I hadn"t told my mother about Reese, but Harlow had. Momma had asked me about her the week after Reese sent me away from her. I had been so overcome with pain from just the sound of her name that I had jumped up and fled the table. Momma hadn"t mentioned her again.
But now I needed her to. I needed to talk about Reese. I wanted to tell someone about her. To fill my emptiness with the memory of her.
"I love her," I said simply.
She raised both of her eyebrows now. "I kind of got that already, sweetie. When you ran like the fires of h.e.l.l were after you the day I asked you about her, you gave that away."
"She"s my life, Momma. Reese. She"s it. My one. But she doesn"t want me." Just saying it sent a bolt of agony through me. I winced, unable to hide it from my mother.
"Then she"s a fool," Momma said, with all the conviction of a mother who loved her son.
"No. She"s brilliant. She"s beautiful. She"s like a bright ray of sunlight. She"s . . . Her life growing up . . ." I stopped and swallowed the bile that rose in my throat just from thinking about what she"d been through. How my girl had suffered. "It was bad, Momma. Dark. As dark and twisted as a girl"s life can be. But she"s not a fool."
My mother"s face fell. I could see her fighting back the tears in her eyes. "Oh, baby. I should have figured when my big-hearted, beautiful boy fell in love, he"d fall in love so completely. You never did anything halfway. You didn"t take your first steps, you took off running. You didn"t say your first word, you sang an entire line of a song. And you didn"t just take up for the underdogs at school, you got expelled for tying a bully to a flagpole. My baby has never done anything halfway. You do it with so much determination it blasts everyone else"s attempts out of the water."
She walked around my mess and dropped down beside me. I felt the tears burn my eyes as she took my face in her hands and looked at me with so much love and heartache, because that was who she was. My mom hurt with me. She always had.
"You are a good man. The best. I love your stepfather, but even his doesn"t compare to the heart you have. You were the best thing I"ll ever do in this life. I can"t top creating you. Being your mother is a gift that brings me joy every day of my life. I"ll die knowing I left a man on this earth who will leave a trail of good everywhere he goes." She stopped, and I knew there was a "but" coming. "But for the first time in your life, I am watching you let someone destroy you. I miss your smile and your laugh. I want those back. You"ve never let any obstacle in your life go unconquered. Why are you doing it now? If you love her, then go get her. No woman in her right mind can turn this face down."
I reached over and wiped the tears from my mother"s determined face. "I need her to come to me. If we have a chance at a future, I need her to come to me. I"ve always taken what I wanted and conquered my trials, but nothing and no one has ever meant what she does. I can"t conquer her, Momma. I love her. I never want to make her do anything. Even love me. She has to love me all on her own."
Momma let out a sob and wrapped her arms around me and held me to her. I closed my eyes and fought back the emotion threatening to let go. The last time my mother had seen me cry was when I was three and broke my arm falling off a trampoline. Even when Harlow had lain in a coma, I had cried in private.
I would never get over losing Reese. If she never came back to me, I"d be broken the rest of my life.
Reese.
Another week pa.s.sed by, and I managed to survive. It was all I was doing. With every day that went by, I felt like I was losing myself a little more. The horror of my past was slowly taking over. The progress I had achieved over the two years I"d been away was gone. I could no longer push away the memories of my stepfather.
Soon I would have to see a therapist. I wasn"t sleeping much at all now, and when I did, it wasn"t peaceful. The weight was falling off me, and I had dark circles under my eyes that I couldn"t cover up anymore. I needed help.
The only thing holding me back was that I knew I"d have to talk about Mase.
I couldn"t talk about him. It hurt too much.
"Reese Ellis?" a female voice asked. I put down the beers I was loading into the drink cart"s icebox and turned around.
An attractive older lady with dark hair that curled under in a shoulder-length bob stood looking at me as if she was studying me. I knew she wasn"t a member here. The worn-out jeans and boots she was wearing didn"t look like anything the ladies here wore. Then there was the cowboy hat that sat back on her head. That was a dead giveaway that she was out of place.
"Yes?" I replied.
She didn"t smile or say anything right away. She continued to take me in. Although she wasn"t glaring at me, she looked as if she wanted to shake me.
I glanced around to see if there was anyone else around or just us.
"I imagined you"d be beautiful, but just like always, when my boy does something, he does it big," she said, and a sad smile touched her lips.
I didn"t know what she was talking about or who she thought she was talking to. Saying thank you didn"t seem like the right thing to do.
"Those dark circles and the empty look in your eyes tell me all I need to know. So let me tell you what you need to know," she said, taking a few steps toward me. "I"ve watched my son fight battles for everyone he"s ever loved and win. When he was seven, his cousin got picked on at school by a bully. My baby found out. The next thing I know, I have to go get my boy from school because he was suspended for wrapping another kid around the flagpole with duct tape. I was horrified. Until I found out the kid was the one who had been beating on his cousin. Calling him names and knocking him down in the halls. That particular day, the bully had stuck his cousin"s head in the toilet, with urine in it, and flushed. After the duct tape, no one messed with his cousin again.
"When he was ten, the librarian at his school, who brought him cookies every day and always saved him the best books, was being let go because the school board said they didn"t have the budget to keep a full-time librarian. Mrs. Hawks was in her seventies, but she loved those kids, and my boy was her favorite. So my baby got a pet.i.tion together and then got different businesses in town to pledge funds and donate to the cause. Mrs. Hawks didn"t lose her job. In fact, he collected so much money she got a raise.
"When he was nineteen, he found out his little sister had gotten her heart broken at school by a boy who only cared about who her daddy was. He asked me if he could go visit her, and I let him go. That boy who broke his little sister"s heart found his truck just out of town, completely immersed in water."
She stopped and chuckled. "Mase Colt Manning fights for those he loves. It"s what he does. And I know he tried to fight for you. He wanted to conquer your battles. And from the little research I"ve done, I found out he sends a monthly check to a Dr. Astor Munroe that costs more than I care to share. He gets weekly reports from this professor on a Reese Ellis"s progress. He"s fighting your battles. Which means he loves you, too. Problem is, my baby goes big when he does anything. And when he decided to fall in love, he did it in a ma.s.sive way."
She stopped and pointed her finger at me. I could see her son now in the determined gaze she leveled on me. How had I not seen it before?
"He needs someone to fight for him now. Because he"s lost himself. He"s a sh.e.l.l of the man I raised. He"s walking through life with no joy, because he tells me he left it with his heart. He left it with you. So if you love him even a tiny smidgen as much as he loves you, then fight for him. He deserves it more than anyone. It"s time someone fought his battle."
A drop fell on my arm, and I reached up to feel my face wet with tears. My heart was back, and it was twisting in pain listening to Mase"s mother tell me how he needed me. He was hurt because of me.
I didn"t care anymore about the text. Or the other woman. If Mase needed me to fight for him, I would. I"d fight whoever the h.e.l.l Cordelia was, too. I would fight until I couldn"t fight anymore.
"Where is he?" I asked.
"He"s at home. He thinks I"ve gone to visit my sister in San Antonio."
"How do I get to him? Where is his home?"
A smile spread across the other woman"s face. "I can take you right to him."
I closed the lid on the cooler. "Let me go tell my boss I"m leaving. Then I"ll be ready to go."
"I"m Maryann Colt, by the way," she said, holding out her hand for me to shake. "And it is a pleasure to meet the woman my son loves. I was worried, but I can see he chose well."
Her approval sent the first warmth through me that I"d felt in ten weeks, two days, and five hours.
Mase.
"OK, I"m a douchebag. I have to "fess up, because this s.h.i.t is eating me alive," Major said, as he stepped into the barn with a saddle thrown over his shoulder.
I continued rubbing down my Appaloosa, Kryptonite, and ignored his comment. I had to get the stallion"s stall cleaned out next, and I didn"t have time to deal with Major and his drama.
"I"m f.u.c.king Cordelia. I"ve been f.u.c.king her for like two months. She"s really good at sucking my d.i.c.k. Sorry, but I"m a man, and she came on to me, and I let her blow me. Then I turned her over the sawhorse and f.u.c.ked her. It was a weak moment. I was h.o.r.n.y, and she came strutting in wearing these cutoff jeans shorts that showed part of her a.s.s and a little top that barely covered her t.i.ts. She"s hot, man. I asked you if you were still f.u.c.king her, and you didn"t answer. I figured it meant she didn"t matter."
That was why Cordelia had left me the h.e.l.l alone. I should be giving Major money for this. "Glad she"s servicing you well." I patted Kryptonite, then turned to lead him over to the stall I"d already cleaned.
"So you don"t care that I"m tapping that a.s.s?" he asked.
"You did me a favor. She wasn"t taking no for an answer."
Major let out a sigh of relief. "Thank G.o.d. I was worried you"ve been in this sour mood because I took your go-to f.u.c.k."
I didn"t even respond to that. There was no point.
"The day she came to get her panties, I was close to f.u.c.king her then. She was dressed in a little short skirt, looking like a d.a.m.n p.o.r.n star. But I called and texted you, and you didn"t answer. I let her go then. But the next day, when she showed up in the barn, I f.u.c.ked her. You weren"t coming out of your house that week. It was that week you were in such a bad mood."
Right on time. He started things up with her when I really needed everyone out of my face. No telling what I would have said to her if she"d started that s.h.i.t up then. I didn"t want her, but I didn"t see any use in saying anything hurtful. She didn"t deserve that.
"Where were you that weekend, anyway? That time I texted you? You came back here angry at the world. And you"ve been f.u.c.ked-up ever since. Was it Rosemary Beach? That girl you were going to see?"
I wasn"t talking about this with him.
Wait. What text?
The world around me stopped, and my empty chest suddenly felt heavier than lead. Please, G.o.d, no. Don"t let this be what I think it is.
"Major," I said, almost afraid to ask. Did I want the answer? Could I live with this?
"Yeah?"
"What text?" I asked, before I could stop myself.
"The one I sent you about Cord getting her panties under your bed and asking if you were still f.u.c.king her."
No . . . no . . . no . . .
"Major, I never got that text. When did you send it?"
"I told you-"
"No. I need to know the date and time you sent that motherf.u.c.king text!" I shouted. The horses whinnied, but my head was pounding, and the heaviness was taking over my lungs.
"s.h.i.t, dude. I"ll check. Calm down," he grumbled, pulling out his phone and scrolling through the text messages.
"Uh . . . June 29 at nine a.m. Called twice before that, too. No answer or response."
I dropped the supplies from my hands and walked out the door. I kept walking. I just f.u.c.king walked. I walked until I was as far away from Major as I could get, until my house vanished from sight.
Then I tilted my head back and let it all out in an angry roar.
She"d seen that text. That was what had sent her to the corner, looking at me as if she had shattered. A f.u.c.king text had taken her from me.
Reese.
Maryann Colt had talked the whole way on the drive from the airport. She had slept for the entire flight. I hadn"t been able to do anything but stare out the window. My thoughts had been on Mase and the boy she"d described. He sounded exactly like the man I had fallen in love with. One text had made me doubt everything. All he had done to show me how much he loved me, and I hadn"t even let him explain.
I hadn"t been a charity case. He wasn"t trying to fix me. He was fighting my battles because he loved me.
He didn"t even know about the text. I had deleted it before putting his phone back. He had no idea what had changed that morning. I was now going to show up at his house unannounced. I knew that just because his mother said he wanted me, that didn"t mean I wouldn"t have to fight for him.
He could have moved on in other ways. Cordelia could be keeping him warm at night. I wouldn"t think about that.
I listened to Maryann talk instead. I had to focus on her words, not on what I could be facing soon. But no matter what it was, I would fight. He had fought for me once. I was going to fight for him now.
"His house is up the road a bit. He might be in bed by now. It"s late, and he"s been going straight to sleep after dinner. But knock on the window to the left side of the house if he doesn"t open the door. I"m gonna let you walk from here. I don"t want him to see my truck. It"s all on you now. You go show my boy he"s worth fighting for."
I opened the truck door and jumped down.
Maryann pointed to the dirt road lit by moonlight right behind her house. "Follow that trail. It"ll take you right to his door."
I started to walk that way, then stopped and glanced back at her. I caught her wiping her eyes. "Thank you," I said. "I know you did it for him. But you saved me, too."
I didn"t wait for her response. I headed up the hill toward the rooftop I could barely see in the distance. The metal roof caught the moon"s rays, and I followed them. My heart was racing for the first time in months. I was going to see him. I was going to see Mase.
If Cordelia was there, I had to keep my calm and not claw her eyes out. But the closer I got to his cabin, the more I realized I couldn"t not attack her if she was touching him. If he had touched her.
I was going to make myself sick. I couldn"t think about that.
There was a black truck similar to the silver one his mother drove parked outside. It was the only vehicle, and I wanted to sigh in relief. I could fight the Cordelia battle later. Right now, I was going to focus on getting him to forgive me.
I stepped up onto the front porch and stopped. Now that I was here without Maryann coaching me, I was frozen in fear. But I had come this far. Flown for the first time in my life and left the only safe place I"d ever known to come here. To face a man I had thrown out of my life.
The last time I"d heard his voice, he"d been shouting through my door that he loved me.
Did he still? Had I waited too long?
The door swung open before I even got close enough to knock, revealing a shirtless Mase. The shadows covered his face, but I knew that chest. I also knew those boxer briefs. I had to say something. My entire body seemed to freeze up on me. "I came to fight for you," I blurted out, and then I burst into tears.
Mase.
Reese was here. At my house. On my porch. And she was crying.