I have a tiny voice in the back of my mind telling me to just do a line of c.o.ke, and I"ll feel better. But then I think about how good my life is right now, and drugs would only destroy all of that.
"Okay." Jordon says pressing a quick kiss to my lips.
Spinning around, I bolt out of the room as fast as my feet can carry me without running and making a scene.
I need to get away from Kinsley...this entire situation. It"s too much. If I"m around her one more second, I may just turn violent and try to literally smack some sense into this girl.
It"s too painful to watch Jordon with that baby. He doesn"t know what to think or feel right now, and it kills me to watch him battle with all the emotions he"s dealing with.
The birth of a child should be the happiest moment in a person"s life. For Jordon, he doesn"t know if he is the father of this little girl, so he can"t bond with her like a normal father would. It breaks my heart that this Kinsley girl can do this to two men and not even seem the least bit fazed by it all.
Unburying the Truth.
I make my way down to the lobby and stop dead in my tracks. I was trying to leave out the double gla.s.s doors in front of the hospital, but outside, the entire front entrance is full of press and paparazzi.
Spinning around, I decide to head back up to the waiting room. As soon as I walk back in, I spot two women coming into the waiting room. They look like they"ve been at the gift shop with their arms full of flowers and stuffed bears.
The death glare they both give me lets me know they"re more than likely the mother and sister of Kinsley, Jordon told me about. Ignoring them, I head towards the private bathroom and lock myself in. It"s crazy that a bathroom in the hospital feels like the only safe place in this entire f.u.c.king building.
Sliding to the floor, I lean against the door and hug my legs while resting my forehead on my knees. I feel a panic attack coming on, and this is the last place I want to have one. I haven"t had an attack in months, and the feeling of one coming on sends me further into a panic. I don"t want Jordon to see that I"m struggling with this more than I"m letting on.
I inhale and exhale shaky breaths as tears well up in my eyes. My world feels like it"s spinning out of control and no matter how hard I try, it won"t stop. I feel so helpless right now, and I hate it. I wish we could just snap our fingers and go back twenty-four hours ago when Jordon and I were happy, and lost in our own little world on my tour bus.
Giving into the sadness, I let the tears fall. I"m too tired to fight them anymore. It"s exhausting trying to pretend as if the thought of Jordon having a baby with another woman doesn"t bother me. I will support him no matter what, but the idea that someone else is giving him his first child, and under these circ.u.mstances, is too much to deal with right now.
This is why I"ve kept myself from falling for anyone else since Cane. It was easier staying distant and not getting attached to someone. I tried to fight my feelings for Jordon, but it was impossible. The pull to him is too strong. Now that I"m finally happy, and accepting that it is all right to move on with my life, this Kinsley girl swoops in and tries to destroy everything.
My ringing phone snaps me out of my fog. Digging in my purse, I find it and see its Roxie.
"Hey." I answer trying to hold back my sobs and pretend I"m not falling apart right now.
Roxie sees through it and calls me out, "Are you crying?!" The panic in her voice is evident. I can only imagine what"s going through her head right now after seeing the reports about Jordon possibly being a father.
Wiping my tears away with my sleeve, I sniffle, "Yeah...I feel stupid. I"m locked in a bathroom bawling my eyes out while Jordon is in with Kinsley seeing the baby."
"Why the h.e.l.l are you in the bathroom and not in there with him?" She shouts into the phone practically blowing out my ear drum.
I let out a soft sigh and sink against the door, "I was in there for five seconds and was already fighting with Kinsley. I don"t want to do that when there"s a newborn in the room. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I just needed to get out of there and away from her."
I hear Roxie, "Mmm hmm," into the phone as she listens to me ramble on. I am already feeling a little better just talking to her. "Well, it"s a difficult situation but as long as you and Jordon support each other, you"ll get through this. Sadly, I understand what you"re going through. Matt and I have had our fair share of drama with girls looking for a big payday by claiming he cheated on me with them. In the end, it"s always a lie, with the girl twisting an innocent interaction and using it to get a hefty check in their bank account."
Standing, I walk over to the sink and wet a paper towel to wash the running mascara off of my face.
Rubbing under my eyes I say, "Thanks, Rox. I appreciate it. You"re right. I just need to have faith it"ll all work out and show Jordon that no matter what, I"m not going anywhere. Oh! You won"t believe it, but we told each other I love you today."
"Oh, my G.o.d! Seriously! At the hospital? How are you doing?" She fires off her questions so fast I can barely get a word in.
I can"t stop laughing at her excitement, "I"m good. Yes, at the hospital. He just kinda spit it out while talking to me about Kinsley. So I finally decided, what the h.e.l.l, and said it back. I"ve wanted to for weeks but was scared. I know he"s afraid that I won"t love him the way he loves me; I can see it in his eyes. I feel bad because I know he feels that way because of Cane. In time, I hope he"ll see my love for him is genuine and real."
Roxie squeals on the other end of the phone bursting with excitement, "Aww that"s so sweet! He knows sweetie; Cane is a lot to live up to. You two were so madly in love; I can understand how Jordon may feel Cane has shoes too big to ever fill. Just give it time. Anywhoo, I gotta go, but wanted to see how you were doing. I love you girly! If you need anything just call or text me, okay?"
"Okay. Love you too."
Hanging up, I continue cleaning myself up. Staring in the mirror, I wish Cane would appear to me like he did after he died. I need to see him right now, know he is okay with all of this. I need to know so I can put my mind at ease.
"Cane. I"m so scared." I whisper closing my eyes and dropping my chin to my chest. "I hope you are looking down on me and happy with the woman I"m becoming. All I want is to make you proud and your death worth something.
For so long I was lost after losing you. Now with Jordon, I feel like I"m finally where I belong. Just all of this with Kinsley...the baby...it"s a lot to deal with. I love you so much, and I never want to lose that. I"m scared if I let myself fall completely for Jordon, I"ll forget about you.
I never want to forget about you or what we had. It was special and to me the greatest love of all time. I"m struggling with the idea that maybe G.o.d does give you two soulmates in one lifetime. I know in my heart you were my soulmate. We were destined to be together, but I can"t ignore the feeling that it"s the same with Jordon.
I feel that the battles I went through these last eight years were all to lead me to Jordon. The thought that your death sent me on this course that eventually brought Jordon into my life can"t be ignored. I just wish you"d give me a sign, let me know it"s all going to be okay."
Opening my eyes I glance at my reflection in the mirror one more time before scooping my purse up off the floor and head back out to the waiting room.
It sounds crazy but talking to Cane, even though he can"t talk back, helps ease my mind. Having Roxie call also helped rea.s.sure me that as long as Jordon and I stick together it"ll all be all right.
I notice a tall man with short blonde hair standing at the nurse"s counter as I head back towards Kinsley"s room. Stopping, I eavesdrop, which I know is wrong, but geesh I"ve had a rough day.
"Hi, I"m Brock Lawrence. I"m looking for my girlfriend, Kinsley Jefferson"s room. She checked in earlier this morning."
Oh. My. G.o.d. He came.
A little late to the party, but he"s here.
I slowly approach him, tapping him on his shoulder.
"Excuse me? Hi, I"m Brittan, Jordon"s girlfriend." I began to say as he turns and looks down at me. His eyes grow big as he stares at me not blinking.
"Um, yeah, I know who you are. You"re Brittan-f.u.c.king-McKenna. I"m a huge fan." He says taking my hand and shaking it.
I let out a nervous laugh and tuck my hair behind me ear, "Yup, that"s me. I"m actually heading to Kinsley"s room if you want to walk with me."
Nodding he says, "Sure," and walks beside me down the long corridor to her room.
"What made you decide to come to the hospital?" I finally ask, breaking the awkward silence.
Stuffing his hand in his pocket, he pulls out his cell and scrolls to his recent messages showing me a text from Jordon. It"s a picture of the baby.
"Jordon sent me this picture and it reminded me that even if I"m p.i.s.sed off at Kinsley, this little girl is an innocent in all this."
Grabbing his arm I stop him mid-step, and look up at him nervously, "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure, anything."
My stomach is twisted in so many knots I feel nauseous. I"m struggling to get the words out but if anyone knows it"ll be him. "What made Kinsley suddenly become convinced Jordon may be the father?"
Taking a step back, Brock rests against the wall and glances around to make sure no one else is around to hear before answering, "I think it has to do with her mother. She started going on and on the other day after seeing a news article about Tempting Tomorrow performing at the 2014 Billboard Music awards and being nominated for some award. She was telling Kinsley that she doesn"t know for sure who the father is and just because they used condoms didn"t mean anything. She kept drilling it in Kinsley"s head that if Jordon is the father, her daughter deserves to have everything he has. Kinsley started picking fights with me, telling me that the baby isn"t mine, and it"s all because of her f.u.c.king b.i.t.c.h of a mother."
I lean against the wall across from him and listen as he tells me everything. I can"t help but feel like mine and Jordon"s anger doesn"t come close to what Brock is feeling towards this situation. It"s taking everything I"ve got to keep me from marching into that room and smacking the s.h.i.t out of her mother.
"I"m so sorry, Brock. I can"t even begin to imagine what you"re going through. Her mother sounds like a piece of work. From what Jordon"s told me, she hated him. Now because he is making something of himself she"s trying to put on this act. Pretending she cares about him and Kinsley getting back together and raising this baby."
The pain in his eyes is almost enough to bring me to tears again. This is all too much for my overly emotional self today.
"For nine months that baby was mine." He pauses and rubs the palms of his hands over his eyes. "I went to all the appointments, watched her belly grow, picked out baby names, and I put all the nursery furniture together. Then one day she decides, because I"m not a rich Rock Star, I"m not good enough. It was like a knife to my heart. So when she said she was in labor, I panicked and decided getting drunk was a better option than coming here and torturing myself. I loved that little girl from the moment I saw her on that ultrasound machine. To have Kinsley act like she didn"t care about me after we just talked about getting married and raising our baby together, was a low blow."
"Well, as we speak, Jordon is doing a paternity test. If you want to do one too, you can, which personally I think you should. It"s easy. They just use a swab and rub it on the inside of your cheek. In three days, we"ll have the results back. At least then you have proof so you can decide where to go from here."
I asked for a sign, and I think Cane just gave it to me.
By Your Side.
Jordon.
After Brock showed up, I felt as if a weight lifted off of my shoulders and I noticed, for a split second, a look of elation flash across Kinsley"s face when he walked into the room. She told me before that she loved him, and I think she still does. After talking to Brittan when we left the hospital and hearing everything Brock told her, I believe Kinsley does still love him, but her mother has gotten so far into her head that she isn"t thinking clearly.
It was like a madhouse when we tried to leave with the paparazzi all over the street as we pulled out of the parking garage. I am dreading tomorrow night"s concert because I already know the only thing the press will be focused on is this paternity c.r.a.p, instead of asking us about the tour.
These next three days can"t go by fast enough. I know deep in my gut that Brock is the father of that baby. She looks just like him. I studied her face for a half hour just trying to find even a sliver of myself in her. There"s no doubt she is Kinsley and Brock"s, and once we get the paternity results to confirm it, I can focus on Brittan.
Brittan has been so supportive today when anyone else probably would"ve been running out of the door the second I said I had to go to the hospital. She never ceases to amaze me.
After taking a quick shower, we got ready to head to my parents. Brittan looks physically ill with every road I turn onto. I keep telling her they"re going to love her, but she is still a wreck especially with the Kinsley stuff going on.
Pulling my car into the driveway, I park beside my brother Eric"s Dodge Ram. My mother said my father wants to have a nice dinner out on the patio, since it"s in the seventies today. I think some fresh air will do us both some good.
I believe Brittan and my brother"s girlfriend Sam will hit it off well. She"s a few years younger than Brittan and one of the sweetest and funniest girls that I know. I think a friend is exactly what she needs right now with Roxie being thousands of miles away.
"I"ve already told you this a hundred times on the car ride over, but believe me they"re going to love you." I say cupping her face in my hands and pull her lips to mine for a short, sweet kiss before getting out of the car.
"I"m taking your word for it." Making her way around the car Brittan wraps her arm around my waist, and I slide mine hand into her back pocket. Her a.s.s looks amazing in her tight skinny jeans, and it"s seriously driving me wild.
If we weren"t in a rush to get inside my parents" house, I would"ve had a quickie with her in the shower. Believe me, I tried very hard to convince her that they wouldn"t care if we were late, but she freaked out saying she couldn"t show up late the first time meeting everyone.
I can smell the grill is already going as we walk down the stone path leading to my parents" back yard. They"ve lived in this house, in Northbrook, just outside the city, since I was ten. I only moved out after I graduated so it would be easier to attend cla.s.ses at the University of Illinois. I didn"t want to live in a dorm, so I moved in with my brother who is with the Chicago Fire Department. His apartment in the city was much closer to campus.
It"s a modest two story brick house with a garage that still has the basketball hoop on it I had my dad put up my freshman year. I soon learned I wasn"t so good at basketball, but could play guitar like no one else. The guys and I spent many of our nights jamming in that garage. My dad made a loft upstairs where we all crashed after a long jam session. It wasn"t much, but it was a lot to us. It was where our dreams began.
"This is such a cute little area. I can just imagine a little you running around here, driving your parents crazy." Brittan giggles, b.u.mping her hip into me playfully.
I"m glad she"s loosening up, and that smile she"s giving me is pulling at my heart. "Yeah, I was a terror. My dad says I"m the reason he"s going bald. Thank G.o.d, my little brother Benny is an angel, I don"t think my parents could handle another child like me."
The sound of laughter grows louder as we make our way around the house. As soon as we round the corner, I spot my dad at the grill wearing his Kiss the Cook ap.r.o.n that"s stained with BBQ sauce. My mother is sitting at the patio table with Eric and Sam, and Benny is lounging in a lawn chair playing his 3DS.
"There you guys are! I was getting worried you got stuck in traffic." My mother says standing and greeting us both with big hugs.
That"s the thing about my mom; she"s a hugger.
"Hi, Brittan! It"s so nice to finally meet you." My mother says before going into full on hostess mode introducing everyone. "I"m Renee and this is my husband, Eric Sr., the handsome fella sitting over there is my oldest Eric Jr. and his girlfriend Samantha, and the one with his face stuck in the video game is my youngest, Benny. Jordon has gone on and on about you, and we are so thrilled you guys were able to have a few days in Chicago so we could finally meet you."
Brittan blushes, and as a sweet little grin spreads across her lips, she looks towards me, "Oh, has he now?" Before turning back to my mother and sitting down across from Eric and Sam, "I"m happy to finally meet y"all. Jordon has shown me pictures of everyone and told me some great stories."
"I hope none of those stories were too embarra.s.sing." Eric jokes as he follows me over to the cooler full of beer.
"Where"s the fun in telling old childhood stories if I don"t share the good ones?" I say shoving a beer at him and grabbing two more.
Brittan shakes her head and rolls her eyes as she takes a beer from my hand, "Don"t listen to him, Jordon hasn"t told me anything blackmail worthy...yet." She tells Eric while rolling her eyes, and waving her hand at me.
That mischievous look she has in her eyes right now is setting my body on fire and making my d.i.c.k ache to take her somewhere...anywhere. My d.i.c.k is promising to finish fast and hard. It just wants to pump into that sweet addiction that is her p.u.s.s.y.
We spend the next two hours eating, drinking and laughing about all the crazy stories my brothers and I have. Benny is seventeen, so he"s just getting into the perfect age to start getting himself into some real trouble with us.
Just as I thought, Sam and Brittan hit it right off and exchanged phone numbers to stay in touch after we get back on the road. My brothers, Sam and my parents will be at the concert tomorrow night and backstage after the concert for a little while. My parents don"t hang around too long because they know the guys usually get pretty crazy.
After dinner, Brittan and Sam headed inside with my mom to help her with dessert, giving me some time to hang out on the patio with Eric, and my dad. As soon as we finished dinner a group of Benny friends showed up, and they all tore out to chill in the garage. It"s nice to see its still being used.
"So, Brittan is nice." My dad says nonchalantly, but I can tell he"s fishing for information.
"That she is." I retort as I take a long pull from my beer.
Eric clears his throat, looking uncomfortable while peeling the label off of his bottle of beer.
I know what they"re waiting to ask about. "Just spit it out you guys." I say with annoyance laced in my words. I"ve had a long day and don"t feel like beating around the f.u.c.king bush.
"If you"re worried that this s.h.i.t with Kinsley is going to cause issues for Brittan and me, you"re wrong. She"s actually been really great. She has stood by my side all day today."
Folding his hands on his lap, my father"s face turns serious, "That"s good to hear, son. We"re just worried about you. We haven"t seen you like this with a girl before. Sure you and Kinsley had chemistry, but I see you light up every time you look at her or anyone says her name. I just don"t want to see this foolishness with Kinsley ruin a good thing for you."
Cutting in Eric asks, "How long until you hear back about the paternity test results?"
"Three days max, but it could be sooner."
Standing, my father walks over to me resting his hand on my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I"m proud of you, Jordon. You"re being very mature about this whole thing, and I"m glad to see Brittan supporting you. Hopefully this will all work out for the best for everyone. I better go see what"s taking those ladies so long with my cake." He jokes running his fingers through my hair and giving me a loving smile before heading inside the house.
Coming home was exactly what I needed. I feel better now that I"ve talked about all of this with my dad face to face, instead of just over the phone. I don"t think I"ll relax until those results are in my hand. Until then, it"s just a waiting game.