And being now trimm"d in thine owne desires, Thou (beastly Feeder) art so full of him, That thou prouok"st thy selfe to cast him vp.
So, so, (thou common Dogge) did"st thou disgorge Thy glutton-bosome of the Royall Richard, And now thou would"st eate thy dead vomit vp, And howl"st to finde it. What trust is in these Times?
They, that when Richard liu"d, would haue him dye, Are now become enamour"d on his graue.
Thou that threw"st dust vpon his goodly head When through proud London he came sighing on, After th" admired heeles of Bullingbrooke, Cri"st now, O Earth, yeeld vs that King againe, And take thou this (O thoughts of men accurs"d) ""Past, and to Come, seemes best; things Present, worst
Mow. Shall we go draw our numbers, and set on?
Hast. We are Times subiects, and Time bids, be gon.
Actus Secundus. Scoena Prima.
Enter Hostesse, with two Officers, Fang, and Snare.
Hostesse. Mr. Fang, haue you entred the Action?
Fang. It is enter"d
Hostesse. Wher"s your Yeoman? Is it a l.u.s.ty yeoman?
Will he stand to it?
Fang. Sirrah, where"s Snare?
Hostesse. I, I, good M[aster]. Snare
Snare. Heere, heere
Fang. Snare, we must Arrest Sir Iohn Falstaffe
Host. I good M[aster]. Snare, I haue enter"d him, and all
Sn. It may chance cost some of vs our liues: he wil stab Hostesse. Alas the day: take heed of him: he stabd me in mine owne house, and that most beastly: he cares not what mischeefe he doth, if his weapon be out. Hee will foyne like any diuell, he will spare neither man, woman, nor childe
Fang. If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust
Hostesse. No, nor I neither: Ile be at your elbow
Fang. If I but fist him once: if he come but within my Vice
Host. I am vndone with his going: I warrant he is an infinitiue thing vpon my score. Good M[aster]. Fang hold him sure: good M[aster]. Snare let him not scape, he comes continuantly to Py-Corner (sauing your manhoods) to buy a saddle, and hee is indited to dinner to the Lubbars head in Lombardstreet, to M[aster]. Smoothes the Silkman. I pra" ye, since my Exion is enter"d, and my Case so openly known to the world, let him be brought in to his answer: A 100. Marke is a long one, for a poore lone woman to beare: & I haue borne, and borne, and borne, and haue bin fub"d off, and fub"d-off, from this day to that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such dealing, vnles a woman should be made an a.s.se and a Beast, to beare euery Knaues wrong.
Enter Falstaffe and Bardolfe.
Yonder he comes, and that arrant Malmesey-Nose Bardolfe with him. Do your Offices, do your offices: M[aster]. Fang, & M[aster].
Snare, do me, do me, do me your Offices
Fal. How now? whose Mare"s dead? what"s the matter?
Fang. Sir Iohn, I arrest you, at the suit of Mist. Quickly
Falst. Away Varlets, draw Bardolfe: Cut me off the Villaines head: throw the Queane in the Channel
Host. Throw me in the channell? Ile throw thee there.
Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou b.a.s.t.a.r.dly rogue. Murder, murder, O thou Hony-suckle villaine, wilt thou kill G.o.ds officers, and the Kings? O thou hony-seed Rogue, thou art a honyseed, a Man-queller, and a woman-queller
Falst. Keep them off, Bardolfe
Fang. A rescu, a rescu
Host. Good people bring a rescu. Thou wilt not? thou wilt not? Do, do thou Rogue: Do thou Hempseed
Page. Away you Scullion, you Rampallian, you Fustillirian: Ile tucke your Catastrophe.
Enter Ch. Iustice.
Iust. What"s the matter? Keepe the Peace here, hoa
Host. Good my Lord be good to mee. I beseech you stand to me
Ch.Iust. How now sir Iohn? What are you brauling here?
Doth this become your place, your time, and businesse?
You should haue bene well on your way to Yorke.
Stand from him Fellow; wherefore hang"st vpon him?
Host. Oh my most worshipfull Lord, and"t please your Grace, I am a poore widdow of Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit
Ch.Iust. For what summe?
Host. It is more then for some (my Lord) it is for all: all I haue, he hath eaten me out of house and home; hee hath put all my substance into that fat belly of his: but I will haue some of it out againe, or I will ride thee o" Nights, like the Mare
Falst. I thinke I am as like to ride the Mare, if I haue any vantage of ground, to get vp
Ch.Iust. How comes this, Sir Iohn? Fy, what a man of good temper would endure this tempest of exclamation?
Are you not asham"d to inforce a poore Widdowe to so rough a course, to come by her owne?
Falst. What is the grosse summe that I owe thee?
Host. Marry (if thou wer"t an honest man) thy selfe, & the mony too. Thou didst sweare to mee vpon a parcell gilt Goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber at the round table, by a sea-cole fire, on Wednesday in Whitson week, when the Prince broke thy head for lik"ning him to a singing man of Windsor; Thou didst sweare to me then (as I was washing thy wound) to marry me, and make mee my Lady thy wife. Canst y deny it? Did not goodwife Keech the Butchers wife come in then, and cal me gossip Quickly?
comming in to borrow a messe of Vinegar: telling vs, she had a good dish of Prawnes: whereby y didst desire to eat some: whereby I told thee they were ill for a greene wound? And didst not thou (when she was gone downe staires) desire me to be no more familiar with such poore people, saying, that ere long they should call me Madam?
And did"st y not kisse me, and bid mee fetch thee 30.s? I put thee now to thy Book-oath, deny it if thou canst?
Fal. My Lord, this is a poore mad soule: and she sayes vp & downe the town, that her eldest son is like you. She hath bin in good case, & the truth is, pouerty hath distracted her: but for these foolish Officers, I beseech you, I may haue redresse against them
Iust. Sir Iohn, sir Iohn, I am well acquainted with your maner of wrenching the true cause, the false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng of wordes, that come with such (more then impudent) sawcines from you, can thrust me from a leuell consideration, I know you ha" practis"d vpon the easie-yeelding spirit of this woman
Host. Yes in troth my Lord
Iust. Prethee peace: pay her the debt you owe her, and vnpay the villany you haue done her: the one you may do with sterling mony, & the other with currant repentance
Fal. My Lord, I will not vndergo this sneape without reply. You call honorable Boldnes, impudent Sawcinesse: If a man wil curt"sie, and say nothing, he is vertuous: No, my Lord (your humble duty reme[m]bred) I will not be your sutor. I say to you, I desire deliu"rance from these Officers being vpon hasty employment in the Kings Affaires
Iust. You speake, as hauing power to do wrong: But answer in the effect of your Reputation, and satisfie the poore woman
Falst. Come hither Hostesse.
Enter M[aster]. Gower]
Ch.Iust. Now Master Gower; What newes?
Gow. The King (my Lord) and Henrie Prince of Wales Are neere at hand: The rest the Paper telles
Falst. As I am a Gentleman
Host. Nay, you said so before