sometimes court very hard by their bewitching smiles and affectionate manners; by the natural language of love, or that backward reclining and affectionate roll of the head which expresses it; by their soft and persuasive accents; by their low dresses, artificial forms, and many other unnatural and affected ways and means of attracting attention and exciting love; but women never court till they have been in love and experienced its interruption, till their first and most tender fibres of love have been frostbitten by disappointment. It is surely a sad condition of society.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "HASTY FAMILIARITY IS FRAUGHT WITH MANY DANGERS."]
6. TRAMPLING THE AFFECTIONS OF WOMEN.--But man is a self-privileged character. He may not only violate the laws of his own social nature with impunity, but he may even trample upon the affections of woman. He may even carry {151} this sinful indulgence to almost any length, and yet be caressed and smiled tenderly upon by woman; aye, even by virtuous woman. He may call out, only to blast the glowing affections of one young lady after another, and yet his addresses be cordially welcomed by others. Surely a gentleman is at perfect liberty to pay his addresses, not only to a lady, but even to the ladies, although he does not once entertain the thought of marrying his sweet-heart, or, rather his victim. O, man, how depraved! O, woman, how strangely blind to your own rights and interests!
7. AN INFALLIBLE SIGN.--An infallible sign that a young man"s intentions are improper, is his trying to excite your pa.s.sions. If he loves you, he will never appeal to that feeling, because he respects you too much for that. And the woman who allows a man to take advantage of her just to compel him to marry her, is lost and heartless in the last degree, and utterly dest.i.tute of moral principle as well as virtue. A woman"s riches is her virtue, that gone she has lost all.
8. THE BEGINNING OF LICENTIOUSNESS.--Man it seldom drives from society. Do what he may, woman, aye, virtuous and even pious woman rarely excludes him from her list of visitors. But where is the point of propriety?--immoral transgression should exclude either s.e.x from respectable society. Is it that one false step which now const.i.tutes the boundary between virtue and vice? Or rather, the discovery of that false step? Certainly not! but it is all that leads to, and precedes and induces it. It is this courting without marrying. This is the beginning of licentiousness, as well as its main, procuring cause, and therefore infinitely worse than its consummation merely.
9. SEARING THE SOCIAL AFFECTIONS.--He has seared his social affections so deeply, so thoroughly, so effectually, that when, at last, he wishes to marry, he is incapable of loving. He marries, but is necessarily cold-hearted towards his wife, which of course renders her wretched, if not jealous, and reverses the faculties of both towards each other; making both most miserable for life. This induces contention and mutual recrimination, if not unfaithfulness, and imbitters the marriage relations through life; and well it may.
10. UNHAPPY MARRIAGES.--This very cause, besides inducing most of that unblushing public and private prost.i.tution already alluded to, renders a large proportion of the marriages of the present day unhappy. Good people mourn over the result, but do not once dream of its cause. They even pray for moral reform, yet do the very things that increase the evil. {152}
[Ill.u.s.tration: AFTER THE ENGAGEMENT.]
11. WEEPING OVER HER FALLEN SON.--Do you see yonder G.o.dly mother, weeping over her fallen son, and remonstrating with him in tones of a mother"s tenderness and importunity? That very mother prevented that very son marrying the girl he dearly loved, because she was poor, and this interruption of his love was the direct and procuring cause of his ruin; for, if she had allowed him to marry this beloved one, he never would have thought of giving his "strength unto strange women." True, the mother ruined her son ignorantly, but none the less effectually.
12. SEDUCTION AND RUIN.--That son next courts another virtuous fair one, engages her affections, and ruins her, or else leaves her broken-hearted, so that she is the more easily ruined by others, and thus prepares the way for her becoming an inmate of a house "whose steps take hold on h.e.l.l." His heart is now indifferent, he is ready for anything.
13. THE RIGHT PRINCIPLE.--I say then, with emphasis, that no man should ever pay his addresses to any woman, until he has made his selection, not even to aid him in making that choice. He should first make his selection intellectually, and love afterward. He should go about the matter coolly and with judgment, just as he would undertake any other important matter.
No man or woman, when blinded by love, is in a fit state to judge advantageously as to what he or she requires, or who is adapted to his or her wants.
14. CHOOSING FIRST AND LOVING AFTERWARDS.--I know, indeed, that this doctrine of choosing first and loving afterward, of excluding love from the councils, and of choosing by and with the consent of the intellect and moral sentiments, is entirely at variance with the feelings of the young and the customs of society; but, for its correctness, I appeal to the common-sense--not to the experience, for so few try this plan. Is not this the only proper method, and the one most likely to result happily? Try it.
15. THE YOUNG WOMAN"S CAUTION.--And, especially, let no young lady ever once think of bestowing her affections till she is certain they will not be broken off--that is, until the match is fully agreed upon; but rather let her keep her heart whole till she bestows it for life. This requisition is as much more important, and its violation as much more disastrous to woman than to man, as her social faculties are stronger than his.
16. A BURNT CHILD DREADS THE FIRE.--As a "burnt child dreads the fire," and the more it is burnt, the greater the dread: so your affections, once interrupted, will recoil from a second love, and distrust all mankind. No!
you cannot be too choice of your love--that pivot on which turn your destinies for life and future happiness.
{154}
Love-Spats.
For aught that ever I could read, Could ever hear by tale or history, The course of true love never did ran smooth."--SHAKESPEARE.
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor h.e.l.l a fury like a woman scorned."--CONGREVE.
"Thunderstorms clear the atmosphere and promote vegetation; then why not Love-spats promote love, as they certainly often do?
They are almost universal, and in the nature of our differences cannot be helped. The more two love, the more they are aggrieved by each other"s faults; of which these spats are but the correction.
Love-spats instead of being universal, they are consequent on imperfect love, and only aggravate, never correct errors. s.e.xual storms never improve, whereas love obviates faults by praising the opposite virtues.
Every view of them, practical and philosophical, condemns them as being to love what poison is to health, both before and after marriage. They are nothing but married discords. Every law of mind and love condemns them. Shun them as you would deadly vipers, and prevent them by forestallment."--O. S. Fowler.
1. THE TRUE FACTS.--Notwithstanding some of the above quotations, to the contrary, trouble and disagreement between lovers embitters both love and life. Contention is always dangerous, and will beget alienation if not final separation.
2. CONFIRMED AFFECTIONS.--Where affections are once thoroughly confirmed, each one should be very careful in taking offense, and avoid all disagreements as far as possible, but if disagreements continually develop with more or less friction and irritation, it is better for the crisis to come and a final separation take place. For peace is better than disunited love.
[Ill.u.s.tration: CUPID"S REBELLION]
3. HATE-SPATS.--Hate-spats, though experienced by most lovers, yet, few realize how fatal they are to subsequent affections. Love-spats develop into hate-spats, and their effects upon the affections are blighting and should not under any circ.u.mstances be tolerated. Either agree, or agree to disagree. If there cannot be harmony before the ties of marriage are a.s.sumed, then there cannot be harmony {156} after. Married life will be continually marred by a series of "hate-spats" that sooner or later will destroy all happiness, unless the couple are reasonably well mated.
4. MORE FATAL THE OFTENER THEY OCCUR.--As O. S. Fowler says: ""The poison of asps is under their lips." The first spat is like a deep gash cut into a beautiful face, rendering it ghastly, and leaving a fearful scar, which neither time nor cosmetics can ever efface; including that pain so fatal to love, and blotting that sacred love-page with memory"s most hideous and imperishable visages. Cannot many now unhappy remember them as the beginning of that alienation which embittered your subsequent affectional cup, and spoiled your lives? With what inherent repulsion do you look back upon them? Their memory is horrid, and effect on love most destructive."
5. FATAL CONDITIONS.--What are all lovers" "spats" but disappointment in its very worst form? They necessarily and always produce all its terrible consequences. The finer feelings and sensibilities will soon become destroyed and nothing but hatred will remain.
6. EXTREME SORROW.--After a serious "spat" there generally follows a period of tender sorrow, and a feeling of humiliation and submission. Mutual promises are consequently made that such a condition of things shall never happen again, etc. But be sure and remember, that every subsequent difficulty will require stronger efforts to repair the breach. Let it be understood that these compromises are dangerous, and every new difficulty increases their fatality. Even the strongest will endure but few, nor survive many.
7. DISTRUST AND WANT OF CONFIDENCE.--Most difficulties arise from distrust or lack of confidence or common-sense. When two lovers eye each other like two curs, each watching, lest the other should gain some new advantage, then this shows a lack of common-sense, and the young couple should get sensible or separate.
8. JEALOUSY.--When one of the lovers, once so tender, now all at once so cold and hardened; once so coy and familiar, now suddenly so reserved, distant, hard and austere, is always a sure case of jealousy. A jealous person is first talkative, very affectionate, and then all at once changes and becomes cold, reserved and repulsive, apparently without cause. If a person is jealous before marriage, this characteristic will be increased rather than diminished by marriage. {157}
9. CONFESSION.--If you make up by confession, the confessor feels mean and disgraced; or if both confess and forgive, both feel humbled; since forgiveness implies inferiority and pity; from which whatever is manly and womanly shrinks. Still even this is better than continued "spats."
10. PREVENTION.--If you can get along well in your courtship you will invariably make a happy couple if you should unite your destinies in marriage. Learn not to give nor take offence. You must remember that all humanity is imperfect at best. We all have our faults, and must keep them in subordination. Those who truly love each other will have but few difficulties in their courtship or in married life.
11. REMEDIES.--Establishing a perfect love in the beginning const.i.tutes a preventive. Fear that they are not truly loved usually paves the way for "spats." Let all who make any pretension guard against all beginnings of this reversal, and strangle these "hate-spats" the moment they arise. "Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath," not even an hour, but let the next sentence after they begin quench them forever. And let those who cannot court without "spats," stop; for those who spat before marriage, must quarrel after.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "Let not the sun go down upon thy wrath."]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
{159}
A Broken Heart.
[Ill.u.s.tration: A BROKEN HEART]
1. WOUNDED LOVE.--Tis true that love wields a magic, sovereign, absolute, and tyrannical power over both the body and the mind when it is given control. It often, in case of disappointment, works havoc and deals death blows to its victims, and leaves many in that morbid mental condition which no life-tonics simply can restore. Wounded love may be the result of hasty and indiscreet conduct of young people; or the outgrowth of l.u.s.t, or the result of domestic infidelity and discord.
2. FATAL EFFECTS.--Our cemeteries receive within the cold shadows of the grave thousands and thousands of victims that annually die from the results of "broken hearts." It is no doubt a fact that love troubles cause more disorders of the heart than everything else combined.
3. DISRUPTED LOVE.--It has long been known that dogs, birds, and even horses, when separated from their companions or friends, have pined away and died; so it is not strange that man with his higher intuitive ideas of affection should suffer from love when suddenly disrupted.
4. CRUCIFYING LOVE.--Painful love feelings strike right to the heart, and the breaking up of love that cannot be consummated in marriage is sometimes allowed to crucify the affections. There is no doubt that the suffering from disappointed love is often deeper and more intense than meeting death itself.
5. HEALING.--The paralyzing and agonizing consequences of ruptured love can only be remedied by diversion and society. Bring the mind into a state of patriotic independence with a full determination to blot out the past.
Those who cannot bring into subordination the pangs of disappointment in love are not strong characters, and invariably will suffer disappointments in almost every department of life. Disappointment in love means rising above it, and conquering it, or demoralization, mental, physical and s.e.xual.
6. LOVE RUNS MAD.--Love comes unbidden. A blind ungovernable impulse seems to hold sway in the pa.s.sions of the affections. Love is blind and seems to completely subdue and conquer. It often comes like a clap of thunder from a clear sky, and when it falls it falls flat, leaving only the ruins of a tornado behind.