Dear parents, the only remedy we have to offer you for this qualification is the sweet controlling influence of saving grace. When you have gained control of your own spirit you are far on the way to conquer the rebellious spirit of your child. How sad it is that a mother who loves her child will find sometimes a feeling of hatred in her heart against it. We have heard mothers in a time of provocation use such words as these, "You foolish thing;" "You naughty little imp;" "You mean thing, I have a mind to put you out where the dogs will get you;" "You do that again and I"ll give you to the bad man;" "I"ll slap your head off;" "I wish you were dead," etc. How awful! Mothers, who, if their little one was sick, would gladly sit night after night and watch by its bedside-no slumber for those eyelids now, for baby is very sick-when the dear one is restored to health and provokes the mother, she uses some of the above expressions, or similar ones.
As you stand some night by the casket that contains that lifeless little body, oh, what anguish at heart as you remember the hasty words you have spoken to that dear one. How those ugly expressions ring in your ears.
They will follow you for days in thought and dream. How sad that the human heart is of such disposition, but what joy to know that the precious blood of Jesus will remove all such dispositions and fill the heart with love and sweetness that will enable you to deal with your child in loving patience, even in the hour of deepest trial, and should you be called to its death bedside you can look into the pale face and then up to G.o.d without a sting of conscience. Parents, be firm, but be patient with your child. Let love shine out of every reproval and you will find it is not so difficult to train him and govern him as you supposed.
Never Scold Or Threaten.
How heart-rending to see almost a constant contention between parents and children, parents scolding their children for almost every little thing, and threatening to "give them to the Gypsies," or to "cut off their ears,"
or "put a split stick on their tongues," and many other foolish and hurtful threatenings, father and mother make when they are provoked. Be always calm in your own feelings and never be hasty to speak or act. When the child really needs reproval, take him quietly and show him the evil of such things, how it will lead to other bad things, and these to others, and should he continue in that way he would grow up to be a bad man. Tell him how you love him, and how you want to see him become a good and n.o.ble man, a blessing to his parents, to the community, and to the world. Tell him you hope he will not do those bad things any more, and should he do them you would be under obligations to punish him.
If the child is reasoned with rightly the corporal punishment will not be of frequent necessity. It is a shame and a sin to act so hastily and punish your little ones in some way without patiently and coolly explaining matters.
Give Your Child Some Privilege.
Do not answer, "No," to every request of your child. Allow them some privilege, let them engage in certain plays. Do not be so fastidious in your home that the little ones can not have a little play indoors.
Certainly they should be taught to be clean, to remove dirt from their shoes before coming into the house, and not to tumble things all up in the room, yet they should not be expected to sit perfectly still.
When the child makes a request of you that your wisdom decides best not to grant do not answer by a decided "no," but tell the little one that you think it not best to do so, and be firm. When you tell him you do not think it best do not be persuaded out of it, and he will soon learn that your mild "I do not think it best to give you that," means just as much as a sharp "no," but his feelings will not be disturbed like they are by that hasty "no."
Always Be Calm When You Punish.
When it becomes necessary to use the rod upon your child be sure you possess a calmness in your soul. It requires much grace for true parents to whip their children. Before you punish them you should show them what great wrong they have done and how G.o.d is displeased, and that you do not punish them for your own pleasure, but because you love them.
To the dear parents who read this we wish to exhort you to give great diligence in cultivating the affectionate side of your nature. Do not be careless and unmindful of the dear little ones" happiness. Do not be cold and indifferent toward them. Enter into their joys and sorrows with a warm heart. Parents oftentimes remark when their child gets hurt in some way, "Well it is good enough for you; may be it will teach you something." Oh, may that heart be softened to tender sympathy, so you will make the dear child feel how sorry you are because he has been hurt, then teach him how he must not engage in such things, and then he will avoid being injured.
Your kind words of sympathy will relieve the pain by their influence upon the heart. Your cold indifferent words make deeper wounds in the heart than were made in the flesh.
Seek G.o.d in much earnest prayer to tender your affections, to refine your nature, to make you very sensitive to the feelings of your child, and to help you to love the tender "olive plants" round about thy fireside. Some day there may be a vacant chair, and there can be no sweeter joy on earth to your sorrowing heart than to know you did what you could to make the little one happy and train its feet for the glory world.
Kind words are flowers of beauty rare; Keep them blooming throughout the year.
Mental Training.
The mental, moral and spiritual training of children go hand in hand. We shall speak of them under separate chapters, but the one has a great influence upon the other. It is true, the intellectual faculties may be cultivated to a high degree while the moral powers are unimproved, but the individual is out of harmony with true manhood. The spiritual and moral being may be in a fair state of health and the mental powers very much dwarfed, but still he is not in perfect harmony with manhood as designed by the creative mind. Without a blending of the intellectual, moral and spiritual forces there can be no perfect character in the fullest sense.
We do not mean by this that man must be a philosopher or a scientist to be a moral or spiritual man; but we mean for man to be a perfect character in every respect and to glorify G.o.d in the whole realm of his being, he must cultivate every talent G.o.d has given him. The created mental powers must be improved by right study. In order to know and understand G.o.d we must have a sound mind. A sound mind is helpful to the enjoyment of grace, and grace is helpful to the enjoyment of a sound mind; so to enjoy existence necessitates a soundness in every part.
It is through the mental powers that we acquaint our children with G.o.d: "Faith cometh by hearing." Parents can not be too careful about the impressions made in the mentality of their children; it may affect their morality and spirituality in the whole of after life. Select such books for them as will develop the mental faculties, something that contains food for the brain. There are certain articles of diet that do not contain sufficient nutrition for the development of the physical body. Children fed upon such diet would become weakly. There is also a certain kind of literature that contains no brain nutriment. Reading such degenerates the mental powers. Stimulants or excitants are hurtful to the physical system.
All fict.i.tious, exciting tales are hurtful to the mental system. We are persuaded it were better if the unreal, fairy stories were excluded from our common school readers and supplanted by something real. Select such literature as is pure. Reading that produces pure thought in the child"s mind not only improves his moral state, but furnishes the best mental food.
Educate your children as well as you possibly can. It is a duty you owe to them and to G.o.d. Keep before them the ultimate object-a developed mind for the glory of G.o.d. Encourage your children to an education. Do not think the buying of a good book an unnecessary expenditure. Better make a physical sacrifice than a mental one. Keep your children away from the physical, mental, moral and spiritual destructive party and dance by interesting them in sound and pure literature and providing it for them.
If your children show a disposition to love and desire to spend the evening at the "parties" or the "b.a.l.l.s," get up a "reading circle" or "composition exercise" at home. G.o.d will bless you and reward you in all your efforts in this direction. Much more of importance could be said upon this subject, but with these few suggestions we will leave the interested and inventive mind to enlarge.
Moral Training.
Man is an intellectual and a moral being. By his intellectual powers he gains a knowledge of facts. By his moral faculties he experiences a sense of responsibility and a feeling of certain relations existing between him and some higher power. Your child possesses an intuitive knowledge and upon this is where your moral training begins. The little brother knows it is wrong to injure his little sister. He does not have to acquire that knowledge, he knows it intuitively. This is the foundation for your moral training, and-of course-spiritual training naturally hinges upon this; but we shall speak of that in a separate chapter.
The wisest man that ever lived said, "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Prov. 22:6. So many having failed, some have been almost persuaded to doubt this man"s wisdom. The saying is true: the failures arise from the lack of understanding of how to train properly. All the moral principles sustain a close relation to each other; thus one moral principle influences another, therefore the violation of one principle makes it easier to violate a second, and the child is carried on until he can do wrong without any reproval of conscience.
Training should begin very early in the life of a child. Never allow this intuitive knowledge or the voice of conscience to be hushed by repeated wrong doing. The child who does wrong should be told why it is he feels a sense of guilt-G.o.d is displeased. Show him how one evil leads to another, and what will be the awful end. Call to his mind the differences in his feelings arising from wrong doing and right doing. With the one G.o.d is displeased, with the other he is pleased. The way then to be happy in life is to always do right.
You must be indefatigable in your efforts at training. Constant daily training is needed. As one wrong act makes it easier to do a second wrong act, so one right act makes it easier to do a second right act. It is comparatively easy for the child to fall into bad habits. Training, constant daily training is needed to keep the little one from evil ways.
Lead him into right action. By repeating a right action it becomes easy to perform it. You must never think of becoming discouraged, although it appears so natural for your child to do wrong and so difficult to get him to do right. You must go on training, trusting in the promise, teaching, reproving, correcting, punishing, ever looking upward for grace and wisdom.
Be careful of your example. It exerts a powerful influence. At one time in his life, the writer was quick in his actions and his words. He never received such a reproving as when one day his little boy under a provocation acted and spoke in the exact manner and tone of his papa. It cut to the heart.
It may seem at times that the voice of conscience is almost stifled, but you must hope on and labor zealously as in the command: "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when them sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." Deut. 6:7.
Many parents seeing their young child doing or saying something wrong often think it of not much consequence, because the child is young and the wrong is very slight. You do not know the power of habit, and how one wrong, howsoever slight, leads to a greater one. Habit has been likened to a spider"s web, which at first can be easily broken, but after continued indulgence binds its victim as with a strong cable, making reformation almost impossible. The same is true of good and right conduct. At first it may require an effort to perform a certain right act, but after repet.i.tion it is accomplished naturally and without thought. Therefore be vigilant in training your child to right action, and carefully avoid everything that would lead to evil acts or feelings. To tease a child is to develop an angry disposition. Some fathers think it quite laughable to hear the little two-year-old say to its mamma, "I won"t do it," but he shall afterward pay dearly for his sport.
Parents think it "cute" to see their little one shake its little fist at papa and mamma. Through such education the day will probably come when he will shake his fist at you so that it will strike like a hammer on your heart. We have heard many parents laughing at their little children saying "smart things," little conscious of what these things are leading to.
"Train up a child in the way he should go," comprehends much more than many have understood. Just recently we heard a little child being taught to say, "Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater," etc. Such teaching is horrifying to Christian hearts. It is better to train your child to make reply in the polite, "Yes, sir" and "No, sir," or, "Yes, ma"am," and "No, ma"am,"
instead of that coa.r.s.e, impolite "umgh," "humgh," which is no language.
Remember the first step to child training is to set the example before them in your own life. Frequently we find parents endeavoring to teach their children to say, "Please" and "Yes, sir," when they in their own speech neglect such politeness. Your efforts will prove fruitless.
Parents have been known to tease their little daughter and the daughter of other parents about some little boy companion, and their little son about some girl companion. Such is very shameful and harmful. It fills the minds of their children with impure thought. Keep your own language very modest and pure and the language of your children the same. Keep their thought pure. Impure language and impure thought leads to impure and injurious habits.
Be familiar with your child and talk to him about his secret life. Teach him of the awful evils in the secret lives of many children and how impure words and thoughts lead to such injurious vice. Parents. see to it that there is a loving confidence between you and your child. Be familiar in telling them how wonderfully they are made and what was the design of G.o.d in thus creating them. Teach them what a n.o.ble and sacred thing it is to use every member and organ of our body to the glory of the Creator. Teach them of the awful crime to misuse any part. Mothers, acquaint your young daughters of the event that must soon come into their life, and thus prevent their doing an injury to their health.
By precept upon precept and by example, train your child to grow up into a beautiful moral life. In love restrain every immoral tendency in your child. Also be very zealous in teaching your children good manners.
Civility and refinement are beautiful in the life of any one, and is very closely a.s.sociated with the morals. Teach your little ones to respect each other, to have a regard for each other"s happiness, to practise self-denial for the benefit of others. By precept and example instill gentleness and kindness into their actions. Dear parents, never grow weary in training the little feet of thy tender "olive plants" in the paths of virtue.
Spiritual Training.
The moral life is beautiful, but there is a higher and more beautiful life. In the true, deep spiritual life is found the highest degree of morality. However we may train our children into a high standard of moral life, and yet not attain to the spiritual. It is reported that the homes of certain infidels are most exemplary in moral conduct. Ancient heathen philosophers through restraint, self-sacrifice, and force of will attained to beautiful moral lives. But the spiritual life, which includes the moral, is the perfection of beauty. The life out of which the Christ-life and character shines is the grandest and n.o.blest upon the earth.
Parents, bring your children to Jesus, for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, is commanded in the Holy Scriptures. Your child possesses an immortal soul. This soul will exist either in happiness or wretchedness eternally.
It is so ordained in the plan of redemption that the soul can be brought into possession of spiritual life, which, if retained, insures its eternal bliss. He who has attained to a high degree of morality through the force of human will holds communion only with the better qualities of manhood, all of which must perish. He who has attained to spirituality holds communion with G.o.d and heavenly things. He does not trust to human powers, but in the power of the divine life.
Moral life will not admit us into the paradise above. We must possess spiritual life-the life of Christ. It is well to train our children in the way of good morals with a view to leading them into the spiritual life.
Then it is necessary to lead them into the spiritual life to aid in the moral training. Comparatively few parents have accomplished any great results in the moral training of their children without divine a.s.sistance.