The love of the husband must be as deep and true for the wife as the love of Christ for the church. He gave himself for it. Man considers not his life for the care and protection of his wife when he loves her. Where there is bitterness there is wanting true love. Bitterness drives love and heaven away from the home. "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted." Eph. 4:31, 32.
Man should take the wife into his confidence and entrust her with the secrets of his private life. He should respect and regard her counsel.
Jacob has given us an example. Gen. 31. Elkanah has set us an example of comforting the wife. 1 Sam. 1:8. It is a comparatively easy thing, unless you are abounding in the love of G.o.d, to become neglectful of the comfort, welfare and happiness of the wife. She in her tender, sympathetic nature seeks for attention and delights in being loved. Do not therefore be sparing in your attention toward her. The fond, affectionate wife will meet the duties, trials, afflictions and responsibilities of life without a murmur does she but know that she is loved. Enter into her joys and sorrows with a regard. "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.... Be thou ravished always with her love." Prov. 5:18, 19. Malachi exhorts the husband to faithfulness. "Yet ye say, Wherefore?
Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant." Chap. 2:14. Such are some of the duties of a husband, and he who has cast aside regard for such duties, is a stranger to the covenant of grace.
Duties Of The Wife To The Husband.
It is a just cause of lament that so comparatively few wives have a perfect knowledge of their rightful position in the domestic circle. We will briefly give a few texts from the Holy Book showing the wife her true place in the family and her duty toward her husband, trusting G.o.d to give her a desire to be all that a wife should be. The fundamental principle is love. Without sincere, conjugal love she can scarcely fill the mission of wife. When woman becomes a wife she takes a position fraught with the greatest responsibilities. Oh, how many idle dreamers take such positions with little feeling, thought or comprehension of its responsibilities, and pa.s.s through life away below the true mission of a wife. The instruction of the inspired apostle is that the young women be sober, love their husbands, love their children, be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of G.o.d be not blasphemed.
t.i.tus 2:4, 5.
Such are the demands of the young wife made by the Word of G.o.d. The demand made of the aged wives is that they set a proper example in all these things. When they do not fill these demands the Word of G.o.d is blasphemed.
When wives professing to be Christians and a light in the world are neglectful of home, of husband and children, they bring Christianity into disrepute. Wives are commanded to be sober. Instead of sobriety how often we see them gay, silly, foolish and worldly-minded. Their thoughts are trashy, and their conversation the same; talking about one another, busybodies, no depth of thought or feeling of their mission in life, but are concerned more about the fashions and society than the duties of home.
Such characters disgrace the cause of Christ. True love will manifest itself, and where the wife loves the husband, home is her dearest place.
Her great life work is to make home happy and attractive. She has a deep regard for the comforts of her lord, and love lightens all her labor for him. The true wife loves her children, which will also find its manifestation.
Among the coa.r.s.e and vulgar we have heard mothers in provocation speak thus to their children: "Haven"t you any sense?" "You are the foolishest thing I ever saw." "I"ll box your head off." "I"ll beat you to death." "I wish you were dead," and other like expressions. Such is awful language, but it has escaped the lips of many a mother. Before the public they like to appear gentle, mild and sweet tempered, while in the privacy of their homes they are snarly, snappish and cross. When it pleases G.o.d to remove one of their little ones to a more peaceful home above they mourn most bitterly; more because of remorse of conscience than from a fountain of pure love. There is, however, many a mother who longs to be tender and kind to her loved ones, but because of her bondage to the tyrannical power of an ill, impatient temper, she utters, under provocation, unfeeling, inhuman speech toward her little ones. In her calmer hours she weeps because of bondage. To all such we would say, There is help for you in G.o.d. Jesus can set you free. Yield yourself to him. He will pardon your sins and sweeten your life by his grace. To be discreet, wise, prudent, selecting the best means to accomplish a n.o.ble purpose is the wife"s mission in her home.
The wife is a type of the church. "Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready." Rev. 19:7. "Come hither, and I will show thee the bride, the Lamb"s wife. And he carried me away in the spirit to a great and high mountain, and showed me that great city, the holy Jerusalem, descending out of heaven from G.o.d." Rev. 21:9, 10. The husband is to love the wife as Christ loved the church; and as the church reverences and obeys, is faithful and subject to Christ, the wife is to reverence, obey and be faithful and subject to her husband. "Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband." "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Eph. 5:22, 24. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." Col.
3:18. "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [conduct] of the wives." 1 Pet. 3:1.
Such is the true position of the wife, giving the husband reverence. This means to fear. Not the slavish fear, but a fear in love, like as one would fear G.o.d whom he loved with all his heart. Fear to purposely displease him. Fear to wilfully neglect him. Fear to obstinately disobey him. To be in subjection with reverence. Such words are full of solid thought, and we would ask every wife to wisely consider them, especially if she places any value upon Christianity. The husband is to command in love. She is to obey in fear. He is to govern without giving vexation, and she is to be in subjection without feeling herself a slave. He is to watch over her conduct and guard her from every act that would be damaging to her character or her soul. She is to trust in him, and obey.
Let the wife be in subjection, Let the husband give protection; He to honor, love, defend, She to trust him to the end.
The humble apostle, after exhorting the wives to be in subjection to their husbands, commands them to not adorn themselves by plaiting the hair or wearing gold or apparel. 1 Pet. 3:3. "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of G.o.d of great price." Ver. 4. Can the wife in the fear of G.o.d, profess to sincerely love her husband, and to be a true wife, when she is spending his hard earnings for gold and pearls, and costly apparel for adornment? he to struggle against poverty, and she to embarra.s.s him to satisfy a proud, selfish heart? Such is not true love to husband nor to G.o.d. The wife who adorns herself with modesty and sobriety (1 Tim. 2:9), with a meek and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4, 5), with good works (1 Tim. 2:10) is a blessing to her husband. "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband." Prov. 12:4. "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." Prov. 31:10-12. "A prudent wife is from the Lord." Prov. 19:14.
Duty Of Parents To Children.
Great are the responsibilities of the husband. Great are the responsibilities of the wife, but greater are the responsibilities of parents. Father and mother, G.o.d lays a responsibility upon you as you receive your new-born child. A precious little immortal soul, whose eternal destiny depends largely upon you. The proper training of children is attended with many difficulties, and every parent certainly needs instruction from G.o.d. Your child is given you from G.o.d, and you in return should give him trustingly to G.o.d, like a mother of olden time: "For this child I prayed: and the Lord hath given me my pet.i.tion which I asked of him: therefore also I have lent [see margin] him to the Lord: as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord." 1 Sam. 1:27, 28. This is the consecration of children to G.o.d, which is the first duty of parents.
The successful training of a child, especially in the first years of its life, is due more to example than to commandment. The influence of example upon youthful minds is rarely comprehended. We are commanded to be an example in faith, purity, conversation, charity, spirit, and to be a pattern of good works. It is the parents" duty to love their children.
t.i.tus 2:4. Perhaps every parent thinks and is ready to say, "I love my child." True love as required by the Bible comprehends more than you may have been aware. They who indulge their children in a worldly life do not love them as the Bible commands. Because the priest Eli did not restrain his children from the ways of sin, G.o.d sent an awful judgment upon him. 1 Sam. 3. If parents love their children as they should they will do the very best thing for them. Now the instructions given in the Bible are the safest and best to follow.
As you looked into the face of this thine own child did you remember the little treasure was a heritage from the Lord? "Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Psa. 127:3. It may be that you were unmindful of this "fruit of the womb" being a gracious heritage from G.o.d: but such it was. In the creation of man and woman they were formed to bear offspring. When Esau and Jacob met after their long separation and enmity, Esau inquired, "Who are those with thee?" Jacob replied, "The children which G.o.d hath graciously given thy servant." Gen.
33:5. Blessed and happy is the man that can look into the face of the newly-born and feel in his heart that this is a child graciously given me of G.o.d.
Because children are a heritage from the Lord is the real secret of the joy experienced in the parents" hearts when a child is born. An angel from G.o.d"s presence anoints the spirit of man with the "oil of joy" when he obeys Heaven"s ordained laws of procreation. Alas! how many husbands and wives, who fear to meet the responsibilities involved thus upon them seek to avert G.o.d"s laws. And when a child is conceived they, instead of rejoicing as did Rachel, the mother of Joseph, and Mary, the mother of Jesus, sorrow in heart, thus allowing the enemy of human happiness to deprive them of the blessing G.o.d designed for them.
G.o.d, in his own mysterious way, from the mother"s life and blood is creating a new life. But did you know that at the same time he was creating an immortal soul? That new-born life contains an immortal part, and very much depends upon you as to where shall be its eternal existence.
We want you to feel this deep in your hearts. G.o.d has given into your charge a life and a soul. When you come to appear before him in the day of judgment then you will have to render an account of how you have dealt with your child. Oh, what awful responsibilities! What a charge! G.o.d help us! With such a sacred trust, what shall we do? Like she of olden time, who pet.i.tioned the G.o.d of heaven for a child, carry him back to the Lord and there implore grace and wisdom and guidance from above to train these little feet in the way that leads to endless joys.
Parents, as you look into the face of your slumbering child, and then along down through his life, what do you want him to become? Do you want him to grow up to manhood a poor, delicate, frail body with but little energy or vitality with which to meet the sterner duties of life? Do you want him to be indolent, shiftless, unmanly and addicted to such as will bring him to shame, ruin and death? What! would you picture such a life for my innocent boy? Such a thought is instantly banished from you. With all your heart you desire him to become a true and n.o.ble man. You want him to be strong, full of energy and vitality, of great mental and physical worth, of manly ways, of pure habits, and in every way a worthy son. Yes, that is the life you fondly picture for your son. Well, here he lies an infant in thine arms. He is at thy mercy. You can make of him about what you will. You can lead him in the paths of virtue and to a generous Christian manhood, or you can neglect him and allow him to go to shame and ruin. Let me say again that the life and destiny of your child depends largely upon you. You can make it what you will. G.o.d help and bless you.
Physical Care.
When your child is born then comes the care of the little body. It must have food. It must have air. It must have clothing. The supplying of temporal needs is a duty that falls to the father. May he do his duty with a will and see that his child"s health is not impaired by an insufficient amount of clothing or of food. "But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel." 1 Tim. 5:8. The parent that will not industriously make use of every legitimate means to secure temporal comforts, does not love his child. It has been known that the awful curse of tobacco, opium and rum, have robbed the father and mother of parental love. Some may have become so in love or so in bondage to tobacco that they would rather see their child go hungry or naked than to deprive themselves of the accursed thing.
Parents should acquaint themselves with hygienic laws and teach them to their children. Show them the danger of overeating, and of too frequent eating. Parents are destroying the health of their children by irregular feeding, and by nuts and candies. Teach the little ones to avoid sitting in a cool place when heated and of retaining wet clothing. Above all, avoid giving your child tea, coffee and "soothing syrup." Paregorics and laudanums pave the way to the formation of other bad habits. They have an effect which may answer your purpose at the time, but you gain your purpose at the cost of your child"s vitality. If your attention has ever been called to the evil effects of such, you can not dope your children with them without bringing condemnation to your soul.
Good health is a great blessing, and our heavenly Father wills us to observe natural health laws. Parents by carelessness can in a very short time ruin the health of their child forever. Oh, the misery and distress originating from ill health entailed upon the human family through the ignorance and carelessness of parents is appalling. Had the writer"s parents compelled their child to observe health laws in his youth he would enjoy better health to-day. By proper care and help from G.o.d he has largely overcome difficulties, but does not possess the strong const.i.tution he otherwise would.
We kindly make an earnest appeal to all parents to look well to the health of your children. If you value their happiness, and a pleasant, happy home, acquaint yourself with the laws of health, and follow them as strictly as circ.u.mstances will allow. Many parents care more for their children"s appearance in public than they do for their health. Mothers following the pride of their heart instead of the laws of health expose the bodies of their children to disease. In public gatherings, in order to make a show of their rich clothing, they will not wrap them sufficiently to protect them from cold: they will deform the feet of their little ones and bring them pain in after life, because of the pride of their heart. By lacing they will mold and shape the bodies of their daughters after the fashion of the world, entailing upon them disorder and disease, weakness and woe. In all love, but without hesitancy, we declare that such shameful treatment of children is a sin and is sufficient of itself to destroy the soul.
Government.
Great wisdom is required in the government of children. For parents to properly govern their children they need that wisdom and direction which comes from above. There are so many different natures which must be controlled in as many different ways, making it impossible to fix certain rules for all. However all these different dispositions among our children must be met. "If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of G.o.d."
Many parents ask. "At what age shall we begin to train and govern our child?" Wisdom makes answer, "From the beginning." You can train your babe to nurse regularly, say every two hours, or to stifle his cries, you can nurse him irregularly, and make him a cross, fretful babe by over and irregular feeding. Your babe will sleep sweetly and soundly upon its little bed, but you can very early accustom it to be rocked to sleep so it will not go to sleep unless it is rocked. Nature never designed that we be tossed to and fro in order to go to sleep. What is man"s experience on board a ship in a rough sea? He becomes dizzy, nervous and sick, and when he steps upon the land he walks like a drunken man. The infant"s first rock in the cradle has a similar effect. Its little muscles are strained to prevent falling. Its brain is dashed about until it becomes dizzy, but which it soon learns to enjoy because of the peculiar sensation.
Your little babe sees some bright object and reaches out its little hands to take it. You know it ought not to have it. It may injure itself with it, so you say, "No, baby can not have this." Then baby begins to cry. You try to quiet him. You try to turn his mind and attention somewhere else, but, no, he keeps his eye on the forbidden object and cries the harder. At last to quiet him you give it to him, even if you have to hold to one end to keep him from hurting himself. Baby has now learned a very valuable lesson, which he is not going to forget. He has learned that if he cries long enough and hard enough he can obtain what he desires.
As he grows older he becomes more determined to have his way. When company comes you want your boy to give the rocker to the lady, but no, the little man prefers the rocker for himself. You endeavor to remove him by force, but he kicks and bites and holds tight and cries very loud, and you call him a naughty boy, and give up the struggle. Then you begin to tell the ladies about your boy, how he will have his way and you can not do anything with him; that you sometimes whip him, but it does not do him any good. You are educating your child out of your control.
If you desire your child to obey you, be kind, loving and firm. Scolding is never in order, but does great harm. Unhappy and unholy is the home where children obey only through fear. So deal with your little ones that obedience is gained through love. So rarely is such obedience obtained that many have concluded it can not be accomplished. It is natural for children to love their parents, and if parents deal with their little ones in love and kindness they can make home the most desirable place on earth to them.
To rule by physical force is not government. It is a most pitiful sight to see a child fear and tremble before a parent"s stern looks and cross words. There is a way, though but few have found it, of mingling tenderness with firmness that demands obedience in respect and love. It brings a joy to the parents" hearts to behold their child obeying willingly. By the help of G.o.d such obedience can be obtained. Some one may ask, "Would you never punish a child?" Yes; it is sometimes necessary, but not so often as many have supposed. Training, and not arbitrary government is what is the more successful.
Give Attention To Your Child.
It takes but little to wound the tender feelings of a child. It is not the angry look and cross word only that sends the little one away in tears; but oftentimes it is neglect. What may seem to us as a very little thing, or small achievement, may be a very great thing to the child, and a notice and an encouraging word has a good and lasting effect. Your little boy has done a piece of work, and done it poorly enough to be sure, but to him it is done in the most artistic style. Do not depress his spirit by showing your disapproval, but encourage him by telling him that it does very well for a child; then kindly help him to see how he can make it still better.
You should not become so absorbed in your occupation that you can not stop to notice the newly drawn picture. If the child"s interruptions are too frequent, in kindness teach him that papa is not to be interrupted now. By all means show a deep interest in your children. Help them to see that you delight to make things pleasant for them. Do not make them feel that they are servants. Have pleasant conversations with them. Read some good story to them, or better still, tell them one; not a "fairy-tale," but something real. We have seen parents who scarcely ever spoke to their children only when reproving. Take them with you to the meeting. Take them with you if at all convenient when you go on your charitable errand. Take them for a drive. Take them to the woods and the fields, and there tell them of G.o.d.
Many opportunities will be afforded for you to show an interest and an appreciation in your child. Give him your attention and you will win his love and obedience and make him feel that there is freedom at home.
Neglect him, treat him with indifference, and you will make his little heart cold and make him feel he is your slave.
Be Patient With Your Child.
For the sake of your child, your own happiness, and the happiness of your home, be patient. In dealing with your little "olive plants," "let patience have her perfect work," and of a truth you shall "be perfect and entire wanting nothing." Much of redeeming grace is needed to enable the parent to be calm and kind under the many trying circ.u.mstances connected with the pruning and training of the "fruit of the womb." It is a source of great joy, however, to know that G.o.d"s grace is sufficient for me.