Margie crossed her arms, shaking her head.
I dropped mine, ashamed that I"d even come from such a woman. Not that I didn"t already know she could be selfish, but I didn"t think she"d land a blow that low-especially towards a woman so nice.
"You mom has her qualities. Like you said, she isn"t all bad. But... like I said. She will always put herself first, even before her own child."
I was saddened to hear about Mom"s true colors, and the more and more I thought on it, the more I realized how glad I was that Margie was around and my mother wasn"t. Margie deserved my dad, and he deserved her. He deserved a woman that gave instead of someone that just took, s.n.a.t.c.hed, and then ran with his heart and soul. Margie patiently swept up the pieces, restoring his happiness.
I talked to Margie a lot, more about myself and my situation with Theodore than anything else. Unfortunately, Sterling was still around when I filled Margie in on my hectic taboo ordeal. High school students were out for summer break, which gave him ample time to work from home. He worked a lot at the desk in the den, but I didn"t realize that was his place of peace until I told Margie all about my complications. He was only a room away.
That night, about two hours after I asked her what I should do, Sterling came up to my room. He knocked first, which I was glad for. When he stepped in, I drew my knees to my chest, swallowing hard as he shut the door behind him. I was a little terrified of this guy. All I got from him the past two and a half weeks were odd stares and weird vibes.
Before he made it too far, he held his hands up in the air innocently. "You don"t have to be scared of me, you know?"
"You weird me out," I admitted.
He laughed, finding my rapid response funny. "I... have a bad habit of not being able to express myself. I can be very... weird, as you put it."
Ya think?
I shrugged.
"Listen, um... I heard you talking to my mom in the kitchen. I know, I know, I shouldn"t have been eavesdropping again,"-he held his hands up as I started to tell him off-"but I was in the den, and lately I"ve been a little worried about you."
"About me?" I narrowed my brows, releasing my legs. "Why would you be worried about me? You hardly even know me."
"Well, see, it"s weird "cause I feel like I know a lot about you. All my mom ever does is talk about you. She"s always wanted a girl. You"re good to her. Sweet to her. She loves that you don"t act like the average female your age."
Something about the way he said that made a few parts of me soften. It could have been the kindness in his voice or how his mouth twitched to fight a smile. I realized then that Sterling was no creep. He was just a man that wasn"t sure how to take me. He didn"t understand me or why I did the things I did, but he never bothered bringing it up again.
When I thought of it, I actually appreciated him for not telling anyone about Theo coming through my window-especially Margie. Maybe he wasn"t so much of a weirdo after all.
I eased up a little, shoulders dropping, but he stayed in the same place. I noticed then that he had a tattoo on his shoulder. It looked familiar, then I noticed it was an exact replica of the tattoo Theo had below his collarbone. A jagged looking U. The Union.
Holy... f.u.c.king... s.h.i.t.
He saw where my eyes landed, and he covered it. "You know about this?"
I pretended I didn"t. "Nah. What"s it mean?" I asked, brows creased. I pushed off the bed, walking towards him.
His Adam"s apple bobbed. "It"s stands for the Union. It was a... gang I was in when I was younger. I"ve changed."
"Yeah," I sighed. "I see that."
"You know, it kinda hurt my feelings when you called me a creep the other week," he teased, chuckling.
My mouth twitched, but I couldn"t fight my smile. "I"m sorry... you were just really, really starting to weird me out. Why do you watch me swim?"
"I used to swim a lot."
I was surprised to hear that. Margie never mentioned he was a swimmer. "I took up the hobby after college. The water was soothing. I loved how it felt going through my hair, surrounding me." He shrugged. "Used to have a really bad temper. I"m ten times better than who I used to be. I don"t swim as much now since I work so much, but when I get the chance, it"s amazing."
"Swimming helps me relax too." I stepped back.
He blinked twice before looking me straight in the eyes. "Do you love that man over there?"
It was my turn to blink as if I were clueless. "Who? Theo?"
"I a.s.sume that"s his name." Sterling smirked.
I sat back down, blowing a breath. "I... do. He means a lot to me."
"How long have you known him?"
"Since I was twelve."
Sterling"s eyes went wide. "He"s been hitting on you ever since you were twelve? Sounds like a f.u.c.king pervert."
"No, he was not hitting on me since I was twelve. I was nineteen when we actually... did something. But by that time, he was really spiraling, and he was no longer married." I remembered that night clearly. I would never forget it. I sighed.
"I guess I can"t blame you. I know the feeling."
My face warped with confusion. "Of what?"
"Of falling in love with someone you know you can"t have. Someone older... a generation or two ahead of you."
My heart pitter-pattered, the beats light, but blood whooshed in my ears. Sterling rubbed the back of his neck, eyes avoiding mine. And then I saw it... s.h.i.t. All this time I thought Margie was the one that had fallen for an older man-a forbidden lover-but it was her son who"d fallen for the older lover. Sterling had obviously told his mother everything. No wonder she knew so much, and no wonder she could sympathize.
"Maybe now you can see why I"ve been kinda worried about you. I know how hard it is to let that go-to move on. It"s hard to think about, especially when it"s mutual. You know, my mom kinda told me the man was also your best friend"s dad. She had no right to tell me, but it was one of those days where she couldn"t stop talking... and I kinda forced it out of her."
d.a.m.n it, Margie! I s.n.a.t.c.hed my gaze away.
Sterling stepped forward. "You don"t have to feel ashamed, alright?" I looked up, and he was still watching me. "Trust me, I understand your struggle. I have no room to judge anyone on this G.o.d green earth."
"Hmm." I wasn"t sure what else to say.
"Hey-can I tell you a story? I think you"d be interested. It"s pretty similar to what you"re going through." He put on a friendly smile, and surprisingly, the lopsided curve of his mouth intrigued me. I wanted to know his story. I wanted to know what he did to come out of his taboo affair.
"Sure." I scooted towards the edge of my bed.
Turning only a fraction, he grabbed my pink chair and pulled it to the center of the room, near my bed. He sat down, folding his fingers in front of him, his elbows on top of his thighs.
"So, when I was twenty, I joined this gang called the Union. The craziest, wildest time of my life... but that only lasted for a little while. They make you do some pretty crazy s.h.i.t. A gang like that attracted nave, young-minded men like me. Especially young men that had been abused, neglected, or abandoned. My dad used to hit me and my mom when-well, you know. I"m sure you can put two and two together." His smile was uneasy.
Wow. That explained so much, not only with him, but with Margie as well.
"Anyway, The Union doesn"t believe in true love," he told me. "They think women were put on this earth for them to f.u.c.k and have their babies, but they don"t think love is necessary to the life they live. I didn"t understand why they didn"t believe in love, and I hated they didn"t because I was falling in love with someone. It was natural and real and extremely hard to ignore or avoid. I knew the Union would never understand or accept it, so I kept my love a secret. I never wanted them to find out." Sterling looked down, his breathing going heavy. "I... uh..." He struggled with a smile and a frown. "s.h.i.t, I don"t even know why I feel so comfortable telling you this, but she was a great woman. I worked with her often. I was surprised she gave me a job. I guess she knew I needed it. And she was kind enough to give me a chance.
"She hated my lifestyle with a pa.s.sion, but she was very sympathetic. Her compa.s.sion was overwhelming. It made me bloom, feel things I never thought possible. So, I started showing up for work more to make her happy and making less appearances with the gang of men that thought love was a stupid, made up word. With each day, I fell more and more in love with her, and after only a few weeks I couldn"t stay away."
"Aw." I smiled. "She must have been really great if she could make you come out of the gang on your own."
"Ha. She was, trust me. I loved that woman with a pa.s.sion. Everything about her made my heart pound. She loved me a lot. She"d work late for me, just so we could spend time together. When my car broke down, she would pick me up for work... but that was the mistake... her coming to my home."
His eyes swarmed with emotion as he cleared his throat. "The Union... they"d been watching me. They saw her. I never told them I wanted to drop out because, with my father gone and my mom always working, they were sort of my family-people to keep me company. But when they saw her picking me up, it caused all h.e.l.l to break loose." He focused on the wall across from him. "I was doing so good, going to school for her. I wanted to make her proud. I"d always loved music, so I focused on making that my career and was lucky enough to graduate. But... just when I thought everything would get better, it got so much worse.
"During my graduation night, she was brutally robbed and stabbed. Her life was taken, and I didn"t know it until two days after I graduated." I gasped sharply, the pieces of his stories all too familiar. My eyes were wide as h.e.l.l, and the drumming of my heartbeat had come to a cease as I listened to Sterling"s every single word. That story... robbed and stabbed? Three years ago... oh my G.o.d.
He continued, leaving me no window of time to b.u.t.t in. "I was busy, so busy and moving forward with my life so much that I didn"t even realize The Union had been watching my every move. They... envied me. They didn"t believe in love. They didn"t condone it. They saw I was falling hard for her, and they-they did something about it." His voice cracked in the middle of the last sentence. "I was supposed to be vice president of the gang, step up to the plate and soon take over, but I gave the position away. I think doing that made them suspicious."
His body shook with silent, painful laughter. "I don"t like to think of her death as what separated us. There were many things that separated us-many things that stood in the way. Honestly, I don"t think we ever would have been together, no matter how hard we loved one another or how much we wanted to be. The first thing that stood in the way was our age difference. She happened to be ten years older than me. The second thing, she had a child. A daughter. And the third and biggest thing, she didn"t want to leave her husband, mainly because he had never wronged her... and because she still loved him."
Daughter?
HUSBAND?!.
Oh my G.o.d.
My palms went clammy and cold, my mouth dry like it"d been stuffed with cotton b.a.l.l.s. Sterling was... Holy s.h.i.t... He was...
Sterling blew a puff of air that caught my attention again, and luckily for him, his tears didn"t fall. It"d obviously become easier for him to talk about his loss, but his loss was what made me wonder.
It could have been a coincidence; him being in the same gang that Theo was in. Residing in L.A. where the murder happened and where they used to live. After all, Theo got to love, and from my understanding, he wasn"t as invested in the gang as Sterling was. Maybe they just didn"t care for Theo and saw he could protect himself without them. I couldn"t help but think there were way too many coincidences, all of which petrified me.
Sterling looked at my pale face, expecting questions, some kind of reaction, but I couldn"t react. I couldn"t do much but stare at him, speechless.
"Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I know what you"re going through. Not being able to be with a person that is a generation or two ahead of you. Is he married? The girl with the pink rims? What is she to him? Kids?"
I nodded at the last question, but it was all I could do. Speaking was unlikely to happen. He took my speechlessness as something else-probably a disinterest in his past and his love life-so he slid out of his chair, placing it back in front of my computer.
"s.h.i.t. I apologize if my story disturbed you. I"ll leave you alone now."
He went for the door and told me to have a good night, but before he could shut it, it finally occurred to me that there was one question I needed an answer to in order to know if my coincidences were just that-coincidences-or if they were hard, cold truths.
"The woman you loved, the woman that died," I said, my voice barely a whisper, "What-what was her name?"
A faint smile touched his lips, as if he would remember her name for the rest of his life. It was as if the thought of her name alone was enough to bring back the wonderful, temporary forevers he clung to. "It was Janet," he said. "Janet Black."
TWENTY-TWO.
Fourth of July weekend.
I used to love it years ago. I"d light the grill, ready to inhale the scent of sizzling meat while Janet whipped up some goodies for us to indulge in later. Now, my daughter was away, and well, Janet was gone.
This Fourth of July I was going to be spending alone in my condo. Chloe hadn"t text me back since the previous night. Her reason could have been that she was working on keeping her distance. That"s what was supposed to be happening anyway.
So much s.h.i.t was going on. I wasn"t happy about any of it. I stressed like a motherf.u.c.ker, trying to keep Trixie on some level of contentment while also maintaining Chloe"s happiness. I wouldn"t kiss Trixie, I wouldn"t hug her back, and I d.a.m.n sure wouldn"t f.u.c.k her. Someone else"s name was written on my c.o.c.k with permanent ink, and her name was Chloe Knight.
Trixie whined about every f.u.c.king thing. She threatened me repeatedly, leaving me no choice but to do something to make it up to her. I"d take her to Dane"s where she could dance with her half-naked friends and I could drink until my rage wasn"t fully consuming me.
Then, she"d leave with them but swore she"d return. And on the nights when she"d leave to go party, I"d call Chloe first thing. I hated the position I put her in. I never wanted her to think she came second. I loved that girl with my whole heart. She didn"t deserve this, but I just wasn"t ready to let go.
Perhaps she was ready now. She wasn"t answering my calls or responding to my text messages. It"d been hours, and I needed my fix. I"d contemplated going to see her way too many times, finally giving into the temptation. I drove to Primrose, in hopes that she"d be somewhere visible where I could catch her attention.
Worry seized me, and when I entered the neighborhood and saw her car in the driveway, my heart f.u.c.king swelled. I drove closer with a faint smile on my lips, but when I caught sight of a familiar black car parked in the driveway, my exhilaration flew with the wind.
Oh. s.h.i.t. It wasn"t just any black car.
It was a black Charger.
My f.u.c.king Charger.
I stopped in the middle of the road, bike grumbling louder than I ever thought possible. Or maybe it only sounded louder because I wasn"t supposed to be there, and neither was Izzy.
I turned quickly and sped out of Primrose, heart racing as I rode home. I parked my bike just as my phone buzzed in my back pocket. Surprisingly, it wasn"t Izzy, whom I expected to call and shout at me for selling the house. It was Chloe.
I answered. "Chloe?"
"Hey, Theo, um... Okay, so maybe the world and all its forces are just totally against us right now, but why in the h.e.l.l is Izzy in town? Did she tell you she would be coming?"
"h.e.l.l no." I kicked the stand of my bike and hopped off. "s.h.i.t."
"She"s going to her car right now to get her phone. I"m sure she"s about to call you." Chloe breathed hard. "d.a.m.n it," she groaned. "I wasn"t prepared for this at all."
"Me neither, babe. But listen, when she calls me, I"ll tell her to come over. Just stay calm, alright?"
She sighed. "Okay. Okay," she said twice, but I heard the anxiety in her voice.
"Love you, Chloe. Call you when everything is situated."
She didn"t tell me she loved me back. Instead, she said okay and then hung up. I dropped the phone, throat working hard to swallow. Moments later, as I stepped into my condo, I got the expected call from my daughter.
And I answered, telling her my new address after receiving some harsh, annoyed remarks about selling the house she practically grew up in. She told me she"d be on the way in twenty minutes and then she hung up.
Slouching on the sofa, I picked up my cellphone and shot Chloe a text.
Me: I"m so f.u.c.king sorry, Chloe. I don"t want you to go through this.
She replied: Chloe: It"s fine. I have something really important to tell you. We need to find a place to meet so we can talk.
Me: I"ll send you a time to meet me at the boat when Izzy is settled in.
Chloe: Okay. And I love you too, Theo.