It isn"t only the neuralgia any more. It"s just desire. That"s what"s so terrible to me, mama. The way you have been taking it these last months.
Just from--desire."
Mrs. Samstag buried her face, shuddering down into her hands.
"Oh, G.o.d, my own child against me!"
"No, mama. Why, sweetheart, n.o.body knows better than I do how sweet and good you are when you are away--from it. We"ll fight it together and win! I"m not afraid. It"s been worse this last month because you"ve been nervous, dear. I understand now. You see, I--didn"t dream of you and--Louis Latz. We"ll forget--we"ll take a little two room apartment of our own, darling, and get your mind on housekeeping and I"ll take up stenography or social ser--"
"What good am I anyway? No good. In my own way. In my child"s way. A young man like Leo Friedlander crazy to propose and my child can"t let him come to the point because she is afraid to leave her mother. Oh, I know--I know more than you think I do. Ruining your life! That"s what I am, and mine too!"
Tears now ran in hot cascades down Alma"s cheeks.
"Why, mama, as if I cared about anything--just so you--get well."
"I know what I"ve done. Ruined my baby"s life and now--"
"No!"
"Then help me, Alma. Louis wants me for his happiness. I want him for mine. Nothing will cure me like having a good man to live up to. The minute I find myself getting the craving for--it--don"t you see, baby, fear that a good husband like Louis could find out such a thing about me would hold me back. See, Alma?"
"That"s a wrong basis to start married life on--"
"I"m a woman who needs a man to baby her, Alma. That"s the cure for me.
Not to let me would be the same as to kill me. I"ve been a bad, weak woman, Alma, to be so afraid that maybe Leo Friedlander would steal you away from me. We"ll make it a double wedding, baby!"
"Mama, mama, I"ll never leave you."
"All right then, so you won"t think your new father and me want to get rid of you. The first thing we"ll pick out in our new home, he said it himself tonight, is Alma"s room."
"I tell you it"s wrong. It"s wrong!"
"The rest with Leo can come later, after I"ve proved to you for a little while that I"m cured. Alma, don"t cry! It"s my cure. Just think, a good man. A beautiful home to take my mind off--worry. He said tonight he wants to spend a fortune if necessary to cure--my neuralgia."
"Oh, mama, mama, if it were only--that!"
"Alma, if I promise on my--my life! I never felt the craving so little as I do--now."
"You"ve said that before--and before."
"But never, with such a wonderful reason. It"s the beginning of a new life. I know it. I"m cured!"
"Mama, if I thought you meant it."
"I do. Alma, look at me. This very minute I"ve a real jumping case of neuralgia. But I wouldn"t have anything for it except the electric pad.
I feel fine. Strong! Alma, the bad times with me are over."
"Oh, mama, mama, how I pray you"re right."
"You"ll thank G.o.d for the day that Louis Latz proposed to me. Why, I"d rather cut off my right hand than marry a man who could ever live to learn such a--thing about me."
"But it"s not fair. We"ll have to explain to him, dear that we hope you"re cured now, but--"
"If you do--if you do--I"ll kill myself! I won"t live to bear that! You don"t want me cured. You want to get rid of me, to degrade me until I kill myself! If I was ever anything else than what I am now--to Louis Latz--anything but his ideal--Alma, you won"t tell! Kill me, but don"t tell--don"t tell!"
"Why, you know I wouldn"t, sweetheart, if it is so terrible to you.
Never."
"Say it again."
"Never."
"As if it hasn"t been terrible enough that you should have to know. But it"s over, Alma. Your bad times with me are finished. I"m cured."
"But wait a little while, mama, just a year."
"No. No."
"A few months."
"Now. He wants it soon. The sooner the better at our age. Alma, mama"s cured! What happiness. Kiss me, darling. So help me G.o.d, to keep my promises to you. Cured, Alma, cured."
And so in the end, with a smile on her lips that belied almost to herself the little run of fear through her heart, Alma"s last kiss to her mother that night was the long one of felicitation.
And because love, even the talk of it, is so gamey on the lips of woman to woman, they lay in bed that night heart-beat to heart-beat, the electric pad under her pillow warm to the hurt of Mrs. Samstag"s brow and talked, these two, deep into the stillness of the hotel night.
"My little baby, who"s helped me through such bad times, it"s your turn now, Alma, to be care-free, like other girls."
"I"ll never leave you mama, even if--he shouldn"t want me."
"He will, darling, and does! Those were his words. "A room for Alma.""
"I"ll never leave you!"
"You will! Much as Louis and me want you with us every minute, we won"t stand in your way! That"s another reason I"m so happy, Alma. I"m not alone, any more now. Leo"s so crazy over you, just waiting for the chance to--pop--"
"Shh-sh-h-h."
"Don"t tremble so, darling. Mama knows. He told Mrs. Gronauer last night when she was joking him to buy a ten dollar carnation for the Convalescent Home Bazaar, that he would only take one if it was white, because little white flowers reminded him of Alma Samstag."
"Oh, mama--"
"Say, it is as plain as the nose on your face. He can"t keep his eyes off you. He sells goods to Doctor Gronauer"s clinic and he says the same thing about him. It makes me so happy, Alma, to think you won"t have to hold him off any more."
"I"ll never leave you. Never!"
None the less she was the first to drop off to sleep, pink, there in the dark, with the secret of her blushes.
Then for Mrs. Samstag the travail set in. Lying there with her raging head tossing this way and that on the heated pillow, she heard with cruel awareness, the _minutiae_, all the faint but clarified noises that can make a night seem so long. The distant click of the elevator, depositing a night-hawk. A plong of the bed spring. Somebody"s cough. A train"s shriek. The jerk of plumbing. A window being raised. That creak which lies hidden in every darkness, like a mysterious knee-joint. By three o"clock she was a quivering victim to these petty concepts, and her pillow so explored that not a spot but what was rumpled to the aching lay of her cheek.