Taboo Diary.
by Brad Johnson.
What follows is, to my knowledge, a true story. About two weeks ago, while dumping a load of garbage at a dump near Apple Valley, California, I saw something that caught my eye. Although embarra.s.sing to admit, there are occasionally interesting items to be found in community dumps. On this particular day, I saw a book. What intrigued me was that this book had a homemade metal locking mechanism that surrounded it. It was locked with a standard padlock so I figured I could break that off. Once home, I got a hammer. My curiosity grew with each strike and after five minutes of smashing away, the lock cracked. A quick flip through it showed this to be a diary and I figured I had an interesting read ahead of me. My initial excitement faded as the inside cover listed the owner as James Lyons. I decided to browse it anyway and if it is true, it is quite a story. I thought this was a great story to post on the Internet and after searching around, found this group site. Having browsed some of the other stories, I found them quite disappointing. Although most or all are fantasies, I found them a letdown. Those that started out fine and realistic usually started drifting with great exaggerations. Hopefully you will find the diary as interesting as I did. There were occasional pages that had obviously been ripped out and certain sections that were illegible -- I have reprinted word for word what I have.
20 Apr 92
Well, I do not know how to start this diary, so I will just write. We recently learned about stream of consciousness in English cla.s.s and so I decided to keep track of my thoughts in a book. I feel like a h.o.m.o for even doing this, but I think this is a good way to sort out my thoughts. I always hear old farts talking about forgetting what happened in the past and I don"t want that to happen to me. It should be fun to read this in 10 to 20 years. We learned stream of consciousness works best when one just spews out whatever is on their mind. I love writing stories so that is how I will write this -- maybe this will be my biography when I am rich and famous!!
I have been so confused of late and although I normally love vacations, I am ready for spring break to end so I can get back to school. I can"t believe I actually want to go to school, but it is not for academic reasons. I spend most of my school day looking and dreaming of girls. Most of my cla.s.smates are average or just plain ugly. There are a few hot chicks in my cla.s.ses, especially in drivers ed. My college prep cla.s.ses have mostly average chicks and the good looking ones know it and flaunt it. h.e.l.l, even the bad looking ones think they are hot. My favorite is Lisa Gibbs -- she is medium height, fairly skinny, with a brown hair. Her a.s.s is truly great -- the best I have ever seen in a pair of jeans. She doesn"t have much for t.i.ts, but that can be forgiven. We talk occasionally in cla.s.s, but she has not shown any interest in me. She had a couple of boyfriends the last few years; those that I know of at least. I wish I had the guts to ask her out, but rejection is not for me. I have the distinct pleasure of knowing I have never been turned down by a girl - then again, I have never asked a girl out. I do not know my problem, but as time goes by, I get set more in my ways. I hate that society promotes s.e.x so much and makes it seem that every teenager is having s.e.x. I would think I am weird for still being a virgin, but most of my friends, at least those willing to admit it, are too. I am not a bad looking guy but then again, I am not on the football team either. The only sport I ever played in school was soccer, and that was coming off the bench.
My stupid a.s.s coach keeps his favorite players in the game 90% of the time so the rest of us get no chance. Oh well, I am thinking of quitting anyway. I"m already tired of writing and feel like some computer games.
21 Apr 92
A thoroughly boring day today -- TV and computer all day. My parents suggested I get a gym membership at the new gym. I had a cheapy home set of weights when I was younger, but I used those for about a week before boredom set in. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting.
24 Apr.
I"ve been putting off writing in this thing since nothing much has happened the past few days. Two more days off and it"s back to Lisa"s a.s.s. My father gave me the money today to join the gym. I shall check it out tomorrow.
26 Apr.
I had my second workout today and am wiped out. I wasn"t too keen on the whole gym thing until I saw some of the girls in there. Most of them should stay home and out of sight, but a few were very hot.
Whoever invented leotards should be given a medal, although there should be a law and set weight limit for those allowed to wear them.
Back to school tomorrow. Actually, with the great views in the gym, I"m not too interested in school anymore. So go the twists of life!
28 Apr.
Well, school is boring. Lisa has not been back yet and seeing the other girls doesn"t compare to the sights in the gym. My mother said she was going to check out the aerobics section at my gym. I smiled politely but hope she doesn"t join my gym.
30 Apr.
Lisa was back today -- it looks like she packed on 10 pounds since I saw her a few weeks ago. What a letdown. I guess the only thing I can say for her is her t.i.ts got a bit bigger. What a waste. Unfortunately, my mother came in the gym and signed up for a month. I think I"ll start working out later - half the fun of the gym is checking out the aerobics room - thank G.o.d for the designer who put a gla.s.s wall between the workout room and the aerobics room. I don"t really care to be checking out the chicks doing aerobics with my mother in there.
4 May.
I have really been hitting the gym hard lately - I have already gained 5 pounds and am up to 175. I can see some differences in the mirror and that gives me more motivation. My mother came to the late cla.s.s today. I was actually checking out her a.s.s before I realized it was her. My thoughts went straight to the movie Taboo, which I have not seen in several years. That was actually the first p.o.r.no I ever saw and it made quite an impression on me. A few years ago, I used to dream about my mother and she was actually my first s.e.xual fantasy. I realized that was all bulls.h.i.t and luckily the girls in my cla.s.ses started developing. Actually after today, I cannot get my mother out of my mind. I suppose this isn"t the smartest place to put such thoughts, seeing how I"m sure my mother snoops around my room during the day. I should have got a locking book but those things were too expensive. I should be able to fashion a lock for this thing just in case my mom finds my hiding spot.
6 May.
My book is now secure and I feel excited. I cannot get that movie out of my mind. I actually went to a few video stores today to look for it. I felt so stupid walking into the adult sections, but they only had the sequels to Taboo. I thought about getting one but was too embarra.s.sed. I"ve been tempted to go to the gym earlier to check out my mom again, but I don"t want her to get suspicious. The more I think of her, the more she reminds me of the mother in Taboo. I think my mom"s face is nicer and her hair is not quite as dark, but their bodies appear similar. I don"t know how my mother stays as thin as she is with large b.r.e.a.s.t.s - I a.s.sumed she had implants. I have not seen her naked since I was a little kid and that image in my mind is so faded. I thought about trying to see her naked but have not figured out a way yet. Drilling a hole in the wall like in the movies is impossible in our house. I saw my mom in her room in her bra about a year ago, and that image is coming back to haunt me the past few days.
I feel like I"m going to burst if I don"t do something.
7 May.
Today was the first day I ever jerked off. I always felt a weird since of pride that I never m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed before and the longer I went without it, the more determined I was not to do it. I"ve had plenty of wet dreams, but felt I was the master of myself and did not need to do such things. My thoughts the past few days have been overwhelming and I just had to do it. The first image that came to mind was my mom and it was all over. It was intense but too short. Realizing that not doing it was a waste of time, I jerked off two more times. Actually I"m glad I did, since had I f.u.c.ked a girl for the first time without knowing how to control myself, I would have died of embarra.s.sment. I can hear it now, "ah that James only lasted 10 seconds". My new goal in life is to build up some tolerance. I"m sure my first time with a girl will still be a flash, but I can try.
12 May.
I"m embarra.s.sed to admit how many times I"ve jerked off the past few days so I"ll leave that out. My problem of going to the gym earlier was solved in an unexpected way. My piece of s.h.i.t car c.r.a.pped out yesterday and is in the shop. I feel like a dips.h.i.t since I"m back on the school bus but my mother offered to drive me to gym when I got home from school. Needless to say, I did not object. My mother always wears loose clothes so the drive to the gym was uneventful. I had hoped to get an up close view of her in her aerobics outfit but she waited to change at the gym. I tried looking over at her in the car but as soon as she asked what was wrong, I kept my eyes straight ahead. In the gym, I barely got a workout. Every chance I got, I stared at her. I"m still not sure if her t.i.ts are real since she wears a sports bra under her outfit. I"ve just got to see them. I wish it was as easy as in the movies, watching through a cracked door with your girlfriend in the other room. Ahh, if only Taboo was real life.
My mother kept her leotards on during the trip home and I did my best to check out her legs without being obvious. I dream that her legs are perfect, but I know most women her age are rocking the cottage cheese thighs and a.s.s. As soon as we got home, she hit the shower while I hit the spank. That was the best one ever. I thought about peeking in the bathroom, but she locked the d.a.m.n door.
16 May.
My parents" video store finally got a copy of Taboo back. I contemplated getting it for half an hour before I finally grabbed it.
I waited until n.o.body else was at the counter. The feeling was quite surreal and I felt nauseous as I walked to the counter. Even worse was there was a girl doing the checkout. I was waiting for the ultimate embarra.s.sment if she asked for an ID, but she seemed as embarra.s.sed as I was. I hauled a.s.s home, ran to my room and popped it in. I wanted to fast forward to the good part, but the buildup of watching the whole movie was too much to skip. I actually came halfway through without even masturbating. When the s.e.x scene between the mother and son finally kicked off, I was delirious. What a feeling. I wanted to make a copy of the tape but our other vcr was in the living room and my parents were watching TV.
17 May.
Last night, I snuck into the living room and got the other vcr to tape my movie. The whole process was exciting but I could not think of any plausible excuse if one of my parents caught me. While it was taping, I plugged in my headphones to listen to it without waking anyone up.
Everything worked like a charm.
Unfortunately, without my car, I had to convince my father to take me to the video store. He was busy until after the return time for my video and I wasn"t going to risk having my mother bring me. Luckily, my father went into the grocery store while I returned the video and paid the late fee. Nothing quite as embarra.s.sing as paying a late fee on a p.o.r.no in a crowded store. I grabbed a copy of batman to cover my tracks and all was good.
18 May.
I got my car back today and it was still a mess. I have been enjoying my trips to the gym with my mom and have gotten used to riding the bus again. So, I told my parents that the car was not reliable and they said they would help me get something else if I got a job this summer.
I said sure, but I"m happy enough to have mom drive me around. We have been talking more than ever and I"m in heaven. Each day after the gym, I can"t wait to watch my movie. In some ways, I wish my mother would walk in on me someday. I know that would be the ultimate embarra.s.sment, but it is intriguing.
22 May Today was really weird. Lisa asked me if I had been working out and she actually seemed interested in our conversation. I tried to temper my excitement but she actually seemed to be flirting with me. I"m not sure if she is dating anyone now -- maybe her boyfriend dumped her for pigging up a bit. She is still quite thin, but those extra few pounds destroyed my perfect image of her former a.s.s.
24 May I"m quite excited again to go back to school. It will be interesting to see how things pick up with Lisa since Friday.
25 May Today was another interesting day with Lisa. She initiated several conversations with me and I almost feel bold enough to ask her to do something. I want to say something so bad, but the words just won"t come. Why can"t girls make the first moves!
28 May Things with Lisa are still the same -- she initiates the conversations and I get the feeling she wants me to ask her out. I"m such a coward.
If it wasn"t for my feelings for my mom, I might be more bold. Lisa has a great body, but I love t.i.ts and hers just don"t compare.
Sometimes I wish I had a fat, dumpy mother and I"m regretting the feelings that have developed. They are consuming me more and more and I don"t know what to do.
29 May I finally got emboldened and asked Lisa if she wanted to see a movie.
She got a strange look on her face and said she was busy this weekend.
She said maybe the next weekend, but I was blown away. Now I know why they say you can never know what a woman is thinking. I tried and I"ll leave it to her if she wants to do something in the future.
31 May This weekend really blew. I borrowed my mother"s car and hit the gym both days to work off some steam. I am really not looking forward to seeing Lisa tomorrow. I"m sure she told all her friends that my loser a.s.s dared to ask her out. Oh well, life sucks.
1 Jun I skipped school today, claiming sickness, and enjoyed a miserable day with Taboo. Having the whole house to myself was great and the thought that my mother might walk in on me was exhilarating, though that was not going to happen since she works until 3. Oh well, I can fantasize.
2 Jun Today was the greatest. I ignored Lisa in our first cla.s.s and was curt with all my responses. I could see her staring at me on occasion and she tried to smile each time our eyes met. I felt like talking to her but I decided anger was a more pleasurable response. She actually sat by me at lunch and asked what was wrong and why I had missed school the day before. I was an a.s.s and said nothing was wrong. She asked if I was p.i.s.sed about her not going out with me last weekend. It was difficult to keep my emotions in check and I just said it was no big deal. I think she could tell I was lying and asked me if I wanted to do something tonight. I was quite shocked and could not help but smile. We agreed to go to the mall. I am getting ready to go in a bit and have already showered twice. My stomach is in knots and I hope I don"t get sick.
Well, my shopping trip with Lisa was uneventful except for one time where she grabbed my hand. I was not expecting it but my heart jumped.
We grabbed some fast food and I figured I would try and be a gentleman and pick up the bill. She seemed happy but refused to let me pay her share. This surprised me and am not sure how to interpret it. I felt like a dips.h.i.t since she had to drop me off at home but she didn"t seem to mind. Sitting in her car in front of my house was the worst part. I have never been in the situation and did not know if she wanted me to do something. I felt I would be a gentleman and asked her for her phone number. I wanted to kiss her but was too shy and did not want to embarra.s.s myself. I guess being shy paid off since she called me later and asked if I wanted to see a movie this weekend. Life isn"t too bad after all.
5 Jun Tonight was the big night with Lisa but I still can"t get my mom out of my head. We went to the gym again today and she is looking better every time I see her. I can"t decide who I"d rather see naked. Lisa has a nice a.s.s but my mom"s t.i.ts are just killing me. I feel like an idiot in the car because I often get a b.o.n.e.r. I usually have my bag or a magazine to put on top and so far I don"t think my mom has noticed.
I started bringing my jeans to wear in the car since they hide it much better than my sweats. One of these days, maybe I"ll just let it show to see if I can get a reaction from her. I"m not that bold but maybe someday. Well, on to my date. Lisa picked my loser a.s.s up at home again and we went to the cinema. I don"t even remember much of the movie since my mind was conflicted between Lisa and mom. Lisa held my hand through the whole movie and I even put my arm around her. I thought about all the date movies I had seen in the past and realized it really is that easy. All my shyness over the past few years was a complete waste of time. I thought about grabbing Lisa"s t.i.t but felt my gentleman routine was working just fine. After the movie, we walked and talked a lot, holding hands. It was fun but my mind was often on my mother. Out of nowhere, Lisa pushed me into a wall and kissed me.
This was my first kiss and I hope it was not a bad one. Later, she said she could tell I was shy and got tired of waiting for me to make a move on her. We kissed a bit more and I felt I"d take a chance and feel her a.s.s. It felt great and I immediately wanted to feel it naked.
I told her my parents were going to an air show tomorrow and asked if she wanted to come over. She was a bit hesitant but agreed. We made out a bit in her car and that was it. I ran in the house, ignored my parents, went in my room and jerked off to my video. What a feeling.
6 Jun My parents were p.i.s.sed I skipped out on the annual air show but too bad. I figured if Lisa was willing to come to my house, she might be willing to do more. I had a few condoms I got at the s.e.x ed cla.s.s earlier this year. My stomach was a complete mess and I hoped it would calm down by the time Lisa came. She showed up an hour late but called and told me she would be. When I opened the door, my fantasies for s.e.x disappeared. She was wearing some worn out sweats and a baggy t-shirt.
We hung out for awhile and watched TV. She checked out the rest of the house and quizzed me on my parents. After we had lunch, we started making out. My hopes increased again as I found the sweats easier to feel through than jeans. She didn"t pull back as I felt all over her body. I asked her if she wanted to go to my room and she said yes. She was not nervous and I hoped I wasn"t showing mine too badly. As soon as we hit my room, she pulled me onto her and onto the bed. I got her shirt off and fumbled with her bra for a while before she took it off for me. She pulled off my shirt and pants. My hard on was beyond belief and actually hurt. I tried to remember all the things I read in magazines about what women liked and the wrong things guys normally did. I slowed down a bit and started giving her mini-ma.s.sages in the midst of making out. She really seemed to dig it, so I took off her sweats and started kissing her all over her body. I wasn"t sure about oral s.e.x and it kind of scared of me. I had heard so many things positive and negative about it but knew the overwhelming amount of women I read about enjoyed it. I figured if I could get her off orally, maybe she wouldn"t notice how pitiful at f.u.c.king I would be. I got her panties off and took my time kissing her body again. She seemed surprised when I went down on her and I just kept things as slow as I could. I knew I had already c.u.m accidentally from the excitement of the moment and figured oral s.e.x would give me the time to get hard again. The experience was not like I figured. She got pretty excited as I used my tongue and finger on her and even though I got hard again quite quick, I wanted to give her an o.r.g.a.s.m. I worked on what I determined was her c.l.i.t since that got the most response. It was smaller than I figured and did a good job at hiding at times. I eventually got her to c.u.m - at least I think she did. I read that women like hugging and doing nothing for awhile after o.r.g.a.s.m so I got on top of her and kissed her for awhile. After a few minutes, she started stroking me and tried to lead me into her p.u.s.s.y. I grabbed a condom and fumbled with it for a second. I actually felt myself losing hardness as I put it on, but it came back quickly as soon as laid between Lisa"s legs. Lisa turned us over and sat on top of me. She sat there for a second before finally lowering herself onto me. The initial feeling was hot and felt good, but I must admit I was a bit disappointed. I didn"t know if it was because of the condom or what.
She started riding me and I was waiting to explode. Surprisingly, an o.r.g.a.s.m was not approaching and I started getting into it. After a few minutes, I flipped her back over and started pounding away. Since I was lasting longer than I hoped, I tried changing speeds and depth to see what reaction I got. I lost track of time and actually wondered if I would be able to c.u.m. My thoughts started drifting to my video laying a few feet away and I got a new spark of excitement. I remembered back to the part of the movie where the son was banging his girlfriend while thinking of his mom. This excited me to no end and I came within a few seconds. Lisa seemed happy enough and so I felt confident of my performance. She said it felt great and that she never had anyone go down on her. We showered and watched more TV. She took my pants off and I thought she wanted to screw again. Instead, she started licking around my d.i.c.k and I couldn"t wait until she put it in her mouth. Again, my expectation of a b.l.o.w.j.o.b was beyond my first experience. Granted, it felt wonderful but I had built up a grand vision of the feeling. I think this lasted about five minutes before I decided I wanted to f.u.c.k her again. She was happy to oblige and the second time was better than the first. I went from missionary to her on top. As I figured, her t.i.ts were small and I felt disappointed there wasn"t much to grab a hold of. Again, my mind went to my video and the giant t.i.ts on the mother. My own mother flashed in my mind and I about came right then. I pushed her image out of mind and managed to control myself. I tried a few other positions and eventually went to doggy style. Watching her a.s.s from behind was enough for me and I lost it. We cleaned up again, talked awhile, and she left. I aired out my room and cleaned up the house. My parents already suspected I had a girlfriend and my mom was all giddy at the idea that I was finally dating. I"m sure they previously feared I was a f.a.g since I had never brought a girl home and never talked about any. I stayed in my room to avoid them when they returned.
7 Jun Lisa called yesterday and today and I"m already getting p.i.s.sed at the amount of time taken away from my laziness. My mom got all excited when she told me there was a girl on the line, but I tried to ignore her. She asked me later at dinner who the girl was and if she was my girlfriend. I said we were friends and that was it. My mother was positively beaming and didn"t believe Lisa was just a friend. To keep my mind off of the conversation, I kept staring at my mom"s t.i.ts, dreaming of holding on to them as she rode me.
8 Jun Today was a truly awful day. My father came into my room after work and asked me about a late fee for a video. I"m sure my face went white as a ghost. He asked me why I rented the movie. He knew what the movie was about since it was his videotape I had discovered and watched a few years before. I figured I"d take the chance that he was unaware I"d ever seen his tape, and told him I rented it for a friend because they didn"t have a video card. He asked if I watched it and I said I had since I had heard about it from other cla.s.smates. My father just stared at me and left. I am a fool and cannot believe the f.u.c.kin video store didn"t credit the late fee I paid. Part of me hopes he tells mom -- maybe if she thinks I"m interested in the movie, I"m interested in her. It"s stupid to even think such thoughts but it is fun!!
9 Jun Lisa picked me up and we drove out into the desert. We found a deserted area and started going at it. f.u.c.king in a car is not nearly as easy and fun as it looks in the movies. The only position that managed to be feasible was me sitting with her straddling me. Luckily, her legs are quite flexible. My interest in Lisa is already waning and it took a fantasy of my mother to c.u.m again. I feel bad about it because Lisa is such a nice girl and she really seems to like me. I"m really beginning to regret ever watching Taboo and think the best thing to do is destroy my copy. Without such thoughts and images, my mind will turn towards Lisa and enjoy our time. Who knows.
15 Jun Lisa and I have been spending a lot of time together. I enjoy her company, but f.u.c.king is getting a bit tedious. Its better than jerking off to a video all the time but I feel myself acting with her more and more. I am getting looks from other girls in school but I don"t feel they would be anymore satisfying than Lisa. My workouts are up to 5 days a week and my body has transformed quite a bit in the past months. My body isn"t great by any means, but I at least look like a decent athlete now. I can even see my ab muscles and can"t wait to start laying out this summer to get a great tan. My mother does aerobics 2 to 3 days a week by now and I love every minute still. I feel like a perv staring at her from the workout room, but with all the other girls in the room, she has no idea I watch her. My mom hasn"t asked me about the late video - what a conversation that would be! She has asked me a lot about Lisa and how it"s going. Curiously, such conversations give me an instant hard on.
18 Jun Today was almost the best day ever but nearly turned into a nightmare.
After returning from the gym, my mother went to shower as normal. I did not hear the door lock so I decided it was finally time to take a chance. I quietly approached the door and listened for the shower.