth," he ordered.When she did so, a piece of silk was pushed in, and another tied around her head to hold it in place. Bizarrely, it occurred to her to wonder where he"d found so much silk in such a short time.
"Get ready."She braced herself. But when the leather struck her back, nothing could have readied her to receive it. It was liquid anguish, poured over her and set ablaze. She groaned in agony, but the fabric in her mouth smothered the sound. The bed must have been built solidly and the knots in the silk bonds securely tied. Her wild struggles would have torn
them apart otherwise.
Two more strikes across her shoulders felt as though they raked skin from the bone. The fiery burn sent her into a frenzied writhing accompanied by a wild sobbing that leaked past the fabric gag as small squeals.
The fourth stroke, hard across the already raw and burning flesh of her bottom, took her beyond any control. Her scream would have shaken the keep had it not been contained by the fabric. Likewise, she would certainly have begged, pleaded, even ordered him to end it. The fifth likewise felt as though it flayed strips from her derriere.
The next two went across her thighs and burned as though a torch had been laid on
them. Pain had her thrashing mindlessly, screaming and praying for it to end.But she had to endure three more sizzling, rending strokes on her bottom before it was over. By then she had screamed herself out and sunk into exhaustion. The last lash almost didn"t register, as though her ability to feel pain was so full, it could no longer function. A strange, floaty sensation had taken hold by then.
She heard, but didn"t comprehend, the small clatter as the leather strap was flung against the wall. When Sir Thomas removed the bonds from her wrists and ankles, she would have collapsed to the floor if he hadn"t held her. Her legs had no strength. He held her against his chest as he pushed the sodden blindfold from her eyes with his free hand. She blinked once or twice then stared into his blue eyes, riveted by the depths of love, concern, and compa.s.sion there.
"Juliana?" he asked after he"d removed the silk binding her mouth and pulled the soggy fabric out.
The one word held a world of meaning. Was she all right? Could she hear him? Was she overwhelmed? Did she hate him? Want him to leave her? With all the pain, it still brought another hurt to hear the fear in his voice.
She sought to rea.s.sure him in the same way. "Thomas. Thank you." She snuggled against him. It comforted her and soothed her aches to feel the warmth of his skin, the clasp of his arms as he held her against him.
He carried her around the bed and settled her carefully on her side. ""Tis done now," he said. "The lies and the deception are behind us. You"ve paid for it in full and from now it is forgiven and forgotten between us."
The fiery burn of welts across her back, bottom and thighs still ached fiercely, but she nonetheless felt relieved of a burden on her spirit. Not all was removed, but for the moment, her befogged mind could deal with only the one issue. Sir Thomas forgave her and would put it behind them.
She reached out and took his right hand, pulling it in toward her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and holding it there with all her remaining strength. Then she drew it to her mouth and kissed it.
"You should rest now," he said. I"ll make your excuses at dinner. Will you need some of the pain tincture to help you to sleep?"She couldn"t help staring at his face, and especially his eyes-so blue, so bright, so full of love and concern. It was a salve more effective than any she knew. "Nay, Sir Thomas, I"ll take no medication. I"ll rest now, but I beg you wake me at the dinner warning bell if I do not so on my own.""You needn"t, my love. "Twill be difficult for you to sit."She smiled at him. "But I must. Half the household will have guessed why we"re closeted in my quarters. They need rea.s.surance that I"m neither badly injured nor devastated in spirit." She sighed. "I believe I will require a pillow, however."He laughed gently, and it did her heart good to see it. "If you insist, I"ll sneak in early and set pillows on your chair."
"I would appreciate it. Will you lie with me a while? You surely are in need of a rest yourself, and it would comfort me to have your arms around me."His smile was like sunshine after a storm. "Aye, if it won"t pain you." He walked around the bed and lay down behind her. She was too exhausted and sore to roll or turn to look at him, and though it caused some pain in her back when he slid an arm under her neck, she nonetheless relished the joy of his touch enough to ignore the discomfort.
Chapter Fourteen.
Thomas roused to the sound of the dinner bell clanging. Beside him, Juliana stirred as well. A knock on the door followed hard on the warning bell. "My lady?" Avice called. "Would you have me help you dress for dinner?"
"Nay, thank you," Juliana called, without moving. "I can see to it myself.""As you will, my lady."Thomas withdrew and rolled over to get out of bed. He turned when he heard Juliana groan softly as she tried to push herself up. Aching muscles and sore skin defeated her
first effort to rise."Stay there for a few minutes," Thomas told her. "I"m going to put the pillows in place. Then I"ll return and help you."
Fortunately no one stopped him or questioned him when he took a pair of pillows from his quarters, noting that Ralf and the servant a.s.signed to care for him both dozed peacefully. He took the pillows to the great hall, slid them onto her seat, and pushed the
chair far enough under the table to hide its cushioning.
Juliana had waited for his return. With his a.s.sistance, she was able to rise and stand. But when she turned, he sucked in a harsh breath. Had he truly been so hard on her? The evidence stood out sharply on her skin, the marks of the strap a clear map of how hard and how often his belt had lashed her. Her shoulders bore red stripes darkening to bruises in spots, while her bottom was still fiery, the skin grated, with blackish bruises
beginning to show. One spot on her left thigh sported a large, heavy black mark where the end of the strap had dug in several times."Are you certain you won"t change your mind and stay here? "Twill not be comfortable sitting on that, even with pillows.""My reasons haven"t changed, nor has the necessity. I can bear this."He suspected she regretted that resolve before midway through dinner, despite the riotous cheers and laughter that marked the meal as the most cheerful one since the night the traveling company had stopped by. But the smiles of the people in the hall and their obvious satisfaction in seeing her at ease and reconciled with Sir Thomas surely compensated for her discomfort. It sent odd streaks of longing into his heart and his groin. All here knew how much they cared for each other, and they just as clearly approved. Yet he couldn"t promise either them or her that there would be any future for them, less the one they envisioned and hoped for. As joyous an occasion as it was, he could still see Juliana"s relief when all had finished eating. He wasted no time in standing to retire. Perhaps a few realized that the hand he extended to help the lady rise was as much a necessity as a courtesy.
"There should be a bath waiting for us," he said, as they walked the corridor. "I asked for it when I went to put the pillows out. "Twill do your bruises good to soak out some of the soreness."
The tub sat in front of the fire with two servants pouring buckets of hot water into it. Another pair came in just behind them to add to it. Steam rose from the surface. When a third group of servants had come and gone, Thomas told them it was enough, barred the door, and helped her out of her clothes. He had to suppress the urge to whip himself when he saw how much he"d hurt her. She felt so fragile and delicate as he lifted her over the edge and into the tub that he couldn"t believe he"d beaten her so cruelly. No matter that she wanted it, had practically forced him to do it. He"d been harsh with her.
She sank down in the tub, then stopped when the water stung the places on her bottom and thighs where the skin had been grated by the strap. But after a minute she lowered herself the rest of the way. Relief showed on her face as the heat of the water worked its way into her body and loosened tight muscles.
Thomas let her soak for a few minutes, then picked up a washcloth and soaped it. She kept her eyes shut as he ran the cloth over her shoulders and arms. Another pang knifed into him when he found a bruise on her arm in the shape of the end of the belt.
Juliana"s eyes opened. She watched him for a moment, then shocked him when she said, "Won"t you join me in the tub, Sir Thomas? "Twill be a tight fit, but I believe there"s room enough."
He dropped the wash cloth in his astonishment, but a grin he couldn"t suppress spread across his face. He shed his clothes before she could change her mind and climbed in with her. His added bulk pushed the water level almost to the top of the tub, and some splashed out as he lowered himself in, facing her. With s.p.a.ce tight, he had to sit with his knees bent, legs positioned outside hers.
They attempted to wash each other, but ended up using the lather from the soap to draw designs on each other"s chests. He couldn"t keep his hands from her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, the sweetest such mounds he"d ever seen or felt. The delicate nipples responded so avidly to his touch, beading into hard pebbles and forcing breathless gasps from her.
"Turn around and I"ll wash your hair," he promised.No doubt she realized that his plans included more than just washing her hair, but she nonetheless acceded, though it took some careful maneuvering in the narrow confines of the tub to shift her without hurting her. She settled against him where she could surely feel the hard jut of his needy c.o.c.k poking into her back. He washed her hair, ma.s.saging her scalp with the suds and sliding it through her long, thick strands. Once he"d rinsed the soap out, he drew her to lean back against him, lifted her so that his legs were under hers, and wrapped his arms around her. He covered her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, kneading them gently, caressing the tips. He drank in her soft gasps and sighs of pleasure as he worked her nipples into peaks, which he pressed and pinched lightly.
His right hand left her breast and brushed down over her stomach and belly to her cleft.
He nudged her legs farther apart, and pushed a finger into the petals of her quim to part them. She moaned louder when he found her pearl and began to stroke it. Her pleasure built until she squirmed against him and panted with need. He brushed his fingers down the slit, stopping first at the entrance to her womb and exploring the recess there, then going down farther and finding the other opening. She jolted with shock and surprise when he pushed into that entry as well, but adjusted to it after a moment. "My lord," she murmured.
"Is it not pleasant?" he asked"Aye, it is in a way. But I did not expect anything like it." Her hands wrapped around his thighs, fingers digging into the skin as her tension grew. Every muscle in her body became rigid and hard, her breathing rapid and gasping. She was a knot being pulled tighter and tighter until she vibrated on the edge of climax. He returned to working her pearl with one hand and her nipple with the other, rubbing, stroking, even pinching lightly until her moans grew louder. She shook in his arms, and of a sudden she squealed in startled delight as the spasms of fulfillment rolled through her. While she jerked and panted in the continuing small jolts, he held her against his heart, praising G.o.d that he could bring her this pleasure, after he"d given her so much pain. It took a while before she finally calmed and went still.
By then the water had cooled, so he stirred, climbed out, and lifted her from the tub.
They dried each other off, though she took a long time about toweling him, and, as before, seemed fascinated by the usually hidden parts of him.
He picked up her shift and went to slip it over her head, but she stopped him. "Thomas, you"ve pleasured me, but have taken none for yourself. "Tis hardly fair."
"I"ve taken pleasure in giving it to you," he answered.She shook her head. "There"s more, is there not? Pleasure is meant to be shared between a man and a woman."
"Between a man and a woman who are married. Do we go that far, I could get you with child, and this is not the time for that."She considered it. He saw when she reluctantly conceded. "But is there naught we can do to share more fully?"
"Perhaps so. Come here."Her slight body fit easily into his arms, and her soft curves yielded to his hard angles in a most satisfying way. When he tipped her head back and leaned down to kiss her, it felt as though everything he was, had been, and would be pa.s.sed to her in the contact. His c.o.c.k stiffened even more, if that were possible, and strained against her, seeking its natural target.
He kissed her for a while, reveling in the sheer glorious pleasure of it. His tongue roved
across her face and into her ear, but took its most vigorous delight in plundering the depths of her mouth. The warm, smooth richness of it tempted him to dig deeper and deeper, to want more and more of her.
Juliana made everything seem brighter, sweeter, more joyful. She gave new meaning and fullness to his life. How could he let her go? How could he risk her, even for the sake of his honor?
When she squirmed against him and put a hand around his jutting c.o.c.k, all thought fled. He could do nothing but feel. He dragged her over to the bed and lay with her against him. Her hands roved his chest and abdomen, down his legs, up the insides of his thighs and-finally, gloriously-cupped his b.a.l.l.s. She kneaded them carefully. His insides dissolved into hot, running fire that made his whole body blaze with wanting her.
He couldn"t stand it. The urge, the need, the desperation to bury himself inside her all but consumed him. His hands ran over her hips and then the idea struck.
She stiffened for a moment when he tried to flip her over onto her belly, but it was more from surprise than displeasure. He knelt between her legs, then lowered himself on top
of her, letting his c.o.c.k lie along the cleft of her bottom. Her skin half enveloped him in
soft, yielding warmth."Does this pain you?" he asked, fearing that he might be causing her sore bottom to ache again.
"Nay," she said on a soft sigh of mixed pleasure and contentment. ""Tis good."He moved against her, sliding up and down, just as he would if he were inside. He almost spurted right away when she moved against him, trying to match his rhythm.
She reached back and slid her hand between his c.o.c.k and his body so that he was completely wrapped in Juliana.With her cooperating so completely, it didn"t take long before his breath came in pants and sweat gathered at his temples from the effort. Then he felt it coming. He held still, savoring the moment for as long as he could, before the seed poured from him in spasms of release.
He collapsed on top of her, feeling a small whoosh of air as his weight rested on her. He wouldn"t remain there long for fear of crushing her or making her bruises ache, but his spirit craved a moment or two of the most complete contact available to them at that time.
After too brief an interval, he forced himself up and off her. He held her in place while
he found a towel and used it to clean up the sticky patch he"d deposited.They lay together, then, with the single candle guttering in its sconce, and drifted on the lazy peace and contentment of their fulfillment. Juliana fell asleep, tucked into the curve of his body with his arms around her. He lay awake for some time, musing on how right this felt, to be protecting her, sheltering her, sharing his life and his love with her. Raw terror shot through him at the thought of losing it, of losing her. He wanted to stay with her here forever, and if they had to fight the entire rest of the world to do it, so be it.
Yet he was a knight as well, and sworn to the king"s service. Honor was so much a part of him that if he failed it, he wouldn"t know how to live anymore. He"d be nothing to himself and of no use to Juliana. So he"d do what he had to do.
The next morning he rose early, even before the first light of sun brightened the sky. He met a few people coming and going, but none stopped him to ask his business. The chapel was cold and dark, save for the candle that burned on the altar, indicating the presence of the consecrated body and blood of the Lord in the tabernacle.
He knelt and prayed with all his soul and spirit that he be guided to do the right thing, and that all would come out well in the end. He tried to echo the words of the Christ in his prayers. "Not my will be done, but thine." The struggle consumed him, yet when he rose, at last, he found a core of peace settling in his soul.
By then the sun was up and gleaming off white stretches of snow. Already it had begun to melt off some of the tree branches.
He met Juliana in the great hall, where she"d stopped for bread and cider. The lights in her eyes when she smiled dazzled him. The warmth of it ran through him and settled in his heart, expanding it until his chest would barely contain the enlarged organ. And yet it roused a chill as well, a cold frisson of fear for her and for their future.
They sat together at one of the long side tables while they ate, amidst a group of household serfs and va.s.sals. He found peace in listening to the conversation flow around them. The everyday business of the keep had its own rhythm and profound connection to the deeper patterns of life. Its sheer normalcy diverted and refreshed him.
But after they"d finished, he asked to speak with Juliana privately, and they proceeded to her little office. He couldn"t help remembering his first interview with her in the room. He"d drastically misinterpreted her reaction to his telling her he thought Groswick dead, yet he"d been so right about the fundamental strength and courage of her. Here she"d first begun to wend her way into his heart. And here he"d have to deliver the news that would test her in ways that would probe her deepest loyalties and honor.
Chapter Fifteen.
Juliana braced herself as she watched Thomas work up his nerve for what he had to say. She guessed at some of it already. She"d noted the snow beginning to melt and realized he would be off to the king soon. Would he insist she accompany him to face the king"s judgment?
"How soon do you plan to leave?" she asked, when he seemed to have difficulty finding the words to begin.
He drew a sharp breath. His mouth pressed into a hard line, and his eyes narrowed for a moment as though in pain.