TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of suicide.
The world revolves.
It is highly unpredictable, even within the blink of an eye.
That everything and anything will change.
That this thing called common sense is fleeting.
I was made to realize these truths long ago.
"Blaze unit, fire!!"
All of the magicians on the roof of the fortress released their fire magics together at the platoon leader"s voice. A brilliant light spread across the throng of enemy soldiers as if it was mowing them down. The soldiers from Heliot, the enemy nation, stepped back a little in fear of the flames, but they would likely press in on us again soon.
"We can"t go on like this,"
a magician in the prime of his life said in a voice only I could hear; so, in a similarly hushed tone, I replied,
"But most of the enemy troops that were sent out will be exhausted as long as we can defend this fortress. Let"s do our best."
"What"s this, you haven"t run away yet?"
He looked surprised as he said this, but I couldn"t blame him for it. Any magician with a certain amount of skill could easily change their appearance and flee the battlefield, so most of the magicians who remained were those who were lower-ranked. But there were still a few higher-ranked magicians with a strong sense of attachment to the kingdom who had stayed behind, like me.
"I don"t have anywhere else to go but Rolights."
When I said this, the magician next to me lost interest and only whispered, "That so?" and returned his gaze to the battlefield before us.
It was roughly six years ago, back when I used to be called what was known as a high school girl, when I came to this world from the world where my parents, who had named me "Haruka", resided.
When I first came to this world, in a complete daze because my world had suddenly changed, I saw a similarly dazed old man standing before me. I was still half in doubt when I determined that the old man was a magician, based on the dizzyingly complex magic circle that had been drawn on the ground and the robes that the old man was wearing. The elderly magician had taught me the language of this world, and when I finally mastered it, he had apologized to me while groveling at my feet.
"I"m so sorry. I made a mistake while invoking my magic. I can"t return you to your original world."
There was nothing that I could do about it since it was the caster, the very person who had drawn the magic circle, who had said this.
With little other choice, I asked the elderly magician, who lived on the frontier, to be my teacher and elected to walk the path of magic in order to survive. However, the time I got to spend with my teacher, Arold, who had already been in his twilight years when I first met him, was short.
One morning, I noticed that the old man had not gotten out of bed to greet the chilly mountain air. When I approached him with mixed feelings, I saw that his brows were slightly furrowed and his countenance was not at peace.
"So you"re leaving me behind."
He never replied.
I buried him in the forest after holding a small funeral for him in the village we lived in. The villagers accepted me, someone whose hair was a different color from theirs, without rejecting me. And so, I had thought to continue living quietly on my own in the house on the outskirts of the village that my teacher and I had lived in.
Even now, I am utterly perplexed as to why and how I ended up on the battlefield.
I hadn"t thought even in my wildest dreams that magicians would be forcefully conscripted into battle as specialists when the tides of war turned for the worse until soldiers had come knocking at my door.
What had made me even more nervous, however, was the disappointment on their faces when they saw me.
"A woman. ……Where is she even from?"
Like most of the general population, the soldiers who had visited me probably hadn"t known that magicians were capable of changing their gender. It was also then that I realized that my black hair made me markedly different from the rest of the people in this kingdom, whose hair color was much lighter than mine. I was also certain that, while magicians were stronger than the average person, I would be looked down upon for being a woman.
I had no choice but to depart for war, but not before using magic to disguise myself as a boy in an effort to not stand out as much as possible. I changed my appearance to that of a boy with reddish-brown eyes and hair, both of which were common in this kingdom.
And thus, I, who was once supposed to be a peaceful high school girl, was now currently standing right in the middle of the ravages of war.
There were no guns in this world, but there were swords and armor and magic instead. The weapons in this world may have differed from that of my original world"s, but war was still just as b.l.o.o.d.y and I was made to confront the raw reality in which the flesh on a person"s corpse would be eaten by rats and reduced to nothing but bones by the very next day.
Evidently, the war had initially broken out because of a trivial matter of trade that had to do with wheat, the staple food in this region.
The spark that caused the war had been but a trivial matter, but it caused negotiations to break down with the other nation, which had been eagerly awaiting an opportunity to expand her territory, and ultimately led to the beginning of war. Heliot probably never had any intention to settle things through words to begin with. The dense woodlands at the national border did little to hold back the enemy soldiers as they travelled far to invade us.
The battlefront was currently located at a fortress on a slightly elevated hill. A sea of trees was spread out in front of the fortress and the enemy troops continued to pour out from it in small waves. My main duty was to fire offensive magic at them in concert with the other magicians. We were told that the mortality rate would be low on the frontlines, but survival was never guaranteed on the battlefield.
I saw shadows wriggling underneath the dimming sky. I was certain that they were enemy soldiers, judging by how fearlessly they approached us.
"Fire!"
"Yessir!"
My allies" voices overlapped as we responded to the platoon leader"s command. As another chess piece, I, too, began chanting a lesser offensive and defensive spell. Magic was pa.s.sed down from teacher to disciple, and there were no schools to teach young magicians the basics. This was why we had to use lesser spells or easy intermediate spells like these to keep in line with each other when we were commanded to act as a group. For the most part, anyone could use simple spells like these even if it was outside of their field of expertise.
The scales of war were not currently tipped in my kingdom"s favor, and we were only able to maintain our ground because of the fortress. We had been in a stalemate, where both sides had advanced and retreated in turns, for easily over a week.
There was a gradual increase in the number of magicians amongst my comrades, who had been preserving their magic because we didn"t know how long the stalemate would last, who became so mentally cornered that they began to use flashier spells. You needed an extraordinary amount of patience in order to do something as simple as waiting when you were on the battlefield. I, too, was fighting back using only the barest minimum of magic possible in order to avoid wasting magic, but it was still difficult for me to keep myself from overreacting every time I saw more enemy soldiers in the distance.
Evening quickly changed into night and the chirping of insects began to echo around us. But it wasn"t as though we could rest easily just because the sun had gone down. We had to take turns keeping watch every few hours.
A sudden thunderous roar resounded when we had finally surrendered to the thought that this situation, where we were forced to remain in a state of high tension both day and night, would continue forever.
"The enemy! It"s the enemy!! Enemy soldiers are attacking from the cellars inside the south gate!!"
a lookout"s voice informed us of the situation.
When I looked down from the roof I was standing on over to the inside of the fortress in a hurry, I saw that a large hole had opened up not too far from where I was and that enemy soldiers were crawling out of it one after another.
The blood drained from everyone"s faces.
We had only been able to maintain the stalemate until now because we had the fortress. To think that our stronghold would crumble just like this.
A whistle blew through the darkness of night to inform us of the surprise attack.
"Don"t panic! Intercept them!"
The platoon leader who commanded the magicians" unit ordered us to fight back, but things broke down into a straight melee because the hole was too close to us.
The silver lining in the situation was that each magician was able to use any spell they favored because we had been preserving our magic. The unit of ordinary soldiers that had been stationed next to the magicians" unit also took up their bows and swords and fought for their lives to seal off the hole.
But my allies fell one by one in the midst of this surprise attack, which no one could have predicted.
The battlefield had become the very picture of h.e.l.l.
"AAaaAaahhh!"
Screams flew past each other as I fired an offensive spell at the enemy soldiers who were heading my way. I carved away several lives.
I had to figure out a way to seal off the large hole that the enemy soldiers were pouring out of. I climbed down the stairs with my allies around me and stood on the ground right beside the hole.
I dodged swords and desperately protected my own life for a while before finally realizing that all of my allies that had been standing near me had disappeared. They were all lying on the ground immobile.
I saw that the enemy soldiers that had come out of the ground had spread out in an effort to overrun the fortress. In the meanwhile, more soldiers continued to climb out of the hole in droves after the first wave had pa.s.sed.
"s.h.i.t!"
I screamed. But even my cursing failed to reach anyone.
Was I going to die, unknown to anyone, in a place like this?
If you were going to kill me, then you should have killed me the moment I first came to this world!
I cursed at the world or at G.o.d—at someone.
My departed teacher"s voice rang in my ears as death approached me.
——Imagination is the basis of all magic. It doesn"t matter how much magic you have, because most of it will be lost to you without a detailed imagination——
Then, what would happen if you had a clear image in your head?
The answer was simple. A clear imagination would allow you to bring about enormous effects with even the smallest bit of magic.
I had no more allies around me. What I was about to do was something I had taken from the laws of my old world.
Now, would I live, or would I die?
I imagined. I imagined that my magic had become minute particles that were scattered about around me. They scattered with the wind like fine powder. Each particle was composed of combustible magic.
And, once my magic had spread out far and wide, I set off a tiny spark of electricity.
A colossal explosion engulfed my surroundings a moment later.
The explosion blasted me away and I landed hard on my back.
My vision went dark and blurry despite that I had closed my eyes right as the explosion set off.
It felt like there was something off about my hearing too. I couldn"t hear anything except for the static noise that I knew wasn"t really there.
Even still, my eyes and ears returned to normal after I waited it out for a short while. And the scene that reflected before my eyes was the silence that I myself had brought about.
"Haha……is everyone dead?"
All of the enemy soldiers —and there had been so many— had died in the blast.
The hole that the enemy soldiers had been pouring out of was completely buried under the wreckage. There were probably more dead people inside of it. The hole, which they had dug to attack us with, had now become their grave.
This blast, which had been called a dust explosion in my original world, had fused with the mysteries of magic and become a deadly weapon. The only reason why I had survived while everyone else around me had died was because I had put up a barrier of compressed air to protect myself from the blast.
And even I had apparently broken a few ribs. I just didn"t feel any pain because my mind was so high on adrenaline.
I slowly got up and sluggishly moved away from the center of the explosion. I saw fewer enemy soldiers as I got farther away. In their stead, I saw my wounded allies wailing and quivering in pain and other ordinary soldiers who had not be caught up in the blast.
I was so relieved that they had survived.
I knelt down beside a young male soldier who had cried out near me. I saw that a broken sword had burrowed deep inside his stomach when I looked to where he had been pressing down against in abdomen in agony.
I desperately recalled how the human body was structured. Intelligent people, like doctors, could only be found in the rear lines. Only we, who were on the frontlines, could keep him alive until the medical squad arrived.
I steadied my resolve and imagined.
His cells divided and covered over his wound. They started from his back and regenerated and regenerated and regenerated.
I pulled out the broken sword just as the regeneration reached his stomach. It was a bit sloppy, but I"d finished giving him emergency aid for now.
The medical technology in my original may have been quite advanced, but I only had a high school student"s learning. I used magic to compensate for anything that I was unsure about.
I felt exhausted, as though I was carrying a heavy stone, just from healing one person, but I continued on to heal the next wounded soldier anyway.
He was missing an arm, so I imagined his blood vessels contracting to stop him from bleeding out. Then, I sanded down his bone with blades of wind until it was smooth and regenerated some skin to cover over the wound. I tried imagining immunity in the lieu of antibiotics, but I would only learn later whether it had been effective or not.
I moved on to the next person without a moment"s rest. This time, it was a soldier who had been burned by an enemy magician"s magic. I gathered clean water from the atmosphere and washed the wound. I made him drink some water so that he wouldn"t get dehydrated once I was done regenerating his skin and laid him down on his side.
Next was a soldier with many lacerations. After him was a soldier who had been shot by an arrow.
And next, and next, and next, …….
Magic ran through the people of this world like blood. It was one of the functions of the human body necessary for maintaining life. It was absolutely required for someone to have a surplus of magic in order for them to become a magician. I, however, had used up my surplus of magic. I continued to squeeze out my magic knowing fully well that using any more would put my life at risk.
I continued to heal a countless number of soldiers. As though I was trying to atone for the atrocity I had caused.
I whipped my staggering body forward and walked over to a lone young man who was sitting next to the wreckage. It looked like he was some sort of n.o.bility, judging by the armor and clothes he was wearing.
I had been going around healing people as I laid eyes on them, so he wasn"t the first soldier I"d seen who probably outranked me by so far that I likely didn"t even reach their feet in terms of social cla.s.s. I placed a hand on his armor in an effort to heal him just the same as I had the others. When I took it off of him, I saw that he had a large cut that started from his shoulder and reached down to his side. It looked like someone had slashed him through the armor with brute force with a battle axe or something.
Someone"s hand reached out and stopped mine as I tried to cast a healing spell on him.
"I"m……fine……. The others……"
The hand had belonged to the young man who had suffered the large gash.
"You"ve already lost a lot of blood. I can"t save you for later."
His blood had already trickled down to the earth beneath him. His was a foregone conclusion. Besides, all of the people who had wounds that were worse than his had already lost their lives. And yet, the young man still continued to refuse my hand.
"I"m……fine…like this."
I peered into his eyes only to realize that they were filled only with the color of resignation.
It was a blue color that had been crushed by despair and no longer held any hope for life.
I looked into his eyes, which were different from those of everyone else I had treated up until now, and came to a realization.
"You want to die, don"t you?"
This young man had come to the battlefield in search of a place to die.
The expressionless look on his face p.i.s.sed me off so much. I grew frustrated, as if I was taking out my anger on him.
Why did I have to kill so many people and save my allies?
Why was I made to stand on the battlefield? Here, in this kingdom that I hadn"t even been born in.
Everything about this situation p.i.s.sed me off. The young man sitting before me in self-satisfaction p.i.s.sed me off. Both my body and my mind were already way past their limits.
"Stop f.u.c.king around."
My feelings burst forth from my lips in the shape of words before I even realized. Right now, I didn"t have it in me to take our respective social cla.s.ses into consideration.
"The only people who are allowed to die here are those who fought to win and those who fought to protect. It"s not a place for a loser like you to die!!"
Even I had come to this battlefield without running away because I had feelings, however insignificant they may be, for this kingdom that my late teacher had loved. It would be too unrewarding for the heroes who had died protecting the kingdom if they were given the same treatment as someone who only wanted to kill themselves.
The young man opened his eyes wide, perhaps because he was surprised by my words. A faint light appeared in his blue eyes.
"If you still want to die after I"ve said all this, do you wanna make a bet? If I die, you can go home and commit suicide or whatever. But if I survive, I"ll get to pick up the life that you threw away. You will live for me, and you will die for me."
In either case, I wasn"t about to let him die here. The young man stared at me like he was eating into me. I didn"t know what kind of emotions were stirring in that head of his. Still, after a brief moment, he furrowed his brows and said,
"If I die, you mean?"
"I"m going to heal you, you fool. You won"t die."
I apparently looked hale and hearty to him. I had no real outer wounds to speak of, though I was so exhausted of magic that I couldn"t even stand up anymore, so he probably couldn"t tell at a first glance.
I healed him with a trembling hand now that he"d stopped resisting. My heart screamed as I squeezed out the magic of my life. My legs gave out from beneath me once I finished forcing myself to close his wounds all things despite.
I didn"t even have the strength to put in my arms to catch myself—none at all.
"Hey, are you all right?"
You must be pretty blind if you still think I"m alright after seeing me like this.
I didn"t even have it in me to crack back a joke. I felt death breathing down on the small fragment of life I could still feel.
I might really die. Jeez.
"Somebody! Somebody help him!!"
I heard the shaken young man cry out. My consciousness melted away into the darkness while feeling terribly good about the fact that I had brought about such rich emotions in the young man who had only had resignation inside of him.
*
My head felt heavy. It was the dull kind of heaviness that you"d normally feel after pulling an all-nighter. It looked like I had been laid down to rest somewhere. Based on the weight of the blanket covering me and the comfortable springiness at my back, I determined that was no longer in the fortress. When I opened my eyes, while being dazed by the blinding light, I found that I had been sleeping on a simple bed.
Where am I? At the very least, it looked like I wasn"t being treated like a prisoner of war. The window was too far from the bed for me to be able to see outside.
I clenched my abdomen as I tried to sit up, but my leaden body refused to budge. And so, I decided to try rolling out of bed instead.
However, I could only give up after finding out that I couldn"t raise my arms either. It was probably because I had used up too much of my magic.
Since I couldn"t move, I waited obediently in bed for around half an hour before a young woman opened the door and entered into the room. I asked her where I was in a hoa.r.s.e voice. She answered me quickly. The young woman, who was wearing work clothes that were easy to move around in, was someone who I would have called a nurse in my original world.
I was apparently in a hospital in a mid-sized city called Madia, which was slightly inland toward Rolights from the Hedalion Woodlands at the national border. It was a military hospital that was of a higher order than a field clinic.
Who had arranged this?
I tried to ask her, but she saw that my body still needed rest and promptly put me back to sleep. I was a little annoyed, but sleep stole me quickly away when I closed my eyes as I was told.
*
A doctor explained my condition to me when I next awoke. Apparently, the magic pores all over my body, which helped me release my magic, had been fried. I was currently in a state of fatigue because energy wasn"t circulating properly throughout my body.
It would take some time before I was able to use magic again, and I might not be able to use as much magic as I had before. Moreover, I couldn"t muster up much strength in my body itself and I might suffer from a weakened immune system as an aftereffect. I was told that the doctor couldn"t give me a definite prognosis because the time it took for someone to recover and to what degree they did varied from person to person.
It was a bit vague, but it was a diagnosis that I trusted more than simply being told that I would heal without any explanation. My future as a magician was put on jeopardy because my magic had been restricted, but I was still relatively better off having survived considering that I had nearly lost my life.
Those who had registered in the military had priority in the hospital, so it looked like I wouldn"t have to worry about getting kicked out of bed anytime soon. The fee for treating the wounds I had sustained in battle would be paid for by the kingdom, too.
Upon hearing this, I was relieved to know that I wouldn"t find myself in the worst possible situation of being thrown out to the streets in the near future. I was able to secure my life for the time being. And so, my heart regained a little bit of composure.
I wanted to ask about how the war was going, but the doctor had left in a hurry. I didn"t blame the doctor for it, though, since I was sure that the hospital was overflowing with sick and wounded soldiers even if I couldn"t see them.
I decided I would just ask the next nurse that came to see me, and sleep quickly beckoned my weakened body back into its lull. In any case, I wasn"t planning on hurting myself needlessly by forcing myself to get up.
And so, with little other choice, I accepted its call.
*
I lived while being confined to a bed for a while. I was gradually able to stay awake for longer periods of time, but I was constantly bored because I couldn"t move even when I managed to stay awake. It was so quiet that it felt like the tumult of war had all been just a dream.
Perhaps I was actually still on the battlefield seeing the illusion that people say you see in the brief moments before you die.
In contrast to my dreamlike waking reality, I began to see dreams of my past as I slept.
My comrade-in-arms, who had been standing beside me, lost his head and collapsed a moment later. He had been a kind person who had gotten along with me without making fun of me for taking the form of a boy. The scene changed whimsically instead of remaining fixed.
Next, a red bullet that I had shot out slaughtered a person like a hunted animal. The bullet burst like a water balloon and the person who had been hit stopped moving. The dreams always ended with the same scene. There was a blast and a thunderous roar, and then all I saw were the dead…….
I opened my eyes when I heard someone knocking on the door. In a cold sweat, I realized that I still looked like a boy and that I was still in the hospital. I had apparently dozed off in the afternoon sun before I"d even realized.
The nurse asked, "You were awake?" when I turned only my head to look over. She continued,
"Someone is here to see you."
She was asking me to decide whether I"d meet them or not. I asked for their name, but I had never heard of them before. I wondered if I knew of anyone who would ask after me in a place like this, but I couldn"t think up of anyone. I wasn"t even all that sociable to begin with.
But it wasn"t as though I could simply turn them away either, so I let them in without knowing who they were.
"Pardon my intrusion."
The person who had entered the room with a spring in his voice was a young man wearing a military uniform. He was a young man with dark brown hair and a charming visage. He gave me a deft salute with a nervous face that held the sharpness befitting that of someone from the military.
"I am Baska Marg, and I am a member of the second infantry unit of the Grutz regiment of the Grey Heron division! Thank you for the honor of granting me an audience with you!"
"Thank you very much for coming. I am Halka Glark, a member of the magician"s unit of the Galkhim regiment of the Black Hawk division. I"d like to return your salute, but please accept my apology for not doing so because I can"t move my body."
Sir Marg paled and shrank back when I replied to him with formality. Magicians were ranked one level higher than the average soldier because there were so few people who could take up the job. Still, though I was technically his superior officer, our respective ranks weren"t actually all that different. I looked to him curiously as I wondered why he was feeling so indebted to me.
"Not at all! Please, be at rest."
"In that case, I"ll happily oblige. And so……what brings you here today?"
"Yes!"
He straightened up his posture, took off his hat, and bowed to me respectfully. His next words reached my ears before I had the time to wonder what was going on.
"You saved my life on the battlefield the other day, Lord Glark. I couldn"t help but arrange to meet with you as soon as I heard that the person who saved my life was being treated at this hospital."
Then, with his head still bowed low, he took a deep breath and continued,
"It is only thanks to you, Lord Glark, that I am still alive today. Please allow me to express my grat.i.tude. ……Thank you very much."
His pure words resounded in my heart.
I was able to save his life, wasn"t I?
Thank goodness. I"m so, so glad.
I"d achieved more than just destruction on the battlefield. It wasn"t only death that had existed in that h.e.l.l.
"I"m grateful as well. Please, raise your head. I"m so glad that you"re alive,"
I said to him as I broke out into a smile. However, Sir Marg lowered his head yet again and his eyes were wet with tears.
"You can"t even move because you saved my life, Lord Glark, and yet here I am walking around fine like nothing"s ever happened. I"m so sorry that it feels like my body is being torn apart."
Ahh! It"s an honor to have saved the life of someone like you.
"No. ……No, Sir Marg. This is something I was prepared for the moment I stepped onto the battlefield. I healed you knowing that this could happen. So this is nothing for you to fret over."
Sir Marg wiped his tear-stained cheeks with his sleeve when he heard my words and a strong light shone in his eyes.
"If you, Lord Glark, say so, then it isn"t my place to argue otherwise. But please remember this. I will never forget this debt of grat.i.tude for as long as I live. Call for me whenever you are in need of a.s.sistance, Lord Glark, and I will come running to your side."
It was a solemn declaration. But, I was unable to accept everything he offered even as I heard his words and ended up nodding while feeling as though I had drawn a line between us.
"I understand. But let me tell you that there"s no need for you to be tied down by your words today. After all, your life is yours."
Sir Marg blinked slowly and nodded as though he was biting something back.
"All right."
After that, I had him tell me a few things about how the war was going. Apparently, Rolights had gained the upper hand after stopping the plan involving the cellar pa.s.sageway. Rumor had it that the higher-ups were planning to use our current favorable conditions to bring a cease-fire to the table.
The nurse returned for my regular check-ups once he had finished telling me this. Since we had just been about to wrap up the conversation anyway, Sir Marg said that it wouldn"t be good for my health if he stayed for too long and saluted me modestly.
"I will be praying for your swift recovery."
"You stay well too."
I watched his back as he retreated reluctantly with warm feelings in my heart.
*
More people came to see me for a few days after that. They were all soldiers whom I had treated before. I had been so absorbed in healing them at the time that I didn"t know how many people I had healed, but judging by the frequency of the visits, I had saved a lot more people than I had imagined.
They all came to give me their sincere thanks, though perhaps not to the same extent that Sir Marg had. I was very grateful for them.
I was told that I had yet another visitor today, and so, while I was still just as bedridden as ever, I at least tried to greet them with a more proper expression on my face.
"Pardon me."
The voice I heard was low and mature. Then, a single man opened the door and came into the room.
I was surprised by his appearance.
His hair shone like golden threads in the sun and his eyes were a cerulean like fair blue skies. His face was more well-featured that that of a statue"s, and his knightly ceremonial clothes, which had a white motif to them, looked so good on him that they could have been made just for him. On his waist was a single sword that was decorated beautifully in a manner that wouldn"t hinder practical use. He was so knightly in appearance that no picture of a knight could possibly represent one better. I think he was in his late twenties.
The rank of a knight was incorporated into the n.o.ble"s cla.s.s system, but they were also simultaneously the elites of the military. Not only did they serve as guards for royalty and the n.o.bility, but they also acted as brilliant commanders during times of war. As I was but a humble magician, he was far above my station.
I felt the tension in my face foolishly slip away in vain.
"Lord Halka Glark. My name is Ricardo Meltsars Bramdy."
The bow he gave me was an unparalleled bow that was the very epitome of elegance. His flowing movements, which were likely made in the n.o.bles" style, were highly refined.
I did my best to hide my outwardly uneasiness because it would be rude not to do something about my slackened countenance, but I was locked right in the middle of a storm of chaos on the inside.
Why had someone so n.o.ble come to visit me?
I recalled that I had once memorized the names of the n.o.bility on the battlefield so that I wouldn"t accidentally be impolite to any of them and called on that memory before I next spoke.
"I beg your pardon, but since you named yourself "Bramdy", may I take it that you belong to the house of an earl?"
"Yes. My father is an earl. My rank is that of a knight, as I am the third son of my house and am also enlisted in the military. It"s an honor that you know of my house."
He whose face was blessed by the heavens broke out into a smile. And just like that, the room was filled with a brilliance like vividly blooming flowers. Apparently, beautiful people could make others happy just by smiling.
So this is what "a feast for the eyes" means.
"So, what business brings you here, Lord Bramdy? Though I am not sure if one such as I can be of much use,"
I asked with confusion coloring my voice, and he shook his head no in return.
"No, Lord Glark. You have accomplished that which no other could do. Have you forgotten about how you saved my life?"
I looked at Lord Bramdy"s face. Had he really been among the soldiers whom I had healed? I hadn"t been in a normal state of mind back then, so it was entirely possible that I had missed him. Still, I felt like that would have remembered a face as well-featured as his.
Lord Bramdy looked disappointed when I tilted my head to the side in confusion.
"It looks like you don"t remember. ……I suppose there"s no helping it, since you were on the brink of death back then, Lord Glark."
Was he one of the people whom I had treated right before I collapsed?
Lord Bramdy looked distant for a moment before a pa.s.sionate light settled in his eyes, as if he had remembered what had happened when we had supposedly met.
"You stood undaunted on the battlefield and berated me encouragingly as my guiding light when I foolishly sat there wishing for death. My heart had never been shaken so much before."
There was only one person whom I remembered berating.
No way. Wait, what had he looked like again?
I felt like I hadn"t been able to tell because the young man from my memories had been covered in dirt and soot. A cold sweat ran down my back.
"I found life in the depths of your eyes, Lord Glark. I thought my heart would stop when you collapsed right before my eyes. I was the one who asked our reinforcements, who arrived shortly after, to treat you."
There was no mistaking it. He was the young man whom I had taken my anger out on at the very end. What have I done?
To think I had yelled at the third son of an earl. I might get thrown into prison. Wait, could it be possible for me to escape that fate since I had technically saved his life one way or another?
Wait, hold on a sec. Calm down.
Lord Bramdy was acting favorably toward me for now. It would be better to see what he did next, rather than to stir up a fuss and accidentally incur his displeasure.
"……I remembered, Lord Bramdy. How are your wounds?"
His face became radiant when I informed him that I remembered him. If I took his att.i.tude at face value, then it looked like he wasn"t here for revenge. But he was still a shrewd n.o.ble. My suspicions hadn"t been cleared yet.
"You stopped the bleeding, and I received medical treatment from a healer afterward, so there is nothing holding me back."
"Thank goodness."
Hearing that someone as insignificant as myself had been able to help someone else, even just a little, made me feel like I had been told that it was okay for me to remain in this society. Lord Bramdy stared at my face for some reason when I inadvertently relaxed the tension in my cheeks.
Was I making that strange of a face?
Lord Bramdy continued to stare at me for a little while until I realized that he was staring and cleared my throat quietly in bewilderment.
Then, he knelt by the side of my bed so that our eyes were level. I was sure that he held no malice toward me since he had been willing to let our eyes meet at the same level, but it made me feel like I had become the princess of a fairy tale or something.
I tried to beg him to stand back up, since I couldn"t have a knight with a higher social standing than mine kneeling before me, but Lord Bramdy cut me off before I could.
"You are the winner of our bet that we established before. You who were blessed by the G.o.ds of fortune. Please accept this as proof of your victory,"
Lord Bramdy said solemnly as he lowered his head in a knight"s bow. There was no doubt that he had not knelt so that our eye levels would match. His was the kind of bow a knight would give to their master.
I was horrified as I digested the meaning of Lord Bramdy"s words.
Our bet? What bet? A bed, a bath, a beth, a bet……a bet!?1
I finally had a dim recollection of my words from before that I had forgotten until now.
"If I die, you can go and commit suicide or whatever.
But if I survive, you will live for me, and you will die for me."
I recalled how arrogant and haughty I had been back then. What I fool I was. My hubris had been off the charts. What have I done?
"I can"t accept this!"
a stiff cry rang out from my mouth. I continued,
"For one person to control another……! I said something truly stupid back then. Please, use the life that you managed to keep for yourself!"
Lord Bramdy raised his head like it had been burst upward. Then, he grimly furrowed his brows in an expression of anger.
"I said this before. That I found life in the depths of your eyes, Lord Glark. Would you cast me aside even now that you understand the meaning of my words?"
I had never felt so strongly about anybody that I was willing to offer my everything to them. I doubted his sanity for feeling this way about me when he had only met me once before.
"Times pa.s.s and people change. What you"re speaking of now will pa.s.s like a momentary fever. And everything will grow dim when it does. I am but a lowly magician. Please reconsider this carefully."
I had offered him an extremely sensible opinion. Lord Bramdy, however, argued vehemently otherwise with his vexation laid bare.
"Why won"t you understand? I was so filled with joy back then!"
It was like I was talking to someone who didn"t understand what I was saying. My logical words had completely failed to reach his emotions.
I found myself terrified of Lord Bramdy for the first time since I"d known him.
He was not sane.
Lord Bramdy then gently took my right hand that had been resting on my bedsheets, perhaps because he felt my mind growing distant. I wanted to pull it back, but it wasn"t possible to do with my still weak and powerless arms.
"A knight is the lowest rank among the n.o.bility. And even then, it is a short-lived t.i.tle that lasts for only one generation. But, there is a certain special privilege that only knights are allowed to enjoy. It has since faded into obscurity and almost no one knows of it anymore, but knights are permitted to use a certain forbidden spell."
He smiled a bewitching smile once he had spoken. It was not the flowery smile that he had smiled earlier. It was one that was laced with sweet poison.
I had completely no idea what he was referring to, but I still felt an acute sense of foreboding nonetheless.
"Hear my oath, o hero of the heavens and sylph of the night.
"O phoenix before my eyes. I determine thy spirit to be my master unchanging for many months and years.
"If thy shed tears, then wipe out thy disgrace with my flesh and blood.
"It is my long-cherished desire that thou would be satisfied."
"What are you……!"
The sonorous words he was spinning together was unmistakably an incantation. Unlike magic, sorcery had many incantations that were frowned upon. This was because unlike spells, which employed magic, incantations used the caster"s feelings as an intermediary. And, depending on how the contents of the incantation balanced out, they put a heavy strain on the caster"s mind and body. So heavy in fact that sorcerers had to spend many years just to acquire incantations that would allow them to alleviate those effects.
It was not something to be used lightly.
"Please stop this!"
My screams were futile, and his ritual prayer continued.
"And now, as loud congratulations resound.
"I exchange this eternal vow."
A small shock ran through the tip of my finger on my right hand, which he was still holding.
He had bitten it.
Lord Bramdy"s golden eyelashes fluttered as he licked a bead of blood from my finger with great emotion. He lowered his cerulean eyes and kissed my fingers meticulously, though there was no way that it would"ve tasted good.
The entire scene was so picturesque that I forgot about everything and was captivated for a moment. It was so beautiful that I wanted to apologize for the fact that it was my right hand he was kissing.
But the delusion was broken in but an instant.
Something black, like little insects, began crawling out from Lord Bramdy"s lips after he drank my blood.
My breath caught and I froze up. Upon closer inspection, it looked like those little insects were actually some kind of writing. They poured out one after another and circled around the surface of his body in a line as if they were chains.
And there wasn"t only one or two. He was buried under an enormous number, like a thousand or ten thousand, of them, to the point that not even a single strand of his hair seemed to retain its original color.
His face was completed buried under the black writing. Even his eyes had been dyed black.
"Do you understand my feelings now?"
The blackness melted away at his innocently voiced words. His beautiful face returned as if nothing had happened at all.
"Exactly what did you just do, Lord Bramdy!?"
"Please relax. It isn"t anything that would put you at a disadvantage, Lord Glark. I simply made my body remember the name of my master."
I suddenly grew dizzy at how matter-of-factly his reply was. In other words, he was trying to force his servitude on me.
The writing from earlier had melted into his body and would likely continue to bind Lord Bramdy fgoing forward. Judging by the sheer amount of the writing there had been, I had no doubt that his incantation had been of the extremely compelling sort that would give him no choice but to obey my every command.
"Is there any way to undo the incantation?"
"There is not. It has already been lost to the pa.s.sage of time."
Is that really something you should be saying while grinning?
"Please call me Ricardo. I am your servant now, Lord Glark."
"……I would have done anything in my power to stop you from coming into this room had I known that you were this overbearing."
"In that case, I would have visited you as many times as it took before you let me in."
I could easily image him coming to visit me every day. Perhaps this was ultimately a fate I couldn"t escape.
I let out a rather long sigh.
The strong and st.u.r.dy string of fate that had been tied between Ricardo and myself was apparently something that could not be undone. Seeing that I couldn"t rewind time, I had no choice but to accept it, didn"t I?
"As you can see, Ricardo, I"m currently in a state where I can"t even move my body adequately. I might even stay this way for the rest of my life if things go poorly. I may even have to ask you to work like a manservant. Would you be my servant even still?"
"That"s exactly what I wish for."
His reply was immediate. There was no room to doubt his feelings even now. But I could still think up of a few problems. It was contradictory for a commoner master to have a n.o.ble servant no matter how much I thought about it.
I was sure that any third party would have a lot of say about this arrangement.
And what would his parents" household think? This would likely be considered as an extreme disadvantage for the house of an earl. I might even get killed if they thought I was too much of a nuisance. It was probably wise not to speak about this to anyone else.
And not only that, but there was an economic problem as well.
"I can"t pay a n.o.ble"s wages, you know……"
"I don"t mind. I"ve already played my hand in several business ventures. And I"ve entrusted them all to capable personnel, so please don"t worry about it."
We were operating on completely different scales. My worries on that front were unnecessary.
This was the first time in my life that I"d met such an obstinate human being. I had been completely defeated.
"Then, please call me Halka. Glark is the name I received from my teacher."
"Understood, Lord Halka."
I couldn"t help but think that our respective positions had been reversed as I watched him look up at me in glee.
*
I had always thought that someone like me was dead even after having been born.
A blessed appearance, a blessed birth.
I am sure that many people feel as though I am a blessed, chosen being, and I have, in fact, been told exactly as such countless times as I grew up.
But the truth was something different. My mother, who was my father"s mistress, died when I was young, and my father has shunned me continuously ever since.
I spent my days never being allowed to sit at the same table as the rest of my family during mealtimes and was railed at whenever I met with my father"s legal wife. Was mine really what people would call a "blessed" life?
None of the servants ever took my side. I learned at a tender age that they would not rescue me after the many repeats of them ignoring my plight whenever I looked to them for help.
Nothing had changed even after I had grown up. I met people who treated my kindly for the first time in my life after debuting in high society, but even they quickly left my side upon realizing that my father shunned me.
Even my elder brothers, whom I didn"t come into much contact with but were also the only people who never rejected me outright, began to look at me with the same eyes that my father did when their sweethearts became taken to my appearance and grew attracted to me.
I had never even spoken to them. But my explanations never reached my brothers" ears.
Finally having lost any semblance of a place to belong, I decided to become a knight so I could leave the household.
Life outside of my household was quiet and well, but the insides of my heart had frozen solid.
n.o.body wanted me. They were only drawn to my accursed appearance. The bias never washed away, and I lived my days with many but superficial relationships with others. But I eventually lost interest in that as well.
Then, the kingdom"s affairs turned for the worse and I applied for the frontlines without a moment"s hesitation when war broke out with Heliot. I had felt as though it was time for me to die.
But my life, which I had thought would finally end, persistently clung to the side of the living. I fought endlessly in the increasingly tempestuous battlefield.
The turning point came from somewhere I had least expected it.
I had felt the oncoming defeat and my oncoming end when a hole had suddenly opened up inside of the fortress one day. But a colossal flash of light mowed it all down just as I welcomed it with relief. I had no idea what had happened.
I longed for death on one hand, and had thought to carry out my duties of protecting the kingdom as a knight, and I vaguely wondered if someone had carried out that duty in my stead.
My body had already been wounded heavily by then, and death was only just out of my reach. I leaned against the wreckage and simply waited for it to claim me.
Then, something I wasn"t used to seeing entered my line of sight as I sat there. It was a boy magician.
I realized that he was an extraordinarily skilled healer after following him, who was remarkably conspicuous among the other brawny men on the battlefield, with my eyes on a whim. The boy healed many people even as he himself was unsteady on his feet, and his treatment was rather precise.
The boy finally finished healing everyone else in the area and came before me. He had reddish brown hair and eyes, and seemed to have completely adapted to the environment despite seeming a little too young to be on the battlefield. When he drew closer, I saw that he had horribly dark circles under his eyes and that he was obviously and utterly exhausted.
I stopped the boy"s hand when he reached toward me to cast a spell.
"I"m……fine……. The others……"
I was the only one left with serious wounds, but there were still many people who were otherwise hurt.
When I stopped the boy again after he resolutely told me that he couldn"t save me for later, he discerned my true desires.
"You want to die, don"t you?"
It was exactly as he"d said.
The fires of fury lit in his eyes as he glared at me.
"Stop f.u.c.king around."
The flames in his eyes changed into wrath in but a moment. He still had a bit of a babyface, but the expression he wore was that of a mature adult"s. I was enchanted by the intensity of the flames in his eyes before I even knew it.
"The only people who are allowed to die here are those who fought to win and those who fought to protect."
His th.o.r.n.y words pierced through my heart one by one. I caught glimpses of the light of life itself in the flames of his eyes.
So this is life. Death is what happens when this disappears. Which means that death is not what was coming for me.
It was simply annihilation.
"It"s not a place for a loser like you to die!!"
I could not think of anything to say in my reb.u.t.tal. There were corpses strewn about all around us.
There was no doubt that each and every one of them were the end of those who had burned bright with the fires of life like the boy until mere moments ago. Even the bodies that I had sensed nearby were existences which I could not even hope to reach the feet of.
The boy continued to rage at me as I looked back at him in blank amazement.
"If you still want to die after I"ve said all this, do you wanna make a bet? If I die, you can go home and commit suicide or whatever. But if I survive, I"ll get to pick up the life that you threw away. You will live for me, and you will die for me."
For him.
It was nonsense that I would have never even entertained under any normal circ.u.mstances. But, at the moment, those words seemed like the most sacred things in the world to me.
My heart boiled with excitement. How happy I would be if I was able to live alongside that light.
My meaning, my existence.
If he wanted me……!
I forgot what sort of person I was at that moment. I was only Ricardo, and I held such adoration for the person before me that I could have prostrated myself at his feet. But a sudden question crossed my heart just as I was about to carry out the act.
"If I die, you mean?"
"I"m going to heal you, you fool. You won"t die."
The flames that had lit in his eyes just moments ago vanished and he laughed while looking like an ordinary boy again.
His laughter was so innocent I could hardly believe we were still on the battlefield. Just what kind of heart did he possess that he could laugh like this?
The boy healed my wounds. I no longer had any desire to shake him off.
The effects of his treatment were dramatic, and I felt with my own body that he was indeed a caster of exceptional skill.
But then, his body lurched heavily just as he finished healing me.
It looked like he had tried to support himself with his arms, but his arms were weak and he collapsed.
"Hey, are you all right?"
I peered into the boy"s face as uneasiness took root in my heart for the first time. He opened his mouth like he was trying to say something, but then he stopped moving altogether.
I held him up in a panic only to find that his breathing was weak.
Why hadn"t I noticed this until now? He was already so weakened!
His life was on the brink of extinguishing like the fleeting flames of a candle flickering in the wind. He was about to become one of the many corpses around us.
I fiercely wished that he would not leave me behind. I learned that he was what I had always longed for as his death crept closer before my eyes.
"Somebody! Somebody help him!!"
I called out in what was almost a scream and searched for someone who could treat him but found no one. He had been the only person in the vicinity who could heal others.
A soldier from nearby saw his face and began shouting as I held him in my arms, wallowing in despair.
"It"s him……! I saw him! He"s the one who made that explosion!!"
Shock coursed through my body like thunder.
The boy stole the attention of all of the other soldiers around me too. To think that the person who had exercised such colossal magic was this helpless boy in my arms.
And not only that, but he had also continued to heal so many people even after that spell. His was the kind of achievement that would have him remembered in the history books as a great magician.
He couldn"t be lost. No matter what.
I wrapped up his body more carefully than I would have any other jewel. Then, I kept a close ear on the faint beating of his heart until the reinforcements came.
↑ The word bet (賭) in j.a.panese is p.r.o.nounced kake. Because j.a.panese is a language with many, many h.o.m.ophones, Haruka is initially unsure of which kake Ricardo is referring to. She lists a bunch of different words that are p.r.o.nounced kake before she lands on the correct one.
The exact line from the j.a.panese raws goes as follows: かけ書け欠け駆け賭……賭!? (Kake kake kake kake kake……kake!?).
A more literal translation would be: "Kake, to write, a fragment, to run, a bet……a bet!?"