"HATSUKOI."
REN"AI RENSAI.
Hildred Billings.
This book is dedicated to anyone who ever fell in love with the most unlikely person.
"HATSUKOI.".
Tokyo; December 10th, 1992.
Somewhere, Aiko"s favorite song played on a stereo.
Her ears followed the pop-rock sounds to the corner of the room where two girls huddled around a mirror, applying makeup. Aiko turned to her cousin Shizuka and waited for her to proceed with the tour and introductions. It was Aiko"s first time to see the backstage of a music theater, and she didn"t want to embarra.s.s herself or get her cousin in trouble.
She always thought such a scene would be alight with human energy, but the few staff members wandering around yawned behind limp hands. A costumer pushed a rack of colorful sequined dresses across the room and was followed by everyone else, except for the two girls still applying makeup. Aiko recognized their dresses as the same style Shizuka wore.
"Are those your group mates?" she asked.
Shizuka nodded with the same dead energy. "Two of them, anyway."
"Is one of them the American?"
"Well, one of them is American." Shizuka blinked. "No, not the one I told you about. The other one is blond."
"There are two Americans?" Aiko had heard about one, a pale blonde with a high voice and a sordid reputation, if sarcastic cousins were credible. "How lucky!"
"Yeah, lucky. They talk in English behind our backs. Well, fight is more like it." Shizuka took a step further into the light. "Come on, I"ll introduce you to the nicer one."
Although she sauntered through the room without a worry, Aiko took more care to ensure she didn"t step on a forgotten feather or b.u.mp her head against the cords hanging from the ceiling. This place is so amazing. Every time she watched a live music show on television, she wondered what the places the talents retreated to offstage were like. Now that she had a cousin in the entertainment industry, it was like Christmas came three weeks early.
"Yo!" Shizuka called as they approached the duo of bandmates. "If you two aren"t careful, you"re going to kill our make-up supply and p.i.s.s off the manager."
One of the women dropped her eyeliner and craned her head around, revealing a Western face framed with bobbed brown hair. "Is there a problem?" Aiko was surprised the foreigner spoke j.a.panese well. "Or are you jealous we got the new stock before you?"
"Oh, please." Shizuka smiled. "Ai-chan, this is my fellow forgotten backup singer, Michiko." She stepped out of the way so Aiko was unexpectedly presented on a bashful platter. "She"s the other American I just now told you about."
Michiko also smiled and extended a hand to Aiko. "Hajimemas.h.i.te," the American greeted. "What"s your name?"
The giddiness over getting to shake hands like a "real" foreigner was enough to make Aiko beam, although her eyes kept pointed to the ground. "Hajimemas.h.i.te," she said, and gripped Michiko"s soft hand. Aiko pulled it away again before her shyness could overcome her. "My name is Aiko. Aiko Takeuchi."
"Oi!" Shizuka smacked the other woman on the shoulder. "Don"t be rude!"
"Eh?" The woman in blue spun around. Vibrant eyes shrouded in thick eyeliner stared at Aiko, dissecting her, judging her.
Aiko didn"t know why another j.a.panese girl"s face shocked her so much. Maybe it was the eyeliner, or the eyes upon reflection later in life, Aiko would gauge it was a combination of those eyes alongside the sleek and long, black hair making her heart still in her chest. This woman looked like a veritable Cleopatra.
She did not, however, talk like an Egyptian ruler.
"Mou, Shi-chan, why"d you bring a little girl in here? We just practiced for three hours and I"m tired."
"You"re a dog," Shizuka bit with a sharp tongue. To Aiko, she said, "This is Reina. She sings well but is all sorts of gross."
"Yeah, well, f.u.c.k you too." But Reina grinned, and confusion swam in Aiko perhaps from the rough and coa.r.s.e words coming out of such a dainty mouth. Reina"s vocabulary made her sound like the tough boys at Aiko"s old high school.
Shizuka responded with a thump on Reina"s shoulder, and soon the group mates laughed in unison while Aiko stood in perplexity. They must be really close. She never took her cousin as somebody to laugh at another woman"s crudeness, but this world she worked in was different from everyday society.
As the laughing died down, Reina pulled out a carton of cigarettes and pa.s.sed one to Michiko. Shizuka further surprised Aiko by reaching out to take one as well since when did she smoke? Did her mother know? Before the lighter in Michiko"s hand sparked to life, the cigarette carton appeared in hand"s reach.
"Ii yo." Reina shoved the carton at Aiko again. "Ah, let me guess, you don"t smoke."
Aiko shook her head as Reina leaned back and took a light from Michiko. Soon three plumes of smoke wafted around Aiko"s head and made her swoon; she wasn"t sure if the high was from second-hand smoke or from seeing Reina wrap her tongue and skinny fingers around a cigarette. Men who smoked were disgusting and inconsiderate, but something about a woman crossing her legs and pursing her lips made Aiko double-take.
"Figures." The smoke lingered around Reina"s face, obscuring her thin eyes. "You"re a good girl, I bet. You don"t smoke, get drunk, or f.u.c.k." When the smoke cleared Aiko could see Reina"s eyes searing, daring her to respond.
"Oh, shut up and leave her alone. Don"t listen to her." Shizuka took another draft of her cigarette. "This one never stops thinking about s.e.x."
"Hey, at least I get some."
"I told you, I"m not interested in women."
Throughout this small exchange, Michiko kept a curious eye on Aiko and her reactions. Now, upon both the declaration of Reina"s pa.s.sive thoughts and her a.s.sumptions about Shizuka, Michiko studied Aiko"s face as if she had a second nose.
"Maybe she"s not as good as you think she is, Reina-chan," Michiko said. "She hasn"t flinched once upon hearing the naughty things we"re saying about you."
"Naughty? Don"t drag me into this." Shizuka waved her hand, her cigarette smoke bouncing up and down.
When Aiko spoke to defend herself, her voice was a pitiful squeak. "I"m sorry, Michiko-san," and it pained her sensibilities to not call Michiko by her last name, but since she did not know it, she resorted to the more familiar given, "I"m afraid my reactions are not satisfactory to you because I have no idea what you"re talking about. I"m sorry if I sound dense."
Michiko"s brows rose and Reina laughed. "See. Told you," she said in triumph. "She"s so goody-goody she doesn"t even know a conversation about f.u.c.king."
"Not everybody is as s.e.xually needy as you," Michiko mumbled between goes at her cigarette.
Aiko blushed. She certainly knew s.e.x! How old did they think she was? But that"s not what they had been talking about at all. The conversation was about an implication between Shizuka and Reina. Absurd. Shizuka had a boyfriend.
But then she announced to Aiko in out-loud confidence, "Reina is a lesbian."
Scoffing, Reina stood and threatened her with a roll of the tongue and some brash, masculine words. "Hey! Who told you it was okay to just blab that around? Shinjiran." She smashed her cigarette into an ashtray. "I"m gonna get a beer."
Michiko asked for one as well before Reina stalked off to another room. "Don"t mind her," she then said to Aiko. "She"s a rude little lesbian. I"m a much nicer one." She discarded her cigarette next to Reina"s.
"Le...lesbian?"
Even Shizuka spun her head toward Aiko at that. "Are you serious? You don"t know what that means?"
Aiko stiffened. "I know what it means." She had Western friends; of course she knew what a "lesbian" was. The word was even in Hollywood movies! But a j.a.panese woman? A lesbian? It didn"t make sense. "But isn"t that...weird?"
"Not if you like f.u.c.king women."
No amount of blinking could make Michiko"s statement clearer. Aiko tried to imagine two j.a.panese women having s.e.x, and all she could come up with was two naked women b.u.mping into each other and apologizing as if they were on a crowded (nudist) train. She blushed again. "How would somebody know that?"
"You...want to f.u.c.k women." Michiko rolled her eyes as if to say, "j.a.panese." Aiko knew that eye-roll well from her foreign-exchange friends. "It"s not rocket science."
"Maa, don"t listen to her." Shizuka tugged on Aiko"s arm. "They"re perverts."
Before Michiko could open her mouth, Reina reemerged with two beers in her hands. "Are you still educating her about v.a.g.i.n.as?" she asked, pa.s.sing a beer to Michiko.
When their eyes met, Aiko thought she saw a familiar teasing quality, although it unnerved her. What if she thinks I"m some sort of prey now? Where did that thought come from?
"Oi, Little Miss Good Girl." Reina snapped her fingers to get Aiko"s attention. Her eyes unglazed and she looked into a satisfying smirk on Reina"s face. "How"d you like it if I f.u.c.ked your p.u.s.s.y real good?"
All the blood froze in Aiko"s body as Shizuka smacked Reina on the head and Michiko likewise said some scolding words. The three of them would"ve been amusing to any impartial onlooker, but to Aiko all she could see was Reina"s mischievous smile and hear her naughty words. Do what? To my what? She took a step back from the fray of "That"s my f.u.c.king cousin you pervert!" and "Reina, you no-good idiot!" and hugged the wall as if n.o.body could see her there.
"How"d you like it if I f.u.c.ked your p.u.s.s.y real good?"
"Come on, Ai-chan." Shizuka appeared, taking Aiko by the arm and hauling her toward the rear exit. "I"ll take you to the train station. I"m sorry I introduced you to that a.s.shole."
They were outside in the alley before Aiko could look back and see either Michiko or Reina again. A light December drizzle began to fall as Shizuka pointed out the direction to the nearest station and offered Aiko fare to get home. She glanced around as if she were in a dream.
"How"d you like if I f.u.c.ked your p.u.s.s.y real good?"
"Don"t worry about anything." Aiko shoved the money away and took a step toward the main road. "It"s fine. Really." She said some curt goodbyes to her cousin and thanked her for the tour. Before Shizuka could respond, Aiko was halfway down the alleyway, her shoes dunking in the puddles and heart pounding in her chest.
Two constants were guaranteed whenever Aiko had lunch with her friends: Nana would complain about everything, and Tomoko would play with her food.
The next day was no different when Aiko went to get lunch after cla.s.s with said friends. They chose a well-known cafe to sit and eat salads at while discussing their English Literature cla.s.s. Nana had negative things to say about both Oscar Wilde and the spinach in her meal, and Tomoko made flippant comments about issues with her English dictionary while nibbling her croutons.
"I don"t understand the obsession with Wilde"s personal life." Nana slurped her green tea, proclaimed it "flat," and adjusted her gla.s.ses before continuing. "I read in some Western articles that he was a...you know."
Tomoko nursed her water, leaving Aiko to pick up the silence. "No. A what? I don"t know anything about Wilde other than what we"re reading." She only took English Literature because it was a requirement for her English Language Studies major. She enjoyed conversation in English, but had yet to read a single novel she liked. "Does he have a portrait of himself somewhere, aging?"
"Haha." Nana scrunched her nose. "No. They say he was a..." She looked around the room and lowered her voice. "A h.o.m.os.e.xual."
Aiko had frozen in place so many times over the past twenty-four hours, she was sure that Nana wouldn"t notice. "Oh, really?" She attempted to maintain a steady composure. "That"s interesting."
"It"s gross." Nana drank the last of her tea for emphasis. Of course, she made sure Aiko knew it was putrid.
"How"d you like it if I f.u.c.ked your p.u.s.s.y real good?"
That line had played in Aiko"s mind so many times, she was almost impervious to it. Nevertheless, she retreated into her memory to recapture the way Reina"s lips curved and her black hair fell before her face when she said it. I"ve never had my "p.u.s.s.y f.u.c.ked." The only response Aiko could come up with, not that she would ever say it out loud. At least she became immune to the crudity of the words.
Aiko also became immune to the silence at her table. But with Tomoko eating and Nana looking for something to gripe about, Aiko knew she should say what swam around in her thoughts. "Nee, you"ll never guess who I met yesterday."
Both friends sat up at the hushed announcement. "A celebrity?" Tomoko held her hand in front of her mouth.
"No, not really. Or at least I don"t think she is." Aiko leaned in. "I met a lesbian."
Two gasps bounced off each other as Tomoko and Nana exchanged surprised looks. "Hontou ni?" Tomoko asked. "You met a lesbian? Was she foreign?"
"No." Well, Michiko was, but she wasn"t the one Aiko thought of. "She was j.a.panese."
"A j.a.panese lesbian! How is that even possible?"
"I wouldn"t know."
Tomoko kept her eyes pointed at her salad, as if it held the answer to Nana"s question. "I suppose if j.a.panese men can be gay, then so can j.a.panese women?"
"Tomo-chan!" Nana dropped her fork and almost lost the gla.s.ses off her face. "Are you crazy? Why would any woman want to be a you-know-what?"
Aiko lowered her head and blocked out Nana"s rage. "How"d you like it if..." Reina seemed a confident girl, if not inappropriate. And from the way she asked such an odd thing, with a deep voice and come-hither brows, implied somebody who would have followed through with the offer...however she was capable of doing that.
"Nee, Ai-chan!" Nana shoved her fork with a pumping motion. "You listening? I was asking if this supposed j.a.panese lesbian was ugly."
Aiko popped her head up just as the door to the cafe opened and instigated the most fateful coincidence of her life. Such coincidences were a trope in the stories she watched and read over the years, but she never thought they were possible, or even likely to happen on the most mundane of days and during the most awkward of conversations. But when she looked up at the door she saw them, Shizuka and Reina, as if responding to a roll call.
"Ah!" Aiko dropped her fork in her lap. Tomoko and Nana stopped blabbering and followed her gaze. Across the bustling cafe, Shizuka waved, unaware of the coincidence of the decade.
"Ai-chan!" She scuttled to the table with a large smile. Reina lumbered behind like the reluctant dog going for a walk. Both of them wore casual clothing, the jeans and baggy block-colored sweaters fashionable for the day. Reina in particular looked a trifle different from the evening before, with almost no make-up and her long hair falling in front of her face. "How"d you like it if..." Aiko shook the words out of her head as Reina rubbed some sleep from her eye and yawned.
"Oh, Shi-chan." Aiko wiped away her shock and returned her cousin"s mien. "What are you doing here? Both of you."
"We have a gig at the TV station down the block and have been practicing all morning. Reina and I were just stepping out to get some coffee and snacks for everyone...oh!" Shizuka noticed the other two girls sitting at the table, their faces blank and mouths shut. "I"m sorry, I didn"t mean to interrupt your meal with your friends."
Aiko shook her hand. "Nn. It"s okay." She introduced her cousin to her friends, who all exchanged cordial if not cold "nice to meet you"s. Shizuka stepped aside to introduce Reina, but it seemed one more coincidence was in store.
"Senpai!" Tomoko clamped her hands over her face and peered at Reina between two fingers.
"Eh?" Reina addressed her. "Who are you?"
Everyone looked to Tomoko for an answer. The girl lowered her hands, her cheeks infused with a red so bright Aiko thought she must be sick. "I..." she began, her eyes darting between the table and Reina"s face, "I went to St. Francis with you. I was a year below you."
"Hontou?" Reina laughed. "Sorry, but I don"t remember you. There were a lot of girls in that school."
"Small world." Shizuka scooted away from the table. "I"m gonna go get the coffee and food. You still want yours black?"
"Un." Reina nodded, her eyes never once leaving Tomoko"s blushing face. "And get me something with berries in it. I"ll pay you back."
Shizuka left with her order, abandoning Reina to two uncomfortable women and one who continued to adjust her gla.s.ses. Aiko cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. "Won"t you sit down, Reina-san?" She wished she knew the girl"s last name.
Those eyes went from judging Tomoko to searching Aiko"s face. She willed herself to not pale, or redden, or otherwise change into a color alerting Reina of her unscrupulous emotions. Without heavy make-up, Reina"s eyes were not so special anymore, but Aiko"s heart still thumped nonetheless. It"s like I can see her whole self on her face. Society had trained her to expect everyone to hide themselves, their feelings, and their desires so far inside odds were she would never discover them. Was Reina really human?
"Thank you," she said, her voice an even, feminine tone. Reina pulled back the empty chair next to Aiko and sank into it, her baggy blue sweater oozing over the arms. "So, what are three pretty ladies doing here?"