11. ITS BRIGHT SIDE.--We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect.
But there is another way of looking at it; for even shyness has its bright side, and contains an element of good. Shy men and shy races are ungraceful and undemonstrative, because, as regards society at large, they are comparatively unsociable. They do not possess those elegancies of manner acquired by free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because their tendency is to shun society rather than to seek it. They are shy in the presence of strangers, and shy even in their own families. They hide their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to their feelings, it is only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the feelings are there, and not the less healthy and genuine, though they are not made the subject of exhibition to others.
12. WORTHY OF CULTIVATION.--While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness of behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make life pleasant and beautiful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at the expense of the more solid and enduring qualities of honesty, sincerity, and truthfulness. The fountain of beauty must be in the heart more than in the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and n.o.ble practice, it will prove of comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner is not worth much, unless it is accompanied by polite actions.
INFLUENCE OF GOOD CHARACTER.
"Unless above himself he can Erect himself, how poor a thing is man!
--DANIEL.
"Character is moral order seen through the medium of an individual nature--Men of character are the conscience of the society to which they belong."
--EMERSON.
The purest treasure mortal times afford, Is--spotless reputation; that away, Men are but gilded loam, or painted clay, A jewel in a ten-times-barr"d-up chest Is--a bold Spirit in a loyal breast.
--SHAKESPEARE.
1. REPUTATION.--The two most precious things this side the grave are our reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious to deserve a fair name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not to be afraid to die.
2. CHARACTER.--Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world. In its n.o.blest embodiments, it exemplifies human nature in its highest forms, for it exhibits man at his best.
3. THE HEART THAT RULES IN LIFE.--Although genius always commands admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the product of brain power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to society in the relation of its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former are admired, the latter are followed.
4. THE HIGHEST IDEAL OF LIFE AND CHARACTER.--Common-place though it may appear, this doing of one"s duty embodies the highest ideal of life and character. There may be nothing heroic about it; but the common lot of men is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his highest att.i.tudes, it also equally sustains him in the transaction of the ordinary affairs of every-day existence.
Man"s life is "centered in the sphere of common duties." The most influential of all the virtues are those which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last the longest.
5. WEALTH.--Wealth in the hands of men of weak purpose, or deficient self-control, or of ill regulated pa.s.sions is only a temptation and a snare--the source, it may be, of infinite mischief to themselves, and often to others.
On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with character in its highest form. A man may possess only his industry, his frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the rank of true manhood. The advice which Burns" father gave him was the best:
"He bade me act a manly part, though I had ne"er a farthing, For without an honest, manly heart no man was worth regarding."
6. CHARACTER IS PROPERTY.--It is the n.o.blest of possessions. It is an estate in the general good-will and respect of men; they who invest in it--though they may not become rich in this world"s goods--will find their reward in esteem and reputation fairly and honorably won. And it is right that in life good qualities should tell--that industry, virtue, and goodness should rank the highest--and that the really best men should be foremost.
7. SIMPLE HONESTY OF PURPOSE.--This in a man goes a long way in life, if founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he knows and feels to be right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength and sustenance, and forms a mainspring of vigorous action. No man is bound to be rich or great--no, nor to be wise--but every man is bound to be honest and virtuous.
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[Ill.u.s.tration: HOME AMUs.e.m.e.nTS.]
FAMILY GOVERNMENT.
1. GENTLENESS MUST CHARACTERIZE EVERY ACT OF AUTHORITY.--The storm of excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation to actual obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bl.u.s.ter. The more calm and direct it is, the greater certainty it has of dominion.
2. FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF SMALL CHILDREN.--For the government of small children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to be obeyed. The most important lesson to impart is obedience to authority as authority. The question of salvation with most children will be settled as soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit and order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This precludes skepticism and disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made to obey are left to drift into the sea of pa.s.sion where the pressure for surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of safety.
3. HABITS OF SELF-DENIAL.--Form in the child habits of self-denial.
Pampering never matures good character.
4. EMPHASIZE INTEGRITY.--Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it will hold a hook of obligations when once set in a sure place.
There is nothing more vital. Shape all your experiments to preserve the integrity. Do not so reward it that it becomes mercenary. Turning State"s evidence is a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from succeeding.
5. GUARD MODESTY.--To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but brazen facedness can seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the miracle of grace.
6. PROTECT PURITY.--Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption at all cost. The groups of youth in the school and in society, and in business places, seed with improprieties of word and thought. Never relax your vigilance along this exposed border.
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7. THREATEN THE LEAST POSSIBLE.--In family government threaten the least possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so profusely that there is a steady roar of hostilities about the child"s head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded by the child. All government is at an end.
8. DO NOT ENFORCE TOO MANY COMMANDS.--Leave a few things within the range of the child"s knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but do not have too much of it out to be redeemed.
9. PUNISH AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.--Sometimes punishment is necessary, but the less it is resorted to the better.
10. NEVER PUNISH IN A Pa.s.sION.--Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good.
11. BRUTISH VIOLENCE ONLY MULTIPLIES OFFENDERS.--Striking and beating the body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred beget rebellion.
12. PUNISH PRIVATELY.--Avoid punishments that break down self-respect.
Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the other children to know that discipline is being administered.
13. NEVER STOP SHORT OF SUCCESS.--When the child is not conquered the punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper accompaniments.
14. DO NOT REQUIRE CHILDREN TO COMPLAIN OF THEMSELVES FOR PARDON.--It begets either sycophants or liars. It is the part of the government to detect offences. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty.
15. GRADE AUTHORITY UP TO LIBERTY.--The growing child must have experiments of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of exposures.
16. RESPECT.--Parents must respect each other. Undermining either undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love.
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CONVERSATION.
Some men are very entertaining for a first interview, but after that they are exhausted, and run out; on a second meeting we shall find them very flat and monotonous; like hand-organs, we have heard all their tunes.--COULTON.