「CHAPTER 3」
He thought it was proper to receive an OK from Hatori for the storyboard
corrections before he started drawing the comic scenes. Ever since he saw the dispute
between Hatori and Yanase, Yos.h.i.+no could not think straight for his head was full of
thoughts. He did not have much spare time like always, so he had to hurry. But the only
thing he thought about was what he had witnessed.
However, time did not wait for him. Before long he will be facing the deadline, so
Yos.h.i.+no set to work - drawing manga - and called his a.s.sistants to help finish the rough
draft. Usually, while Yos.h.i.+no did the inking, they drew things like the backgrounds,
minor characters, and flowers. Naturally, Yanase also came; but somehow the event from
the other day worried Yos.h.i.+no and he could not make eye contact with him.
There"s no way I can just tell him I saw that... and I can"t just bluntly ask him
about it either.....
It was their business. It had nothing to do with him. If he was so anxious to talk
about it, he should probably start on a casual note, but at any rate there was no use in
being so anxious.
Why am I so shocked?
Was it the fact that his childhood friend and his friend from middle school were
gay? The fact that the person Hatori liked was Yuu? The fact that they kept it a secret
from him? Or was he disappointed at knowing he was an outsider? Yos.h.i.+no was in
distress, as he did not fully understand his own feelings about it.
“ — ki . . .Chiaki!”
“Wha—? What?”
“Not "what"! I said I finished the backgrounds so can you check it for me?”
“Ah, sorry. Um... It"s fine.” He glanced at the ma.n.u.script held out before him and
gave the OK. Even if he did not check it, Yanase was skilled with art, so it was
impossible for Yos.h.i.+no to complain. Yos.h.i.+no trusted him, so it was fine even if Yanase
never showed it to him; but since this was work, Yanase always asked him to check it.
“What should I do with it?”
“It"ll be good if you do a daytime-like scene.”
“Jeez. Your instructions are so unclear as usual.”
“That"s cause you"re Yuu, so you draw exactly what I expect.”
“Can I take it that you trust me then?”
“Of course. How many years do you think we"ve known each other?”
While Yos.h.i.+no gazed at Yanase returning to his desk, he was relieved he could
talk to him like usual.
The person Tori likes......
Yos.h.i.+no felt a change in his heart as he realized this person, who was so close to
him, would not tell him anything no matter how persistent he was in asking him. Then
another a.s.sistant came up to him calling out nervously.
“Um......Sir, I finished the toning.”
“Huh? Really? How surprising... I didn"t get much done with the inking...”
He searched for another page he could give, but all of them where unfinished. On
top of that, he had been so busy thinking that he had done only half the usual amount of
work he always did.
“Hmm... Well then, I"m sorry but that"s it for today. I"ll finish the inking by
tomorrow.”
“Okay. Don"t slack. Please hurry up with it.”
He always made his regular a.s.sistants help him with his terrible progress until
they had reached their breaking point, so he could not talk back to them.
“I"m sorry you had to come all the way here. Oh, you can go home too, Yuu,”
Yos.h.i.+no said, feeling ashamed, and showed the a.s.sistants out.
“See you tomorrow Sir.”
“Work hard!”
He watched the a.s.sistants leave as they said their goodbyes, and when he returned
to the living room, for some reason, only Yanase had stayed behind. As he was thinking
if there was something wrong, before he could ask Yanase, he was asked instead.
“Is something wrong?”
“Huh? What?”
“Did something happen with Hatori?”
“T-Tori? N-No! Not really.”
All of a sudden, Hatori"s name popped up and Yos.h.i.+no changed his tone of voice
accidentally.
I"m definitely under suspicion now......
He searched for the words that would somehow avoid the suspicion, but could not
say anything at the moment. Yanase had his usual surly expression and sullenly
questioned nervous Yos.h.i.+no further.
“......Did Hatori say anything about me?”
“Huh!? Wha- wha- what? About what?”
“...... No, nevermind......” Yanase avoided the fl.u.s.tered Yos.h.i.+no"s question. Then
he briefly said, “See ya tomorrow” and slipped out the front door like a stray cat.
“Wha... What?”
Yos.h.i.+no sadly muttered to himself as he was left behind in confusion. Yanase"s
att.i.tude indicated the two might have started dating each other. Otherwise Yanase would
not have suddenly asked “Did he say anything about me?”. It was only natural that both
of them could not tell Yos.h.i.+no, their friend. Perhaps they were not sure which one of
them should tell Yos.h.i.+no that they were dating.
Oh... What"s this feeling...?
He felt depression for the first time. Then, somehow a feeling of uncertainness
welled up inside him. But maybe they did not mean to leave him in the dark and did care
for him. Maybe since the three of them had been together for a long time they did not
know how to tell him.
“But, somehow that"s too distant....... Why won"t they tell me?”
It was like they were a single existence — Hatori could tell anything to Yos.h.i.+no.
That is why this time Yos.h.i.+no thought Hatori would open his heart to him again.
However, that was probably just Yos.h.i.+no being conceited. Perhaps he was full of himself
and narrow-minded. In the past, Hatori had told him everything: about his family, his
career paths, and his relations.h.i.+ps. Hatori was overly serious and stubborn, but he was the
one who decided Yos.h.i.+no should debut as a manga artist. At that time, Yos.h.i.+no was not
sure whether to drop out of university and become a full time manga artist but Hatori told
him, ‘If you ever end up on the streets, I"ll take care of you’ and pushed him to pursue his
dreams. Of course, Yos.h.i.+no knew Hatori was only exaggerating in order to encourage
him, but when he found out Hatori, who always thought indifferently about Yos.h.i.+no"s
talk of following his dreams, was willing to help him, he was touched.
“AUGH! Stop! Stop! I have work to do right now! The ma.n.u.script!!”
He sat down at his desk, thinking he would get rid of the strange thoughts and
wildly began drawing. Nevertheless, thoughts about Hatori would not leave his head, but
nonetheless he progressed with the inking unusually fast. The whole day he had been
falling behind and now he immediately regained energy.
“s.h.i.+t! Why does only that guy"s face pop into my head......?”
That serious expression that never changed; for some reason Hatori"s stony face
would not disappear from Yos.h.i.+no"s mind. Thinking to shake off his confusion and
embarra.s.sment, Yos.h.i.+no violently shook his head from left to right when all of a sudden
the telephone rang.
“Wah! Yes, h.e.l.lo?”
While thinking who in the world is this person to call at such a bad time, he
braced himself, picked up the phone, and felt like taking out his anger by responding in a
rude tone.
“It"s me. How is everything?”
“T- Tori!?”
Exactly then, it seemed like his heart jumped out from his mouth since the call
was from exactly the person who was causing him to be troubled. Yos.h.i.+no regretted that
he did not answer the phone after checking the name displayed on the telephone display
screen.
“S- so far everything is going well, I think. Rather, I feel on top of things?”
...Seriously, I"m such an idiot! It"s not going well at all!!
He was trying to pretend to be calm so that his trembling would not be noticed;
but because he was worrying, he told completely the wrong information. Yos.h.i.+no fully
realized it was not good to pretend to be okay and he sighed deeply within himself at how
stupid he was.
“......All right. I guess for now I will proceed with the usual intended printing
deadline.”
“What the h.e.l.l? Didn"t I say everything is going well!?”
Annoyed with the words that were beginning to criticize him, Yos.h.i.+no was on the
verge of flaring up at Hatori. He lied and it was contradictory of him, but he was
offended Hatori did not have confidence in him when he informed him that everything
was okay. Even though his bragging was seen through, Yos.h.i.+no stuck to it like a child
and could not stop himself from continuing to speak in that way.
“I-I said I"m okay, so I"m okay!”
“Don"t get c.o.c.ky!!”
“......!” Being yelled at unconsciously brought Yos.h.i.+no to be at a loss for words.
“The pace of your work is inconsistent. Even if you are doing good at first, after
that you will be stuck, won"t you?.”
“...Yes.”
He finally succ.u.mbed to the words that continued to fire at him, and helplessly
nodded his head in agreement. Hatori"s words were reasonable. There were no cases
showing c.o.c.kiness bringing about good results. While bearing that in mind, Yos.h.i.+no
would improve the progress of the ma.n.u.script from now on and fix his pretentious
behavior that was inside his head; then all of a sudden he realized.
I"m talking to Tori normally right now, aren"t I?
While he was talking, he began to calm down and now it seemed like he could
have a natural conversation. Yos.h.i.+no realized this and for the moment was relieved. Even
if Hatori was keeping a secret, Yos.h.i.+no did not want to have strained relations with him.
“Well then, do your best.”
“Yes. Leave it to me.”
He felt the fog in his head clear away a little and this time he said it from the
bottom of his heart as he was filled with pride to draw the best manga. He should flow
along with his pace; not have his mood of a moment lead him astray from his work.
Yos.h.i.+no warned himself of that and was about to hang up the phone but the silence at the
other end of the line somehow worried him. Whenever he said, ‘Leave it to me,’ the
phrase ‘Don"t flatter yourself” were certainly supposed to be the harsh words returned to
him.
“Tori?”
“. . . . . “
What is it...?
He did not know why, but he had a feeling that Hatori was hesitating to say
something.
“What"s wrong? Are you worried about something?”
The OK for the storyboard was in effect. But, there were things to be fixed in
order to adjust the dialogue in progress, so Yos.h.i.+no thought this time he would have a
conversation like that again. However, the words, which came out of Hatori’s mouth,
seemed to dig up Yos.h.i.+no"s worries.
“. . . .Yanase said you were acting strange.”
“Yuu...?”
“Yeah. I was told that a while ago when I got in touch with him. Did something
happen?”
“Uh...” He was shocked. If Hatori says a while ago, then it meant Yanase told him
right after he left Yos.h.i.+no"s home. Yanase"s behavior was also peculiar, but his own
att.i.tude, trembling at all sorts of things, was probably without doubt strange. However,
more important than that was how shocked he was at the fact that the first thing Yanase
did was contact Hatori and to tell him that.
“I"m - I"m completely calm. I"m not acting strange!” Yos.h.i.+no desperately
pretended that it was nothing.
He absolutely could not talk about those things he saw happen with Hatori and
Yanase. Until he was told by Hatori and Yanase themselves about what was going on
with them, however much he was questioned, he made up his mind to be silent on this
matter.
“I see......” And yet, even if Yos.h.i.+no"s att.i.tude was like that, all Hatori did was
mutter this. If Yos.h.i.+no"s behavior was even a little bit strange, the usual Hatori would
persistently ask the reason for it and would to try to get rid of the source of the problem.
Nevertheless, Yos.h.i.+no thought that something was odd.
“......Yanase didn"t say anything?”
“Huh...?”
His heart gave a huge leap and for an instant darkness shrouded his eyes.
If I remember correctly, didn"t Yanase also ask me something similar?: "......Did
Hatori say anything about me?"
Yos.h.i.+no"s heart began to beat irregularly at these noticeable signs piling up on top
of each other. Badump, badump, were the sounds which resonated inside him and from
the other end of the line he faintly heard Hatori calling out to him.
“Yos.h.i.+no?”
“Huh? N- No, what? I... think he didn"t say much... Did something happen?”
“......No, it"s fine if it"s nothing.”
It was just like he thought; Hatori"s words were also ambiguous. Ever since they
were born, Hatori had shared many of the same moments with Yos.h.i.+no, even more than
he had with his parents, and now it seemed like this was the first time they were in this
awkward atmosphere.
What is it? What the h.e.l.l is it? If you want to say something, then you should just
hurry up and say it!
It seemed he completely did not know this Hatori. Yos.h.i.+no was seized by
meaningless annoyance and began to lose his temper. But he held it back and chewed on
his lip.
“Sorry, it looks like the bath is ready, so I have to go now.”
Because the water in the tub could not be reheated, taking a bath immediately is a
must; so this was a reasonable excuse, which he made up, and hanged up the phone.
Hatori seemed to want to say something, but did not take it upon himself to stop Yos.h.i.+no.
“Hah......” Yos.h.i.+no put the phone back into the receiver and gave out a great sigh.
......I knew it, I think they started dating......
Surely, the current Hatori did not seem to be the usual Hatori. Having realized this
fact, Yos.h.i.+no was forced to fall deeper into depression.
Seriously, what is this? This feeling......
It was murky within his chest and clearly it was only somewhat of a blue feeling,
but to Yos.h.i.+no, it was not clear as to why he was depressed. Besides, he was also irritated
and felt sick. Nevertheless, for some reason he felt like he already experienced this
emotion. Yos.h.i.+no desperately thought back to his previous memories. Then at last, he
uncovered a single thing from the corner of his mind.
“Perhaps that time...?”
It was probably the time Hatori met one of his new girlfriends. As usual, before
Hatori informed Yos.h.i.+no that he was going out with someone, Yos.h.i.+no heard it from a
friend. After that, Hatori informed him, but the fact that he could not be told first to know
about it, for some reason frustrated Yos.h.i.+no and he could not just quietly accept it.
“Oh......I"m disappointed......”
Finally, the name, of the emotion, which resembled his feeling, occurred to him
and Yos.h.i.+no unintentionally accepted it. This feeling of his was depression and it was
probably only because he was being excluded - left not knowing about what was going
on with those two. Only he alone was forced not to know anything and before he knew it,
it felt like they left him behind; it was painful.
“Dammit!” Yos.h.i.+no fell down on the living room sofa; he was gloomy and tired.
Until a while ago, he wanted to speed up with the ma.n.u.script but if he was going to sleep,
he should have slept properly on a bed so as to regain physical strength and work
efficiently later on. However, right now, Yos.h.i.+no did not feel like working on the
ma.n.u.script and did not have any energy to go over to his bed.
Just a little bit more like this. Then, I"ll make hot coffee and work on the
ma.n.u.script......
He continued to make up a schedule in his head, but his exhausted body did not
move. And then before he knew it, Yos.h.i.+no fell into a deep sleep.
* * * *
......Huh......? Did I fall asleep......?
Suddenly, he woke up; but it was strangely dark before his eyes. Just as he began
to think the lights should have been turned on, simultaneously he felt something pressing
down on his lips. Yos.h.i.+no opened his eyes, wondering what that soft thing was and then
his eyes widened.
...... It"s Tori......?
He was too close to him and out of focus, but without a doubt it was Hatori who
was kissing him. Yos.h.i.+no thought Hatori must have entered with a duplicate key, but
why was he kissing him? Yos.h.i.+no stared at him without blinking, and then Hatori also
noticed that Yos.h.i.+no"s eye were open.
“......What are you doing...?”
He was too shocked, but contrary to his expectations, his questioning voice came
out calm. For a moment, Hatori looked like he panicked at Yos.h.i.+no"s words, but then
immediately averted his gaze in a self-conscious manner and was silent.
“..........”
“..........”
It was so silent that you could think it would continue on forever. However, it was
absurd to stay silent with each other.
Yos.h.i.+no decided to sit up from the sofa and said, “Hey... By the way, I want to
ask. Are you gay?”
“......”
Say something!!
Although he was trying to break off this awkward atmosphere, Yos.h.i.+no was
getting irritated, thinking that he was an idiot, just taking to himself. However, he
reconsidered that thought and instead thought that, preferably with this opportunity,
Hatori should be the one to start talking about what was going on with him and Yanase.
Yos.h.i.+no was trying not to get angry and continued speaking.
“Nevermind. That doesn"t bother me, so it"s okay, but... No... it"s okay, but I was a
bit... Wah!”
However, the moment Yos.h.i.+no was about to say ‘surprised’, Hatori pushed him
down on the sofa.
“T- Tori!?”
Hatori ignored Yos.h.i.+no"s fl.u.s.tered raised voice and quickly pulled off the s.h.i.+rt
over Yos.h.i.+no"s head. He then binded Yos.h.i.+no"s arms.
“......Huh?”
Yos.h.i.+no foolishly raised his voice without understanding right away what was
being done to him. The instant Hatori"s lips touched his bare chest, his body became hot
and he realized what was happening.
“Tori! What are you thinking!?”
He was powerfully held down by Hatori and completely missed the chance to
escape. He desperately struggled, but could not fight decently with his arms bound, and
since he was being crushed down by Hatori"s body, he also could not move his legs.
A large, cold hand began to feel all over his body. He expected to recognize this
hand, but right now he completely did not know to whom it belonged.
“NO—! Stop—!”
The moment Yos.h.i.+no had his lips closed, his mouth was forced open and a tongue
roughly pushed itself in, searching within. Yos.h.i.+no"s worn out tongue turned numb, and
the hair on his skin stood on end. His numb tongue was tightly being sucked on and the
more it was sucked on, the more it hurt. This was the first time Yos.h.i.+no had such a rough
kiss and he did not know what to do.
“Haah! Aah... AH!?”
Finally, the moment their lips parted, a hand glided over his chest and touched his
nipple. Then, still not uttering a single word, Hatori crushed the hardened nipple and
started twisting it.
“S-stop—! I said stop!!”
Are you kidding? You"ve got to be kidding me...
He could not believe his body trembled at the feeling of the tongue crawling over
his skin and or that his lower regions were hot as his nipples were being toyed with. Even
though he was being treated as a subject of desire and even though being raped was
humiliating, his body was responding rather than resisting. Yos.h.i.+no was experiencing
these feelings although saying he disliked it, and this seemed terribly disgraceful to him.
It felt just like he was being changed into something he did not recognize.
“No—! Tori—Hatori!!”
He did not understand what Hatori was thinking. Only that it definitely was
Hatori, violating his body while wearing a terrible expression he had never seen before.
“......Ahh......!”
The uppermost center of his jeans, as it was being touched against his will, was
beginning to feel hot. Hatori"s knee forcefully pushed down on it and Yos.h.i.+no let out a
shriek. Hatori violently ripped off Yos.h.i.+no"s belt and lowered Yos.h.i.+no"s jeans, along with
the underwear.
“Sto—What are you—AAH!”
His exposed manhood was grabbed and rubbed roughly. He still could not fight
back properly and Hatori"s fondling kept him frozen. At the same time, the pain and
pleasure forcefully afforded to him hurt Yos.h.i.+no"s pride. He completely did not know
what was being done to him or what was going to be done to him.
But even Yos.h.i.+no, with his instinct, could sense that Hatori was seriously only
trying to make love to him.
“Wha—”
Hatori completely removed the underwear and jeans wrapped around Yos.h.i.+no"s
limp legs and rose one of Yos.h.i.+no"s legs up high. Then, he hid his licked finger between
Yos.h.i.+no"s legs.
“Owww......!”
The wet finger was thrust into a place not meant for foreign objects. The small
opening resisted the painful intrusion. But Hatori still began to violently churn it up
inside him.
“OWW......! Stop! Tori......Sto-Sto—!”
Hatori"s facial expression was distorted at Yos.h.i.+no"s repeated broken words,
which were asking for him to stop as though pleading him, but Hatori was not about to
end it, nevertheless.
“N-... No! I"m begging you...so—”
After Hatori rummaged within his body for some time, he finally withdrew his
finger. However, the minute Yos.h.i.+no felt relieved the pain was gone, something hot was
being pushed against there. Without any time to realize what it was, his hips were
grabbed and pulled forward; the hot object penetrated inside him. Yos.h.i.+no let out a silent
scream from the shock.
“. . . . . !!”
Because of too much pain, for a moment everything was dyed to crimson before
his eyes. As he repeated to breathe heavily from the pain, he knew this fact: it was
Hatori"s desire that was forcing itself inside him.
“...Why...such......”
He did not have any will power to fight anymore. As Yos.h.i.+no abandoned his tired
body on the sofa, Hatori tried to hold him. Although Hatori forcefully violated him, his
heart ached that Hatori was holding him like a treasure. His eyes turned hot and the
moment he blinked, a single tear spilled out.
“......I"m sorry,” Hatori finally breathed out a small apology.
“...Tori, aah... haa—!!”
Yos.h.i.+no had no time to respond to him, since the next moment their intertwined
bodies began to shake violently. His rubbed insides were hot and his voice came out of
control from the strong pressure and vibration coming inside him.
“Ow... Ah...ah! Ah...!”
It was painful, but that was not all; he felt another feeling intermixed with it. As
the desire roughly bore repeatedly into his body, Yos.h.i.+no gradually lost all sense of
reality.
“...Ah...Oh—Aaah...!!”
Yos.h.i.+no sobbed from this violent act. Both his head and his body were a mess.
Just like the violent creaking of the sofa, his body was also probably going to break.
Within Yos.h.i.+no"s still clouded head, this is what he thought of:
If I were destroyed into pieces, I wouldn"t have to feel anything......
As he was losing consciousness he saw Hatori"s face. For some reason his face
was more wretched than Yos.h.i.+no"s. Even though he was the one inflicting pain upon
Yos.h.i.+no, Yos.h.i.+no wondered why he was making such a face.
......Don"t make such a face, like you"re about to cry......
Although a very terrible thing was happening to him, Yos.h.i.+no wanted Hatori to
comfort him in any way, since this was a habit of his.
“Haa, ah...aah......!”
However, it was only natural that he was at his limit. He definitely could no
longer maintain his consciousness. As he felt his thoughts diminis.h.i.+ng, his eyelids
lowered. Then, Hatori"s tiny whisper reached his ears just as his consciousness came to an
end.
“. . . I . . . have always loved you.”
......Why are you saying that......? I seriously don"t understand......
Why did he do such a thing to him? Why did he say such a thing to him? And
Yos.h.i.+no also did not understand his own heart.
“. . . I . . .”
The words he wanted to say were swallowed up within his fading consciousness.
And faintly hearing his own continuous breathing was Yos.h.i.+no"s last memory of that day.