Bailey opened the cans of black olives and poured them into one of the serving dishes. She was tossing the cans into the garage recycling bin when from her back pocket she felt her cell phone buzz. Probably Tim texting her about what time he should stop by. She paused on the steps of the garage and checked.
But the text wasn"t from Tim. Once again it was from Cody. Bailey felt her breath catch a little as she stared at the message on her screen.
HAVEN"T TALKED TO YOU IN A WHILE ... JUST WANTED TO WISH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY A HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She hesitated, looking from his name to the message and back again. Andi had been talking to Cody almost daily, and she"d told Bailey that Cody was spending Thanksgiving with his mom. Just the two of them. Andi might be Cody"s new friend, but Bailey knew him better. She understood how difficult spending time with his mother was for him. His father hadn"t been in the picture since he was a baby, and his mom had introduced him to drinking games when he was just fourteen. By the time he reached his senior year in high school she was in prison on drug charges. She"d been out for several years now, deeply sorry for how she"d let Cody down during his growing-up years and clean from drugs and alcohol as far as Bailey knew. But it was still difficult. In the past Cody - and then in later years both he and his mom - had spent Thanksgiving with Bailey"s family. Cody had less of a problem being with his mom when they were in a big group.
He had to feel lonely today, same as Bailey.
She exhaled and realized something: this must be the reason she"d felt down on the way to the Matthews" house. She was missing Cody. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, whether they had spoken only hours ago or not for the past few weeks ... she missed him.
The happy mix of voices continued on the other side of the garage door, but where Bailey was standing, a few feet from the trash and recycling bins, it was cold and quiet. She tapped out a quick response.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOUR MOM TOO. WE MISS YOU.
She leaned against the cool garage wall and waited, reading his message and hers twice more before the next text came through.
HOW"S TIM?
Anger stirred the muddy waters in Bailey"s soul. Couldn"t he at least tell her he felt the same way, that he missed her as much as she missed him? The way he"d told her that day when she was on her way to rehearsal? He did miss her - he had to, otherwise he wouldn"t have texted her.
She slid her phone shut in a rush and slipped it back into her pocket. They wouldn"t have any friendship at all until he could see past her relationship with Tim. Cody had been her friend long before she started dating Tim. The fact that he continued to let Tim come between them meant only one thing.
He was okay with letting their friendship slip away.
Everyone was setting the table when she returned to the kitchen, and the dining area was a joyful chaos of little kids being seated at one of three tables and highchairs sliding into place. Bailey pitched in, setting bowls of sweet potatoes on the various tables and finally taking the place between her mom and Ricky. All around the dining room people talked and laughed, celebrating the time together and remarking about the look and smell of the food spread out before them.
But Bailey felt no hunger. She wanted to call Cody and tell him to quit being so distant, to get in his car and come over so they could walk down to the lake in the snow and find what they"d lost these last few months. The idea was ridiculous for a lot of reasons, not the least of which was that Tim would be here in an hour.
When everyone was seated, Dayne stood and prayed. "Father, we come to You this Thanksgiving Day with full hearts. Thank You for giving us eternal life, and for the people around this table. Thank You for long-lasting relationships, and for new life -" He paused, his voice rich and full. "- like baby Sophie and baby Janessa. We have so much to be grateful for, dear G.o.d. Bless this food to our bodies, and thank You for providing it. We love You, Lord. In Jesus" name, amen."
A round of amens echoed from around the room.
After everyone served their plates, Dayne asked them to share what they were most thankful for.
"One rule." Katy smiled at the group. "An answer can only be given once."
"I"m first!" Cole, Ashley"s son, jumped up and raised his hand. Landon helped him back to his seat.
"Cole will go last." He put his arm around Cole.
"Ahh, Dad." Cole wasn"t really that upset, because his eyes still danced. "All the good answers will be taken."
"You can be thankful for me, Coley!" Maddie, Brooke"s oldest, cast a teasing look across the table at her cousin. "Unless that one"s already taken."
Everyone laughed, and the round of thanks began. Bailey was glad for the distraction. People quickly moved from being thankful for G.o.d and family and friends and food to specific things - the success of the local crisis pregnancy center, the way the Colts were coming together for Bailey"s dad, and her brother Shawn"s A on a recent biology test. Bailey felt her phone receive another text message just as her turn arrived. She ignored it. "I"m thankful for my roommate, Andi. She"s sort of like a sister, and I"m grateful for that."
Finally it was Cole"s turn. He thought for a long moment, clearly struggling to think of an answer. Finally he threw his hands in the air. "Okay, fine. I"m thankful for Maddie."
"Thank you, Coley." Maddie folded her hands on the table and gave her cousin a satisfied smile. "I"m thankful for you too."
Again everyone laughed, and conversations broke out all around. Bailey poked her fork around in her peas and mashed potatoes, but all she could think about was the text waiting for her. Even during a regular dinner, her parents didn"t like them texting. Today that would be especially true. She ate a few bites of turkey and set her fork down.
"You okay?" Her mom"s smile was full of compa.s.sion.
As usual, she could read Bailey"s heart and mind even though nothing had been said about the text messages. Bailey shrugged one shoulder. "Cody texted me."
"And?" With so many people talking around the room no one listened to them.
"Wished me a Happy Thanksgiving." She sighed. "I told him I missed him, and instead of saying he missed me, too, he just asked me how Tim was."
Her mom gave her a sympathetic smile. "Maybe he"s being smart."
"How?"
"He"s making you think about your decisions." She put her arm around Bailey"s shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze. "Look who you"re sitting here thinking about."
Her mom had a point. But was Cody"s silence really deliberate? With all the time he spent talking to Andi, it seemed like only a slight possibility. "Maybe he"s interested in Andi. He doesn"t want me missing him, when I"m supposed to be thinking about Tim. You know ..." She met her mom"s eyes. "So I don"t do something stupid like start liking him again."
"I don"t think so." Her mom picked up her knife and fork and cut a bite of turkey.
"You seem so sure."
"I am sure." Confidence shone in her eyes. "I saw how he looked at you that day at our house. He adores you, Bailey. No matter what you decide, I think maybe he always will."
Bailey hung onto that thought.
When dinner was over, everyone worked together clearing the tables and loading Katy and Dayne"s two dishwashers. Bailey was helping her mom and Ashley place ten pies along the granite kitchen bar when the doorbell rang. Dayne answered it, and Bailey watched from where she worked as Tim Reed stepped inside. He and Dayne talked for a minute, the way they always did when they saw each other. Tim had been one of the first CKT kids Dayne met, and the two shared a special friendship. Dayne was a sort of mentor for Tim, which was a great situation for a lot of reasons.
Their conversation gave Bailey the chance to watch Tim from a distance. He was taller than back in his CKT days, and handsome in a polished sort of way. He loved G.o.d and he fit in well with Bailey"s friends and family. Why, then, she asked herself as she pulled three pie servers from a drawer and set them on a napkin, aren"t you head over heels for that guy?
She had no answers.
Tim finished talking with Dayne and crossed the room to the kitchen. He smiled when he saw her, but she wasn"t sure his eyes actually lit up. Not the way she would"ve liked. "Hey ... Happy Thanksgiving." He gave Bailey a quick hug as he studied the pies. "Looks like I got here just in time."
They compared notes about the day and ate pie and played a new board game - Eye to Eye - and when the night was over sometime after ten o"clock, he hugged her again and they went their separate ways. The ride back was quiet, with Ricky and BJ nodding off before they had gone far. The trip gave Bailey time to review her evening with Tim. They"d had fun, for sure. They laughed and enjoyed being together. But if she was painfully honest with herself, something was missing. Something in the way Tim looked at her.
She remembered her mom"s words. "I saw how he looked at you ... He adores you."
Maybe that was it. Tim looked at her on a surface level. He smiled and seemed happy to see her. But when Cody looked at her, there were no layers left, nothing he didn"t reveal, nothing he couldn"t see. He didn"t really look at her so much as he looked into her. To the deepest, most real, places in her heart and soul.
Her mom seemed to sense she needed alone time, so she didn"t ask about Tim or how Bailey had felt seeing him. Good thing. Bailey didn"t have an answer for herself, let alone her mother. Not until she was changing out of her jeans did she remember her phone and the text message she"d never read. She pulled it from her pocket and clicked a few b.u.t.tons.
I MISS YOU TOO.
She was drawn into those four simple words as if he was standing right here beside her. Again her breath caught. Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked them back. She wasn"t crying because she was sad. The tears were because maybe her mother was right. He must care more than he let on or he wouldn"t have sent this text a full hour after his last one. Maybe he"d a.n.a.lyzed his message about Tim and how Bailey hadn"t answered, and finally - after a very long time - he"d texted how he felt. How he really felt.
He missed her too.
As she finished getting ready for bed, her thoughts moved from the text message to her conversation with Ashley earlier that day. Love was complicated. That was true with Tim, and it was true with Cody - whatever sort of love she had for the two of them. Landon had been the difficult path for Ashley, and right now Cody was the difficult path for Bailey. So maybe Cody would be a bigger part of her life again someday. Or maybe they"d only be friends. Even that was more than they now shared.
She thought about Ashley"s advice: to pray about Cody and Tim, of course, but also to look for the answers. "That sort of love rarely happens twice." Yes, that"s what Ashley had said.
Bailey climbed into bed and lay still on her pillow, the darkness around her. I"m looking, G.o.d. I want to hear You, but nothing seems very clear.
I am here, my daughter. All things work to the good for those who love me. Remember that.
The answer came quickly and easily, the way it rarely did. The response was part of a Bible verse from Romans chapter 8. Something she"d read yesterday morning before cla.s.s. But still ... it was sort of surreal to think G.o.d loved her enough to speak peace to her like that. That He loved her whether she heard His responses or not. He was here, with her, regardless.
She closed her eyes, wrapped in the Lord"s arms, loved and cared for. Only one thought from the day remained as she drifted to sleep, and it made her smile, lying there in the darkness.
Cody missed her.
One more thing to be thankful for.
Six.
THE DEADLINE TO FINISH EDITING THEIR movie was a living, breathing being, hounding them through every day and crawling into bed with them at night. Even still, Chase and Keith took Thanksgiving off. Their families deserved that much. Chase had pushed for dinner at their house, since that way they could put the girls to bed after dessert. But now the meal was behind them, he wondered if he"d made the wrong choice. Maybe pulling off a big dinner had been too much for Kelly, or maybe she was still upset with his schedule. Whatever it was, Chase hadn"t been able to lighten her mood all day. It was late now, and they sat around the room with the Ellisons and their daughter, Andi, talking about the week ahead.
"You really think you"ll finish before the fifth?" Lisa sat next to Keith, but the question was directed to Chase. He was the director, the one with the skill in the editing room.
"We have to do color correction and sound mixing. The principles are scheduled to meet us at the studio early next week for voice touch-ups. And we"ve hired someone to work on color. The guy"s amazing."
"Is there money for that?" Kelly"s question came out sharp, pointed. She sat across the room in a worn-out chair they"d gotten at a garage sale. One more sacrifice in the quest to make movies.
"We"re still working with money Ben invested at the close of filming." Chase dug deep for an extra dose of understanding. He"d told her this before. "We can definitely get through the editing process."
"But if there"s no theatrical release?" Kelly looked tired and anxious, the lines between her eyes deeper than usual. She didn"t have to spell out the dire financial consequences. Not with Andi in the room.
"No one"ll take you seriously if you go direct to DVD." Andi sat on the other side of her father. She"d been a great help with Molly and Macy today, and now they were asleep she seemed glad to be part of the adult conversation.
Andi was right. If she hadn"t said it, Chase would have. The financial concerns were only part of the trouble they faced. They had to wrap up editing and submit to the film festivals Kendall had lined up. Then they needed to pray for a favorable response from the festival committees. If that happened, they"d have a good argument for a theatrical release when the studio screened the film. Not only so people would take them seriously, but so they would have a chance to earn back the money they"d spent.
"Luke Baxter is working on the studio contract, looking for a loophole. But he agrees that we need to pray. G.o.d"s the great Counselor, after all."
Kelly raised a wary brow. "Lawyers don"t work for free. It all costs so much."
"We"ve accounted for that, Kelly. Obviously." Chase immediately regretted his tone. Kelly had a right to feel nervous.
"I was just asking." Kelly tried to hide her hurt, but her eyes gave her away. She stood and headed for the kitchen, glancing first at Keith"s wife. "More coffee?"
"Definitely." Lisa joined her, and they rounded the corner into the kitchen.
At the same time, Andi stood and headed to the back room to work on a paper for her English cla.s.s. Once they were gone, Chase heard Kelly"s defeated laugh. "This thing is going to break us all - you ever feel that way?"
Chase couldn"t hear Lisa"s answer, but his wife"s lack of confidence made him feel suddenly tired - too tired to continue the conversation. He looked at Keith and saw his friend had also heard Kelly. He kept his voice low so the wives and Andi wouldn"t hear him. "I thought we were past this. A few months ago she was nothing but supportive."
Keith was within arm"s reach, and he put his hand on Chase"s shoulder. "You can"t blame her for being worried."
"Lisa"s not."
"Of course she is." Keith"s smile was layered with wisdom. "She doesn"t talk about it the way Kelly does, but if we don"t make our money back on this movie, we"ll lose our house."
The news. .h.i.t Chase with a cold wave of reality. "That bad?"
"Yes." Keith clasped his hands and stared for a moment at the place between his feet. "We took out a second mortgage on the house, and the payments are way beyond our comfort zone. Same as you."
Chase nodded, his mind drifting. He and Kelly rented the house they were in, so as long as he drew a salary from their work they wouldn"t be homeless. But their credit cards were maxed out. If the money ran dry, and if the studio waited too long for a DVD release, Chase and Keith could reach a point where there would be no money even for a meager paycheck. He pictured himself talking to Kelly, explaining that she would need to get a job so they could pay their bills, and he shuddered. He"d quit making movies and clean toilets at a gas station before he"d ask Kelly to get a job. Especially if it was to support him while he followed his dreams. The sobering reality of that made him understand a little of what had Kelly feeling down.
After the next round of coffee, Keith, Lisa, and Andi went home. Keith promised to pick up Chase for the drive to LA first thing Sunday morning. They wanted half a day to discuss their plans and meet with Ben Adams one more time before they returned to the editing room to begin their most intense week yet.
When they were gone, Chase leaned against the closed door and locked eyes with his wife. "Is it the money? Is that what"s eating you?"
"I"m not the problem." Kelly touched her fingers to her chest, her expression anch.o.r.ed in disbelief. "We can"t walk around pretending we aren"t in trouble." She paused, and raw fear flashed in her eyes. "What if the film doesn"t break even?"
Chase didn"t want to fight. He folded his arms and leaned his head against the cool wood door. His tone was quietly resigned. "It"s Thanksgiving, Kelly. We"re supposed to thankful."
"I am. But I"m also realistic." She tossed her hands and exhaled her frustration. "We"re running out of money, Chase. You"ve got a movie almost done, and that"s great. But where do we go from here?"
"Do we have to know?" His anger rose a level. "Whatever happened to trusting G.o.d? Believing He has a plan for us?"
"Don"t start with that." Kelly let her hands fall to her sides. The girls were asleep down the hall, and he watched her fight to keep her voice in check. "Of course G.o.d has a plan. That doesn"t mean the plan is for you to make movies, right? Or did you get a memo from G.o.d and forget to tell me?"
Chase hated when she was sarcastic. Her eyebrows lowered and the lines deepened across her forehead. In moments like this she seemed a different person from the girl he"d married. As if the two of them had never laughed or loved at all.
He thought of all the responses he might give her. He could tell her sarcasm didn"t become her, and he could remind her that before they left the mission field they had agreed G.o.d wanted them here, in California ... making movies. But again he was too tired for the battle. He brushed his hand in her direction. "Never mind."
"Wait ..."
He didn"t want to. Without looking back, he walked to the kitchen and surveyed the dishes still crowded around the sink. He rolled up his shirt sleeves and began scrubbing the sweet potatoes and dried-on stuffing. Four of the plates were already washed when Kelly came to him. She studied him for a minute, and then joined in, wrapping up the leftover pie and putting away spices and whipped cream left out from dessert. From the corner of his eye, Chase watched her linger near the spice cupboard, searching for something.
Then, almost abruptly, she straightened and with only the slightest hesitation she told him good night and she was gone. As she walked away, he saw something he hadn"t noticed before. She was wearing stretch pants - the kind she wore when she struggled with her weight. He"d noticed she was a little heavier than usual, but the pants were a sure sign.
He dried his hands and stooped down near the spice cupboard. Far in the back, where he would never have otherwise noticed it, was a wadded-up plastic grocery bag. He reached back and pulled it out. Even before he opened it, he had an idea of what he"d found. This was Kelly"s weakness - hiding food. Sneaking chocolate and cookies so that no one would know she struggled. He opened the bag and there was the proof. It held at least fifty Hershey"s Kisses, and just as many empty wrappers.
Anger rattled his nerves once more. He stood and moved to the trashcan beneath the sink, but he stopped before slamming the bag into the trash. Instead he set the bag out on the counter in plain sight. If she wanted to eat candy, she could eat it. He would love her no matter what.
"Why, G.o.d?" The prayer felt as worn out as he did. Did their money troubles really have her that depressed?
He ma.s.saged his thumb and fingers into his temples and willed the tension there to ease. Compa.s.sion tempered his frustration. Kelly didn"t want to eat like this. She was worried and discouraged, afraid of their money troubles and Chase"s future as a filmmaker. He looked out the window again.
What can I do, G.o.d? How can I love her so that I"m all she needs?