"Because, if we were really put on this earth to be together, Izzy wouldn"t have turned out to be my best friend of ten years, and you wouldn"t be her dad. There would be nothing to tie us. No one should have to get hurt because two people love each other."
Her eyes were glossy when she looked up at me again. She didn"t blink; she just watched my eyes until a tear slid down her cheek. I swiped it away with my thumb. The question I wanted to ask hurt. It made my heart pound, but not in a good way. I didn"t want to ask, but I also didn"t want to be selfish. She deserved better. Ten times better than me.
"So what do we do from here, Chloe?"
Her mouth sealed tight as she placed her arms around me. Her lips pressed on the sliver of skin revealed above my chest. Next, my neck. She pushed against me until I stepped back, landing in the captain"s seat again.
Straddling my lap, she grabbed the hem of her shirt and tossed it. Then she reached for mine, pulling it over my head. Her eyes drifted down my bare chest and arms. She studied the tattoos carefully, and then she brought those beautiful hazel eyes back up when found the black tribal wave below my left collarbone. She leaned forward and pressed her smooth lips on top of it. Something about that created an ache within me.
I felt empty.
Hollow.
Like I was slowly losing my grasp on her.
Sliding off my lap, she bent over and unb.u.t.toned my jeans. She slid them down to my ankles and did the same with my briefs. Her perfect mouth circled the head of my c.o.c.k, and she filled her mouth, gagging only slightly, causing a deep groan to fill the air.
"Chloe-wait, let me-"
"No, Theo," she whispered, pressing her hand to my chest and forcing me back. "No. Let"s make this one count. Okay?"
She didn"t give me time to answer. Her mouth wrapped around me again, her tongue gliding down my shaft in the same amount of time. I watched her, and my eyes p.r.i.c.ked with heat when I realized what was happening.
She didn"t have to say it.
I already knew.
And the sad part?
I still wasn"t ready.
And though I wasn"t, I was still hard for her, her velvety tongue going round and round. I tensed and pulsed, on the verge of exploding, but she yanked way, slipping out of her skirt and panties with haste. Her body came above me, thighs outside my lap and the entrance of her p.u.s.s.y right above my c.o.c.k.
Her eyes, they filled with tears that didn"t need explaining, and as she rigidly slid down the length of me, her sadness spilled from her hazel eyes and streamed down her face. Her emotion gutted me. Her tears were the death of me.
I held my knight close, feeling as her body rocked with me, our kisses coated with salty emotion. I hated shedding tears, but as she watched me while making the sweetest, purest love to me, I could no longer control my feelings.
I was powerless as her p.u.s.s.y drenched my c.o.c.k, and she cried my name, not only through pleasure but also with the pain that cut her deep. Skin slapped together, my hand gripping her a.s.s as she bounced mercilessly.
And then it came.
I came.
We came beneath bright, burning stars that admired us, twinkling with merriment. We came between voracious midnight waves and the silvery light of the moon. Her head fell back, and I sucked greedily on her skin, not ever wanting the taste of her off my lips. I dropped my head, yanking her top down and exposing taut nipples. My mouth stimulated, sucking each one leisurely, and then I brought my mouth back up to hers, forcing her head down and eliciting a thick and heavy whimper.
I crushed her lips, the pa.s.sion all-consuming, kissing her like my life was ending. I kissed that beautiful girl like I loved her. Because I did love her, and I would have done anything for her to be happy again.
But most of all, I kissed her like this, because I knew...
I knew this would be it.
This would be our last time.
We stilled, gasping for breath, but it seemed neither of us could supply it. We suffocated as if we were under the water that surrounded us, sinking deep in our dark ocean.
Once upon a time, our black sea was a miraculous place that we could share without worries. It was a place where we could be alone. We didn"t have to think. We didn"t have to fear. We just... were.
I held her tight as she jolted above me, and when those beautiful, watery, hazel eyes landed on mine, I whispered, "I love you so f.u.c.king much, Chloe."
And her smile faltered. I witnessed the love she had for me, saw how much it broke her in two. Her bottom lip trembled, the dam wanting to break again. And she quietly whispered the magical words I loved hearing. "I love you, too, Theodore Black," she said through a thick, wavering voice.
We stayed on the boat, floating in the middle of the ocean, for nearly three hours. I held her, and she held me. We didn"t say much. There wasn"t really anything more we could say. We"d had our fun. Although it didn"t last as long as we"d planned, it happened, and that was all I"d wanted, after all. Another chance. Another shot at becoming someone better. I wanted to love her in all the right ways and with every single ounce of me. I didn"t care if she"d squeezed me dry, soaking up all my affections. They were hers to take. I was hers... all hers. I. Belonged. To. Her. I would always belong to her.
Later that night, Chloe left me with one last kiss in my condo. No, she didn"t cave and come running back to me, confessing her truths and forgetting about all that happened an hour later. She was really gone.
I know because I checked.
There were plenty of unanswered calls and text messages. Fed up, I drove to Primrose Way every day for a solid week and a half about three days after our boat ride and never saw her car parked in the driveway.
I saw no trace of her, and after only a month, I heard from one of my old neighbors that her house had been put up for sale. Her father moved to an apartment in Orange County with the caregiver at his side. Chloe"s number had also changed. The number had been disconnected. That drawn out beep and then the "We"re sorry, but the number you have reached..." absolutely gutted me to hear.
I was ripped apart.
Deteriorating.
Dying little by little. Every. Single. f.u.c.king. Day.
I never accepted her leaving. I never accepted it because I wasn"t ready to. I wanted us to have our happily ever after. I wanted Isabelle to accept the love I had for Chloe, but my daughter was stubborn and when she was angry, she was angry. She"d yet to fully accept my apologies. She brought the conversation up almost every time I called or saw her in person, but she was still my daughter, and she still needed me. She forgave me somewhat, but she hadn"t forgiven Chloe in the slightest.
She was hard on her for no reason, and I told her that.
I told her over and over again that it wasn"t her fault. I told her repeatedly that it was a mutual thing and that she had always been vulnerable to me. If anything, I should have been the one she never forgave, but Izzy saw it as nothing but her friend splitting them apart.
Not that it mattered anymore. It was the past. I stopped going to Primrose because I had all the evidence I needed. Chloe Knight, my beautiful, little knight, was gone, and I knew I would never see or hear from her again.
EPILOGUE.
Five Years Later Time is a tricky thing. It can be a mind game-a pa.s.sing clock of deception, but it can also carry the gift of acceptance. Over time, I grew and became someone I never thought possible, and though it was hard getting over my past-my failures-I made do. I kept my head held high, even though some nights I would cry until I no longer could.
I missed how it used to be and the people I used to hang with. I missed the smiles, the laughs, the hugs, kisses, and even the momentary conflictions I endured. I shouldn"t have missed it. After so long, it all just seemed so unreal, so unlikely. I never thought I would end up in a situation like that, losing and walking away from almost everyone I loved. s.h.i.t, just being back brought back all the feels-a deep-rooted feeling that tugged and pulled at my heartstrings, but got me nowhere at all.
It was July 18th. I would never forget that day. It was the day my dreams officially came true.
I had an interview at 12:30 PM the day before, and though my nerves were frazzled, my palms sweaty, I knew I had aced it. I went in prepared, with my head held high and my mind focused on only one thing-becoming a second grade teacher.
I got a call to come back in the next day. I figured they were going to reject me, but boy was I wrong.
"Congratulations, Ms. Knight-the kids will love that name by the way-we believe you have the patience and energy a second grade cla.s.s will need for Bristle Wave Elementary." Mr. Lint, a man in his mid-fifties with a bald head, square gla.s.ses on the bridge of his nose, and a bright white smile that, surprisingly, didn"t come off unsettling, held his hand out, and I hopped out of my chair, shaking it swiftly.
"Oh my goodness, thank you!" I tried hard not to bounce in my red wedges as he bobbed his head and then pulled away to pick up a manila envelope.
"Of course. We are glad to have you as a part of our staff." After informing me there would be papers I needed to sign and bring back before August, I was out of Bristle Wave Elementary with the widest grin on my face. I rushed to my Escalade and immediately whipped out my phone to call Sterling.
Yeah... Sterling Martinez.
We had become really close, especially after I apologized to him about the whole Mrs. Black thing. He forgave me. No doubt. No questions. No hesitation. At first, he was only a friend. He listened and understood and even gave me s.p.a.ce when I told him all about my last night on Dirty Black with Theo. Unfortunately, he was still in Arizona, but he was going to transfer to Bristle High the next school year to continue his teaching career. We wanted to be closer now.
It was strange because, all that time I thought Sterling was a weirdo, he just really didn"t know how to express himself around me. After months of texting and calling, checking up on me, and randomly asking me out on dates (which I had constantly turned down due to my damaged, no-good heart) he finally got to me. It wasn"t during the best of situations. In fact, the situation was ten times worse than losing Izzy and walking away from the first man I ever loved.
Dad died when I was twenty-four. Another stroke. It was very severe and happened when he was walking to his bathroom one morning. Margie and Sterling showed up at the funeral, and after shedding crocodile tears and hiding the pain that truly dwelled in my heart, I told them I would pack up the apartment my dad rented out.
I also didn"t want Margie to have to deal with his belongings, the sweet memories of their tough two years together. Sterling volunteered to help me, which totally distracted me from having to think about the funeral. The next day, he asked me to join him for ice cream.
He came down the hallway as I was tying my robe, catching a glimpse of my cleavage, and I covered myself as he cleared his throat, apologizing quickly as he whirled around.
"s.h.i.t! I"m sorry." He rushed away from the bedroom, but I called after him.
"No, it"s fine," I a.s.sured him. "What"s up? Need something?"
"Nah... uh, never mind. I don"t think I should be bothering you right now."
"No," I laughed as he looked every which way but into my eyes. "Sterling, what is it? Come on, spit it out."
He rubbed his face, and after his nervousness had pa.s.sed, he said, "I was thinking we could go for some ice cream today. It"s nice out-and I swear I"m not asking for a date. I just want to give you a little pick-me-up after yesterday." His smile was charismatic, his grey eyes gentling as he squared his shoulders, most likely preparing for the rejection.
This guy never gave up. Like, ever. "Sure," I said.
"s.h.i.t, I knew it." He turned and started to walk out, but when he realized I wasn"t turning him down, he turned to face me again. "Wait-that"s a yes?" His face lit up.
I grinned. He was so goofy. "Yes, Sterling. I"ll go with you for some ice cream. Just let me get dressed. I"ll meet you in the living room in fifteen."
His lips quirked up, and a breath of relief pa.s.sed through them. "Okay. Fifteen." He nodded his head and walked away, glancing back once before disappearing.
Let"s just say having ice cream turned exactly into what he wanted it to be. A date. But the crazy thing about it? We actually hit it off. I didn"t know too much about him, but I connected with him in a way that was difficult to explain. I was comfortable with him, and I could truly speak my mind without feeling judged or ignored.
We both were full of wonders and had questions that we"d always wanted to ask. Maybe all of those reasons were why I had fallen so hard for him.
"Sterling!" I screamed when he answered the phone.
"s.h.i.t, Chlo!" He laughed, and I blew a breath of relief as I focused on the building ahead of me. "Trying to blow my ear drum out?" he chuckled. "I take your excitement as you getting the position?"
"Yes! Oh my G.o.d! I seriously didn"t think I would! They were asking me all these questions about what I would do if a kid choked on a crayon or got lost during a field trip - ugh, it was insane, but apparently they loved me and they think I"m a good fit for their staff."
"That"s great, babe. I knew you"d get it. See, what did I tell you? I don"t know why you always doubt yourself."
"I don"t know why I do it either." I sighed, and the line went quiet for a few seconds.
As if he had read my mind, he said, "Listen, I know you didn"t want to go back to Bristle, but this is a great thing. You can start fresh, and when I get there, we"ll make the most we can out of it... together." I could tell he was smiling on his end.
"Yeah." I dropped my head. He knew what being here would do to me. I would remember and then I"d regret. G.o.d, I regretted so much, but this position was one I"d been trying to acquire for so long. I loved Bristle Wave. The serene city with little crime and a lot to do. "Hey, listen, I"m gonna go check out the house. The agent said I could view it today and I also have to meet the previous owner. Apparently the owner wants me to know a few things before moving in."
"Okay. Let me know how it goes. Call me later."
"I will."
"I love you, Haze." That was a nickname he gave me. He swore he would never be able to stop looking into my eyes for as long as we lived.
"I love you too, Creep."
I listened to his deep chuckle, how it hummed straight through me, and then I hung up with flutters in the pit of my belly. We"d been together for two and a half years, and each day seemed to only get better. I placed my phone in the cup holder and grinned once more at the future school I would be teaching at before pulling out of the parking lot and driving to my new home.
The house was right off the coast. A two story home made of tan cement and a burnt orange stucco roof to accent. There was a two-car garage, and the front yard was covered in well-kept, green gra.s.s with two, towering palm trees. It was beautiful, but what I loved most about it was the backyard.
It wasn"t just any backyard. It was filled with soft white sand that never got too hot. Yes, our new home was right on the beach. I inhaled as I stepped off the deck and onto the sand, slipping out of my sandals and watching the ocean.
My heart thumped a little quicker as bittersweet memories unfolded. That last night on the boat. Our last ride together. The ocean only reminded me of one thing-well, one person...
A door shut behind me, shattering my thoughts, and I turned as Rita, the realty agent, trotted through the kitchen in her black baby heels and stopped at the patio door. Her brown hair flew with the breeze as she lowered her thin frames. "The previous owner just arrived," she called. "I have another house to show. Do you think you will need me?"
"Nah! Go ahead! I should be okay," I called back. "I"ll call you if I need you. Thank you for everything!" Rita nodded her head, giving me a small glance and a light smile before turning around and pulling out her cell phone. She reminded me of my mom. Always busy. Always on the go.
Speaking of, Mom was living in Brazil... alone. Her young boyfriend broke up with her, which made South America their last destination as a couple. She called me once, crying. I didn"t feel much sympathy for her. I was a firm believer in Karma. She told me everything, like how she actually liked it there and wasn"t sure she wanted to come back, but how she wished he"d stuck around to make it worthwhile. It was a shame.
She came back when I told her about Dad"s funeral but flew right back out the next day without a goodbye. I was used to her not being around. Of course it killed me to know she didn"t hug or kiss me or even want to bid me farewell, but I quickly got over it, just as I did everything else when I was a child.
She bawled her eyes out during Dad"s funeral. Her emotion was raw. I"m pretty sure she left like the wind because of all the remorse she felt for not being around during his final years. She never should have left to begin with. She was still a very, very selfish woman.
I shut my eyes, allowing the salty air to toy with the loose tendrils of my pinned hair. I could really get used to this. The balcony door slid open and when I recalled Rita saying the previous owner was around, I turned.
"Hi, you must be-" My words flew out before I could see the person, and they quickly came to an end when I met familiar brown eyes.
An audible gasp filled the air. My chest felt heavy, the pressure real, like an elephant stepping on top of me as I lay flat. I thought after all those years the feelings-every feeling-I had for him would surely pa.s.s, but that was complete bulls.h.i.t. Time only made it easier to move on with life, but time had nothing on chance encounters.
Who was I kidding?
My feelings were never going to change.
Not when it came to him.
Not when it came to my first, at both love and womanhood.
They"d never change for Theodore Black.