Even though life might be tortuous, all of us would require to bare the hardships. We would fall, die of grief, or we would want to refrain ourselves as the thought of going on further would be overly painful. Nevertheless, from those moments, we would learn to savour the ones made of eternal joy, which one day would come and save us from the wall of darkness built within our fragile minds, or at least, it would be what they wanted us to believe, a cycle of sorrow and bliss, which some of us must go through.I was still waiting for my moment, a little infinity of happiness which would have finally made me realise why my life should be worth living, there would not be a need to surrender, as my own eyes discovered the wonderful changes this world would have brought me.
Lately, I had been fascinated by anything which to the invisible eye could be no more than ordinary, still, when I witnessed a bird out of the window, I realised how, despite its wings being weakened from birth, it would have sought various ways to fly, compared to its more fortunate and skilled friends, as it would not have given up on the obstacles its path presented it with.
I would be lying if I said I could not understand the agony which the bird must be in, my wings were still broken, as I waited for them to be healed if they could ever be. I simply wished to fly and one of these days I might be able to, while each of my past obstacles would be left on the ground, as I forgot the sorrow my existence chained me in and finally broke free from the cycle which imprisoned me.
I turned my head and felt the spit of Ms Brown on my left eye, "Ms Wilson, why are you still not listening?" she asked.
"I was, Ms Brown."
"Why does it always have to be you? Even on your last day of school, you"re unable to pay attention," she said as she folded her arms nervously.
I could not care less what she was lecturing me about, today would have been different, or at least it was what I hoped for from the beginning of this year. She looked at me as she smacked the desk with inhumane force, "you need to listen, Miss Wilson," she said as she grabbed my arm. I could feel her nails pressing into my skin, as a sword would pierce through the bare flesh. "Everyone must stay seated while I am out, if anyone of you is not glued to their chairs once I am back, you will have the same consequences or worse."
I could still smell her rancid breath through my nostrils as she took me outside frantically. She was not bothered if she would have broken my arm with her brutal force as we walked through the hall. It seemed as it was never ending, she remained quiet until she immediately halted her pace.
"Enter the room, now!" she shouted.
"Ms Kapler"s room? I don"t understand."
"Kirsten will know what to do with you."
I entered the counsellor"s room knowing already what might have happened in the next half an hour or so. I took a big breath, as I prepared myself mentally for this fight.
"Ms Kapler," I whispered.
She did not hear me, of course, who could have with such a soundless voice. I needed to repeat to myself how it was going to be over soon, or I could have escaped as I would have jumped from the oval transparent window which was beside me. I was not even afraid of her, I just could not be bothered to listen to any of her scoldings.
"Sarah, are you going to speak? Or do you want to stay mute for the rest of the day?" she abruptly asked.
She kept scrutinizing me as she read her notes on her small pearl notebook. I could have only guessed what was written inside it, how much of an ignorant child I was or whether I should have been expelled as I did not adhere with their methods.
"Do you know why you are here?" she asked.
"I was momentarily dozing off, last time I checked it wasn"t a crime," I said.
"We know what is happening at home, but you should know this does not excuse your behaviour."
"What is the big deal?"
"You"ve been missing weeks of school, you haven"t paid attention, you had fights with other cla.s.smates."
"They have been instigating me."
"You were a straight A student, and now we don"t even know if it"s in your best interest to pa.s.s the year."
"Or what? Stay here for another year? h.e.l.l no!" I shouted.
"Sarah, your language!" she said, as she quickly smacked the table, "everyone has problems, but they make the best for themselves, they don"t ruin their lives."
"What should I say? What do you want me to say?"
"Sarah, do you have any thoughts of what you want to do in the future?"
"I still don"t know! I"m sixteen, I don"t have an answer, I don"t even know what I"m going to do today."
"People at your age experiment, they see what their right path could be, it seems as you don"t even care about living anymore."
"Precisely, what should I care about? Going to university, a big family or being popular?"
"Anything Sarah would make you-"
"Would make me someone who contributes in this hypocritical society, not the parasite which I"m becoming."
"You are old enough now, people outside of this school won"t care what problem you might be facing."
"They don"t even care here, it wouldn"t be a huge surprise if I was left alone."
"They do, but people outside will be harsher. You can choose to stop everything you love, whine because your life is not turning out like you wanted it to, or you can choose to be strong and find something which can benefit you and the society you live in."
"I don"t want to be like everyone else on this planet and I don"t care what people will think of me, or the choices I make."
"You"ll understand with time what my words meant. For now, you"ll go to room 114."
"Detention?" I asked in disbelief.
"This is a Catholic private school, meaning we don"t condemn bad behaviour."
"What about this year?"
"You will pa.s.s the year, hoping this will give you the chance to make the right choice."
She never knew anything about me or of my life, I would not conform to their perfect normality, a family, or end up searching an existence which I could never realise. Some people were simply more fortunate than others, opportunities which were beyond what I could achieve. For some of us, the moment we were brought to life, the path we might endure could be dreadful, so which life should I be aspiring for?
"Sarah," a voice echoed through the walls, as I felt my brain being hammered repeatedly.
"Who is talking?" I asked even though, no one was in the aisle. It must have been Hayley again with one of her nonsensical jokes.
"Sarah, come," the voice hammered in my head yet again.
The girl was not Hayley, she was beautiful with long blonde hair, collected in a ponytail and green eyes which made me feel as if I was blinded by the sun.
"Who are you?" I asked.
She immediately smiled at me and started running, "follow me," she shouted, while I was trying to catch up to her.
She stood still, close to the swimming pool, while her body did not move an inch. She instantly vanished, I could not see her anywhere, but as I turned my gaze, I felt a breath on my neck, was it a ghost?
"Turn around," she said in a calm voice.
"What are you?" I asked.
"What do you think?"
"A ghost? No, it can"t be, but then how did you vanish?"
"Don"t you remember? You should wake up," she said, as she took my arm. My body was forcibly pushed into the pool, I tried moving my feet, but they seemed stuck, unable to swim, how much water would I have swallowed by now?
"Breathe Sarah!" she screamed.
How? I would be incapable of breathing, I could not even move properly.
"I feel it, it will happen before the night comes," she whispered, as she vanished once again in front of my eyes.
I could still hear some voices echoing out of the water.
"Robert, take her out," Hayley said, as her voice seemed shaken.
Robert came to my rescue, I could see his blurred image as the water of the pool made my eyes burn, I felt drowsy as my lungs were filling with water. I thought this might have been the end, I might be going insane, I could see people who were not real. Perhaps faith brought me into this world to suffer as the bird I encountered, even though it had the will to live despite the outcome.