Iust. To punish you by the heeles, would amend the attention of your eares, & I care not if I be your Physitian Fal. I am as poore as Iob, my Lord; but not so Patient: your Lordship may minister the Potion of imprisonment to me, in respect of Pouertie: but how I should bee your Patient, to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make some dram of a scruple, or indeede, a scruple it selfe
Iust. I sent for you (when there were matters against you for your life) to come speake with me
Fal. As I was then aduised by my learned Councel, in the lawes of this Land-seruice, I did not come
Iust. Wel, the truth is (sir Iohn) you liue in great infamy Fal. He that buckles him in my belt, ca[n]not liue in lesse
Iust. Your Meanes is very slender, and your wast great
Fal. I would it were otherwise: I would my Meanes were greater, and my waste slenderer
Iust. You haue misled the youthfull Prince
Fal. The yong Prince hath misled mee. I am the Fellow with the great belly, and he my Dogge
Iust. Well, I am loth to gall a new-heal"d wound: your daies seruice at Shrewsbury, hath a little gilded ouer your Nights exploit on Gads-hill. You may thanke the vnquiet time, for your quiet o"re-posting that Action
Fal. My Lord?
Iust. But since all is wel, keep it so: wake not a sleeping Wolfe
Fal. To wake a Wolfe, is as bad as to smell a Fox
Iu. What? you are as a candle, the better part burnt out Fal. A Wa.s.sell-Candle, my Lord; all Tallow: if I did say of wax, my growth would approue the truth
Iust. There is not a white haire on your face, but shold haue his effect of grauity
Fal. His effect of grauy, grauy, grauy
Iust. You follow the yong Prince vp and downe, like his euill Angell
Fal. Not so (my Lord) your ill Angell is light: but I hope, he that lookes vpon mee, will take mee without, weighing: and yet, in some respects I grant, I cannot go: I cannot tell. Vertue is of so little regard in these Costormongers, that true valor is turn"d Beare-heard. Pregnancie is made a Tapster, and hath his quicke wit wasted in giuing Recknings: all the other gifts appertinent to man (as the malice of this Age shapes them) are not woorth a Gooseberry. You that are old, consider not the capacities of vs that are yong: you measure the heat of our Liuers, with the bitternes of your gals: & we that are in the vaward of our youth, I must confesse, are wagges too
Iust. Do you set downe your name in the scrowle of youth, that are written downe old, with all the Charracters of age? Haue you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yellow cheeke? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an incresing belly? Is not your voice broken? your winde short? your wit single? and euery part about you blasted with Antiquity?
and wil you cal your selfe yong? Fy, fy, fy, sir Iohn
Fal. My Lord, I was borne with a white head, & somthing a round belly. For my voice, I haue lost it with hallowing and singing of Anthemes. To approue my youth farther, I will not: the truth is, I am onely olde in iudgement and vnderstanding: and he that will caper with mee for a thousand Markes, let him lend me the mony, & haue at him. For the boxe of th" eare that the Prince gaue you, he gaue it like a rude Prince, and you tooke it like a sensible Lord. I haue checkt him for it, and the yong Lion repents: Marry not in ashes and sacke-cloath, but in new Silke, and old Sacke
Iust. Wel, heauen send the Prince a better companion
Fal. Heauen send the Companion a better Prince: I cannot rid my hands of him
Iust. Well, the King hath seuer"d you and Prince Harry, I heare you are going with Lord Iohn of Lancaster, against the Archbishop, and the Earle of Northumberland Fal. Yes, I thanke your pretty sweet wit for it: but looke you pray, (all you that kisse my Ladie Peace, at home) that our Armies ioyn not in a hot day: for if I take but two shirts out with me, and I meane not to sweat extraordinarily: if it bee a hot day, if I brandish any thing but my Bottle, would I might neuer spit white againe: There is not a daungerous Action can peepe out his head, but I am thrust vpon it. Well, I cannot last euer
Iust. Well, be honest, be honest, and heauen blesse your Expedition
Fal. Will your Lordship lend mee a thousand pound, to furnish me forth?
Iust. Not a peny, not a peny: you are too impatient to beare crosses. Fare you well. Commend mee to my Cosin Westmerland
Fal. If I do, fillop me with a three-man-Beetle. A man can no more separate Age and Couetousnesse, then he can part yong limbes and letchery: but the Gowt galles the one, and the pox pinches the other; and so both the Degrees preuent my curses. Boy?
Page. Sir
Fal. What money is in my purse?
Page. Seuen groats, and two pence
Fal. I can get no remedy against this Consumption of the purse. Borrowing onely lingers, and lingers it out, but the disease is incureable. Go beare this letter to my Lord of Lancaster, this to the Prince, this to the Earle of Westmerland, and this to old Mistris Vrsula, whome I haue weekly sworne to marry, since I perceiu"d the first white haire on my chin. About it: you know where to finde me. A pox of this Gowt, or a Gowt of this Poxe: for the one or th" other playes the rogue with my great toe: It is no matter, if I do halt, I haue the warres for my colour, and my Pension shall seeme the more reasonable.
A good wit will make vse of any thing: I will turne diseases to commodity.
Exeunt.
Scena Quarta.
Enter Archbishop, Hastings, Mowbray, and Lord Bardolfe.
Ar. Thus haue you heard our causes, & kno our Means: And my most n.o.ble Friends, I pray you all Speake plainly your opinions of our hopes, And first (Lord Marshall) what say you to it?
Mow. I well allow the occasion of our Armes, But gladly would be better satisfied, How (in our Meanes) we should aduance our selues To looke with forhead bold and big enough Vpon the Power and puisance of the King
Hast. Our present Musters grow vpon the File To fiue and twenty thousand men of choice: And our Supplies, liue largely in the hope Of great Northumberland, whose bosome burnes With an incensed Fire of Iniuries
L.Bar. The question then (Lord Hastings) standeth thus Whether our present fiue and twenty thousand May hold-vp-head, without Northumberland: Hast. With him, we may
L.Bar. I marry, there"s the point: But if without him we be thought to feeble, My iudgement is, we should not step too farre Till we had his a.s.sistance by the hand.
For in a Theame so b.l.o.o.d.y fac"d, as this, Coniecture, Expectation, and Surmise Of Aydes incertaine, should not be admitted
Arch. "Tis very true Lord Bardolfe, for indeed It was yong Hotspurres case, at Shrewsbury
L.Bar. It was (my Lord) who lin"d himself with hope, Eating the ayre, on promise of Supply, Flatt"ring himselfe with Proiect of a power, Much smaller, then the smallest of his Thoughts, And so with great imagination (Proper to mad men) led his Powers to death, And (winking) leap"d into destruction
Hast. But (by your leaue) it neuer yet did hurt, To lay downe likely-hoods, and formes of hope
L.Bar. Yes, if this present quality of warre, Indeed the instant action: a cause on foot, Liues so in hope: As in an early Spring, We see th" appearing buds, which to proue fruite, Hope giues not so much warrant, as Dispaire That Frosts will bite them. When we meane to build, We first suruey the Plot, then draw the Modell, And when we see the figure of the house, Then must we rate the cost of the Erection, Which if we finde out-weighes Ability, What do we then, but draw a-new the Modell In fewer offices? Or at least, desist To builde at all? Much more, in this great worke, (Which is (almost) to plucke a Kingdome downe, And set another vp) should we suruey The plot of Situation, and the Modell; Consent vpon a sure Foundation: Question Surueyors, know our owne estate, How able such a Worke to vndergo, To weigh against his Opposite? Or else, We fortifie in Paper, and in Figures, Vsing the Names of men, instead of men: Like one, that drawes the Modell of a house Beyond his power to builde it; who (halfe through) Giues o"re, and leaues his part-created Cost A naked subiect to the Weeping Clouds, And waste, for churlish Winters tyranny
Hast. Grant that our hopes (yet likely of faire byrth) Should be still-borne: and that we now possest The vtmost man of expectation: I thinke we are a Body strong enough (Euen as we are) to equall with the King
L.Bar. What is the King but fiue & twenty thousand?
Hast. To vs no more: nay not so much Lord Bardolf.
For0his diuisions (as the Times do braul) Are in three Heads: one Power against the French, And one against Glendower: Perforce a third Must take vp vs: So is the vnfirme King In three diuided: and his Coffers sound With hollow Pouerty, and Emptinesse
Ar. That he should draw his seuerall strengths togither And come against vs in full puissance Need not be dreaded
Hast. If he should do so, He leaues his backe vnarm"d, the French, and Welch Baying him at the heeles: neuer feare that
L.Bar. Who is it like should lead his Forces. .h.i.ther?
Hast. The Duke of Lancaster, and Westmerland: Against the Welsh himselfe, and Harrie Monmouth.
But who is subst.i.tuted "gainst the French, I haue no certaine notice
Arch. Let vs on: And publish the occasion of our Armes.
The Common-wealth is sicke of their owne Choice, Their ouer-greedy loue hath surfetted: An habitation giddy, and vnsure Hath he that buildeth on the vulgar heart.
O thou fond Many, with what loud applause Did"st thou beate heauen with blessing Bullingbrooke, Before he was, what thou would"st haue him be?