"LettingtheeffingcarabinierieffuptheR.V."
"HaveyoutriedgivingorderstotheItalianarmy?"
Hesniffedasareply.Hehimselfwasanex-S.A.S.sergeant,nownearingforty, whowouldneverinhisservicedayshavedreamedofobeyingacivilian.Hecould moveacrossanyterraininawaythatmadeachameleonlookflamboyant,andhe hadthreetimestrackedandliberatedavictimbeforetheransomhadbeenpaid, thoughnoone,noteventhevictim,wasquitesurehow.TonyVinewasthemost secretiveofthewholetight-lippedbunchandanythinghedidn"twanttotell didn"tgettold.
Itwashewhohadwarnedmeaboutknivesinsiderolled-upmagazines,andI"d guessedhe"dknownbecausehe"dcarriedonethatwayhimself.
Hishumorconsistedmostlyofsarcasm,andhecouldhardlygetasentenceout withoutanoilingoff.u.c.k,s.h.i.t,andp.i.s.s.Heworkednearlyalwaysonpolitical kidnapsbecausehe,likePucinelli,tendedtodespisepersonalandcompany wealth.
"Ifyou"reeffingpoor,"he"dsaidtomeonce,"andyouseesomecapitalist s.h.i.ttingaroundinaRoller,it"snotsoeffingsurprisingyouthinkofwaysof levelingthingsup.Ifyou"redowntoyourlastbitofgoatcheeseinSardinia, maybe,orshortofbeansinMexico,alittlekidnapmakeseffingsense."
"You"reromantic,"I"danswered."WhataboutthepoorSardinianswhosteala childfromapoorSardinianvillage,andgrindallthepoorpeoplethereinto poorerdust,forcingthemalltopayouttheirpitifulsavingsforaransom?"
"Noone"seffingperfect."
Forallthathe"dbeenagainstmejoiningthefirminthefirstplace,andin spiteofhisfeelingsuperiorineveryway,wheneverwe"dworkedtogetherithad beenwithoutfriction.Hecouldfeelhiswaythroughthepsychesofkidnappers asthroughaminefield,butpreferredtohavemedealwiththefamiliesofthe victims.
"Whenyou"rewiththem,theystayinoneeffingpiece.IfItellthemwhatto do,theyfalltoeffingbits."
Hewasathishappiestcooperatingwithmeninuniform,amongwhomheseemedto commandinstantrecognitionandrespect.Goodsergeantsranthearmy,itwas said,andwhenhewantedtohehadtheairabouthimstill.
NoonewasallowedtoserveintheS.A.S.foranextendedperiod,andoncehe"d beenbouncedoutbecauseof.a.ge,he"dbeenbored.Thensomeonehadmurmuredin hisearaboutfightingterroristsadifferentway,andLibertyMarkethadnever regrettedtakinghim.
"IputyouinforSundaymidnightontheblower,didyousee,insteadofme?"he said.
Inodded.
"Thewife"sgotthiseffinganniversarypartyorganized,andlikeas...o...b.. midnightI"llbep.i.s.sed."
"Allright,"Isaid.
Hewa.s.shortforasoldier:usefulforpa.s.singasawoman,he"dtoldmeonce.
Sandy-haired,blue-eyed,andlightonhisfeet,hewasafanaticaboutfitness, anditwashewhohadpersuadedeveryonetofurnish(anduse)theiron-pumping roominthebas.e.m.e.nt.Heneversaidmuchabouthisorigins:thetougherpartsof London,fromhisaccent.
"Whendidyougetback?"Iasked."LastIheardyouwereinColombia."
"Endoftheweek."
"Howwasit?"Isaid.
Hescowled."Wewinkledtheeffinghostagesoutsafe,andthenthelocal strengthgotexcitedandshotthes.h.i.toutoftheterrorists,thoughthey"dgot theireffinghandsupandwerecomingoutpeaceful."Heshookhishead."Never keeptheirbulletstothemselves,thosesavages.Effingstupid,thewhole s.h.i.ttinglotofthem."
Shootingterroristswho"dsurrenderedwas,ashe"dsaid,effingstupid.Thenews wouldgetaround,andthenextbunchofterrorists,knowingthey"dbeshotif theydidandalsoshotiftheydidn"t,wouldbemorelikelytokilltheir victims.
IhadmissedtheMondaymeetingwherethatdebaclewouldhavebeendiscussed, butmeanwhiletherewasmyownreporttowriteforthepickingoverofBologna.
IspentallSat.u.r.dayonitandsomeofSundaymorning,andthendrove seventy-fivemileswestwardtoLambourn.
PopsyTeddingtonprovedtoliveinatallwhitehousenearthecenterofthe village,ahouseseemingalmostsuburbanbutsurprisinglyfrontingagreat amountofstabling.Ihadn"tuntilthatdayrealizedthatracingstablescould occuractuallyinsidevillages,butwhenIremarkedonitPopsysaidwitha smilethatIshouldseeNewmarket,theyhadhorseswherepeopleinothertowns hadgarages,greenhouses,andsheds.
Shewa.s.standingoutsidewhenIarrived,loomingoverafive-footmanwhoseemed gladoftheinterruption.
"Justseetothat,Sammy.TellthemIwon"tstandforit,"shewa.s.saying forcefullyasIopenedthecardoor.Herheadturnedmywayandamomentary "who-are-you?"frowncrossedherforehead."Oh,yes,Alessia"sfriend.She"s aroundtheback,somewhere.Comealong."Sheledmepastthehouseandbehinda blockofstabling,andwearrivedsuddenlyinviewofasmallrailedpaddock, whereagirlonahorsewa.s.slowlycantering,watchedbyanothergirlonfoot.
Thelittlepaddockseemedtobesurroundedbythebacksofotherstablesand otherhouses,andthegra.s.swithinithadseenbetterdays.
"Ihopeyoucanhelpher,"Popsysaidstraightly,asweapproached."I"venever knownherlikethis.Veryworrying."
"Howdoyoumean?"Iasked.
"Soinsecure.Shewouldn"trideoutyesterdaywiththestring,whichshealways doeswhenshe"shere,andnowlookather,she"ssupposedtobeuponthat horse,not.w.a.tchingmystablegirlriding."
"Ha.s.shesaidmuchaboutwhathappenedtoher?"Iasked.
"Notathing.Shejustsmilescheerfullyandsaysit"sallover."
Alessiahalfturnedaswedrewnear,andlookedveryrelievedwhenshesawme.
"Iwasafraidyouwouldn"tcome,"shesaid.
"Youshouldn"thavebeen."
Shewaswearingjeansandacheckedshirtandlipstick,andwa.s.still unnaturallypalefromsixweeksindimlight.Popsyshoutedtothegirlriding thehorsetoput.i.tbackinitsstable."Unless,darling,you"dlike..."shesaid toAlessia."Afterall?"
Alessiashookherhead."Tomorrow,Iguess."Shesoundedasifshemeant.i.t,but IcouldseethatPopsydoubted.SheputamotherlyarmaroundAlessia"s shouldersandgaveherasmallhug."Darling,dojustwhatyoulike.Howabouta drinkforyourthirstytraveler?"Tomeshesaid,"Coffee?Whisky?Methylated spirits?"
"Wine,"Alessiasaid."Iknowhelikesthat."
Wewentintothehouse;antiquedarkfurniture,wornIndianrugs,fadedchintz, avistaofhorsesthrougheverywindow.
PopsypouredItalianwineintocutcrystalgla.s.seswithacasualhandandsaid shewouldcooksteaksifwewerepatient.Alessiawatchedherdisappear kitchenwardsandsaiduncomfortably,"I"manuisancetoher.Ishouldn"thave come."
"You"requitewrongonbothcounts,"Isaid."It"sobviousshe"sgladtohave you."
"IthoughtI"dbeallrighthere...ThatI"dfeeldifferent.Imean,thatI"dfeel allright."
"You"resureto,inawhile."
Sheglancedatme."ItbothersmethatIjustcan"t...shakeitoff."
"Likeyoucouldshakeoffdoublesepticpneumonia?"
"That"sdifferent,"sheprotested.
"Sixweeksofnosunlight,noexercise,nodecentfoodandasteadydietof heavysleepingpillsishardlyarecipeforphysicalhealth."
"ButI...it"snotjust...physical."
"Stilllesscanyoujustshakeoffthenonphysical."Idranksomewine."Howare yourdreams?"
Sheshuddered."HalfthetimeIcan"tsleep.IlariasaidIshouldkeeponwith sleepingpillsforawhile,butIdon"twantto,itrevoltsmetothinkofit...
ButwhenIdosleep...Ihavenightmares...andwakeupsweating."
"Wouldyoulikeme,"Isaidneutrally,"tointroduceyoutoapsychiatrist?I knowquiteagoodone."
"No."Theanswerwasinstinctive."I"mnotmad,I"mjust...notright."
"Youdon"tneedtobedyingtogotoadoctor."
Sheshookherhead."Idon"twantto."
Shesatonalargesofawithherfeetonacoffeetable,lookingworried.
"It"syouthatIwanttotalkto,notsomeshrink.Youunderstandwhathappened, andtosomestrangedoctoritwouldsoundexaggerated.YouknowI"mtellingthe truth,buthe"dbeworryinghalfthetimeifIwasn"tfantasizingordramatizing orsomethingandbelookingforwaysofputtingmeinthewrong.Ihadafriend whowenttoone...shetoldmeitwasweird,whenshesaidshewantedtogiveup smokinghekeptsuggestingshewasunhappybecauseshehadrepressedincestuous longingsforherfather."Sheendedwithanattemptatalaugh,butIcouldsee whatshemeant.Psychiatristswereaccustomedtodistortionandevasion,and lookedfortheminthesimplestremark.
"Idothinkallthesamethatyou"dbebetteroffwithexperthelp,"Isaid.
"You"reanexpert."
"No."
"But.i.t"syouIwant...Oh,dear,"shebrokeoffsuddenly,lookingmostconfused.
"I"msorry...Youdon"twantto...Howstupidofme."
"Ididn"tsaythat.Isaid..."Itoostopped.Istoodup,walkedover,andsat nexttoheronthesofa,nottouching."I"lluntieanyknotsIcanforyou,and foraslongasyouwantmeto.That"sapromise.Alsoapleasure,notach.o.r.e.
Butyoumustpromisemesomethingtoo."
Shesaid"What?"glancingatmeandaway.
"ThatifI"mdoingyounogood,youwilltrysomeoneelse."
"Ashrink?"
"Yes."
Shelookedathershoes."Allright,"shesaid:andlikeanypsychiatristI wonderedifshewerelying.
Popsy"ssteakscametenderandjuicy,andAlessiaatehalfofhers.
"Youmustbuildupyourstrength,mydarling,"Popsysaidwithoutcensure.
"You"veworkedsohardtogetwhereyouare.Youdon"twantallthoseambitious littlejockey-boyselbowingyouout,whichtheywillifthey"vehalfachance."
"ItelephonedMike,"shesaid."Isaid...I"dneedtime."
"Nowmydarling,"Popsyprotested."Yougetstraightbackonthetelephoneand tellhimyou"llbefitaweektoday.Sayyou"llbereadytoracetomorrowweek, withoutfail."
Alessialookedatherinhorror."I"mtooweaktostayinthesaddle...letalone race."
"Mydarling,you"veallthegutsintheworld.Ifyouwantto,you"lldoit."
Alessia"sfacesaidplainlythatshedidn"tknowwhethershewantedtoornot.
"Who"sMike?"Iasked.
"MikeNoland,"Popsysaid."ThetrainersheoftenridesforinEngland.Helives here,inLambourn,uptheroad."
"Hesaidheunderstood,"Alessiasaidweakly.
"Wellofcourseheunderstands.Whowouldn"t?Butallthesame,mydarling,if youwantthosehorsesback,it"syouthatwillhavetogetthem."
Shespokewithbrisk,affectionatecommonsense,hallmarkofthekindand healthywhohadneverbeenatcrackingpoint.Therewasasortofquiverfrom whereAlessiasat,andIroseunhurriedlytomyfeetandaskedifIcouldhelp carrytheemptydishestothekitchen.
"Ofcourseyoucan,"Popsysaid,risingalso,"andthere"scheese,ifyou"dlike some."
AlessiasaidhorsessleptonSundayafternoonslikeeveryoneelse,butafter coffeewewalkedslowlyroundtheyardanyway,pattingoneortwoheads.
"Ican"tpossiblygetfitinaweek,"Alessiasaid."DoyouthinkIshould?"
"Ithinkyoushouldtrysittingonahorse."
"SupposeI"velostmynerve."
"You"dfindout."
"That"snotmuchcomfort."Sherubbedthenoseofoneofthehorses absentmindedly,showingatleastnofearofitsteeth."Doyouride?"sheasked.
"No,"Isaid."And...er...I"veneverbeentotheraces."
Shewasastonished."Never?"
"I"vewatchedthemoftenontelevision."
"Notthesameatall."Shelaidherowncheekbrieflyagainstthehorse"s.
"Wouldyouliketogo?"
"Withyou,yes,verymuch."
Hereyesfilledwithsuddentears,whichsheblinkedawayimpatiently."You see,"shesaid."That"salwayshappening.Akindword...andsomethinginsideme melts.Idotry...Ihonestlydotrytobehavedecently,butIknowI"mputtingon anact...andunderneaththere"sanabyss...withthingscomingupfromit,like cryingfornothing,fornoreason,likenow."
"Theact,"Isaid,"isOscarcla.s.s."
Sheswallowedandsniffedandbrushedtheunspilledtearsawaywithherfingers.