2.
Eddie ordered a gin and tonic-maybe not such a good idea to be going into New York Customs drunk, and he knew once he got started he would keep on going-but he had to have something. something.
When you got to get down and you can"t find the elevator, Henry had told him once, Henry had told him once, you got to do it any way you can. Even if it"s only with a shovel. you got to do it any way you can. Even if it"s only with a shovel.
Then, after he"d given his order and the stewardess had left, he started to feel like he was maybe going to vomit. Not for sure for sure going to vomit, only maybe, but it was better to be safe. Going through Customs with a pound of pure cocaine under each armpit with gin on your breath was not so good; going through Customs that way with puke drying on your pants would be disaster. So better to be safe. The feeling would probably pa.s.s, it usually did, but better to be safe. going to vomit, only maybe, but it was better to be safe. Going through Customs with a pound of pure cocaine under each armpit with gin on your breath was not so good; going through Customs that way with puke drying on your pants would be disaster. So better to be safe. The feeling would probably pa.s.s, it usually did, but better to be safe.
Trouble was, he was going cool turkey. Cool, Cool, not cold. More words of wisdom from that great sage and eminent junkie Henry Dean. not cold. More words of wisdom from that great sage and eminent junkie Henry Dean.
They had been sitting on the penthouse balcony of the Regency Tower, not quite on the nod but edging toward it, the sun warm on their faces, done up so good... back in the good old days, when Eddie had just started to snort the stuff and Henry himself had yet to pick up his first needle.
Everybody talks about going cold turkey, Henry had said, Henry had said, but before you get there, you gotta go cool turkey. but before you get there, you gotta go cool turkey.
And Eddie, stoned out of his mind, had cackled madly, because he knew exactly what Henry was talking about. Henry, however, had not so much as cracked a smile.
In some ways cool turkey"s worse than cold turkey, Henry said. Henry said. At least when you make it to cold turkey, you KNOW you"re gonna puke, you KNOW you"re going to shake, you KNOW you"re gonna sweat until it feels like you"re drowning in it. Cool turkey is, like, the curse of expectation. At least when you make it to cold turkey, you KNOW you"re gonna puke, you KNOW you"re going to shake, you KNOW you"re gonna sweat until it feels like you"re drowning in it. Cool turkey is, like, the curse of expectation.
Eddie remembered asking Henry what you called it when a needle-freak (which, in those dim dead days which must have been all of sixteen months ago, they had both solemnly a.s.sured themselves they would never become) got a hot shot.
You call that baked baked turkey, turkey, Henry had replied promptly, and then had looked surprised, the way a person does when he"s said something that turned out to be a lot funnier than he actually thought it would be, and they looked at each other, and then they were both howling with laughter and clutching each other. Baked turkey, pretty funny, not so funny now. Henry had replied promptly, and then had looked surprised, the way a person does when he"s said something that turned out to be a lot funnier than he actually thought it would be, and they looked at each other, and then they were both howling with laughter and clutching each other. Baked turkey, pretty funny, not so funny now.
Eddie walked up the aisle past the galley to the head, checked the sign-VACANT-and opened the door.
Hey Henry, o great sage & eminent junkie big brother, while we"re on the subject of our feathered friends, you want to hear my definition of cooked goose? That"s when the Customs guy at Kennedy decides there"s something a little funny about the way you look, or it"s one of the days when they got the dogs with the PhD noses out there instead of at Port Authority and they all start to bark and pee all over the floor and it"s you they"re all just about strangling themselves on their choke-chains trying to get to, and after the Customs guys toss all your luggage they take you into the little room and ask you if you"d mind taking off your shirt and you say yeah I sure would I"d mind like h.e.l.l, I picked up a little cold down in the Bahamas and the air-conditioning in here is real high and I"m afraid it might turn into pneumonia and they say oh is that so, do you always sweat like that when the air-conditioning"s too high, Mr. Dean, you do, well, excuse us all to h.e.l.l, now do it, and you do it, and they say maybe you better take off the t-shirt too, because you look like maybe you got some kind of a medical problem, buddy, those bulges under your pits look like maybe they could be some kind of lymphatic tumors or something, and you don"t even bother to say anything else, it"s like a center-fielder who doesn"t even bother to chase the ball when it"s. .h.i.t a certain way, he just turns around and watches it go into the upper deck, because when it"s gone it"s gone, so you take off the t-shirt and hey, looky here, you"re some lucky kid, those aren"t tumors, unless they"re what you might call tumors on the might call tumors on the corpus corpus of society, yuk-yuk-yuk, those things look more like a couple of baggies held there with Scotch strapping tape, and by the way, don"t worry about that smell, son, that"s just goose. It"s cooked. of society, yuk-yuk-yuk, those things look more like a couple of baggies held there with Scotch strapping tape, and by the way, don"t worry about that smell, son, that"s just goose. It"s cooked.
He reached behind him and pulled the locking k.n.o.b. The lights in the head brightened. The sound of the motors was a soft drone. He turned toward the mirror, wanting to see how bad he looked, and suddenly a terrible, pervasive feeling swept over him: a feeling of being watched.
Hey, come on, quit it, he thought uneasily. he thought uneasily. You"re supposed to be the most unparanoid guy in the world. That"s why they sent you. That"s why- You"re supposed to be the most unparanoid guy in the world. That"s why they sent you. That"s why- But it suddenly seemed those were not his own eyes in the mirror, not Eddie Dean"s hazel, almost-green eyes that had melted so many hearts and allowed him to part so many pretty sets of legs during the last third of his twenty-one years, not his eyes but those of a stranger. Not hazel but a blue the color of fading Levis. Eyes that were chilly, precise, unexpected marvels of calibration. Bombardier"s eyes.
Reflected in them he saw-clearly saw-a seagull swooping down over a breaking wave and s.n.a.t.c.hing something from it.
He had time to think What in G.o.d"s name is What in G.o.d"s name is this this s.h.i.t? s.h.i.t? and then he knew it wasn"t going to pa.s.s; he was going to throw up after all. and then he knew it wasn"t going to pa.s.s; he was going to throw up after all.
In the half-second before he did, in the half-second he went on looking into the mirror, he saw those blue eyes disappear... but before that happened there was suddenly the feeling of being two people... of being possessed, possessed, like the little girl in like the little girl in The Exorcist. The Exorcist.
Clearly he felt a new mind inside his own mind, and heard a thought not as his own thought but more like a voice from a radio: I"ve come through. I"m in the sky-carriage.
There was something else, but Eddie didn"t hear it. He was too busy throwing up into the basin as quietly as he could.
When he was done, before he had even wiped his mouth, something happened which had never happened to him before. For one frightening moment there was nothing-only a blank interval. As if a single line in a column of newsprint had been neatly and completely inked out.
What is this? Eddie thought helplessly. Eddie thought helplessly. What the h.e.l.l is this s.h.i.t? What the h.e.l.l is this s.h.i.t?
Then he had to throw up again, and maybe that was just as well; whatever you might say against it, regurgitation had at least this much in its favor: as long as you were doing it, you couldn"t think of anything else.
3.
I"ve come through. I"m in the sky-carriage, the gunslinger thought. And, a second later: the gunslinger thought. And, a second later: He sees me in the mirror! He sees me in the mirror!
Roland pulled back-did not leave but pulled back, like a child retreating to the furthest corner of a very long room. He was inside the sky-carriage; he was also inside a man who was not himself. Inside The Prisoner. In that first moment, when he had been close to the front the front (it was the only way he could describe it), he had been more than inside; he had almost (it was the only way he could describe it), he had been more than inside; he had almost been been the man. He felt the man"s illness, whatever it was, and sensed that the man was about to retch. Roland understood that if he needed to, he could take control of this man"s body. He would suffer his pains, would be ridden by whatever demon-ape rode him, but if he needed to he the man. He felt the man"s illness, whatever it was, and sensed that the man was about to retch. Roland understood that if he needed to, he could take control of this man"s body. He would suffer his pains, would be ridden by whatever demon-ape rode him, but if he needed to he could. could.
Or he could stay back here, unnoticed.
When the prisoner"s fit of vomiting had pa.s.sed, the gunslinger leaped forward-this time all the way to the front. the front. He understood very little about this strange situation, and to act in a situation one does not understand is to invite the most terrible consequences, but there were two things he needed to know-and he needed to know them so desperately that the needing outweighed any consequences which might arise. He understood very little about this strange situation, and to act in a situation one does not understand is to invite the most terrible consequences, but there were two things he needed to know-and he needed to know them so desperately that the needing outweighed any consequences which might arise.
Was the door he had come through from his own world still there?
And if it was, was his physical self still there, collapsed, untenanted, perhaps dying or already dead without his self"s self to go on unthinkingly running lungs and heart and nerves? Even if his body still lived, it might only continue to do so until night fell. Then the lobstrosities would come out to ask their questions and look for sh.o.r.e dinners.
He snapped the head which was for a moment his his head around in a fast backward glance. head around in a fast backward glance.
The door was still there, still behind him. It stood open on his own world, its hinges buried in the steel of this peculiar privy. And, yes, there he lay, Roland, the last gunslinger, lying on his side, his bound right hand on his stomach.
I"m breathing, Roland thought. Roland thought. I"ll have to go back and move me. But there are things to do first. Things... I"ll have to go back and move me. But there are things to do first. Things...
He let go of the prisoner"s mind and retreated, watching, waiting to see if the prisoner knew he was there or not.
4.
After the vomiting stopped, Eddie remained bent over the basin, eyes tightly closed.
Blanked there for a second. Don"t know what it was. Did I look around?
He groped for the faucet and ran cool water. Eyes still closed, he splashed it over his cheeks and brow.
When it could be avoided no longer, he looked up into the mirror again.
His own eyes looked back at him.
There were no alien voices in his head.
No feeling of being watched.
You had a momentary fugue, Eddie, the great sage and eminent junkie advised him. the great sage and eminent junkie advised him. A not uncommon phenomenon in one who is going cool turkey. A not uncommon phenomenon in one who is going cool turkey.
Eddie glanced at his watch. An hour and a half to New York. The plane was scheduled to land at 4:05 EDT, but it was really going to be high noon. Showdown time.
He went back to his seat. His drink was on the divider. He took two sips and the stew came back to ask him if she could do anything else for him. He opened his mouth to say no... and then there was another of those odd blank moments.
5.
"I"d like something to eat, please," the gunslinger said through Eddie Dean"s mouth.
"We"ll be serving a hot snack in-"
"I"m really starving, though," the gunslinger said with perfect truthfulness. "Anything at all, even a popkin-"
"Popkin?" the army woman frowned at him, and the gunslinger suddenly looked into the prisoner"s mind. Sandwich Sandwich... the word was as distant as the murmur in a conch sh.e.l.l.
"A sandwich, even," the gunslinger said.
The army woman looked doubtful. "Well... I have some tuna fish..."
"That would be fine," the gunslinger said, although he had never heard of tooter fish in his life. Beggars could not be choosers.
"You do do look a little pale," the army woman said. "I thought maybe it was air-sickness." look a little pale," the army woman said. "I thought maybe it was air-sickness."
"Pure hunger."
She gave him a professional smile. "I"ll see what I can rustle up."
Russel? the gunslinger thought dazedly. In his own world the gunslinger thought dazedly. In his own world to russel to russel was a slang verb meaning to take a woman by force. Never mind. Food would come. He had no idea if he could carry it back through the doorway to the body which needed it so badly, but one thing at a time, one thing at a time. was a slang verb meaning to take a woman by force. Never mind. Food would come. He had no idea if he could carry it back through the doorway to the body which needed it so badly, but one thing at a time, one thing at a time.
Russel, he thought, and Eddie Dean"s head shook, as if in disbelief. he thought, and Eddie Dean"s head shook, as if in disbelief.
Then the gunslinger retreated again.
6.
Nerves, the great oracle and eminent junkie a.s.sured him. the great oracle and eminent junkie a.s.sured him. Just nerves. All part of the cool turkey experience, little brother. Just nerves. All part of the cool turkey experience, little brother.
But if nerves was what it was, how come he felt this odd sleepiness stealing over him-odd because he should have been itchy, ditsy, feeling that urge to squirm and scratch that came before the actual shakes; even if he had not been in Henry"s "cool turkey" state, there was the fact that he was about to attempt bringing two pounds of c.o.ke through U.S. Customs, a felony punishable by not less than ten years in federal prison, and he seemed to suddenly be having blackouts as well.
Still, that feeling of sleepiness.
He sipped at his drink again, then let his eyes slip shut.
Why"d you black out?
I didn"t, or she"d be running for all the emergency gear they carry.
Blanked out, then. It"s no good either way. You never blanked out like that before in your life. out, then. It"s no good either way. You never blanked out like that before in your life. Nodded Nodded out, yeah, but never out, yeah, but never blanked blanked out. out.
Something odd about his right hand, too. It seemed to throb vaguely, as if he had pounded it with a hammer.
He flexed it without opening his eyes. No ache. No throb. No blue bombardier"s eyes. As for the blank-outs, they were just a combination of going cool turkey and a good case of what the great oracle and eminent et cetera would no doubt call the smuggler"s blues.
But I"m going to sleep, just the same, he thought. he thought. How "bout that? How "bout that?
Henry"s face drifted by him like an untethered balloon. Don"t worry, Don"t worry, Henry was saying. Henry was saying. You"ll be all right, little brother. You fly down there to Na.s.sau, check in at the Aquinas, there"ll be a man come by Friday night. One of the good guys. He"ll fix you, leave you enough stuff to take you through the weekend. Sunday night he brings the c.o.ke and you give him the key to the safe deposit box. Monday morning you do the routine just like Balazar said. This guy will play; he knows how it"s supposed to go. Monday noon you fly out, and with a face as honest as yours, you"ll breeze through Customs and we"ll be You"ll be all right, little brother. You fly down there to Na.s.sau, check in at the Aquinas, there"ll be a man come by Friday night. One of the good guys. He"ll fix you, leave you enough stuff to take you through the weekend. Sunday night he brings the c.o.ke and you give him the key to the safe deposit box. Monday morning you do the routine just like Balazar said. This guy will play; he knows how it"s supposed to go. Monday noon you fly out, and with a face as honest as yours, you"ll breeze through Customs and we"ll be eating steak in Sparks before the sun goes down. It"s gonna be a breeze, little brother, nothing but a cool breeze. eating steak in Sparks before the sun goes down. It"s gonna be a breeze, little brother, nothing but a cool breeze.
But it had been sort of a warm breeze after all.
The trouble with him and Henry was they were like Charlie Brown and Lucy. The only difference was once in awhile Henry would hold onto the football so Eddie could could kick it-not often, but once in awhile. Eddie had even thought, while in one of his heroin dazes, that he ought to write Charles Schultz a letter. kick it-not often, but once in awhile. Eddie had even thought, while in one of his heroin dazes, that he ought to write Charles Schultz a letter. Dear Mr. Schultz, Dear Mr. Schultz, he would say. he would say. You"re missing a bet by ALWAYS having Lucy pull the football up at the last second. She ought to hold it down there once in awhile. Nothing Charlie Brown could ever predict, you understand. Sometimes she"d maybe hold it down for him to kick three, even four times in a row, then nothing for a month, then once, and then nothing for three or four days, and then, you know, you get the idea. That would REALLY f.u.c.k the kid up, wouldn"t it? You"re missing a bet by ALWAYS having Lucy pull the football up at the last second. She ought to hold it down there once in awhile. Nothing Charlie Brown could ever predict, you understand. Sometimes she"d maybe hold it down for him to kick three, even four times in a row, then nothing for a month, then once, and then nothing for three or four days, and then, you know, you get the idea. That would REALLY f.u.c.k the kid up, wouldn"t it?
Eddie knew knew it would really f.u.c.k the kid up. it would really f.u.c.k the kid up.
From experience he knew it.
One of the good guys, Henry had said, but the guy who showed up had been a sallow-skinned thing with a British accent, a hairline moustache that looked like something out of a 1940"s Henry had said, but the guy who showed up had been a sallow-skinned thing with a British accent, a hairline moustache that looked like something out of a 1940"s film noire, film noire, and yellow teeth that all leaned inward, like the teeth of a very old animal trap. and yellow teeth that all leaned inward, like the teeth of a very old animal trap.
"You have the key, Senor? Senor?" he asked, except in that British public school accent it came out sounding like what you called your last year of high school.
"The key"s safe," Eddie said, "if that"s what you mean."
"Then give it to me."
"That"s not the way it goes. You"re supposed to have something to take me through the weekend. Sunday night you"re supposed to bring me something. I give you the key. Monday you go into town and use it to get something else. I don"t know what, "cause that"s not my business."
Suddenly there was a small flat blue automatic in the sallow-skinned thing"s hand. "Why don"t you just give it to me, Senor? Senor? I will save time and effort; you will save your life." I will save time and effort; you will save your life."
There was deep steel in Eddie Dean, junkie or no junkie. Henry knew it; more important, Balazar knew it. That was why he had been sent. Most of them thought he had gone because he was hooked through the bag and back again. He knew it, Henry knew it, Balazar, too. But only he and Henry knew he would have gone even if he was as straight as a stake. For Henry. Balazar hadn"t got quite that far in his figuring, but f.u.c.k Balazar.
"Why don"t you just put that thing away, you little scuzz?" Eddie asked. "Or do you maybe want Balazar to send someone down here and cut your eyes out of your head with a rusty knife?"
The sallow thing smiled. The gun was gone like magic; in its place was a small envelope. He handed it to Eddie. "Just a little joke, you know."
"If you say so."
"I see you Sunday night."
He turned toward the door.