They walked on briskly, and were soon on the Whindale side of the pa.s.s.
To the left of them the great hollow of High Fell unfolded, storm-beaten and dark, the river issuing from the heart of it like an angry voice.
"What a change!" he said, coming up with her as the path widened. "How impossible that it should have been only yesterday afternoon I was lounging up here in the heat, by the pool where the stream rises, watching the white b.u.t.terflies on the turf, and reading "Laodamia"!"
""Laodamia"!" she said, half sighing as she caught the name. "Is it one of those you like best?"
"Yes," he said, bending forward that he might see her in spite of the umbrella. "How superb it is--the roll, the majesty of it; the severe chastened beauty of the main feeling, the individual lines!"
And he quoted line after line, lingering over the cadences.
"It was my father"s favourite of all," she said, in the low vibrating voice of memory. "He said the last verse to me the day before he died."
Robert recalled it--
"Yet tears to human suffering are due, And mortal hopes defeated and o"erthrown Are mourned by man, and not by man alone As fondly we believe."
Poor Richard Leyburn! Yet where had the defeat lain?
"Was he happy in his school life?" he asked gently. "Was teaching what he liked?"
"Oh yes--only--" Catherine paused and then added hurriedly, as though drawn on in spite of herself by the grave sympathy of his look, "I never knew anybody so good who thought himself of so little account. He always believed that he had missed everything, wasted everything, and that anybody else would have made infinitely more out of his life. He was always blaming, scourging himself. And all the time he was the n.o.blest, purest, most devoted----"
She stopped. Her voice had pa.s.sed beyond her control. Elsmere was startled by the feeling she showed. Evidently he had touched one of the few sore places in this pure heart. It was as though her memory of her father had in it elements of almost intolerable pathos, as though the child"s brooding love and loyalty were in perpetual protest, even now after this lapse of years, against the verdict which an over-scrupulous, despondent soul had p.r.o.nounced upon itself. Did she feel that he had gone uncomforted out of life--even by her--even by religion?--was that the sting?
"Oh, I can understand!" he said reverently--"I can understand. I have come across it once or twice, that fierce self-judgment of the good. It is the most stirring and humbling thing in life." Then his voice dropped. "And after the last conflict--the last "quailing breath"--the last onslaughts of doubt or fear--think of the Vision waiting--the Eternal Comfort--
""Oh, my only Light!
It cannot be That I am he On whom Thy tempests fell all night!""
The words fell from the softened voice like n.o.ble music.
There was a pause. Then Catherine raised her eyes to his. They swam in tears, and yet the unspoken thanks in them were radiance itself. It seemed to him as though she came closer to him like a child to an elder who has soothed and satisfied an inward smart.
They walked on in silence. They were just nearing the swollen river which roared below them. On the opposite bank two umbrellas were vanishing through the field gate into the road, but the vicar had turned and was waiting for them. They could see his becloaked figure leaning on his stick through the light wreaths of mist that floated above the tumbling stream. The abnormally heavy rain had ceased, but the clouds seemed to be dragging along the very floor of the valley.
The stepping-stones came into sight. He leaped on the first and held out his hand to her. When they started she would have refused his help with scorn. Now, after a moment"s hesitation she yielded, and he felt her dear weight on him as he guided her carefully from stone to stone. In reality it is both difficult and risky to be helped over stepping-stones. You had much better manage for yourself; and half way through Catherine had a mind to tell him so. But the words died on her lips which smiled instead. He could have wished that pa.s.sage from stone to stone could have lasted for ever. She was wrapped up grotesquely in his mackintosh; her hat was all bedraggled; her gloves dripped in his; and in spite of all he could have vowed that anything so lovely as that delicately cut, gravely smiling face, swaying above the rushing brown water, was never seen in Westmoreland wilds before.
"It is clearing," he cried, with ready optimism, as they reached the bank. "We shall get our picnic to-morrow after all--we _must_ get it!
Promise me it shall be fine--and you will be there!"
The vicar was only fifty yards away waiting for them against the field gate. But Robert held her eagerly, imperiously,--and it seemed to her, her head was still dizzy with the water.
"Promise!" he repeated, his voice dropping.
She could not stop to think of the absurdity of promising for Westmoreland weather. She could only say faintly "Yes!" and so release her hand.
"You _are_ pretty wet!" said the vicar, looking from one to the other with a curiosity which Robert"s quick sense divined at once was directed to something else than the mere condition of their garments. But Catherine noticed nothing; she walked on wrestling blindly with she knew not what till they reached the vicarage gate. There stood Mrs.
Thornburgh, the light drizzle into which the rain had declined beating unheeded on her curls and ample shoulders. She stared at Robert"s drenched condition, but he gave her no time to make remarks.
"Don"t take it off," he said with a laughing wave of the hand to Catherine; "I will come for it to-morrow morning."
And he ran up the drive, conscious at last that it might be prudent to get himself into something less spongelike than his present attire as quickly as possible.
The vicar followed him.
"Don"t keep Catherine, my dear. There"s nothing to tell. n.o.body"s the worse."
Mrs. Thornburgh took no heed. Opening the iron gate she went through it on to the deserted rain-beaten road, laid both her hands on Catherine"s shoulders, and looked her straight in the eyes. The vicar"s anxious hint was useless. She could contain herself no longer. She had watched them from the vicarage come down the fell together, had seen them cross the stepping stones, lingeringly, hand in hand.
"My dear Catherine!" she cried, effusively kissing Catherine"s glowing cheek under the shelter of the laurustinus that made a bower of the gate. "My _dear_ Catherine!"
Catherine gazed at her in astonishment. Mrs. Thornburgh"s eyes were all alive, and swarming with questions. If it had been Rose she would have let them out in one fell flight. But Catherine"s personality kept her in awe. And after a second, as the two stood together, a deep flush rose on Catherine"s face, and an expression of half-frightened apology dawned in Mrs. Thornburgh"s.
Catherine drew herself away. "Will you please give Mr. Elsmere his mackintosh?" she said, taking it off; "I shan"t want it this little way."
And putting it on Mrs. Thornburgh"s arm she turned away, walking quickly round the bend of the road.
Mrs. Thornburgh watched her open-mouthed, and moved slowly back to the house in a state of complete collapse.
"I always knew"--she said with a groan--"I always knew it would never go right if it was Catherine! _Why_ was it Catherine?"
And she went in, still hurling at Providence the same vindictive query.
Meanwhile Catherine, hurrying home, the receding flush leaving a sudden pallor behind it, was twisting her hands before her in a kind of agony.
"What have I been doing?" she said to herself. "What have I been doing?"
At the gate of Burwood something made her look up. She saw the girls in their own room--Agnes was standing behind, Rose had evidently rushed forward to see Catherine come in, and now retreated as suddenly when she saw her sister look up.
Catherine understood it all in an instant. "They, too, are on the watch," she thought to herself bitterly. The strong reticent nature was outraged by the perception that she had been for days the unconscious actor in a drama of which her sisters and Mrs. Thornburgh had been the silent and intelligent spectators.
She came down presently from her room very white and quiet, admitted that she was tired, and said nothing to anybody. Agnes and Rose noticed the change at once, whispered to each other when they found an opportunity, and foreboded ill.
After their tea-supper, Catherine, unperceived, slipped out of the little lane gate, and climbed the stony path above the house leading on to the fell. The rain had ceased, but the clouds hung low and threatening, and the close air was saturated with moisture. As she gained the bare fell, sounds of water met her on all sides. The river cried hoa.r.s.ely to her from below, the becks in the little ghylls were full and thunderous; and beside her over the smooth gra.s.s slid many a new-born rivulet, the child of the storm, and destined to vanish with the night. Catherine"s soul went out to welcome the gray damp of the hills. She knew them best in this mood. They were thus most her own.
She climbed on till at last she reached the crest of the ridge. Behind her lay the valley, and on its further side the fells she had crossed in the afternoon. Before her spread a long green vale, compared to which Whindale with its white road, its church, and parsonage, and scattered houses, was the great world itself. Marrisdale had no road and not a single house. As Catherine descended into it she saw not a sign of human life. There were sheep grazing in the silence of the long June twilight; the blackish walls ran down and up again, dividing the green hollow with melancholy uniformity. Here and there was a sheepfold, suggesting the bleakness of winter nights; and here and there a rough stone barn for storing fodder. And beyond the vale, eastwards and northwards, Catherine looked out upon a wild sea of moors wrapped in mists, sullen and storm-beaten, while to the left the clouds hung deepest and inkiest over the high points of the Ullswater mountains.
When she was once below the pa.s.s, man and his world were shut out. The girl figure in the blue cloak and hood was absolutely alone. She descended till she reached a point where a little stream had been turned into a stone trough for cattle. Above it stood a gnarled and solitary thorn. Catherine sank down on a rock at the foot of the tree. It was a seat she knew well; she had lingered there with her father; she had thought and prayed there as girl and woman; she had wrestled there often with despondency or grief, or some of those subtle spiritual temptations which were all her pure youth had known, till the inner light had dawned again, and the humble enraptured soul could almost have traced amid the shadows of that dappled moorland world, between her and the clouds, the white stoles and "sleeping wings" of ministering spirits.
But no wrestle had ever been so hard as this. And with what fierce suddenness had it come upon her! She looked back over the day with bewilderment. She could see dimly that the Catherine who had started on that Shanmoor walk had been full of vague misgivings other than those concerned with a few neglected duties. There had been an undefined sense of unrest, of difference, of broken equilibrium. She had shown it in the way in which at first she had tried to keep herself and Robert Elsmere apart.
And then; beyond the departure from Shanmoor she seemed to lose the thread of her own history. Memory was drowned in a feeling to which the resisting soul as yet would give no name. She laid her head on her knees trembling. She heard again the sweet imperious tones with which he broke down her opposition about the cloak; she felt again the grasp of his steadying hand on hers.
But it was only for a very few minutes that she drifted thus. She raised her head again, scourging herself in shame and self-reproach, recapturing the empire of the soul with a strong effort. She set herself to a stern a.n.a.lysis of the whole situation. Clearly Mrs. Thornburgh and her sisters had been aware for some indefinite time that Mr. Elsmere had been showing a peculiar interest in her. _Their_ eyes had been open. She realised now with hot cheeks how many meetings and _tete-a-tetes_ had been managed for her and Elsmere, and how complacently she had fallen into Mrs. Thornburgh"s snares.
"Have I encouraged him?" she asked herself sternly.
"Yes," cried the smarting conscience.