Several days had pa.s.sed since I"d last seen Ricardo. I suppose his words from before really had been words of farewell. I completely lost my sense of time as I continued my life of focusing on nothing but my rehabilitation.
Back when I lived in the village, I had always had to deliver goods to someone or had some other business to take care of every week, so I had generally managed to maintain a somewhat busy lifestyle. But now, I was essentially a jobless patient. It wasn"t something I should really be saying, since I technically was a patient in recovery, but I just couldn"t get used to it.
My sole saving grace was that I was recovering steadily.
Recently, I had finally gotten to the point where I was able to stand up on my own. And I could even walk too as long as I was going slowly.
I sat down on the chair in my room and perused through a magical tome I had borrowed. Books were very expensive in this world because printing technology didn"t exist here yet. Moreover, books that had to do with magic appeared only very rarely on the market, and they weren"t something that a commoner could get their hands on even when they did. The n.o.bles" pockets really must be something quite fierce, since Ricardo had been unhesitant to let me borrow something of such high value.
I copied down anything I needed on a separate sheet of paper with a fountain pen. I planned to bring back as much knowledge with me as I could since I was already in such a favorable position to do so. That was the only thought in my mind as I ran my pen across the paper. I had always like this kind of simplistic work. Someone knocked reservedly on my door as I continued my work alone in silence.
"Please, come in."
Alf entered my room with an unrefined bow once I had given him my permission. He really didn"t have to bow so politely to someone like me all the time, especially since no one was watching. What a serious person.
He placed the thick cloth he was carrying with him over my shoulders.
"You"ve been at your desk for quite some time now. Won"t you take a brief rest?"
I looked to the clock for the first time since I"d started working now that he mentioned it. Its hands had advanced considerably farther than what I"d expected.
"You"re right, I didn"t even notice. I"ll take a break once I"ve reached a good stopping point."
"In that case, I"ll bring you a light snack."
He was probably keeping a close eye on my health since I"d only recently recovered.
I found his goodwill slightly annoying because I didn"t have any problems other than a slight stiffness of my joints. Naturally, however, I simply took it all in without saying a word. It was Alf, after all, who would be held responsible if my health suddenly took a turn for the worse. I couldn"t reject him out-right once I took that into consideration.
But it was still really hard to get used to this perfect treatment because I had lived while being exposed to the elements while I was on the battlefield.
Alf briefly left the room and, upon his return with Western-styled confectionary and warm black tea, placed the magical tome I had been reading subtly out of my reach. Though, I wouldn"t have continued reading while I was eating even if he hadn"t gone through the trouble.
"Please, have some."
"Thank you."
I looked outside as I warmed myself up with the snacks he had brought me. The garden I always took a walk in was as beautiful as usual, but I, who didn"t have much interest in plants to begin with, had started to tire of it after visiting it so frequently every day.
I"m finally living in the capital, though this is a little removed from the heart of the town, so should I try visiting it at least once?
I threw Alf, who was standing in wait by the wall, a question.
"I"d like to go out to town sometime. And my body has more or less returned to normal, too. Could I ask you to accompany me?"
I had made my proposal with very light-hearted feelings. I had thought that Alf would give me his consent as readily as usual. He had never turned me down when I asked him for anything until now.
But the answer he returned to me was made in a hard voice I would have never expected of him.
"I can"t agree to that."
My heart skipped a beat because of how firm his tone was.
Alf always had a gentle expression on his face and had never seemed to be of a mind to refuse me no matter how many times I asked him to do something for me. I was bewildered by how differently he was acting from how he normally was.
Alf looked back at me awkwardly in my bafflement and said his next words as if to dodge the issue.
"It isn"t very safe in town at the moment because it is overflowing with people. The people who"ve returned from the battlefield are seeking new work in town. I cannot take you there while you haven"t fully recovered yet, Lord Halka."
"But aren"t there knights, like Ricardo, keeping public order in town?"
"I am sure that Lord Ricardo is currently pressed for time because of everything he has to deal with. Problems occur where people gather. But it is only the government can truly solve these issues at their roots, not the military. And it takes time for the government to put new policies in place."
Was the public order really in that bad of a state?
Up until now, I had been living in the countryside where, fortunately, there hadn"t been any major problems to speak of. New things that I had never experienced before piqued my interest. If it was so dangerous in town that Alf wanted to stop me from going, it actually made me want to go and see it for myself all the more.
I could feel that most of my magic had returned despite that I hadn"y fully recovered physically. Magicians were feared by normal civilians. Generally speaking, I could deal with most problems just by showing off a single spell even if I couldn"t move properly.
I decided not to place too much importance on Alf"s warning because of my confidence. Still, I could tell that he would still try to stop me if I opposed him openly.
"I understand."
That was why I pretended that I had been convinced on the surface. Though I was of a different opinion on the inside.
I suppose people made light of me because I looked like a boy, but I was still a fully-grown adult on the inside. I wasn"t so childishly obedient that I would simply do everything as I was told. Still, Alf looked relieved when I nodded.
"My deepest apologies."
I looked at him coldly as he bowed to me deeply with the utmost courtesy. Alf, who was always by my side, seemed to think of me as an infant.
……In that case, I"ll just go off on my own.
I whispered silently to myself with a hint of resignation in my chest.
I would probably go back to the village after Ricardo finally gave up on me. I wanted to see the capital at least once before I left.
*
I knocked on the door and waited for a reply.
"……Lord Halka?"
I couldn"t hear his voice, though he usually answered me immediately. A cold sweat ran down my back as I began to grow anxious. I had a bad feeling about this. I knocked again, more loudly this time.
But, just as I"d half-expected, the only answer that was returned to me from inside the room was silence.
"Pardon my intrusion!"
I opened the door wide in a hurry. I couldn"t find his small frame in either the chair or the bed.
What in the world?!
My irritation at how foolish I had been for not noticing earlier tormented my heart. I clung on to a ray of hope as I looked around the room. Unfortunately, however, he wasn"t collapsed in the shadows behind the bed or anything of that sort either.
I searched around to see if anything had been left behind as I started to want to bury my head in my hands. I found that a single sheet of paper that had been left on the desk. I quickly picked it up and read the letters that had been inscribed on it.
"Oh……"
Alf sighed and placed a hand over his eyes.
Written on the paper were the words, "I"m going off to town alone, but please don"t worry about me."
*
I saw my colleague walking gallantly along a long corridor in one corner of the royal castle. His shoulders seemed to be cutting through the wind, and his entire being was a.s.serting that he was in a hurry.
But, I already knew that he was always in that state of mind as of late, so I still called out to him despite.
"Hey, Ricardo."
"……Graham."
I stepped in line with Ricardo, who had slowed down his pace, and walked alongside him. Then, in a somewhat tired voice, he asked,
"What is it?"
"I was a little curious about how you"ve changed recently. I don"t like speaking in a roundabout manner. What happened?"
It had already been quite some time since he had returned from the battlefield. I had been stationed here in the capital as a guard, but I"d heard that the fighting at the frontlines, where he had been, was quite fierce. There were a lot of soldiers who didn"t make it back. It must"ve been a rather severe situation.
Perhaps that was why, but I had seen Ricardo do things from time to time that he normally wouldn"t have done before. He started actively meeting with people outside of work, and he even started skillfully using that eye-catching appearance of his to get along with people.
Not many people knew of it, but I, for one, knew that Ricardo was a bit of a misanthrope. And so, considering how much he disliked people, his change was quite the dramatic one. It was possible to sum it all up by simply saying that he had become more sociable, but I couldn"t help but feel that there was more to his behavior than met the eye.
There was a strong feeling beneath it all, like ambition.
"And here I was wondering what you were going to ask—and that"s all? Everyone re-evaluates themselves and even decides to change sometimes."
"Yes, that."
I jumped on his words and pressed on,
"The past you would have brushed me off by saying, "What"s the point of telling you?"."
"So?"
"I want to know why you changed."
He glared black at me with an unpleasant look on his face, almost as if he had clicked his tongue at me. I wondered if he realized that he would have never made even a face like that in the past.
The first time that I had seen Ricardo was back when we were both junior knights working toward becoming actual knights. He had stood upright with dignity with focused eyes. But, he had also been a boy who gave off an overall impression of frigidity.
His looks had been eye-catching even back then, and many people had been both charmed by and envious of him.
Naturally, I was one of those people. I admired his aristocratic looks and the way he seemed to coldly look down at everyone from a higher level. Most people had fallen into the illusion that they had befriended him and left it at that. But then I noticed that there were hardly any people close to him beyond a certain point.
He never entrusted his heart to anyone. He was like the fog.
His backing was weak, but he had the talent to overcome that setback. But, despite his skill with the sword, his judgement, his discernment, or his ability to see through people, he never once displayed any intent to exercise his talents.
No, it was that the people around him never wished for him to.
He could have lived in peace had he been a commoner, but he would only be crushed in the upper echelons of society.
I had thought of him as a beautiful but ultimately lifeless painting.
But what about now? His prior apathy was nowhere to be seen. Now, he was overflowing with hearty vigor, like a wilted flower than had been given water.
"Anyone will have a change of heart after brushing close to death. That"s just how it is, right?"
I couldn"t exactly peg his words for a lie. But, if my instincts were correct, he probably hadn"t mentioned a word of anything was actually important either.
The corners of Ricardo"s mouth lifted up in an emotionless smile.
I subconsciously let slip a groan and I felt my impending defeat. I had always been weak against his smile, regardless of what that smile meant.
It wasn"t simply a matter of aestheticism. It was my absolute diffidence before someone who embodied my ideals.
Ricardo would not answer me any further no matter what I asked. I suppose I"ll leave things off here for today. But just as I thought this.
"Lord Ricardo!"
Someone called out to my friend beside me. I turned to the direction that the voice had come from to find an ashen man running toward us.
"What happened, Gustar?"
Apparently, he was a servant of Ricardo"s. The man named Gustar only stopped when he was immediately next to us and whispered something into Ricardo"s ear without even taking a moment to gather his ragged breathing. It was evidently something urgent.
I could see how panicked he was based simply on the fact that he hadn"t even greeted me although I was standing right beside him. I began to wonder if someone in the family had suddenly pa.s.sed, or something.
And then, I began to doubt my eyes.
Because Ricardo had suddenly become visibly perturbed.
His gaze began swimming around in unease and his skin, already white to begin with, seemed to pale whiter still. I had never seen my friend display so much emotion before, and I had never imagined it could ever happen either. What I was seeing now was a far cry from the friend I had known, who had given up on and despaired in everything.
"What was Alf doing?"
"He was apparently on standby near the room……"
"Where exactly?"
"I do not know."
I gathered that someone had gone missing from the occasional fragments of the conversation that I could make out.
"……I have to go find him."
Ricardo"s quiet words had been filled with uneasiness, and I was certain I had heard them correctly.
My intuition told me that the missing person in question was the very culprit who had changed Ricardo. But I had no solid proof.
"I"ll head back immediately,"
said Ricardo, who looked like he would take off running at any moment.
"If you"re looking for someone, would you like me to lend a hand?"
He hesitated for a second but ultimately shook his head.
"No, there"s no need."
Then, he took off running without even bothering to turn around first. The servant, whom he had left behind, ran after him in a panic.
Left alone in the silence after the storm had pa.s.sed, I sighed in disappointment.
"He really doesn"t trust me, huh."
That"s the only reason why you would refuse my help when looking for someone —an endeavor that requires as much manpower as you can possibly get. I really want to know who changed you. Not to bring about harm, but to watch over you.
Ricardo. I thought favorably of you in the past and I still think favorable of you even now. Though I"m sure you don"t believe me.
I think that your heart that you occasionally let slip glimpses of, as clear and as transparent as the surface of still waters, is the most blinding thing I"ve ever seen.
I lamented deeply with my unrequited feelings of friendship in my heart.
*
"Are you sure you"ll be all right? Boy,"
the kind middle-aged driver asked me considerately as he pulled the horse to a stop by the reins. There were freshly harvested vegetables in the wagon that the horse had been pulling.
"Yes, I"m familiar with the rest of the way."
I was currently in the middle of a large street in the capital, where there were a lot of shops and human traffic lining the roads. There were guideposts at every street corner, so I would probably be all right even if I was alone.
The driver had picked me up off the side of the road as I was walking unnaturally because my legs weren"t strong enough yet and let me ride with him all the way here. He asked me about my intended destination, so I ended up lying and told him that I was buying medicine for my sick mother.
He had offered to drop me off all the way to the pharmacy, but I turned him down by feigning modesty.
"I see, then take care."
"Thank you."
I waved farewell as the driver drove off across the large stone-paved street. I only put my hand down after he had completely vanished into the sea of people. My heart was excited at the fact that I had ventured out for the first time in a long while.
I had brought some of the money I had earned from the war with me.
Where should I wander to first? I had no doubt that the capital would have an a.s.sortment of books, magical tools, and herbs that weren"t available in the countryside. Would I be able to see it all in just one day?
That was what I was thinking as I walked around with my still fatigued body.
I decided to visit a bookstore first and ended up visiting a few after asking people for directions. Along the way, I most certainly heard people arguing, saw people who weren"t of the honest sort, and felt that public order was in an overall bad state, just as Alf had said. But there was no problem as long as I didn"t approach those kinds of people.
I was able to find a few books that I had wanted to get my hands on for quite some time now; as expected from a city that was at the heart of trade. But I wouldn"t be able to buy anything else if I bought the books, so I only skimmed through them for now and decided to look for a shop that sold magical tools.
Good locations for magic were generally located in places that were set apart from major streets, perhaps because magic itself preferred the shadows. This was why most shops that sold magical tools existed in isolated locations and were difficult for the untrained eye to find.
You would be able to find these shops as long as you knew of the rules they followed, to a certain extent. I walked over to a road where there weren"t many people in search of one.
The road narrowed, began branching off at irregular intervals, and began to create many blind spots. I continued walking as I followed special stamps made for magicians that did not stand out to the eye one after the next. It led me to a place that seemed to be on the brink of being swallowed up by the shadows. Women and children probably wouldn"t be able to walk around in a place like this alone.
I heard people arguing off the side of the road just as I thought this.
"That"s enough! I said no!"
"Quit bein" so prude. And don"t push your luck if I get mad!"
The voices seemed to belong to a man and a woman. I stopped just before the owners of the voices could see me. It would only be my loss if I got myself involved in a lover"s quarrel.
I did want to enjoy myself and have fun shopping now that I was finally outside. But I also wanted to avoid continuing forward and getting myself caught up in something troublesome.
The argument began heating up as I hesitated.
"You"re worth nothing in my eyes! You ugly man!"
"Why you……!"
I could tell that the blood had rushed to the man"s head without even having to see him. Unable to pretend I hadn"t heard anything, I ran to where the voices were coming from in a hurry.
There, I saw a young woman who was wearing simple commoner"s clothes and a rough-looking man in his prime. The man was swinging about his arms and looked like he would bring them down at any moment.
"Excuse me."
Their looks of anger centered on me when I called out to them and drew their attention. I fought back the urge to shrink back and stood tall before I protested,
"I don"t know what"s going on between you two, but you"ll scare people if you keep yelling at each other in the middle of the road like this. How about you both calm down and talk things out?"
The woman returned to her senses and looked embarra.s.sed, but the man only grew more enraged instead of calming down. His face turned scarlet as he aimed his next words at me.
"Stop being cheeky, ya little brat! Children should stay out of this!"
I had already been prepared to be taken lightly due to my appearance. But it was too late to regret the fact that I hadn"t changed myself into a burly man before stepping in.
"You were causing such a disturbance that even a child like me felt the need to say something about it. Why don"t you two start caring about how respectably you act in the public since you"re grown adults and all?"
"Ya little s.h.i.t……brats like you should just be obedient and listen to what the adults tell you!"
"You really are immature, Zoey. It"s just as this child says. Now hurry up and go home."
The man named Zoey didn"t settle down even after the woman had calmly scolded him. He began to take his anger out on her without knowing when it was time to call it quits.
"It"s all yer fault to begin with!"
The woman frantically avoided the man as he tried to grab her by the collar. We were getting nowhere, so I had no choice but to use magic and form a ball of electricity in my right hand.
Electricity discharged from my transparent sphere of magic and jumped around with an explosive display of light and sound. It was magic that was meant to be a flashy threat, rather than any practical use.
"Mr. Zoey, was it? I would recommend that you get away from that woman and hurry up and run away. If you don"t want to get hurt, that is."
The two of them stopped moving and turned to me. Magicians were to be feared and respected by the average commoner. They didn"t have many chances to meet one because there were so few of us, but we magicians helped settle otherwise unsolvable problems on the rare occasion. And, the average magician was overwhelmingly stronger than the average swordsman.
The man"s scarlet face now turned pale. He ran away with full speed without so much as another word.
"And don"t come back to our store ever again!"
the woman shouted at his retreating figure. He probably heard her from that distance. I only dispelled my ball of electricity after he had completely disappeared from my view.
The woman then quickly turned to me to express her thanks.
"Um, thank you so much. My father runs a tavern, and Zoey began bothering me after I happened to catch his eye there."
"Is that so?"
No wonder she had been standing firm against his threats. She was probably used to situations like that already. Most woman normally would have started crying. She continued,
"I was so surprised. You look too young to be a magician. Won"t you please visit the tavern so I can thank you properly? We still have good food, even if you can"t drink alcohol."
"No thank you, please don"t worry about it."
I tried to leave as quickly as I could since I had another shop I wanted to drop by.
But then I suddenly felt horrible after taking just a few steps.
My vision started spinning and I crouched down with my hands pressed against my mouth.
What was happening? Was this because I had used magic for the first time in a while? This was my first time using magic since the explosion, other than for the tiny amount I had used to slip out of the manor.
"Are you all right? ……I can prepare you a place to rest if you"re okay with coming to the tavern?"
proposed the woman who had followed after me, so I decided to take her up on her offer.
*
The cold cloth on the upper half of my face felt really nice. I was lying down across several chairs that had been placed next to each other. The voices of the intoxicated customers of the tavern sounded especially loud because I couldn"t see.
"That was some disaster, huh, Mary?"
"I know, right?! And I was being careful because the looks he was giving me started to get disgusting too…"
"And that b.a.s.t.a.r.d Zoey"s an idiot. I won"t let him get away with it this time."
"I"ll get revenge for you if I ever see him!"
"It"s fine, Mr. Bashu. Our magician over here punished him for me, after all."
The topic of the conversation turned to me as I listened in on the woman I"d saved and her regular customers.
Apparently, the woman"s name was Mary.
"Hey Mr. Magician! Thanks for helping out our poster girl here!"
"You"re pretty incredible for someone so small, aren"t you?"
I saw the faces of the drunk but pleasant middle-aged men when I took the cloth off my face and turned toward them. I felt strangely nostalgic because the tavern, though small, was beloved by the locals.
"Not at all, it wasn"t that incredible…"
I said in modest reserve as was my habit before the tough looking owner of the tavern —who was probably also Miss Mary"s father— quietly refuted me.
"But it was still thanks to you that nothing happened to Mary. So, thank you. Normally, I would"ve offered you a drink on the house. But, considering the state you"re in right now, that"s probably only make you feel worse, huh."
"……In that case, I"ll come back here for good food next time. Please treat me well when I do."
"Haha, you"ve got a good head on your shoulders. ……Alright. I"ll let you eat till your heart"s content next time."
"It"s rare for the old man to say something like that. Make sure you don"t mistakenly think that he"s like this all the time, Mr. Magician."
"What did you say? Hey, I"ll start charging you extra for that."
"That"s horrible!"
The conversation had naturally moved away from me again, so I put the cloth back on my face and cut off my vision. I wasn"t feeling better yet. I leaned an ear to the conversation taking place around me so I could ignore and endure the sick feeling I had in my stomach.
I could tell that the war was still on people"s minds based on the trivial topics that had come up in conversation, like how someone"s son had come home from the war, or something was getting harder to buy because its price had gone up, or that there were a lot of strangers who were new to town and causing trouble, or when would be the next time tensions rose between us and our neighboring kingdoms, etc.
Still, the fact that our army had spectacularly managed to push the enemy back into a withdrawal was like a ray of bright light in the midst of a cloudy atmosphere.
And things would only get better from now on. That"s what everyone believed.
My heart warmed up even more at the thought of how the people of this kingdom had so much hope, especially since I had been a part of the military campaign. I was genuinely glad that the results that I had brought about were directly connected to someone else"s happiness, albeit in a different way from feeling that the fighting had been worth it.
One of the men spoke a word that I was quite familiar with as I listened in.
"Have you heard? About the Hero of Hedalion?"
"……Yeah, my neighbor"s son was talking about something like that now that you mention it."
Hedalion was the name of the woodlands that I had fought at. This Hero must"ve been a very gallant individual. I had no doubt that this Hero must be one of the senior officers since many of them had made a name for themselves on the battlefield.
"Never heard of it. Who"s that supposed to be?"
"I heard he was a warrior who mowed down the enemy soldiers while fighting in the Hedalion woodlands. According to the rumors, Heliot decided to stop warring with us because they were afraid of him."
I wonder who they were talking about? I could think of a number of people to whom that description could apply, but were they really so famous that word of them had already spread to the streets?
Perhaps some previously unnamed individual"s achievements were being officially recognized now that the fighting was over and things were calming down? Or perhaps I"d simply never heard of them until now? I"d heard of a skilled mercenary once, but I doubted that the people would start calling a mercenary a hero.
"Mowed down? I heard that he was a magician who dyed the skies red. With fire and the blood of his enemies."
"According to what I heard, he was a large man wielding a large sword. A giant magic swordsman who built a mountain made up of ten-thousand corpses."
"Wait, hold on a sec. Wasn"t he a strategist who played Heliot for fools with his tactics?"
Information about this hero was quite the complicated mess. It didn"t usually get this tangled even if the information had only been transmitted through stories.
Their stories were so different that they eventually began arguing about whose was correct. The strangest thing about it was that there had been eyewitness reports from two people who had returned from the battlefield, and both of them had said different things.
Eventually, they concluded that there had been several "heroes" who had been condensed into one character by accident. I quietly concurred with them, as this was probably the safest best.
I realized that the sky on the other side of the window had eventually grown dark as I listened in on their conversation with great interest.
I was feeling considerably better now, and the people at the manor would start to worry if I didn"t go back soon. I sat up and returned the cloth that had been on my face back to the owner of the tavern.
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes. It"s gotten dark, so I"ll be taking my leave now."
"Oh yeah? ……By the way, I"m Thomas. Will you tell me your name, Mr. Magician?"
Now that I"d thought about it, I"d never given them my name. I finally introduced myself as I reflected on how I had nearly been about to leave without even telling them my name.
"My name is Halka."
"Well then, Mr. Halka. Come by the store again sometime."
"I definitely will."
"Later, Mr. Halka!"
"Likewise."
I bowed a little in farewell to Mr. Thomas and the tavern regulars and caused the bell on the door to ring as I left.
I decided to drop by to eat again when I next had the chance, since it was a pleasant store.
As I thought this, I walked out alone into the chilly town at evening.
"What a polite child."
"Yeah, his parents must"ve taught him well."
The regulars spoke of their impressions of Halka after the magician had disappeared through the door. Then, Thomas noticed that his daughter, Mary, was behaving strangely. She was deep in thought and was staring at the floor while still holding a tray.
"Hey, Mary. What"s up?"
"Hm? Oh……um, it"s nothing. I"m sure it was just my imagination."
"Hmm?"
Thomas decided not to inquire further since it looked like his daughter had reached some sort of conclusion on her own.
The person who saved us in our despair created a colossal flash of light that seemed to make light of the heavens and the earth.
The power that had annihilated the entire swarm had surely been a wonder.
The n.o.ble being who had continued to heal the wounded until his powers had been completely exhausted even after doing that had been a single boy magician.
Mary shook her head and reorganized her thoughts. Everyone told different accounts of what had happened on that battlefield for some reason. That was why the story she had heard the other day was undoubtedly just another rumor.
Not to mention the fact that the possibility that the Hero himself would appear before her was so endlessly small.
Mary convinced herself that it wasn"t possible and decided not to think about it anymore.
*
I walked alone on the large street that was nearly devoid of people. The stone pavement that stretched out before me made my footsteps echo coldly. The sun would really set before I made it back if I didn"t hurry.
I could still walk around downtown since there were streetlights here, but the area around Ricardo"s manor wasn"t as well lit. In the worst-case scenario, I would have to walk the roads alone in the pitch-black darkness. I hadn"t meant to stay out so late —I hadn"t calculated for the fact that my condition would suddenly grow worse.
I imagined how everyone at the manor would react when I finally made it back as I mechanically moved my feet one after the other.
I had no doubt that Alf would be worried. He had been a.s.signed exclusively to my care, after all. And I was sure that Ms. Falery would be happy I was back since she was a kind woman. I would have to apologize to the other people whom I saw frequently at the manor as well, as they were all kind to me and I had caused trouble for them.
But as for Ricardo……I wonder.
I really didn"t know anything about him. Not only did I not know why he had used that kind of sorcery for me, but I also didn"t know much about his person because our social statuses were so different.
Why had he decided to make me his master?—his powerful emotions were so distant from any that I had experienced that I couldn"t comprehend them.
People who lived in aristocratic society were so beautiful on the outside that it bewildered me. Were the words they spoke their actual feelings, or were they simply honeyed decorations said for the sake of diplomacy? I didn"t understand how to see through to the actual contents of their words. It was possible that I would understand it easily one day if I took the time to forge lasting bonds with them.
But Ricardo seemed to be devoting his time and energy to something that was more important to him. I had no intentions to criticize him for it, but I had my own circ.u.mstances just as Ricardo had his. Why wasn"t he willing to let me leave the manor?
The reason why Alf had rejected my request to go outside so clearly was undoubtedly because Ricardo, his employer, had instructed him to do so. I felt like I was being made to one-sidedly adhere to whatever was most convenient to Ricardo.
It was certainly true that Ricardo had offered me a very nice environment to recuperate in, but I would"ve been perfectly fine at my old hospital too.
……Wait, I"m acting like a sulking child right now, aren"t I?
I suddenly grew embarra.s.sed as I reflected on my thoughts had actions.
He had treated me kindly enough, and it wasn"t his fault that I didn"t understand him. All of this was because I was lacking in confidence.
I didn"t know how I was supposed to interact with him, and I had gone and hidden my true feelings in my bewilderment. I was jumping at shadows. I was no better than a juvenile delinquent who had run away from home because people weren"t paying enough attention to him.
I had told myself that I would evaluate him on fair and impartial terms, but I had subconsciously been dwelling on only the bad things. I didn"t think it was necessarily a bad thing to put some distance between yourself and someone you didn"t know well. But you should never ignore someone outright by making a.s.sumptions while you only knew one side of the story. You wouldn"t be able to take it back if you hurt them because of a mistaken a.s.sumption.
It looked like I had been more frustrated about my situation than I had realized. I didn"t have the leisure to be considerate for others. And not only that, but I was also taking actions based on emotion. I had known that I would be causing trouble for people if I selfishly went outside.
I heard someone calling my name loudly in the distance as I grew embarra.s.sed over how immature I was.
"Lord Halka!"
It was sweet and gentle and yet somewhat cold—the voice that I had always been longing to hear had turned into a cry of grief that was currently overflowing with a sense of urgency.
He was straight in front of me and was making a beeline in my direction.
"Ricardo,"
I whispered his name before I could stop myself because the look on his face was so painful to look at.
He had been running around so much that he was sweating rivers. He was a far cry from his usual elegance. He was in an overall horrible state where his breathing was ragged and his clothes were dirty, and his gaze pierced through me without ever once looking away like he was a young child.
Ricardo glanced at me up and down with his eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g with worry when he finally stood right before me as he checked to see if I was hurt.
He only saw the dumb expression on my face after he had thoroughly checked that I had no wounds on my legs, my torso, or my arms.
He let out a deep sigh right up against my face once he knew that I was safe. He was trembling a little. I personally witnessed the fact that the fear of losing me had shaken Ricardo, a valiant knight, to this extent.
It wasn"t possible to look this tense if you were just acting. What I was seeing now was Ricardo"s, who normally accomplished everything flawlessly, bare heart. That which I had been continuously adverting my eyes from all this time was a surprising pureness that was directed solely at me.
Ricardo wrapped my hands in his large ones and brought them to his forehead like he was offering up a prayer.
"……You were safe."
The words that he had spoken in his hoa.r.s.e voice was his endlessly pure heart worrying for me. At that moment, a part of my misgivings about Ricardo melted cleanly away.
He"s clinging to me!
Who would"ve imagined? To think that he, who had everything, would feel this way about me, who had nothing.
He was depending on me the way a chick clings to its mother bird.
I stared at Ricardo"s body, which appeared smaller to me than usual, in surprise. In that case, all of the suspicions that I had held against Ricardo had been utterly pointless. It wasn"t possible for Ricardo to betray me. He needed me, after all.
He let go of my hands and looked down at me from the difference in our heights.
"I was searching for you. The town is currently flooded with dangers that are invisible on the surface. People even die, sometimes. I"m sure that there is a lot you are unsatisfied with, but please return to the manor."
His gaze was straightforward. I was finally able to honestly accept these feelings of his, which he had expressed ceaselessly ever since he had sworn his fealty to me in the hospital. In that case, it could be said that what I had done today was the worst thing I could have possibly done to him.
I had essentially declared that I didn"t trust Ricardo.
"I"m sorry. For sneaking out."
Ricardo shook his head and refused my apology. He looked relieved now that he knew I was safe.
His richly-colored bare feelings were usually hidden beneath his normal expressions. But I was blinded by the vibrancy of the glimpse of his feelings that I had caught and couldn"t tear my eyes away.
"No. There is nothing for you to apologize for, Lord Halka. It is I who must beg for your forgiveness, Lord Halka, for failing to satisfy you."
Was his refusal to let his master apologize to him a part of his mentality as a knight?
But this had been my fault, no matter how you looked at it. I didn"t want to become a child who was only spoiled by him.
"You"re wrong, Ricardo. I am aware that I am at fault. I caused you to worry because of my selfish actions. Won"t you please accept my apology? I will have to carry this guilt forever if you won"t even acknowledge my transgressions, Ricardo."
"……In that case, I forgive you. I forgive all of your transgressions, Lord Halka, upon my name,"
said Ricardo, who had caved to my stubborn insistence, solemnly with a hand over his chest.
With this exchange, I learned that the two of us —master and servant alike— were stubborn and serious to a fault. Surprisingly, I felt as though I might be able to get along with him. The small thought slipped into my head.
And, more so than anything else, something that felt like a desire to protect welled up within me at the fact that Ricardo needed me.
There hadn"t been anyone who truly wanted me ever since I had come to this world. I, too, had refrained from getting involved with others because I was carrying with me the huge secret that I had come from another world.
But, if Ricardo longed for me this much, if Ricardo was extending his hand out to me, then I figured it would be fun to play along with him.
I searched through my lexicon for a word to adequately describe the feeling in my heart, and single word came down to me like a divine revelation.
Oh, I know. I"ll cherish Ricardo like a younger "brother".
What, the fact that he was older than me was just a small detail. This was just a metaphor. This was the conclusion I had reached after I had thought about my relationship with Ricardo and replaced it with the closest type of relationship at hand. I would treasure him like family and forever be his friend.
I smiled from the bottom of my heart for the first time since Ricardo and I had become master and servant.
"The sun will set soon. Let"s go back together."
Ricardo"s eyes never left me as he broke out into a smile after me without knowing a thing about the resolve I had made right before his eyes.
"……Of course."
Even his devilish and soul-stealing countenance looked as adorable as an angel"s now that I considered him to be my family. Our footsteps resounded together as we headed for the sunset sky.
I didn"t know what was a mistake and what was correct. But I was certain that the distance between the two of us had changed this very day.
*
Alf welcomed me with a deep bow after I had parted with Ricardo and returned to my room.
"Thank goodness you"re safe."
"Oh……thank you."
Why did I feel an air of intimidation from Alf even though he was smiling?
I escaped from reality by observing him for a bit and began to wonder if it was because of his perfect conduct and mask-like smile. His smile only grew deeper and deeper as I remained silent and acted carefree. He was angry, no matter how I looked at it.
"I"m sorry. For causing you trouble."
Alf finally wiped that smile off his face when I said this and looked troubled instead.
"I"d like to ask you to apologize for causing me worry, rather than trouble."
I only realized that I had misspoken after he had pointed out my error. Alf was always being mindful of me because it was his job to take care of me. Our relationship was too distant to say that we were friends.
"I"m sorry for making you worry. I was only thinking about myself."
"I, too, will strive to make it so that you have more trust in me."
I could have refuted him on the spot, but the fact was that I hadn"t trusted Alf at the time. Then, he said,
"I think very favorably of how honest you are for remaining silent."
He saw right through me. I reflected deeply on my past actions.
"I won"t ever do something like this again."
Alf cheered me up by patting me on the shoulder as I hung my head down and said, "I trust you," with the usual kind look on his face.
*
I was alone in the kitchen bright and early in the morning hard at work creating my masterpiece. I"d cause trouble for the servants if I was here while they prepared for breakfast, so I had gotten up at dawn.
That being said, there were already several servants here making basic preparations who were watching me out of the corners of their eyes with interest. This wasn"t a part of the culture in this kingdom.
I looked at my masterpiece, which I had completed before long, and wrapped it carefully in a large piece of cloth. All I had to do now was to hand it to him.
I went back to my room, where I had kept it, to bring it back after we finished breakfast as usual.
I called out to Ricardo, who was surrounded by the servants, on his way to the carriage for work. He was wearing his knights" uniform, which looked good on him no matter how many times I saw him wear it.
"Please wait a moment, Ricardo."
He looked quizzical as he turned around to see me walking out of the house. I placed the package I had brought with me in Ricardo"s hands as he waited.
"Please eat this for lunch. Though I can"t guarantee how it"ll taste……"
"This is…?"
"It"s called a lunchbox. And as for what"s inside—that"s for you to enjoy when the time comes."
This was what I had been making in the morning. It was my way of repaying Ricardo for how he always took care of me all the time.
I could have played it safe and simply given him a gift, but I rejected the idea because I wanted to refrain from going outside again after the fuss I"d caused two days ago.
I had learned from my investigations that Ricardo was so busy he generally had wheat-based portable rations for lunch.
"You"ve been looking rather pale as of late. I know that your circ.u.mstances might not allow you any time to rest, but please at least take it slow while you"re eating."
The corners of Ricardo"s eyes slackened as he stared at the package in his hands.
"Thank you."
He must"ve been incredibly happy, as he was carrying the package with both hands like it was something precious.
"Please take good care of your own body. Everything will have been for naught if you collapse."
"……I will."
Ricardo climbed into the carriage with his cheeks slightly flushed red. I had accidentally ended up scolding him, but this was just about the right way to send him off because he hated it when people were unconcerned about him.
The male driver was beginning to get anxious about the time, so I knew he"d be late if he didn"t depart soon.
"Well, I"ll be back soon."
"All right, please take care."
I waved at Ricardo, whose face I could see through the window, and saw the carriage off as it receded into the distance. Someone called out to me from beside me once the carriage had vanished completely.
"What was inside the package, Lord Halka?"
Alf had been standing right next to me before I"d even noticed. Alf had spent less time taking care of me ever since I had broken free from my wheelchair-bound life. But he always appeared quickly whenever I needed him, so I think he was probably always waiting on standby from somewhere close in a manner which wouldn"t be easily noticed.
"A type of food in which meat and vegetables are placed in between two slices of bread."
"Huh, I"ve never heard of that before."
Sandwiches didn"t exist in this world, so I was sure it was a curiosity.
The servants began returning to the manor now that they had finished seeing Ricardo off. Only Alf and I remained once they were gone.
I have nothing better to do anyway. Should I take a stroll around the manor since I"m already outside before I get to work devoting myself to copying pages from magical tomes?
Alf followed after a few paces behind me when I started walking.
"Actually, there"s been something I"ve been curious about; do you mind if I ask you about it?"
I kept half of my mind on Alf"s voice as I followed an enticing b.u.t.terfly with my eyes.
"Please go ahead."
"Thank you. I was on standby near your room as per usual when you ventured outside the day before yesterday, Lord Halka. How did you get out without me finding out?"
I was wondering what he was going to ask me in such a formal manner, but it looked like he simply wanted to know the details about how I"d escaped him the other day.
"Oh, that? I simply used magic."
"Magic?"
"Yes, since it"s my main tool of trade and all."
I decided to give Alf a demonstration, since, as Alf wasn"t a magician, he probably wouldn"t be able to figure out the theory behind it even if I did.
I created a layer of air around my body and used it to cut off any sound or human smells. Then, I created another layer that refracted light around it. And thus, I had created a simple invisibility spell. The only thing that was unfortunate about it was that I had to hold my breath while it was active, I suppose.
"Lord Halka?!"
Alf frantically began searching around the area I was standing because I had suddenly disappeared from his view. I wanted to answer him, but I had to hold my breath. Still, I appeared before him soon enough since it hurt to hold my breath for too long.
"And that"s about it."
Alf looked back at me in surprise. There was a sparkle in his eyes like a child who had just been shown a magic trick.
Magic tricks and magic spells might look the same depending on who was observing it. Apparently, he hadn"t noticed my presence at all even though I had been standing right in front of him.
I wanted to have more confidence in thinking that I was skilled at magic.
There had been no other magician around back in the village where I had lived with my teacher, so I didn"t know a thing about how my abilities measured. And everyone on the battlefield had only used the same types of spells.
In contrast to my growing pride, Alf was frowning with his brows furrowed.
"At this rate, I won"t be able to tell at all even if you decided to sneak out on me again, Lord Halka."
"……I won"t sneak out."
There was no way that I"d make the same mistake twice. I had already more than learned my lesson.
Perhaps Alf had been joking in his own way, as a wry smiled appeared on his face when he saw the bitter look on mine.
"Yes, I believe you."
What an unfair man. I really couldn"t sneak out now that he"d said that.
It felt like everyone had figured out how to treat me, and their unnecessary diffidence had gone away.
This very fact tickled me and made me happy.
*
I was met with a very strange scene when I checked in on Ricardo, my fellow knight and comrade, and peeked in on the break room that he used often. Ricardo"s features had collapsed as he gazed at a single box.
His att.i.tude was so bizarre that I observed the box carefully, only to find that it contained some kind of food. But —how should I say this—, the food inside the box was very plain, or rather, it was oozing with simplicity.
I ended up speaking my thoughts out loud.
"Have you grown bored of portable rations, Ricardo? You could have simply gone to the cafeteria if you wanted some proper food."
He turned to me with a th.o.r.n.y look in his eyes when I said this. The intimidation in his narrowed eyes was bad for my heart. I had apparently said the wrong thing.
I forced my brain to think in search of a way to better Ricardo"s mood. The reason for his displeasure was probably because I had spoken ill of his food. The unfamiliar food was too simple and shoddy to have been made by a chef. There was also a possibility that he had made it himself.
"Oh……whoops, it"s actually looks pretty good now that I"ve taken a closer look at it. Will you share some of it with me?"
"Shut up. Don"t you dare take a single bite of it. I"ll show you h.e.l.l if you do."
His standoffish response told me that I had said the wrong thing yet again. Someone had apparently made this food for him, judging from his response.
Ricardo picked up a piece of his food, which had been cut into pieces in a size that made it easy to hold, and brought it to his mouth. Then, the corners of his eyes relaxed and he smiled quietly to himself.
I started to have an inkling about who the maker of the food had been by how his mood had instantly cleared with just one bite.
"Who made that?"
"Someone precious to me."
Obviously. I didn"t know of any other reason why he would look so happy if that wasn"t the case. Was it the same person Ricardo had gone on a manhunt for the other day?
"What kind of person are they?"
"Let"s see……it"s someone I hold in high esteem."
Ricardo told me about this mysterious person with a light in his eyes that made him seem like a boy. He looked happier than I"d ever seen him when he was talking about this person.
I knew it.
The vague conjecture I"d had in my chest became more distinct until it finally became a conviction.
What he felt for this person was a feeling that was more precious, more arrogant, and more absolute than anything else. He continued,
"And he"s a very gallant and kind……man."
I fell into a moment of silence. I repeated the information that had just entered my eyes quietly in my heart.
And, just for good measure, I double-checked the definition of that word in my head as well. Unfortunately, I had not understood incorrectly.
"It"s a man?"
"Yes, he"s a man."
There was no hesitation in the words that Ricardo readily returned to me. He didn"t even see this as an obstacle. I was the only one present who was surprised by this shocking revelation.
Of course, there was no room for a third party to b.u.t.t in if the person in question had already overcome this fact.
In a panic, I decided that I had to convey at least what was important even though I was in a state of chaos.
"I"ll always be your ally no matter which direction you decide to swing."
I didn"t see how Ricardo had tilted his head to the side in confusion because I had turned away, unable to look him directly in the eyes.
"……I see."
"Yeah. Sorry, but I"ll be going now."
It looked like it would take me a bit of time to recover from this. I left the room while staggering against the wall.
Why would he choose to walk the path of thorns when his face meant that he was free to choose any flower as he pleased? Or, had he grown tired of the fairer s.e.x because of his own beauty? I had heard that many good-looking men preferred partners of their own s.e.x than the other.
To think that the object of Ricardo"s affections was another man. Had I been mistaken to act while only considering that the closest relationship he would have with another man was as friends?
No, Ricardo was not the type of person to pay such things any mind. He had probably fallen in love with this person regardless of their gender.
I let out the heavy sigh that had been building up in my chest as my feet carried me to the training grounds.
People would begin to hear the screams of the privates only shortly afterward.