Chapter 16.
THE drive back to Elk Grove was swift, given the hour, and Grier took advantage of the empty road, opening up the throttles on the powerful engine of his V-rod as he raced up I-90. The wind in his face and the familiar sounds of his Harley worked their magic. He could feel himself loosening up and letting go of the anger that had gripped him since last night. He was glad he"d decided to drive his bike yesterday afternoon instead of catching a ride with the Garcias down to the Taste. He much preferred this mode of transport and the solace it offered. drive back to Elk Grove was swift, given the hour, and Grier took advantage of the empty road, opening up the throttles on the powerful engine of his V-rod as he raced up I-90. The wind in his face and the familiar sounds of his Harley worked their magic. He could feel himself loosening up and letting go of the anger that had gripped him since last night. He was glad he"d decided to drive his bike yesterday afternoon instead of catching a ride with the Garcias down to the Taste. He much preferred this mode of transport and the solace it offered.
He was home in less than thirty minutes and was surprised to find his father sitting at the kitchen table having a cup of coffee and reading the paper. He was normally on the road by six, and it was close to seven.
"Hey, Dad."
Santino put the paper down and smiled "Good morning. Where"ve you been?"
"I spent the night in Bucktown."
"Yeah? Whose place?"
"Clark Stevens and his partner, Jody."
"I didn"t know you were acquainted."
"We met at the Taste. They have a friend in town, and we sort of hit it off."
"Is this the new guy you"ve been seeing?"
"Yes."
"Pull up a chair, son. Let"s talk."
s.h.i.t. The last thing he needed was a heart-to-heart after last night. "Let me grab some coffee," Grier said, stalling for time. He parked his helmet, keys, and wallet on the counter near the door and reached for a mug off the stainless steel mug tree beside the Mr. Coffee. He threw a splash of half-and-half into the dark brew and slid into the chair facing his dad.
"What"s up with your hands? Have you been in a fight?"
Grier looked at his right hand guiltily. His knuckles were swollen and looked like raw meat. "It"s nothing," he mumbled.
"Doesn"t look like nothing to me," Santino said, frowning. He stood and left the room, returning with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide, a tube of antibiotic cream, and some cotton b.a.l.l.s.
"I"ve already cleaned it, Dad. Don"t fuss."
"I want to make sure you don"t get an infection."
Grier nodded, touched by his dad"s concern, and allowed him to doctor his hand. "There," Santino said, after dabbing the cream on the sc.r.a.pes. "I think you"ll live."
"Thanks, Dad. How come you"re still home?"
"They canceled the move so I get the day off."
"Wow, a free Sat.u.r.day. You got plans?"
"Not really. Enteng and I are talking about playing nine holes, but it"ll depend on who can watch the boy."
"Where"s Jill or t.i.ta t.i.ta Nita?" Nita?"
"Both working."
"I can watch Luca."
"That family sure is lucky to have you. I"ve never seen such devotion."
"I love that kid, Dad. It"s not a bother."
"Well, soon he"ll be someone else"s responsibility."
"What do you mean?"
"Ali"s dating Jillian."
"I heard," Grier grumbled. "When did that start?"
"Who knows? I can"t keep track of Ali"s love life, but if he and Jillian work out, I wouldn"t be opposed. It would be a relief to know she and Luca are in good hands. She"s had a rough road of it since that boy"s birth."
"What are you talking about?" Grier objected a little too loudly. "We"ve waited on her hand and foot, and she"s hardly lifted a finger to take care of Luca. I think I"ve changed more diapers than she ever did."
"Why do you sound so angry?"
Grier looked up at the ceiling to avoid Santino"s probing gaze. "I don"t know."
"You"re not jealous of your brother dating Jillian, are you?"
"I just find it so sudden."
"Love is is sudden, Grier, although, to be honest, I always thought you and Jillian would end up together. You two were like sudden, Grier, although, to be honest, I always thought you and Jillian would end up together. You two were like Mork and Mindy Mork and Mindy for a long time." for a long time."
"Who?"
"Was that before your time?" Santino mused. "You know Robin Williams, don"t you?"
"The comedian?"
"Yeah... he had a sitcom in the late seventies and early eighties."
"Dad," Grier smiled indulgently, "I was born in nineteen eighty-five."
Santino chuckled. "So you were. Anyway, it was a great show, and your mother loved it."
"And the point is?"
"You and Jillian were like those two characters, always arguing over something but moving as a unit. I honestly thought you"d marry her."
"I"m gay, Dad."
Santino stood abruptly and went to refill his coffee. "Let"s talk about this whole gay business."
"Go ahead."
Santino sat down and wrapped his hands around the mug seemingly gathering his thoughts. "It"s hard for me to understand how you can be attracted to other men when you are more masculine than half the men I know, including your own brother. Look at you," Santino said. "You"ve obviously been in a fight, you love speeding around on that murderous bike of yours, and you lift weights and enjoy sports. I just can"t wrap my head around the idea that you"d rather be with a man than a woman."
"Not all gay men are effeminate, Dad. You"re stereotyping."
"Am I? I know nothing about h.o.m.os so you need to explain it me."
"You can start by not calling us names."
"Sorry. I"ll try and be more careful."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Can"t you control your feelings?" Santino asked. "Put thoughts of other men out of your head and start dating women. You could have a family, Grier. h.e.l.l, Jillian would probably marry you if you asked her, and you could be Luca"s daddy."
"That"s not saying much about her feelings for Ali, is it?"
"Oh, s.h.i.t." Santino stumbled. "I don"t know anything anymore. I wish your mother were here. She"d know what to do."
"She"d tell me to be true to myself. I can"t force myself to like women to please you."
"You"ve never even tried," Santino spat out. "Have you ever slept with a woman?"
Grier raised his eyebrows, surprised by his dad"s frankness. "As a matter of fact, I have."
"And yet you prefer to be with a guy instead of a woman? The thought of it makes me sick."
"I"m sorry, Dad. I wish I could be everything you expect in a son, and I know I"m a big disappointment, but I can"t deny who I am any longer. It would be like asking me to learn how to write with my left hand."
"That"s a stupid example."
"No dumber than asking me to try and like women."
"How can you be intimate with another man? The parts don"t even fit?"
"Move beyond the s.e.x, Dad! It"s not always about that."
"If it"s not the s.e.x, then what would make you choose a man over a woman? I really want to understand, Grier."
"It"s about finding the right fit, with the one person who completes you, who makes you feel whole, safe, and loved. The way you felt with Mom."
Santino gaped at him. "Couldn"t you find that with a woman?"
Grier shook his head. "I wish I could, for your sake. Life would be much simpler, but forcing a relationship because it"s convenient would be unfair to everyone involved. I"d be living a lie, and eventually, it would lead to a lot of misery."
"You don"t look terribly happy right now."
"I"m sorting out some stuff."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
Grier couldn"t share his worries until he and Jillian came to an understanding, which seemed pretty unlikely at this juncture. Nonetheless, he was touched by his father"s new att.i.tude. "I"ll manage, Dad."
"Going back to the s.e.x," Santino grimaced. "I don"t want you to get sick. There"s all this c.r.a.p going around with those people."
"Don"t," Grier said, reaching out for his father"s hand. "So far, you"ve been respectful, and I appreciate your willingness and effort to try and understand, but don"t insult me, please, or this discussion is over."
"I"m just saying, Grier."
"And I"m asking you again, nix the s.e.x, or I"m out of here."
Santino heaved a sigh. "Who is this new guy in your life?"
"Lil"s an architect and a good friend to Clark and Jody. He"s visiting from San Francisco and will be gone in a few days, so it"ll be over as quickly as it began," Grier said, and the truth of his statement blindsided him. He was gripped by such a powerful feeling of loss, he almost broke down. "I"d better get cleaned up."
Grier attempted to leave, but Santino held him in place. "You really like this guy, don"t you?"
"Yes, I do."
"You can always go out and visit him."
"I guess so," Grier"s voice was despondent. "Tell Enteng I"ll watch Luca so you guys can play golf."
"Grier?"
"What, Dad?"
"You know I love you, don"t you?"
Grier nodded and quickly left the kitchen. If he stayed another minute, he"d break down and start bawling like a child, which would lead to a general spilling of his guts. He wasn"t ready to deal with the fallout. He needed time to process his feelings and everything that had happened over the past few days. Only then could he sit down and talk to his father about the mess he"d made of his life.
LUCA was already in his room when he got out of the shower. "Hey! When did you get here?" was already in his room when he got out of the shower. "Hey! When did you get here?"
Luca looked up at him and smiled. "Juth now." now."
Grier returned the smile, instantly in a better mood. "What are you watching?"
"Barney."