_Au._ If I were Pope I would exhort all Persons to a perpetual Sobriety of Life, but especially before an holy-Day; and moreover, I would give every one leave to eat what he would, for the Health of his Body, so he did it moderately, and with Thanksgiving; and I would endeavour that what was abated of these Observations should be made up in the Study of true Piety.
_Ch._ That in my Opinion is of so great Weight, that we ought to make you Pope.
_Au._ For all your laughing, this Neck could bear a triple Crown.
_Ch._ But in the mean Time take Care that these Things be not enter"d down in the _Sorbon_ at _Paris_.
_Au._ Nay, rather let what is said be written in Wine, as it is fit those Things should that are said over our Cups; but we have had Divinity enough for a Feast We are at Supper, not at the _Sorbon_.
_Ch._ Why mayn"t that be call"d _Sorbon_ where we sup plentifully?
_Au._ Well, let us sup then, and not dispute, lest the _Sorbon_ be called after us from _Sorbis_, and not from _Sorbendo_.
_CHRISTIAN, GUESTS, MIDAS, ERASMUS, the BOY, AUSTIN._
_Ch._ Well, come my kind Guests, I pray you that you would take this little Supper in good Part, though it be but a slender one. Be merry and good humour"d, though the Supper be but mean and slender. I, relying upon your Familiarity, made bold to invite you; and I will a.s.sure you, your Company and Presence is not only very grateful to me, but very pleasant.
_Gu._ We do a.s.sure you, good _Christian_, that we esteem your Supper to have been very pretty and n.o.ble; and we have nothing to find Fault with, but that you make Excuses for it, for that it was very magnificent; for indeed I look upon the Entertainment to be splendid to the greatest degree, that in the first Place consisted of Courses agreeable to Nature, and was season"d with Mirth, Laughter, Jokes and Witticisms, none of which have been wanting in our Entertainment. But here is something comes into my Mind, as to the Number of the Guests, which _Varro_ writes, _should not be fewer than three, nor more than nine_.
For the _Graces_, who are the Presidents of Humanity and Benevolence, are three; and the _Muses_, that are the Guides of commendable Studies, are nine; and I see here we have ten Guests besides the Virgins.
_Au._ Nothing could happen more agreeably; we are in that something wiser than _Varro_, for we have gotten here three pretty Maids for the three _Graces_; and as it is not to be thought that _Apollo_ is ever absent from the Chorus of the _Muses_, we have very much _a propos_ added the tenth Guest.
_Ch._ You have spoken very much like a Poet. If I had a Laurel here I would crown you with it, and you should be Poet Laureat.
_Au._ If I were crown"d with Mallows, I should be Poet _Maleat_; I do not arrogate that Honour to myself. This is an Honour that I don"t deserve.
------_Haud equidem tali me dignor honore._
_Ch._ Will you, every one of you, do as much for me as I will do for you?
_Gu._ Ay, that we will with all our Hearts.
_Ch._ Then let every one drink off his Cup round as I do. Here"s to you first, _Midas_.
_Mi._ I thank you heartily. I pledge you heartily; for which the Vulgar says _Praestolor_. Indeed I won"t refuse. I won"t refuse any Thing for your Sake.
_Ch._ Now do you drink to the rest.
_Mi. Erasmus_, Half this Cup to you.
_Er._ I pray it may do you good. May it do you good. Much good may it do you. _Proficiat_ is an out of the Way Word.
_Ch._ Why does the Cup stand still? Why does it not go about? Is our Wine gone? Where are your Eyes, you Rascal? Run quickly, fetch two Quarts of the same Wine.
_Boy. Erasmus_, your humble Servant, there is one wants to speak with you at the Door.
_Er._ Who is it?
_Boy._ He says he is one Mr. _More_"s, Man, his Master is come out of _Britain_, and he desires you would make him a Visit, because he sets out for _Germany_ to-Morrow by Break of Day.
_Er. Christian_, gather the Reckoning, for I must be going.
_Ch._ The Reckoning, most learned _Erasmus_, of this Supper, I will discharge that. You have no Need to put your Hand in your Pocket. I thank you that you honour"d me with your Company; but I am sorry you are called away before the Comedy is ended.
_Er._ Have I any Thing more to do but to bid you _Farewell and be merry?_
_Ch._ Farewell, we can"t take it amiss, because you don"t leave a Shoulder of Mutton for a Sheep"s-Head, but go from Friends to a better Friend.
_Er._ And I in like Manner return you my Thanks, that you have been so kind as to invite me to this most pleasant Entertainment. My very good Friends, fare ye well. Drink heartily, and live merrily.
_Ch._ Soho, _Dromo_. You, all of you, have sitten still a good While.
Does any Body please to have any Thing else?
_Gu._ Nothing at all. We have eat very plentifully.
_Ch._ Then take away these Things, and set on the Desert. Change the Trenchers and the Plates. Take up my Knife that is fallen down. Pour some Wine over the Pears. Here are some early ripe Mulberries that grew in my own Garden.
_Gu._ They will be the better for being of your own Growth.
_Ch._ Here are some wheaten Plumbs: See, here are Damascens, a rare Sight with us: See, here are mellow Apples; and here is a new Sort of an Apple, the Stock of which I set with my own Hands; and Chestnuts, and all Kinds of Delicacies, which our Gardens produce plentifully.
_Au._ But here are no Flowers.
_Ch._ They are _French_ Entertainments, who love that Sort of Splendor most that costs least; but that is not my Humour.
_Au._ "Tis not only among _Frenchmen_ that you will find those that love what is of little Cost.
_Ch._ But hark you, _Austin_, do you think to come off so? What, won"t you pledge me when I drink to you? You ought to have taken off Half the Cup of him that drank to you.
_Au._ He excused me for that a great While ago. He discharg"d me of that Obligation.
_Ch._ Pray who gave him that Power? The Pope himself can hardly dispense with this Obligation. You know the ancient Law of Drinking, _Either drink or go your Way_.
_Au._ He that an Oath is made to has Power to suspend it, and especially he, whose Concern it was to have it kept.
_Ch._ But it is the Duty of all Guests to observe Laws inviolably.
_Au._ Well, come on, since this is the _German_ Custom, I"ll drink what is left. But what Business have you with me?
_Ch._ You must pay for all. Why do you look pale? Don"t be afraid, you may do it very easily, do as you have often done, that by some Elegancy we may rise from Table more learned; nor are you ignorant that the Ancients over the second Course used to dispute of some more diverting Subjects. Come on then, by what, and after how many Ways may this Sentence be vary"d, _Indignum auditu?_
_It is not worth hearing. The Form._
_Au._ You have very fitly made Use of the latter Supine. It is not worth hearing. It is unworthy to be heard. It is not worthy to be heard. It is so light it ought not to be heard. It is scarce worth While to relate.
It is not of such Value as to be heard. It is too silly to be heard. It is not worth While to tell it.