Standing on the cracked concrete pavement Chang looked up at the familiar fading blue of her childhood home. Taking in a deep breath of the salty air under overcast skies Chang walked up the front steps to the security gate.With a bit of force Chang managed to pull open the rusted gate and unlock the front door to her home.
After not having been opened for who knew how long the place had a permeating dusty musty smell. Opening the windows up Chang let the light and fresh air into the stale environment.
"It looks like Aunt ChenHua never came here after I left."
Everything was just as it had been left last, preserved. The Christmas tree still stood, most of the way decorated. Inside the house, time had come to a stop, still stuck on the day she had last gone to the hospital with her mother.
"Mom. Dad.. I"m home.."Chuckling to herself, Chang announced her presence to no one. Removing her shoes Chang walked through the halls to her own bedroom. Extremely jetlagged she slept until she felt right again, only knowing that it was light out again or still.
Waking Chang went to fulfill her urge for coming, leaving her bed she made her way to her parent"s bedroom. Brushing her hands against the familiar walls she made her way through the empty house.
Opening the closed door the smell hit her as well as the last faintest traces of the smell of her mom. Sitting on the bed she clung to every faintest trace of it in the air.
"How did you two make it through it all? I know that you both didn"t have it easy either." Chang wished she could actually talk to them still, they would probably understand. As they were not she could only sit in their s.p.a.ce thinking about what they might have said.
The two did not have much in their room, just furnishings, clothes, and pictures marking her age progression from infancy.
"What am I doing here? Whatever guidance I came looking for isn"t here, the two people that I want to ask for guidance from are no longer around any more at all." Shaking her head Chang began talking to herself to fill the silence.
"But I know what they would say, Mom would probably say to have more trust in Jian. While Dad would just tell me to do what feels right.
"I feel so wrong inside though, all the time, and it"s not getting any easier. It"s only getting worse, What do I do?
"Why does his face haunt me, especially that look on his face on the bridge." Clutching her chest Chang felt the pain again, thinking of Jian.
"I wish I could talk to someone about this.. I feel so alone.." Whispering to herself Chang hugged her arms in the empty room and layed back onto her side. Closing her eyes she played the beautiful memories back trying to sustain herself on just them.
They only reminded her of how alone she was.
"Wait. Duh! I must have gone dumb! There is someone I can talk to."
Sitting up, Chang pulled out her cell phone and dialed the number she had saved in it not so long ago.
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"Please pick up, please pick up, ah!" Listening to the dialing tone, Chang crossed her fingers hoping that the other party would answer. Chanting fervently she was answered with his cheery h.e.l.lo before she could say the third.
"Justin!"
"Do my ears deceive me, or is that Shar? And here I thought you would be in renewed marital bliss and would not be contacting me for a hot minute! So how are things between you two lovebirds? How"s Mr. Possessive doing?"
Chang"s face fell but her tears remained reserved. She had let so many tears fall already that a hollow feeling is what remained in her well. Sitting for a moment Chang was unsure of how to answer her friend"s playful tone.
"What cat got your tongue? Or are you just too embarra.s.sed to say!"
"No it"s not like that.. Jian and I actually split up, for good this time." Clearing her throat Chang confessed quickly.
"Wait, hold on, back up. You guys did what?" Chang had to hold the phone away from her ear as Justin bellowed into it in shock.
"I split up with Jian. He wanted to go back to Shanghai, to his home together, but I couldn"t." Speaking slowly Chang tore at herself with her words.
"Why couldn"t you do that shouldn"t it have been a dream come true?"
"Because of his father." Thinking of the cold pair of eyes, Chang"s tone dropped as well.
"You make it sound like he"s the boogeyman or something. He"s an a.s.shole, yes, but still a human."
"No he"s worse, he"s actually real, and ruthlessly relentless."
"Okay, explain in detail, I"m obviously missing something."
Chang had omitted some of the worse details involving his father before. Justin knew a lot before, but now he knew everything. By the time she got to being taken forcibly from Jian"s side in Lahat at gunpoint, Justin was fuming.
After she told him all that she had withheld, Chang began to tell him of the last few days between her and Jian. She told him about her travels, and the pain she felt daily.
"Ugh, this is so f.u.c.ked up! Hold on a second, I need to step outside and cool my head now." On the other end Chang heard the sound of the door closing and the distinctive sound of a lighter being flicked. After hearing him take a long exhale he spoke again.
"So your fear of the father-in-law from h.e.l.l caused you to separate from Jian?"
"Yeah, but I feel like I f.u.c.ked up somehow still..."