"Wow... Chloe, you better high tail it like h.e.l.l. Tell my dad!" she giggled. "He"ll set him straight."
I started to laugh until she mentioned Theo. I forced one just to pretend nothing had shifted, but I felt the shift deep inside me. My face turned sullen as I peered up at my window with the knowing he was only one house away, my chipper mood quickly seeping through the cracks. A heavy, remorseful feeling replaced it. I stopped smiling. "Right," I breathed, still forcing my laugh.
"Well, I just wanted to check in. I hope Papa Knight doesn"t cause too much h.e.l.l. And if that freak tries to lay a hand on you, let me know! I"ll come straight to Bristle Wave and drown him in that pool."
"You"re wild, Izzy. Text me later."
"Alright, chick. Will do."
I dropped my phone, running my fingers across my face before raking them through my damp, mangled curls. I couldn"t think too much. Like Theo said, don"t think, but s.h.i.t, it was d.a.m.n hard not to feel the bad.
I dropped my towel and entered my bathroom, hitting the shower and then stepping out, drying off and checking the mirror. I wasn"t quite sure what time Theo needed me to come over and help him, but it was still early. I was ready to see him again, but I decided to take care of myself.
I plucked my brows with the tweezers on top of the porcelain bowl, wincing with each deep-rooted tug. I then shaved my legs, under my arms, and... down there. After all, a girl needed to be renewed after such a perfect night.
After taking care of specific feminine needs, I went to my closet, dressing in a black pair of spandex pants, a camisole, and a pair of sneakers. I wasn"t sure what all he would need packed or how much moving he planned on doing in and out of the house, so dressing comfortably was best.
Too eager, but still holding onto my patience, I walked to my window, looking out for the first time today. The eagerness I carried quickly vanished. There was a familiar car in the driveway, a white Honda, and my heart sunk as well as my excitement. That was... that was her car. Trixie. What in the h.e.l.l was her car doing there and how long had it been there?
I figured only one person would know the answer to that question, so I scampered downstairs, doing my best to control my fury. After all, it could have been a simple coincidence. Sterling walked into the kitchen with a towel hung behind his neck and over his shoulders. He used the ends to clear his ears, and then he looked at me, watching as I hurried in his direction.
"You said you saw him leave last night," I murmured, getting way too close for comfort. But I didn"t care. I needed answers. "You saw him... was that car in his driveway all night long?"
"What? The white one?"
"Yes."
He looked me over, confused. "I think so. Pink rims, right?"
My heart nearly stopped beating. "Yes." Oh, G.o.d. She had been there all night. But where was he? I left Sterling standing in the kitchen with a perplexed expression and a sarcastic "You"re welcome!" trailing after me.
I was in a haste to get upstairs. I walked into my bedroom and called Theo right away. My blood reached boiling point. How could he say he loved me only the night before but have her there waiting for him? There had to be a reason for this, but nothing seemed to add up other than him still wanting her around, perhaps to keep him company when I went away for school. The line of my eyes thickened as the phone rang and rang. He didn"t answer.
I called again, moving towards my window to look out, and as I did, I saw Trixie walking out the front door, blowing a kiss before shutting it behind her. Her keys dangled in her hand. She moved casually, hips swinging. Her hair wasn"t disheveled, which was a good sign, but it was still a bad thing that she was there at all.
Wasn"t she supposed to be in Vegas? Why the h.e.l.l was she still around? He didn"t love her... he loved me... right? Too many questions. Too many irrational thoughts.
I watched the s.k.a.n.k pull out of the driveway, but what made my heart ache deep in my chest was when she pulled out and looked up, right at my window, as if she knew I was watching.
And, I couldn"t believe it, but the b.i.t.c.h waved at me, twinkling her fingers as if she were superior. She pulled off, her body shaking with laughter before exiting Primrose. My body shook violently, hands curled into fists. I breathed evenly through my nostrils. I was usually the calm girl, the one that never got too upset, but this? This had gone too far.
Theo Black had a lot of explaining to do, and I was going to figure everything out. Right. f.u.c.king. Now.
I took the staircase with a trail of fire behind me, one that Sterling backed away from as soon as he saw me storming down. He didn"t say anything. He still looked confused and slightly worried, but he stayed away, afraid of getting burned.
Out the front door I went, fuming as I crossed the street and went up Theo"s driveway to get to his two-story house on the hill. I didn"t bother knocking or ringing the doorbell. I barged right in, slamming the door shut behind me.
He appeared around the corner, brows st.i.tched. "Chloe, I was just about to call you when I found-"
"No, Theo." My voice dripped with the red I carried deep inside. Pointing and standing square in front of him, I asked, "Why did Trixie just leave your house? How long has she been here?"
Theo held his hands up, silently begging me to calm down. "That"s what I wanted to call you about. I just can"t find my f.u.c.king phone. b.i.t.c.h hid it somewhere so I couldn"t call you."
I scoffed, shoving a hand onto my waist. "Do you really expect me to believe that?" I looked around the kitchen before looking behind me. I spotted his cellphone sitting right on top of the gla.s.s table beside the door. I went for it, s.n.a.t.c.hed it up, and shoved it into his hands. He looked down at it as if he was staring at the devil himself.
"What the f.u.c.k-no, Chloe, she put it there before she left. I looked everywhere for it! She had it! You have to believe me!"
My head shook, tears threatening to spill, but I kept it together. "So much for feeling everything."
I twisted around and made sure I was out of his house before he could come after. Normally, he wouldn"t chase after me, but this time, he did. He hurried out, shouting my name, and before I could hit the main street, he gripped my elbow, picked me up, tossed me over his shoulder, and then walked back for his house.
His body was hard, but I pounded and kicked, begging him to put me down. I knew he wouldn"t. He no longer cared. There were neighbors out, all of them watching, flooding me with embarra.s.sment.
I hated him. So much.
When he was inside the house, he placed me on the rug in his living room, and I immediately shoved him with my hands as soon as I was free. The tears had surely left me, trailing down flared cheeks. "You"re a liar, Theo! That"s all you are! A liar!" He flinched, but I knew I wasn"t hurting him with my actions. I was killing him with my words. "You know how I feel about you," my voice cracked. "You know how much I love you, and you used that against me! I can"t even stand to look at you! What am I to you? Huh? Just a quick lay? Easy p.u.s.s.y for the summer?"
My voice thickened, filled with a blistering heap of emotions. I hit him again and again, pounding, wanting to hurt him like he"d hurt me. He didn"t speak, and it only increased my anger. I went in for one last blow with both hands, but he caught my wrists and a deep grunt filled the room as he crushed me against his large body.
My fighting didn"t stop. It was weak and lame, but I didn"t stop. "I hate you," I whispered. "I swear. I hate how you make me feel."
"You don"t mean that," he murmured. His voice broke, cutting my heart up in a thousand ways. "You don"t f.u.c.king mean that s.h.i.t." He lifted my head, and when I didn"t focus on his face, he gripped it in his hands, forcing me to look at him. "Come on, Chloe, you know me! You f.u.c.king know me! I wouldn"t lie to you! Trixie saw me last night-she saw me climbing through your window. She waited for me to get home-said she found a better job in LA and wasn"t going to Vegas-but she saw me. She is going to use this s.h.i.t against me. She f.u.c.king threatened to go over and tell you, but I didn"t want you to hear it from her. I wanted you to hear it from me-the truth. I"m a forty-two year old man. I have no f.u.c.king reason to lie to you. Those days when I used to play mind games with girls are over. A real man stands up to his demons. Trust me, baby," he murmured, swiping one of my tears away. "I"m not lying to you. I would never lie to you."
My sniffles calmed as his voice hummed through me, the tears slowly drying. What the h.e.l.l? Was he serious?
"Look, I told her about you once before, and she remembered. She knows what you are to me... to Izzy. She has Izzy"s number. She said she"d call her, Chloe. f.u.c.king Izzy. She said she"d tell her everything. I f.u.c.king panicked, and I knew if I kicked her out, she"d call first thing and f.u.c.k up everything."
"W-what?" I gasped then jerked away, not because I didn"t believe him, but because this was bad. Really bad.
"Wait-why would she threaten you? She wants you back?"
He didn"t answer. He didn"t need to. The drop of his head and how it hung in shame was proof enough.
"Theo, oh my G.o.d," I swiped my face. "This cannot be happening right now!"
"I was trying to tell you. She knows... she knows everything. She stayed last night, but I didn"t sleep with her. I got her drunk and let her pa.s.s out on the couch." I could imagine it vividly. I was sure she tried to seduce him, touch him, and even offer to suck him off. She was a girl that thrived on s.e.x. I despised her existence. "I thought I could get into her phone, delete Izzy"s number, but it"s locked." He scratched his head out of nervous habit. "I tried, Chloe. I swear I did, but until I get that number deleted or get her to leave me alone, I have to keep seeing her."
"Theo, no." I placed my hands on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes. "I"m sure she"s going to write it down as soon as she gets the chance. She may seem dumb, but I have a feeling she"s not. Why else would she threaten to snitch? She"s gonna need a backup plan."
"s.h.i.t," he hissed.
I looked down, battling tears again. Silence surrounded us, and when it occurred to me what we would have to do, I wanted to cry. "There"s... only one thing we can do." I stole a peek at him, and as if he had the same thought, his face went stone cold. He hated the idea, but deep down, he knew I was right. "We have to tell Izzy."
Theo stared at me for several seconds, then he walked past me, dropping on the sofa. "I-s.h.i.t, we can"t do that."
"What other choice do we have?" My voice was thick. I walked towards him, taking the spot on his left. "I"ve had this planned out in case she ever found out. I"ll tell her that it was my fault. That I tempted you, and we got carried away."
He groaned, his face planted in his hands. "She"ll never believe that. She knows how you are and how much you value your relationship with her. She"ll know it was me." He dropped his hands. "f.u.c.k, man, I"ll lose her. I know I will. She won"t forgive me, and if she does, she"ll never look at me the same. She won"t trust me... she won"t come home." He looked down, brown eyes glossy. "She"s all I have, man. Her and you. I can"t afford to lose both. Because I know if she finds out, I won"t just be losing her, I"ll be losing you too. You"ll regret it. You"ll hate yourself for ruining your friendship with her, and that"ll leave you no choice but to stay away from the person that intervened. Me. We can"t, Chloe."
I watched his eyes and saw the loneliness within them. The gloom was clear. He knew we"d f.u.c.ked up the moment we decided to touch each other. He knew his daughter, how stubborn she was. He also knew that she"d jump to conclusions about him, consider him a f.u.c.k-up husband to Mrs. Black because he had s.e.x with me only six weeks after her death.
It wasn"t nearly enough time to heal. She"d blame him and tell him straight to his face that he was a coward that never loved his wife and was ready to move on. I knew because he told me she called him a p.u.s.s.y for not waiting for Mrs. Black after the bakery party. I knew Izzy just as well as I knew him. They were alike in ways, but when it came to acceptance, that was one trait Izzy was shy of.
She wouldn"t understand; she wouldn"t get it. She"d wonder about it for the rest of her life, most likely questioning our friendship. She"d try and say it was all bulls.h.i.t, that I stuck around to get closer to Theo, but really it wasn"t. I loved Izzy, but I broke her heart three years ago, and she didn"t even know it.
"I"m so sorry for this mess," Theo apologized. He grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. I stared down at our fingers, the silver band that he never took off now missing from his ring finger. The tan mark was no longer there. It blended in with the rest of his olive skin. "Look, how about I cook you some dinner? We can talk about this."
I dropped my head, and with a calmness that nowhere near justified all I was feeling, I stood, releasing his hand. "No, I think I should go. You know neither of us can think when we"re around each other. I"m nothing but a distraction for you."
He shot to a stand as I backed away to the door. "Don"t say s.h.i.t like that, Chloe." He marched forward, clasping my face in his hands and forcing me to look at him. "Don"t say stupid s.h.i.t to me-don"t say s.h.i.t you don"t even believe. You aren"t a distraction. You have never been a distraction for me."
"No? Then what am I?"
He released my face, watching my sullen eyes. "You are everything to me." He blinked, his hands capping my shoulders. With his lips on my forehead, he whispered. "Everything. I love you. Never think twice about that."
I swallowed thickly, but I allowed him to hold me. Why? Because I really needed to be held. Yes, we needed to talk this through, but it couldn"t happen in that moment. In that moment, I was vulnerable, and all of my emotions had been put on display. I needed s.p.a.ce-time to myself. I needed it to be just me.
So I left Theo with a swift kiss on the lips and then the cheek, and he watched me walk across the street and into my house. As I shut the door behind me, my eyes flashed to Sterling who was sitting on the sofa, flipping channels with the TV remote. When he saw it was me walking through the door, he perked up, asking, "What in the h.e.l.l was that about?"
I ignored him, slightly rolling my eyes as I made my way up the staircase. My door slammed, and I flopped on my bed, face-first. The cool sheets smothered the visible shame, and unfortunately, I could still breathe.
I didn"t deserve to breathe.
I didn"t deserve this s.h.i.tty lifestyle.
I didn"t deserve to hide, suffer, or cry.
I deserved to be Chloe Knight.
Happy, carefree, and not so... guilty.
TWENTY-ONE.
Two weeks.
That"s how much time went by, each day inching by like a snail on a hot summer day.
In between sneaking in and out of his house and having to be updated on when Trixie was gone, we tried to work something out. Of course we tried over and over again to stop seeing each other-end it all cold turkey, no looking back-but it was d.a.m.n near impossible.
I couldn"t ignore him.
Not even when he moved. Luckily, Trixie didn"t know where his new place was right away, so she didn"t get the opportunity to show up like I could, but during the middle of our arrangements, she made an approach, demanding his address. I saw her show up at Theo"s house, angry about the For Sale sign pitched in the yard.
I despised her. I wanted to bash her skull in plenty of times. I could have done it the day she stopped by, but that wasn"t me. I was too good of a person, and at times, I considered myself a pushover. I had a backbone, but it was very fragile.
There was one day we had all to ourselves. An entire day and night since Trixie had a double shift. I got lucky, and Theo did something different. He took me to a tattoo parlor in L.A. He only trusted one person, some artist named Rob at Coast & Ink. The shop was neat. I"d never been in one before. Izzy and I always talked about getting matching tattoos but never got the chance to.
That day, I believe Theo was out of his d.a.m.ned mind. He got a tribal wave tattooed above his left collarbone, close to his neck. I instantly knew the meaning of it before he could explain.
"Why?" I whispered when we left the shop and met up to Ol" Charlie in the parking lot. "Why would you do that for me?"
"Because the ocean is our place," he murmured, his body close, his hand cupping the back of my neck. "The sea will always remind me of you."
Ink. Dark, beautiful, permanent ink would forever remind him of me. I wanted a copy for keepsake. I"d contemplated getting something similar one day, maybe when everything wasn"t so intense. His artist was a good one, but he was very strict about his sketching. He didn"t want anyone copying his work, and he had even signed the rough draft and final sketch of Theo"s dark wave. Too bad Theo had signed a contract that clearly stated he couldn"t get the drafts or the finals. His shop had some crazy rules, but their high quality made up for it.
I begged. Theo begged, but it didn"t work. He told us the tattoo on his arm was all we needed-that he never gave his drafts or sketches away. He was just being a jacka.s.s. Theo said he"d get a copy for me-that the Blacks always got their way and Rob would regret not giving it to him the first time. It wasn"t that serious, but to see his determination was sinfully delightful.
Maybe, after all this time, this was true love, or so I thought. Trixie called his cellphone later that night while we were tangled in the sheets. And before leaving, I lay on his chest, fighting the tears begging to be shed.
There wasn"t anyone I could talk to about this other than Margie, so I filled her in on everything. She understood our situation more than I thought she would, but her only response was to try and let go. I didn"t like the advice because we were trying. It was just too d.a.m.n hard.
And to make matters, well... worse, I found her kissing my dad when I came home late one night from Theo"s. It really must have been one of his good days, because he groped all of Margie"s curves, holding tight, kissing like his life depended on it. I was shocked-never saw it coming.
I didn"t interrupt though. In fact, I found it kind of cute. Apparently, Margie heard or saw me going past the bedroom because later on that night, she came into my room with one of my dad"s robes on, her cheeks flushed.
I tried so hard not to snicker as she quietly shut the door behind her. "So... um... how long?"
She blushed, her face cherry red now. "A while now, sweetie. About a week after you came home."
"Wow," I breathed, stunned.
She walked my way, sitting on the bed beside me. "Believe it or not, I have loved your father for over thirty years."
My eyes expanded. "You"ve known him for that long?"
She nodded. "Back in college, I met Richard first. He was in one of my computer cla.s.ses. I"d always found him handsome, but I didn"t think a guy like him would be interested in a chubby Spanish girl like me. But he was very intrigued, even agreed to come study with me every Wednesday night." She was tickled, grinning as she focused on my carpet. Then, her face straightened. "Your mother saw him during one of our study nights. I purposely scheduled on Wednesday nights in his dorm because I didn"t want her to see him. Your mom is a... very envious person. There was one night when they were doing plumbing on Richard"s hall and the library was closed due to reconstruction. We were left with no choice but to go back to my dorm room. Well, I had no choice. He kept begging me to see it, and I didn"t want to keep telling him no. So, we got there... and Bonnie was laying right on the bed. I didn"t expect her, but just like that"-she snapped her fingers-"she stole him away from me."
"Seriously? Why would she do that if she knew you were interested?" I was angry about that.
Margie shrugged. "Like I said, she was a very envious woman. She hated when I had something she didn"t. She swore she was my friend, but whenever I got a new pair of shoes or met a guy that really liked me, she"d either rain on my parade or do something to get the guy to notice her."
I grimaced, not at Margie but at my mother"s behavior. "Ew, Margie, why did you even stay friends with her?"
"It wasn"t for her, sweetie. It was for Richard."
I blinked.
"See, I had never expressed myself to Richie the way I"d always wanted to. I dreamed of telling him how I felt and then having him tell me something just as great in return-maybe even better-but I was only dreaming. Richie fell for your mother, and she stuck around because she learned he had inheritance from grandparents he"d never met, and would soon be taking over their accounting and banking business. Bonnie came from nothing, so she stuck with a man that could give her any and everything."
"Why didn"t you ever say anything to Dad?"
She chewed on her bottom lip, perplexed as she zoned out. "Because... for a few years he was happy. And by the time I had the courage, it was already too late. They were getting married. Trust me, Bonnie always knew I loved your father, which is why she tried to string me along by having me take care of him during these rough times. She knew I wouldn"t say no-she knew I would stick around because I love Richie. I care for him, and I know exactly what he needs and what he deserves. Basically, she handed me her leftovers. When I told you that your father worked hard and could hardly be there for you, that was because of Bonnie. She made him slave for her to have continual income, threatening divorce-something he didn"t want. She made him take international jobs, not giving a d.a.m.n if he was around to watch you grow up. I got his letters. His calls. He was always upset with Bonnie, and from what I saw, she didn"t even care."