ARNOLD. You know, I"ve been looking at this chair again. Since Lord Porteous said the legs weren"t right I"ve been very uneasy.
LADY KITTY. He only said that because he was in a bad temper.
C.-C. His temper seems to me very short these days, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. Oh, it is.
ARNOLD. You feel he knows what he"s talking about. I gave seventy-five pounds for that chair. I"m very seldom taken in. I always think if a thing"s right you feel it.
C.-C. Well, don"t let it disturb your night"s rest.
ARNOLD. But, my dear father, that"s just what it does. I had a most horrible dream about it last night.
LADY KITTY. Here is Hughie.
ARNOLD. I"m going to fetch a book I have on Old English furniture.
There"s an ill.u.s.tration of a chair which is almost identical with this one.
[_PORTEOUS comes in._
PORTEOUS. Quite a family gathering, by George!
C.-C. I was thinking just now we"d make a very pleasing picture of a typical English home.
ARNOLD. I"ll be back in five minutes. There"s something I want to show you, Lord Porteous.
[_He goes out._
C.-C. Would you like to play piquet with me, Hughie?
PORTEOUS. Not particularly.
C.-C. You were never much of a piquet player, were you?
PORTEOUS. My dear Clive, you people don"t know what piquet is in England.
C.-C. Let"s have a game then. You may make money.
PORTEOUS. I don"t want to play with you.
LADY KITTY. I don"t know why not, Hughie.
PORTEOUS. Let me tell you that I don"t like your manner.
C.-C. I"m sorry for that. I"m afraid I can"t offer to change it at my age.
PORTEOUS. I don"t know what you want to be hanging around here for.
C.-C. A natural attachment to my home.
PORTEOUS. If you"d had any tact you"d have kept out of the way while we were here.
C.-C. My dear Hughie, I don"t understand your att.i.tude at all. If I"m willing to let bygones be bygones why should you object?
PORTEOUS. d.a.m.n it all, they"re not bygones.
C.-C. After all, I am the injured party.
PORTEOUS. How the devil are you the injured party?
C.-C. Well, you did run away with my wife, didn"t you?
LADY KITTY. Now, don"t let"s go into ancient history. I can"t see why we shouldn"t all be friends.
PORTEOUS. I beg you not to interfere, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I"m very fond of Clive.
PORTEOUS. You never cared two straws for Clive. You only say that to irritate me.
LADY KITTY. Not at all. I don"t see why he shouldn"t come and stay with us.
C.-C. I"d love to. I think Florence in spring-time is delightful. Have you central heating?
PORTEOUS. I never liked you, I don"t like you now, and I never shall like you.
C.-C. How very unfortunate! because I liked you, I like you now, and I shall continue to like you.
LADY KITTY. There"s something very nice about you, Clive.
PORTEOUS. If you think that, why the devil did you leave him?
LADY KITTY. Are you going to reproach me because I loved you? How utterly, utterly, utterly detestable you are!
C.-C. Now, now, don"t quarrel with one another.
LADY KITTY. It"s all his fault. I"m the easiest person in the world to live with. But really he"d try the patience of a saint.
C.-C. Come, come, don"t get upset, Kitty. When two people live together there must be a certain amount of give and take.
PORTEOUS. I don"t know what the devil you"re talking about.
C.-C. It hasn"t escaped my observation that you are a little inclined to frip. Many couples are. I think it"s a pity.
PORTEOUS. Would you have the very great kindness to mind your own business?
LADY KITTY. It is his business. He naturally wants me to be happy.