"Just give me a minute," Casey said, earnest and quiet, like a whisper. "Just hear me out, okay? You don"t even have to open the door. I can talk from here."
Evan"s insides were tangled up like bal s of string.
Sadie was whining and scratching at the door, and he didn"t dare take one step forward, too afraid of what he would find on the other side.
"I"m sorry last night ended the way it did. I meant it when I said I"ve never done this before. I was... very out of my element. I don"t know what I did to upset you, but I am truly sorry."
Evan tried to block Casey"s voice out, he did, he real y did. But it was as though Casey was speaking from right inside of him. Just as he had when Evan heard that terrifying I"m falling in love with you I"m falling in love with you.
"I don"t know if I can make it right, or if I ruined everything... any chance of having a-a -- relationship, hel , a friendship, even, with you, but I hope not. Because...
there"s something in you that just speaks to me in a way nothing, no one else does. And if you just give me a chance, maybe I can tel you why... why I found you and why I couldn"t let you go even when you told me to f.u.c.k off, basical y," a nervous laugh. "But I did leave in the end, and I made a mistake. And I"m sorry. I"ve known you for less than twenty-four hours, but you"ve already got under my skin.
And I don"t know what else I can say to make you change your mind and open that door. But I hope you wil ."
Sadie barked, as though to underline a point.
Evan clutched his head with both hands, his breath harsh and ragged. "Are you done?"
He could feel Casey"s hesitation. "Yes."
"So you can go now."
The silence stretched on. And on, and on. Evan hoped, prayed that Casey would just give up and leave, for cryin" out loud, just leave him be like everyone else, but the silence was too long. He should"ve heard Casey"s steps going down the stairs a long time ago.
"Evan."
Oh G.o.d. "I"m not going to say you had me at hel o."
"Please."
Evan was ready to scream. He pushed himself up unsteadily on his good leg and staggered over to yank the door open. "What!" he yel ed. He was probably not even a foot away from Casey"s face. He could smel a faint trace of soap and blueberry m.u.f.fins, and he regretted, not for the first time, having lost the ability to glare. "Please, what?
What do you want, Casey? You want me to talk? I won"t.
You want to be my friend? You won"t. So what do you want now?"
"You have so many friends you can"t do with one more?"
Evan gritted his teeth. "Did you even stop to wonder that maybe I don"t want them?"
"Why not?"
Evan shook his head and turned to go back inside, but Casey took hold of his wrist -- not a powerful grasp, but a touch, just enough to ground Evan to that doorway. "Why not, Evan?"
"Because I don"t need no one"s pity!"
"It"s not pity!"
"I don"t need no one"s help --"
"Evan, you can"t even walk down the stairs with the cast."
"So what is that to you?" Evan ground out, his voice going from screaming to low, painful y gritty. "Why don"t you just get the f.u.c.k out of my life like everyone else?"
"Because I"m not everyone else!" Casey yel ed, and as he tugged at the wrist he was holding Evan spun around, and his mouth crashed into Casey"s.
Chapter 6.
Casey gasped and staggered as Evan fel against him, electricity running like a shock between the two of them. He"d never been quite as overwhelmed. The vortex of feelings pouring out of Evan was something that he"d never felt in his life, anger and resentment and fear and a black, dark hole of loneliness that nearly threatened to suffocate them both. The box with Sandra"s m.u.f.fins fel to the floor, and Casey wrapped his arm around Evan"s waist, the kiss desperate, ferocious, more like a fight than a real kiss.
"f.u.c.k," Evan gasped, grabbing Casey"s face with both hands as he pul ed him in again, breathless, their lips stinging, bitten and swol en. "f.u.c.k."
"Evan," Casey whispered as he fought to keep on breathing, his heartbeat so loud in his ears it was the only thing he could hear. "Evan, please."
"Why won"t you go away," Evan breathed as his hands splayed over Casey"s chest. "Why, what"s in it for you?"
"Nothing," Casey said as honestly as he could. "I don"t want anything."
Evan"s breath was hot against his neck, hard and fast as though he"d been running a marathon. "I can"t deal with this," Evan said quietly. "I just can"t."
"Wil you at least eat a m.u.f.fin?" Casey muttered, and Evan chuckled, nearly hysterical.
"You actual y brought m.u.f.fins."
"Sandra baked them."
"Who"s Sandra?"
"She"s my boss at the LGTB support center. She was with me when I found you."
Evan"s back went rigid, and Casey cursed. Probably not the right thing to say. f.u.c.k.
"Can we just sit down and talk?" he tried again. "I real y don"t want anything -- okay, anything else. I"d real y love to just have a chance to get to know you, but --"
Evan sighed and pushed himself back up slightly, as though he was trying to look at Casey in the eye. "Why?"
"Because --" Casey swal owed. "Because I think I could fal in love with you. I might be more than halfway in love with you already."
And here it was again. That surge of rage and rejection, but this time Casey was prepared. He took hold of Evan"s shoulders, stopping him from wriggling away. "I can feel you," he whispered, urgently, afraid Evan would shut himself off completely. "I could feel you when they attacked you, even if we were miles away. It"s never happened before, not like this, and I know there"s something that"s destroyed you. Don"t push me away, Evan, f.u.c.k, please. Just tel me --"
"Don"t talk about love," Evan ground out. "We can do -- if that"s what you want, fine, but -- don"t even go there.
Just don"t."
"Why?" Casey knew he was playing with fire, but he couldn"t stop himself.
"Because it left me like this," Evan squeezed his eyes shut, snapping them open again and fixing Casey with a blank, empty stare that chil ed him to the bone. "Because he left me like this."
Casey opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. He couldn"t wrap his mind around it. He just couldn"t.
"I thought..."
"I wasn"t born blind," Evan said in a quiet whisper.
"There was... It was a car crash. I wasn"t driving. He was. I was in the hospital for months. They"d hoped I"d see again but, wel . That didn"t work out." He laughed again, so bitter it chil ed Casey"s blood.
"And... him?"
"Didn"t work out, either."
Now everything made sense. Casey wanted to say something, but he found he had no more words. A lump the size of a brick was stuck in his throat, and as he fought to regroup his thoughts, he saw the beginning of tears gather at the corners of Evan"s eyes.
That kicked him into motion. He gently cupped the sides of Evan"s face and leaned in to kiss him. Evan opened his mouth, and al owed Casey in, their hearts beating in unison, Evan clutching at Casey"s shoulders with a soft, nearly desperate sound.
Casey held him close, his hands molding across the wings of Evan"s shoulder blades. He pressed his lips over wings of Evan"s shoulder blades. He pressed his lips over his eyes, with reverence almost, his fingertips skipping down the juncture of Evan"s chin, then down to his jaw, to the hol ow of his throat. Evan kissed him again, his head ducking low, trying to get back to Casey"s mouth.
Casey"s heart was stil thundering in his chest, the crumbles of Evan"s careful y constructed wal s stil lying scattered in pieces around them. The dust was settling, and Casey was treasuring the moment, the kisses becoming slower, longer, deeper, heat glowing between them.
Casey let his hand slide down to the smal of Evan"s back, pul ing him closer. He took Evan"s hands and guided them on his own face, letting Evan"s fingertips trail over his features with care, rediscovering him. "I"m not much of a looker," he managed, grinning nervously. Evan"s answering smile made his heart skip a beat.
"I see you better this way," Evan whispered, and even if he tried to add that little bit of edge to his voice to keep in control, Casey knew he was giving in.
He kissed the tips of Evan"s fingers as he pul ed him closer, their groins grinding together, slowly, a sensual rol of hips that made his skin tingle. "Can we -- again?"
Evan leaned in to bite at Casey"s lip. Casey"s blood flew straight to his c.o.c.k, which pulsed to attention faster than Evan could get the sentence out. Teeth knocked together, tongues tangling, Evan fel against Casey"s chest and they stumbled back into the hal way toward Evan"s bedroom.
As Casey pushed the door closed, he caught a glimpse of Sadie munching away at the abandoned m.u.f.fins, and broke out in laughter against Evan"s lips. "I think Sadie got into your food."
Evan snorted. "Wouldn"t be the first time." Then -- "f.u.c.k. Wait."
Casey"s heart sank like a stone as Evan slid past him and limped back out of the room and toward the living room.
"I"m just going to take her to my cleaning lady," he said as he turned toward Casey again, a smal smile on his lips. "She was supposed to come and get her and I kind of don"t want to have to get up again and open the door."
Casey chuckled, running a nervous hand through his hair. "Makes sense."
The five minutes that it took for Evan to get to the apartment at the other end of his floor and leave Sadie with Mrs. Lamar felt like five months for Casey. Final y, final y he heard the door close, and the lock turn, and the next thing he knew Evan was hovering in the doorway, a crutch under his armpit and an almost hopeful look on his face. "Uh. I"m - - back now."
"Yeah," Casey said, jaw slack as he took in just how beautiful Evan looked. He didn"t mind the scruff. In fact, Evan"s almost grungy look made his blood run faster through his veins, heading straight down south.
They made quick work of each other"s clothes, lingering only moments as they discovered warm skin before going back to the next item. "So beautiful," Casey whispered, kissing Evan again, his lips searching Evan"s, nimble fingers undoing Evan"s belt.
He faltered as Evan tugged his shirt off over his head, but returned to his task as soon as the shirt hit the ground. Evan"s mouth began to search out al of the sensitive places on Casey"s throat and chest as he struggled with the heavy buckle of Casey"s belt.
"f.u.c.k!" Casey swore, a slick sheen of sweat breaking out al over his skin. "Just so you know," he panted, kissing Evan again as he gently guided him to lie down on the bed. "This would be the second time I do...
this. And... wel ..."
"f.u.c.k." Evan reached up to clutch at some part of Casey, tugging him down for another kiss. The bandages on his chest had gone, Casey noted with a pang, and the bruises and cuts on his right side looked ugly and painful.
Evan must"ve showered, and then decided to trash the soggy gauze. Casey made a mental note to get new ones later as he bowed his head to bestow the lightest of kisses to the scratch that ran down the middle of Evan"s chest, his palm skimming up the other side, raising goose b.u.mps al over Evan.
"Are you naked?" Evan whispered as he let his hands explore Casey"s body. He made a displeased sound as his fingers closed around his belt. "I want to feel you," he muttered. "Not fair if I don"t."
Casey undid his belt and nearly fel off the bed as he tried to wriggle out of his jeans. Evan laughed, soft and throaty, and it made Casey"s heart jump in his chest.
Everything was heightened, everything was more more.
Evan"s hands tangled in his hair and he was pul ed down, Evan"s hands tangled in his hair and he was pul ed down, painful in the way he crashed against Evan"s tender chest, both of them gasping and groaning at the contact. "Yes,"
Evan breathed, his hips rocking up against Casey"s thigh.
"G.o.d, yes. Come on, Casey, come on."
Casey had planned on things being slow and gentle, an apology maybe, but if Evan wanted it hard and fast, Casey was perfectly capable of adapting. He could give Evan that, and then spend his time worshipping every inch of Evan"s flushed, loose limbed body.
"Lube," Casey managed, hoisting himself up on his elbow as he kissed his way down the middle of Evan"s chest.
"Under the pil ow," Evan gasped, pul ing his legs up.
"Hurry."
Casey groped around the dip between the bed and the headboard, and managed to close his fingers around a half-squashed tube of KY and a few condoms. His heart sunk a little -- Evan was probably used to bringing people home. It made him feel both sad for Evan and even more determined to be a change for the both of them.
He pul ed the lid off the lube with his teeth, coating his fingers and bringing them down to the crack of Evan"s a.s.s as he rubbed them in a circle, trying to warm up the chil of the slippery lube before pushing the tip of his index finger inside of him.
"Not gonna break," Evan gritted out.
"I"m stil learning over here," Casey said, trying to joke but being completely serious at the same time. "Give me time."
me time."
Evan"s skin felt hot and slippery under Casey"s hands. Evan threw his head back, groaning as he pushed his legs further apart, careful to lay his broken one at an angle so that Casey wouldn"t crush it, his knuckles white against his own knee.
Casey looked up at him, the pale, pale skin of his abs stretched over solid muscle, only marred by the dark blossom of the bruises on his side. Evan was so breathtakingly gorgeous, and Casey knew he had no idea just what Casey saw in him, what went beyond the physical attraction. His heart was swel ing in his chest, three sizes, like a modern day Grinch. If he dared he would"ve whispered those three little words as he leaned in to kiss him, two fingers breaching through. Evan whimpered, his fingernails raising red welts on Casey"s biceps as he let go of his knee, both his legs fal ing apart as he clutched at Casey"s back, feet planted down on the sheets and his c.o.c.k hard and leaking, pointed toward his bel y.
"More," Evan commanded, his voice hoa.r.s.e as he pushed back on Casey"s hand. Casey obliged, scissoring his fingers and crooking them the right way up, once, twice, searching, sweat rol ing down his back as he opened Evan up.
"Yes," Evan breathed out, his eyes rol ing in the back of his head, and Casey felt the same white hot, pulsing spark of pleasure as he managed to hit that spot inside of him. "G.o.d yes."