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GIVE me a man with a dark brown past--one who has tasted the spice in life"s pudding, and won"t begin to long for it the moment he has been put on the matrimonial diet of bread and milk.
THE man who fancies himself completely understood is as unhappy as the woman who thinks she is misunderstood.
IF St. Peter is really an old man, no girl over seventeen need apply for admission to Heaven.
A KISS may be anything from an insult to a benediction; and yet a man never can understand why a girl is indignant sometimes when she is kissed and isn"t at others.
EVEN a dead husband gives a widow some advantage over an old maid.
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THE kind of wife every man is looking for is one who can peel potatoes with one hand, curl her hair with the other, rock the cradle with her foot and accompany herself on the piano.
IT isn"t conscience, but the fear of consequences that keeps a man from trifling with a pretty woman.
POVERTY is a love charm; you never know how great a thing love is until you haven"t anything else in the world.
WOMEN take awful chances in matrimony--because that"s the only kind they get nowadays.
A MAN"S past is always quite past and his dead loves are so dead that he wouldn"t recognize them if he should meet their corpses on the street.
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A MAN always holds a woman at her own valuation; if she sets a high price on herself he is eager to pay it, but he doesn"t want anything that looks as though it came off a bargain counter.
A MAN always considers himself mighty clever when he can glide through the shallows of love-making without foundering on the rocks of matrimony.
CHOOSING a husband is like picking out the combination on a lottery ticket; your first guess is apt to be as good as your last.
A MAN"S idea of success is to be able to run his business by touching the electric b.u.t.ton at the side of his desk.
MAN is a mysterious chemical combination; add matrimony and you never can tell what he will turn into.
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THERE is nothing which falls with such a dull sickening thud on a man"s vanity as his wife"s dead silence after he has made one of his characteristically brilliant remarks.
IT IS always a shock to a girl when her fiance"s sister takes her into his den and she sees her photograph standing on the mantelpiece between an actress in green tights and a cigarette ad.
A GIRL who has a brother has a great advantage over one who hasn"t; she gets a working knowledge of men without having to go through the matrimonial inquisition in order to acquire it.
A MAN always pats himself on the back when he has composed a letter that breathes devotion, but would not be negotiable in a breach of promise suit.
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THERE is nothing so easy for a man as forgetting; he scarcely takes time to throw a shovelful of dirt on the grave of a dead love before he is off pursuing a new one.
TO a man love is only a side dish; to a woman it"s the whole feast.
THERE are few men const.i.tuted strong enough romantically to stand a daily diet of kisses, without getting sentimental nausea.
GENIUS, like anything else, needs distance to lend it enchantment; and the longer you are married to one, the more distance you are likely to give him.
BEFORE marrying a man, ask yourself if you could love him if he lost his front hair, went without a collar, smoked an old pipe, and wore a ready-made suit; all of these things are likely to happen.
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IT"S a funny thing about being in love, that the minute a man begins to get serious he begins to get foolish.
A HUSBAND always expects his wife to look up to him, even if she has to get down on her knees to do it.
COURTING is like cooking; you"ve got to be born with the knack; brains don"t take the prizes and theory doesn"t count.
THE greatest proof that marriage is not a failure is that widows and widowers are always anxious to try it again.
THE only way to be happy with a husband is to believe everything he tells you--even when you know it isn"t so.
IN love, a man"s interest in the game is always deeper than his interest in the girl.
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A MAN may like a girl ever so much until he finds out she likes him ever so much; then like cures like. See "Simple h.o.m.oeopathy."
PROPOSING is like making welsh-rarebit; there isn"t any reliable recipe for it and you can only tell whether or not you have done properly by the way it turns out.
AFTER a man has seen you cry two or three times it ceases to move him--except to move him out of the house.
THE color of a friend"s finger nails or his socks has very much more weight with a sn.o.b than the color of his soul or his reputation.
IF a man would stick to his wife as he sticks to his seat in a street car, there wouldn"t be much need for an alimony bureau.
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AN old bachelor"s looks may be well preserved, but his heart is always embalmed.
IT takes an awfully big man to own up to his wife that he was a little at fault in a quarrel.
WHEN a man gets a wife who makes him happy, he lays it to his perspicacity; when he doesn"t, he lays it on fate.
LIFE is a game in four rubbers: hearts are trumps when a man is very young; clubs are trumps after he marries; diamonds are trumps as he waxes rich and gouty; and lastly--spades.
TO flirt inartistically is like stepping on a woman"s toes when you are waltzing with her; it gives her real pain.
A MAN seldom marries when he loses his heart; he waits until he loses his head.
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