"Never. I once thought--almost thought--that I was in love. It was like drifting away in a frail, dancing little boat over an unknown sea--all very well while the sun shone and the boat went gaily--suddenly the boat fell to pieces, and I found myself in the cold, cruel water."
"Horrid!" cried Bess, with a shudder. "That could not have been real love."
"No, dear, it was a will-o"-the-wisp, not the true light."
"And you have got over it?"
"Quite. I am perfectly happy in the life I lead now."
This was the truth. There are these calm pauses in most lives--blessed intervals of bliss without pa.s.sion--a period in which heart and mind are both at rest, and yet growing and becoming n.o.bler and purer in the time of repose, just as the body grows during sleep.
And thus Ida"s life, full and useful, glided on, and the days went by only too swiftly; for it was never out of her mind that these days of tranquil happiness were numbered, that she was bound in honour to leave Kingthorpe before Brian Walford could feel the oppression of banishment from his kindred. At present Brian Walford was living in Paris, with an old college friend, both these youths being supposed to be studying the French language and literature, with a view to making themselves more valuable at the English bar. He had given up his chambers in the Temple, as too expensive for a man living from hand to mouth. He was understood to be contributing to the English magazines, and to be getting his living decently, which was better than languishing under the cognizance of the Lamb and Flag, with no immediate prospect of briefs.
CHAPTER XIV.
THE TRUE KNIGHT.
Kingthorpe, beautiful even in the winter, with its n.o.ble panorama of hills and woods, was now looking its loveliest in the leafy month of June. Ida had been living with Miss Wendover nearly eight months, and had become to her as a daughter, waiting upon her with faithful and loving service, always a bright and cheerful companion, joining with heart and hand in all good works. Her active life, her freedom from daily cares, had brightened her proud young beauty. She was lovelier than she had ever been as the belle of Mauleverer Manor, for that defiant look which had been the outcome of oppression had now given place to softness and smiles. The light of happiness beamed in her dark eyes. Between December and June this tranquil existence had scarcely been rippled by anything that could be called an event, save the one grand event of Bessie Wendover"s life--her engagement to John Jardine, who had proposed quite unexpectedly, as Bessie declared, one evening in May, when the two had gone into a certain copse at the back of The Knoll gardens, famous as the immemorial resort of nightingales. Here, instead of listening to the nightingales, or silently awaiting a gush of melody from those pensive birds, Mr. Jardine had poured out his own melodious strain, which took the form of an ardent declaration. Bessie, who had been doing "he loves me, loves me not," with every flower in the garden--forgetting that from a botanical point of view the result was considerably influenced by the nature of the flower--pretended to be intensely surprised; made believe there was nothing further from her thoughts; and then, when her emboldened lover folded her to his breast, owned shyly, and with tears, that she had loved him desperately ever since Christmas, and that she would have been heartbroken had he married anyone else.
Colonel and Mrs. Wendover received the Curate"s declaration with the coolness which is so aggravating in parents, who would hardly be elated if the sons of G.o.d came down once more to propose for the daughters of men.
They both considered that Bessie was ridiculously young--much too young to receive an offer of marriage. They consented, ultimately, to an engagement; but Bessie was not to be married till after her twenty-first birthday. This meant two years from next September, and Mr. Jardine pleaded hard for a milder sentence. Surely one year would be long enough to wait, when Bessie and he were so sure of their own minds.
"Bessie is too young to be sure of anything," said the Colonel; "and two years will only give you time to find a living and a nice cosy vicarage, or rectory, as the case way be."
Mr. Jardine did not venture to remind Colonel Wendover that for him the cosiness of vicarage or rectory was a mere detail as compared with a worthy field for his labours. He meant to spend his life where it would be of most use to his fellow-creatures; even although the call of duty should come to him from the smokiest of manufacturing towns, or in the flat, dull fields of Lincolnshire, among pitmen and stockingers. He was not the kind of man to consider the snug rectory houses or fat glebes, but rather the kind of man to take upon himself some long-neglected parish, and ruin himself in building church and schools.
Fortunately for Bessie"s hopes, however, Colonel Wendover did not know this.
The Curate complained to Aunt Betsy of her brother"s hardness.
"Why cannot we be married at the end of this year?" he said. "We have pledged ourselves to spend our lives together. Why should we not begin that bright new life--bright and new, at least to me--in a few months?
That would be ample time for the Colonel and Mrs. Wendover to get accustomed to the idea of Bessie"s marriage."
"But a few months will not make her old enough or wise enough for a clergyman"s wife," said Miss Wendover.
"She has plenty of wisdom--the wisdom of a generous and tender heart--the best kind of wisdom. All her instincts, all her impulses, are pure, and true, and n.o.ble. What can age give her better than that? Girl, as she is, my parish will be the better for her sweet influence. She will be the sunshine of my people"s life as well as of mine. How will she grow wiser by living two years longer, and reading novels, and dancing at Bournemouth? I don"t want her to be worldly-wise; and the better kind of wisdom comes from above. She will learn that in the quiet of her married home."
"I see," said Miss Wendover, smiling at him; "you don"t quite like the afternoon dances and tennis parties at Bournemouth."
"Pray don"t suppose I am jealous," said the Curate. "My trust in my darling"s goodness and purity is the strongest part of my love. But I don"t want to see the best years of her youth, her freshness, her girlish energy and enthusiasm, frittered away upon dances, and tennis, and dress, which has lately been elevated into an art. I want her help, I want her sympathy, I want her for my own--the better part of myself--going hand in hand with me in all my hopes and acts."
"Two years sounds a long time," said Miss Wendover, musingly, "and I suppose, at your age and Bessie"s, it is a long time; though at mine the years flow onward with such a gliding motion that it is only one"s looking-gla.s.s, and the quarterly accounts, that tell one time is moving.
However, I have seen a good many of these two-year engagements--"
"Yes."
"And I have seldom seen one of them last a twelvemonth."
"They have ended unhappily?"
"Quite the contrary. They have ended in a premature wedding. The young people have put their heads together, and have talked over the flinty-hearted parents; and some bright morning, when the father and mother have been in a good temper, the order for the trousseau has been given, the bridesmaids have received notice, and in six weeks the whole business was over, And the old people rather glad to have got rid of a love-sick damsel and her attendant swain. There is no greater nuisance in a house than engaged sweethearts. Who knows whether you and Bessie may not be equally fortunate?"
"I hope we may be so," said the Curate; "but I don"t think we shall make ourselves obnoxious."
"Oh, of course you think not. Every man believes himself superior to every form of silliness, but I never saw a lover yet who did not lapse sooner or later into mild idiocy."
_"Amare et sapere vix deo conceditur."_
"Of course. Indeed, with the G.o.ds of Olympus it was quite the other way.
Nothing could be more absurd than their goings on."
Ida was delighted at her friend"s happiness, and was never tired of hearing about Mr. Jardine"s virtues. Love had already begun to exercise a sobering influence upon Bessie. She no longer romped with the boys, and she wore gloves. She had become very studious of her appearance, but all those little coquettish arts of the toilet which she had learned last autumn at Bournemouth, the cl.u.s.ter of flowers pinned on her shoulder, the laces and frivolities, were eschewed; lest Mr. Jardine should be reminded of the wanton-eyed daughters of Zion, with their tinkling ornaments, and chains, and bracelets, and m.u.f.flers, and rings, and nose-jewels. She began to read with a view to improving her mind, and plodded laboriously through certain books of the advanced Anglican school which her lover had told her were good. But she learnt a great deal more from Mr. Jardine"s oral instructions than from any books, and when the Winchester boys came home for an occasional Sunday they found her brimful of ecclesiastical knowledge, and at once nicknamed her the Perambulating Rubric, or by the name of any feminine saint which their limited learning suggested.
Fortunately for Bessie, however, their jests were not unkindly meant, and they liked Mr. Jardine, whose knowledge of natural history, the ways and manners of every creature that flew, or walked, or crawled, or swam in that region of hill and valley, made him respectable in their eyes.
"He"s not half a bad fellow--for a parson," said Horatio, condescendingly.
"And wouldn"t he make a jolly schoolmaster?" exclaimed Reginald. "Boys would get on capitally with Jardine. They"d never try to bosh _him_."
"Schoolmaster, indeed?" echoed Bessie, with an offended air.
"I suppose you think it wouldn"t be good enough for him? You expect him to be made an archbishop off-hand, without being educated up to his work by the rising generation. No doubt you forget that there have been such men as Arnold, and Temple, and Moberly. Pray what higher office can a man hold in this world than to form the minds of the rising generation?"
"I wish your master would form your manners," said Bessie, "for they are simply detestable."
It was nearly the end of June, and the song of the nightingales was growing rarer in the twilight woods.
Ida started early one heavenly midsummer morning, with her book and her luncheon in a little basket, to see the old lodge-keeper at Wendover Abbey, who had nursed the elder Wendovers when they were babies in the nurseries at the Abbey, and who had lived in a Gothic cottage at the gate--built on purpose for her by the last squire--ever since her retirement from active service. This walk to the Abbey was one of Ida"s favourite rambles, and on this June morning the common, the wood, the corn-fields, and distant hills were glorious with that fleeting beauty of summer which gives a glamour to the most commonplace scenery.
She had a long idle morning before her, a thing which happened rarely.
Miss Wendover had driven to Romsey with the Colonel and his wife, to lunch with some old friends in the neighbourhood of that quiet town, and was not likely to be home till afternoon tea. Bessie was left in charge of the younger members of the household, and was further deeply engaged in an elaborate piece of ecclesiastical embroidery, all crimson and gold, and peac.o.c.k floss, which she hoped to finish before All Saints" Day.
Old Mrs. Rowse, the gatekeeper, was delighted to see Miss Palliser. The young lady was a frequent visitor, for the old woman was ent.i.tled to particular attention as a sufferer from chronic rheumatism, unable to do more than just crawl into her little patch of garden, or to the gra.s.s-plat before her door on a sunny afternoon. Her days were spent, for the most part, in an arm-chair in front of the neat little grate, where a handful of fire burnt, winter and summer, diffusing a turfy odour.
Ida liked to hear the old woman talk of the past. She had been a bright young girl, under-nurse when the old squire was born; and now the squire had been lying at rest in the family vault for nigh upon fifteen years, and here she was still, without kith or kin, or a friend in the world except the Wendovers.
She liked to hold forth upon the remarkable events of her life--from her birth in a labourer"s cottage, about half a mile from the Abbey, to the last time she had been able to walk as far as the parish church, now five years ago. She was cheerful, yet made the most of her afflictions, and seemed to think that chronic rheumatism of her particular type was a social distinction. She was also proud of her advanced age, and had hopes of living into the nineties, and having her death recorded in the county papers.
That romantic feeling about the Abbey, which had taken possession of Ida"s mind on her first visit, had hardly been lessened by familiarity with the place, or even by those painful a.s.sociations which made the spot fatal to her. The time-old deserted mansion was still to her fancy a poem in stone; and although she could not think about its unknown master without a shudder, recalling her miserable delusion, she could not banish his image from her thoughts, when she roamed about the park, or explored the house, where the few old servants had grown fond of her and suffered her to wander at will.
When she had spent an hour with Mrs. Rowse, she walked on to the Abbey, and seated herself to eat her sandwiches and read her beloved Sh.e.l.ley under the cedar beneath which she and the Wendover party had picnicked so gaily on the day of her first visit. Sh.e.l.ley harmonized with her thoughtful moods, for with most of his longer poems there is interwoven that sense of wrong and sorrow, that idea of a life spoiled and blighted by the oppression of stern social laws, which could but remind Ida of her own entanglement. She had bound herself by a chain that could never be broken, and here she read of how all n.o.blest and grandest impulses are above the law, and refuse to be so bound; and how, in such cases, it is n.o.ble to defy and trample upon the law. A kind of heroic lawlessness, spiritualized and diffused in a cloud of exquisite poetry, was what she found in her Sh.e.l.ley; and it comforted her to know that before her time there had been lofty souls caught in the web of their own folly.
When she was tired of reading she went into the Abbey. The great hall door stood open to admit the summer air and sunshine. Ida wandered from one room to another as freely as if she had been in her own house, knowing that any servant she met would be pleased to see her there. The old housekeeper was a devoted admirer of Miss Palliser; the two young housemaids were her pupils in a cla.s.s which met every Sunday afternoon for study of the Scriptures. She had no fear of being considered an intruder. Many of the cas.e.m.e.nts stood open, and there was the scent of flowers in the silent old rooms, where all was neat and prim, albeit a little faded and gray.