"And their figures, Roly, you should have seen them when they were undressed. Of course, you _have_ seen them. Well, there isn"t--is there?"
And there wasn"t. Hippisley had grown out of models just as he had grown out of cheap Burgundy. And he"d left the stage, because he was tired of it, so there was, mercifully, no danger from that quarter.
What she dreaded was the moment when he"d "take" to writing again, for then he"d have to have a secretary. Also she was jealous of his writing because it absorbed more of his attention than his painting, and exhausted him more, left her less of him.
And that year, their third year, he flung up his painting and was, as she expressed it, "at it" again. Worse than ever. And he wanted a secretary.
She took care to find him one. One who wouldn"t be dangerous. "You should just see her, Roly." She brought her in to tea one day for me to look at and say whether she would "do."
I wasn"t sure--what can you be sure of?--but I could see why Lena thought she would. She was a little unhealthy thing, dark and sallow and sulky, with thin lips that showed a lack of temperament, and she had a stiffness and preciseness, like a Board School teacher--just that touch of "commonness" which Lena relied on to put him off. She wore a shabby brown skirt and a yellowish blouse. Her name was Ethel Reeves.
Lena had secured safety, she said, in the house. But what was the good of that, when outside it he was going about everywhere with Sybil Fermor? She came and told me all about it, with a sort of hope that I"d say something either consoling or revealing, something that she could go on.
"_You_ know him, Roly," she said.
I reminded her that she hadn"t always given me that credit.
"_I_ know how he spends his time," she said. "How do you know?"
"Well, for one thing, Ethel tells me."
"How does she know?"
"She--she posts the letters."
"Does she read them?"
"She needn"t. He"s too transparent."
"Lena, do you use her to spy on him?" I said.
"Well," she retorted, "if he uses her--"
I asked her if it hadn"t struck her that Sybil Fermor might be using him?
"Do you mean--as a _paravent_? Or," she revised it, "a parachute?"
"For Bertie Granville," I elucidated. "A parachute, by all means."
She considered it. "It won"t work," she said. "If it"s her reputation she"s thinking of, wouldn"t Norry be worse?"
I said that was the beauty of him, if Letty Granville"s attention was to be diverted.
"Oh, Roly," she said, "do you really think it"s that?" I said I did, and she powdered her nose and said I was a dear and I"d bucked her up no end, and went away quite happy.
Letty Granville"s divorce suit proved to her that I was right.
The next time I saw her she told me she"d been mistaken about Sybil Fermor. It was Lady Hermione Nevin. Norry had been using Sybil as a "_paravent_" for _her_. I said she was wrong again. Didn"t she know that Hermione was engaged to Billy Craven? They were head over ears in love with each other. I asked her what on earth had made her think of her? And she said Lady Hermione had paid him thirty guineas for a picture. That looked, she said, as if she was pretty far gone on him.
(She tended to disparage Hippisley"s talents. Jealousy again.)
I said it looked as if he had the iciest reasons for cultivating Lady Hermione. And again she told me I was a dear. "You don"t know, Roly, what a comfort you are to me."
Then Barbara Vining turned up out of nowhere, and from the first minute Lena gave herself up for lost.
"I"m done for," she said. "I"d fight her if it was any good fighting.
But what chance have I? At forty-nine against nineteen, and that face?"
The face was adorable if you adore a child"s face on a woman"s body.
Small and pink; a soft, innocent forehead; fawn skin hair, a fawn"s nose, a fawn"s mouth, a fawn"s eyes. You saw her at Lena"s garden parties, staring at Hippisley over the rim of her plate while she browsed on Lena"s cakes and ices, or bounding about Lena"s tennis court with the sash ribbons flying from her little b.u.t.t end.
Oh, yes; she had her there. As much as he wanted. And there would be Ethel Reeves, in a new blouse, looking on from a back seat, subtle and sullen, or handing round cups and plates without speaking to anybody, like a servant. I used to think she spied on them for Lena. They were always mouthing about the garden together or sitting secretly in corners; Lena even had her to stay with them, let him take her for long drives in her car. She knew when she was beaten.
I said, "Why do you let him do it, Lena? Why don"t you turn them both neck and crop out of the house?" "Because I want him in it. I want him at any cost. And I want him to have what he wants, too, even if it"s Barbara. I want him to be happy.... I"m making a virtue of necessity.
It can be done, Roly, if you give up beautifully."
I put it to her it wasn"t giving up beautifully to fret herself into an unbecoming illness, to carry her disaster on her face. She would come to me looking more ruined than ruinous, haggard and ashy, her eyes all shrunk and hot with crying, and stand before the gla.s.s, looking at herself and dabbing on powder in an utter abandonment to misery.
"I know," she moaned. "As if losing him wasn"t enough I must go and lose my looks. I know crying"s simply suicidal at my age, yet I keep on at it. I"m doing for myself. I"m digging my own grave, Roly. A little deeper every day."
Then she said suddenly, "Do you know, you"re the only man in London I could come to looking like this."
I said, "Isn"t that a bit unkind of you? It sounds as though you thought I didn"t matter."
She broke down on that. "Can"t you see it"s because I know I don"t any more? n.o.body cares whether my nose is red or not. But you"re not a brute. You don"t let me feel I don"t matter. I know I never did matter to you, Roly, but the effect"s soothing, all the same.... Ethel says if she were me she wouldn"t stand it. To have it going on under my nose.
Ethel is so high-minded. I suppose it"s easy to be high-minded if you"ve always looked like that. And if you"ve never _had_ anybody. She doesn"t know what it is. I tell you, I"d rather have Norry there with Barbara than not have him at all."
I thought and said that would just about suit Hippisley"s book. He"d rather be there than anywhere else, since he had to be somewhere. To be sure she irritated him with her perpetual clinging, and wore him out.
I"ve seen him wince at the sound of her voice in the room. He"d say things to her; not often, but just enough to see how far he could go.
He was afraid of going too far. He wasn"t prepared to give up the comfort of Lena"s house, the opulence and peace. There wasn"t one of Lena"s wines he could have turned his back on. After all, when she worried him he could keep himself locked up in the studio away from her.
There was Ethel Reeves; but Lena didn"t worry about his being locked up with _her_. She was very kind to Hippisley"s secretary. Since she wasn"t dangerous, she liked to see her there, well housed, eating rich food, and getting stronger and stronger every day.
I must say my heart bled for Lena when I thought of young Barbara. It was still bleeding when one afternoon she walked in with her old triumphant look; she wore her hat with an _air crane_, and the powder on her face was even and intact, like the first pure fall of snow. She looked ten years younger and I judged that Hippisley"s affair with Barbara was at an end.
Well--it had never had a beginning; nor the ghost of a beginning. It had never happened at all. She had come to tell me that: that there was nothing in it; nothing but her jealousy; the miserable, d.a.m.nable jealousy that made her think things. She said it would be a lesson to her to trust him in the future not to go falling in love. For, she argued, if he hadn"t done it this time with Barbara, he"d never do it.
I asked her how she knew he hadn"t, this time, when appearances all pointed that way? And she said that Barbara had come and told her.
Somebody, it seemed, had been telling Barbara it was known that she"d taken Hippisley from Lena, and that Lena was crying herself into a nervous break-down. And the child had gone straight to Lena and told her it was a beastly lie. She hadn"t taken Hippisley. She liked ragging with him and all that, and being seen about with him at parties, because he was a celebrity and it made the other women, the women he wouldn"t talk to, furious. But as for taking him, why, she wouldn"t take him from anybody as a gift. She didn"t want him, a scrubby old thing like that. She didn"t _like_ that dragged look about his mouth and the way the skin wrinkled on his eyelids. There was a sincerity about Barbara that would have blasted Hippisley if he"d known.
Besides, she wouldn"t have hurt Lena for the world. She wouldn"t have spoken to Norry if she"d dreamed that Lena minded. But Lena had seemed so remarkably not to mind. When she came to that part of it she cried.
Lena said that was all very well, and it didn"t matter whether Barbara was in love with Norry or not; but how did she know Norry wasn"t in love with _her_? And Barbara replied amazingly that of course she knew.
They"d been alone together.
When I remarked that it was precisely _that_, Lena said, No. That was nothing in itself; but it would prove one way or another; and it seemed that when Norry found himself alone with Barbara, he used to yawn.
After that Lena settled down to a period of felicity. She"d come to me, excited and exulting, bringing her poor little happiness with her like a new toy. She"d sit there looking at it, turning it over and over, and holding it up to me to show how beautiful it was.
She pointed out to me that I had been wrong and she right about him, from the beginning. She knew him. "And to think what a fool, what a d.a.m.ned silly fool I was, with my jealousy. When all those years there was never anybody but me. Do you remember Sybil Fermor, and Lady Hermione--and Barbara? To think I should have so clean forgotten what he was like.... Don"t you think, Roly, there must be something in me, after all, to have kept him all those years?"