"No, certainly not," her mother answered.
Beth"s heart sank. She stood for some little time in the doorway looking at her mother, who sat beside the table sewing, and pointedly ignored her; then Beth turned, and went back to the drawing-room slowly, and carefully practised the usual time, with great tears trickling down her cheeks. It did not seem to make much difference what happened, whether she was on her best behaviour or her worst, the tears were bound to come. But Beth had a will of her own, and she determined to learn music. She said no more on the subject to her mother, however, but from that day forward she practised regularly and hard, and studied her instruction books, and listened to other people playing when she had a chance, and asked to have pa.s.sages explained to her, until at last she knew more than her mother could have taught her.
CHAPTER XIX
But well-springs, mortal and immortal, were beginning to bubble up brightly in Beth, despite the hard conditions of her life. She sharpened her wits involuntarily on the people about her, she gathered knowledge where she listed; her further faculty flashed forth fine rays at unexpected intervals to cheer her, and her hungry heart also began to seek satisfaction. For Beth was by nature well-balanced; there was to be no atrophy of one side of her being in order that the other might be abnormally developed. Her chest was not to be flattened because her skull bulged with the big brain beneath. Rather the contrary. For mind and body acted and reacted on each other favourably, in so far as the conditions of her life were favourable.
Such congenial intellectual pursuits as she was able to follow, by tranquillising her, helped the development of her physique, while the healthy condition of her body stimulated her to renewed intellectual effort--and it was all a pleasure to her.
At this time she had a new experience, an experience for which she was totally unprepared, but one which helped her a great deal, and delighted as much as it surprised her.
There were high oak pews in the little church at the end of the road which the Caldwells attended on Sunday; in the rows on either side of the main aisle the pews came together in twos, so that when Beth sat at the end of theirs, as she always did, the person in the next pew sat beside her with only the wooden part.i.tion between. One Sunday, when she was on her knees, drowsing through the Litany with her cheek on her prayer-book, she became aware of a boy in the next pew with his face turned to her in exactly the same att.i.tude. He had bright fair hair curling crisply, a ruddy fair fat face, and round blue eyes, clear as gla.s.s marbles. Beth was pleased with him, and smiled involuntarily. He instantly responded to the smile; and then they both got very red; and, in their delicious shyness, they turned their heads on their prayer-books, and looked in opposite directions. This did not last long, however. The desire for another look seized them simultaneously, and they turned their faces to each other, and smiled again the moment their eyes met. All through the service they kept looking at each other, and looking away again; and Beth felt a strange glad glow begin in her chest and spread gradually all over her. It continued with her the whole day; she was conscious of it throughout the night; and directly she awoke next morning there it was again; and she could think of nothing but the apple-cheeked boy, with bright blue eyes and curly fair hair; and as she dwelt upon his image she smiled to herself, and kept on smiling. There came upon her also a great desire to please, with sudden energy which made all effort easy to her, so that, instead of being tiresome at her lessons, she did them in a way that astonished her mother--such a wonderful incentive is a little joy in life. She would not go out when lessons were over, however, but stood in the drawing-room window watching the people pa.s.s. Harriet came and worried her to help with the dusting.
"Go away, you chattering idiot," said Beth. She had found Harriet out in many meannesses by this time, and had lost all respect for her.
"Don"t you see I"m thinking? If you don"t bother me now I"ll help you by-and-by, perhaps."
On the other side of the road, in the same row as the Benyon dower-house, but well within sight of the window, was the Mansion-House Collegiate Day and Boarding School for the Sons of Gentlemen. Beth kept looking in that direction, and presently the boys came pouring out in their mortar-boards, and, among them, she soon discovered the one she was thinking of. She discovered him less by sight than by a strange sensation in herself, a pleasure which shot through her from top to toe. For no reason, she stepped back from the window, and looked in the opposite direction towards the church; but she could see him when he came bounding past with his satchel of books under his arm, and she also knew that he saw her. He ran on, however, and going round the corner, where Orchard Row turned off at an angle out of Orchard Street, was out of sight in a moment.
But Beth was satisfied. Indeed she was more than satisfied. She ran into the kitchen, and astonished Harriet by a burst of hilarious spirits, and a wild demand for food, for a duster, for a scrubbing-brush. She wanted to do a lot, and she was hungry.
"You"re fond, ah think," said Harriet dryly.
"You"re fond, too," Beth cried. "We"re all fond! The fonder the better! And I must have something to eat."
"Well, there"s nothing for you but bread."
"I must have meat," said Beth. "Rob the joint, and I"ll not take any at dinner."
"Ah"d tak" it w"eniver ah could get it, if ah was you," Harriet advised.
"If you was or were me, you"d do as I do," said Beth; "and _I_ won"t cheat. If I say I won"t take it, I won"t. I"m ent.i.tled to meat once a day, and I"ll take my share now, please; but I won"t take more than my share."
"You"ll be "ungry again by dinner-time."
"I know," said Beth. "But that won"t make any difference."
She got out the sirloin of beef which was to be roasted for dinner, deftly cut some slices off it, fried them with some cold potatoes, and ate them ravenously, helped by Harriet. When dinner-time came Beth was ravenous again, but she was faithful to her vow, and ate no meat.
Harriet scoffed at her for her scrupulousness.
The next day, at the same time, Beth was again in the window, waiting for her boy to come out of the Mansion-House School. When he appeared, the most delightful thrill shot through her. Her first impulse was to fly, but she conquered that and waited, watching him. He made straight for the window, and stopped in a business-like way; and then they laughed and looked into each other"s faces.
"What are you doing there?" he asked, as if he were accustomed to see her somewhere else.
"I live here," she said.
"I live in Orchard Row, last house," he rejoined.
"Old Lee"s?" Beth inquired.
"Yes, he"s my grandfather. I"m Sammy Lee."
"He"s a licensed victualler, retired," Beth repeated, drawing upon her excellent verbal memory.
"Yes," said Sammy. "What"s yours?"
"I haven"t one."
"What"s your father?"
"He"s dead too."
"What was he?"
"He was a gentleman."
"A retired gentleman?"
"No," said Beth, "an officer and a gentleman."
"Oh," said Sammy. "My father"s dead too. He was a retired gentleman."
"What"s a retired gentleman?" Beth asked.
"Don"t you know?" Sammy exclaimed. "I thought everybody knew that!
When you make a fortune you retire from business. Then you"re a retired gentleman."
"But gentlemen don"t go into business," Beth objected.
"What do they do then?" Sammy retorted.
"They have professions or property."
"It"s all the same," said Sammy.
"It isn"t," Beth contradicted.
"Yah! _you_ don"t know," said Sammy, laughing; and then he ran on, being late for his dinner.
The discussion had been carried on with broad smiles, and when he left her, Beth hugged herself, and glowed again, and was glad in the thought of him. But it was not his conversation so much as his appearance that she dwelt upon--his round blue eyes, his bright fair curly hair, his rosy cheeks. "He is beautiful! he is beautiful!" she exclaimed; then added upon reflection, "_And I never thought a boy beautiful before._"
The next day she was making rhymes about him in the acting-room, and forgot the time, so that she missed him in the morning; but when he left school in the afternoon she was at the window, and she saw him trotting up the street as hard as his little legs could carry him.
"Where were you at dinner-time?" he said.
"How funny!" she exclaimed in surprise and delight.