JANET. No, no. (Going to telephone and taking receiver.) Yes? What"s the matter? (Listens. To CARVE.) Oh, what do you think? Father Looe and his sister, Miss Honoria Looe, want to see you.
CARVE. Father Looe? Never heard of him.
JANET. Oh, but you must have heard of him. He"s the celebrated Roman Catholic preacher. He"s a beautiful man. I heard him preach once on the Sins of Society.
CARVE. Would you mind saying I"m not at home?
JANET. (Obviously disappointed.) Then won"t you see him?
CARVE. Did you want to see him?
JANET. I should like just to have had a look at him close to, as it were.
CARVE. (Gallantly.) Then you shall. Tell them to send him up, will you?
JANET. And am I to stay here?
CARVE. Of course.
JANET. Well, if anybody had told me this time last week----(Into telephone.) Please ask them to come up.
CARVE. Perhaps with your being here I shan"t be quite so shy.
JANET. Shy! Are you shy? It said in the Telegraph that Mr. Carve was painfully shy.
CARVE. (Protesting.) Painfully! Who told them that, I should like to know?
JANET. Now shyness is a thing I simply can"t understand. I"m never shy.
And you don"t strike me as shy--far from it.
CARVE. It"s very curious. I haven"t felt a bit shy with you.
JANET. n.o.body ever is shy with me.... (Ironically.) I must say I"d give something to see you shy.
(Enter FATHER LOOE and HONORIA LOOE, announced by PAGE.) LOOE. (Stopping near door, at a loss.) Pardon me--Mr. Shawn--Mr.
Albert Shawn?
CARVE. (Rising, perturbed.) Yes.
LOOE. This is your room?
CARVE. Yes.
LOOE. I"m afraid there"s some mistake. I was given to understand that you were the--er--valet of the late Mr. Ilam Carve.
HONORIA. Yes. Mr. Cyrus Carve told us----
JANET. (Coming to CARVE"S rescue as he remains speechless, very calmly.) Now there"s another trick of Mr. Cyrus Carve"s! Valet indeed!
Mr. Shawn was Mr. Carve"s secretary--and almost companion.
LOOE. Ten thousand apologies. Ten thousand apologies. I felt sure----
CARVE. Please sit down. (With special gallantry towards HONORIA.)
JANET. And will you sit down too, Mr. Shawn? (To the LOOES.) He"s not at all well. That"s why he"s wearing his dressing-gown.
CARVE. (Introducing.) My friend, Mrs. Janet Cannot.
LOOE. Now, Mr. Shawn, if you knew anything about me, if you have heard me preach, if you have read any of my books, you are probably aware that I am a man who goes straight to the point, hating subtleties. In connection with your late employer"s death a great responsibility is laid upon me, and I have come to you for information--information which I have failed to obtain either from Mr. Cyrus Carve, or the doctor, or the nurse.... Was Mr. Carve a Catholic?
CARVE. A Catholic?
LOOE. He came of a Catholic family did he not?
CARVE. Yes--I believe so.
LOOE. The cousin, Mr. Cyrus Carve, I regret to say, denies the faith of his childhood--denies it, I also regret to say, with a vivacity that amounts almost to bad manners. In fact, he was extremely rude to me when I tried to give him some idea of the tremendous revival of Catholicism which is the outstanding feature of intellectual life in England to-day.
CARVE. Ilam Carve was not a Catholic.
LOOE. Mind, I do not ask if he died in the consolations of the faith. I know that he did not. I have learnt that it occurred to neither you nor the doctor nor the nurse to send for a priest. Strange omission. But not the fault of the dying man.
CARVE. Ilam Carve was not a Catholic.
LOOE. Then what was he?
CARVE. Nothing in particular.
LOOE. Then I claim him. Then I claim him.... Honoria!
CARVE. (In a new tone..) Look here--what"s all this about?
LOOE. (Rising.) I will tell you at once what it is about, Mr. Shawn.
There is a question of Ilam Carve being buried in Westminster Abbey.
CARVE. (Thunderstruck.) Buried in Westminster Abbey?
LOOK. Lady Leonard Alcar has consulted me about the matter. I may say that I have the honour to be her spiritual director. Probably you know that Lord Leonard Alcar owns the finest collection of Ilam Carve"s pictures in Europe.
JANET. I"ve often wondered who it is that settles whether people shall be buried in the Abbey or not. So it"s Lady Leonard Alcar!
LOOE. Not exactly! Not exactly! But Lady Leonard Alcar is a great lady.
She has vast influence. The most influential convert to Catholicism of the last thirty years. She is aunt to no less than four dukes, and Lord Leonard is uncle to two others.
CARVE. (Ironically.) I quite see.
LOOE. (Eagerly.) You see--don"t you? Her advice on these matters carries enormous weight. A suggestion from her amounts to--to--